Give Me You

by Caisey Quinn

  “You’re like something out of dream,” he says with a voice full of reference. “I don’t deserve you.”

  I push him backward until he’s against the wall and remove his clothes strategically, kissing each new part of him that’s revealed to me. “No more talking. No more thinking. No more worries. Not tonight. It will all be there tomorrow.”

  He nods but his eyes are still clouded with concern.

  “Just be with me tonight, soccer boy. Me and you. No one else. Be with me. Inside me. Make it all go away for tonight.”

  I drop to my knees, taking Skylar’s thick length in my hands. He’s hard already, which makes it easier to lose myself in giving him what he needs.

  I place gentle licks against the swollen head of him and am rewarded with the taste of his arousal. When I take him all the way to the back of my throat, he groans loudly and lets his head fall back against the wall.

  “A fucking dream,” he murmurs when I hollow my cheeks and suck him harder. I add my right hand to the mix, stroking the path I’m taking into my warm wet mouth. My left hand grips his inner thigh and I let my nails scrape lightly against his skin.

  His cock jerks in my mouth and just as I’m certain he’s about to come apart, I’m lifted abruptly off the ground and thrown roughly only the bed. He stalks toward me and there is nothing else in the world right now. Just us. Just this. What we both need so badly.

  I lean back and spread my legs the way he likes and his eyes glitter with approval and appreciation. I’m ready to have him inside me, but he doesn’t climb on top and thrust inside. He bends down and licks straight up the center of me. Once. Twice. Before plunging his tongue inside of me. My entire body bows off the bed as the room spins around us.

  “Oh my God. Right there,” I mumble through the foggy haze of ecstasy.

  Skylar complies, tongue fucking me until I’m whimpering. With one hand he flips me over and rakes a hand down my back before slapping me hard on the ass. I lift on all fours and spread my knees apart.

  “How hard can I fuck you, sweetheart? How much can you handle?” His questions are laced with desperation.

  “As hard as you need to, baby,” I tell him. I’m ready. Skylar has always been careful with me, considerate of my past and my fragile relationship with intimacy. But we are so far beyond that now. I’ve just never known exactly how to tell him. So I decide to show him.

  The bed dips beneath his weight. He goes in slow, but I thrust backward to force him in faster, harder. One hand grips my ass while the other grabs hold of my hair.

  Instinct takes over and soon we are one being, joined inextricably and fucking harder than I would’ve thought possible. He removes the hand from my ass and uses it stroke my clit. I come fast around his expert fingers and follows close behind me, pulling out at the last minute since we didn’t stop for a condom.

  I drop onto my stomach as he searches for a towel to clean me off with. My breath heaves in and out of my lungs. I feel better. I hope he does too. But I’m too far gone into blissful oblivion to ask.

  Moments later, I’m all taken care of and his naked body is nestled in close beside mine. “Sleep well, sweetheart,” I hear him mumble before he drifts off beside me.

  My phone rings entirely too early. I rub my eyes and extract myself reluctantly from Corin’s naked body.

  Dodd & Assoc. the screen of my phone says. I answer it and sit up.

  “Skylar, is this a bad time?”

  I clear my throat. “No, sir. Is everything okay?”

  He pauses a beat then says, “I guess that depends on what outcome you’re hoping for.”

  “I’m ready. Whatever the results of my paternity test are, I’m ready.”

  “Christian Kensington is your son,” he tells me. “It was a positive match and a solid one. One the Kensingtons won’t be able to fight. You are officially his next of kin, before them.”

  I already knew, for the most part, anyway. There was no denying the resemblance. But hearing it, and hearing it as one hundred percent undeniable fact is both exhilarating and terrifying. I have a son. One I’ve missed three years with already. One I don’t want to wait another second to meet.

  “So does this mean I can see him? Soon?”

  Mr. Dodd’s voice is cautious. “It does. We’ll file an emergency order to establish regular visitation parameters and request a guardian ad litem hearing to grant you custody during the trial. But listen, even if they don’t grant you temporary custody for now, that doesn’t mean you won’t get it in the actual trial.”

  I feel like I’m scaling up an enormous mountain and the top is nowhere in sight.

  “Okay,” I tell him. “Whatever we need to do, let’s do it.”

  “That’s all I needed to hear. I’ll file most of the documents electronically. Come by the office and sign the hard copies as soon as you can.”

  After I disconnect the call, I see Corin sitting up behind me.

  “The test was positive. He’s my son.” I watch her eyes register the news to see if there are any signs of pain or if she’s thinking of bailing.

  All I see is acceptance and understanding. Who is this angel and who sent her to me?

  “So what happens now?”

  I tell her what Mr. Dodd said and she tells me she’s going to grab a quick shower and then we’ll head to the office to sign the papers. If we were at her place, I’d join her, but my parents’ house has become the hub during all the chaos.

  Once she’s out of the room, I pick up my phone. He answers on the second ring.

  “It’s early, man,” he says. “For you anyways.”

  I laugh. “I know. You busy? Feel like going for a run?”

  Landen mumbles something, probably to Layla, before returning to me. “Yeah. Meet me at the park near my place in a few.”

  I tell Corin where I’m going, though I’m tempted to make Landen wait so I can lose myself inside her one more time. She waves me on and tells me to tell him she said hi and that he’d better be behaving.

  I give my girl a kiss, thanking the Powers that Be once more that she is in fact my girl, and jump in the car.

  “You really want to run? We both know you can’t keep up with me,” is how Landen O’Brien greets me forty-minutes later when I arrive at the park.

  I snort at his remark. “Maybe back then. But you’re soft now. I think I could take you.”

  He laughs and we fall into a sort of jog along the path into the woods.

  “So…how are things?” I ask, unsure as to how to broach the subject I came here to discuss.

  “Things are good,” Landen says, tossing me a sideways glance. “How are things with you?”

  “I have a son,” I blurt out, because I’m about to explode and tact never was my thing.

  Landen nods and slows his pace. “Corin might’ve mentioned something along those lines to Layla. I would’ve called with congratulations—or condolences—since I don’t really know where you stand on the topic of offspring, but I wasn’t sure if it had been confirmed yet or not. Layla said something about a paternity test.”

  I stretch my arms over my head and two female joggers pass us. Once upon time, I would’ve made a comment to my buddy about hitting on them, but now I barely notice that they’re female. “It was confirmed this morning,” I tell him. “And I don’t know where I stand on the topic either. I guess that’s why I was hoping you could shed some light on the whole parenting thing for me.”

  A broad grin stretches across Landen’s face. “You know what we went through when Hope was born. That was some terrifying shit, to be honest. But from the minute I first saw her and every day since it’s like…” He shakes his head but I need dude to articulate here because I have no fucking clue what it’s like.

  “Like what exactly? Seriously. Spell it out for me please, because I have no idea what I’m doing.”

  Landen laughs at me and I stop walking. “Get ready to feel that way pretty much every day. Like you’re making it up as you go�
��because parenting is pretty much a constant improve skit where you hope like hell you’re not screwing up.”

  “Oh great. So I will definitely fuck it up then. Awesome.”

  Landen shakes his head and we resume our walk. “Naw, man. I mean, some days you will. It’s inevitable. But it’s not like you or the kid will even know. There’s no instruction manual, no right or wrong. You just do the best you can, and honestly, if you keep your head out of your ass and focus on what matters, you’ll all be fine.”

  “Focus on what matters, got it. So basically just try not to make my kid need therapy for the rest of his life.” The words are out before I can think. O’Brien is in therapy and has been for years. I slap a hand over my face. “Fuck, man. I didn’t mean that. There’s nothing wrong with therapy. We should probably all be in it every damn day.”

  He rolls his eyes. “I’ll cry over your careless insults later, Martin.” We pick up the pace as the clearing opens in front of us. “Look, I know it’s scary as hell. I won’t deny that. But when you see you’re kid for the first time, you’ll get it.”

  “Get what?” What is this mysterious ‘it’ he assumes I’ll get?

  “That this is the only reason you were born. That he’s the center of your entire existence and nothing else you’ve done or will ever do will matter as much as being his dad and doing right by him. You’ll see, man. It’s just this instant understanding that hits when you become a parent.”

  Now I come to a dead stop because we’re almost out of trail and I have more questions. Lots more.

  “I became a parent three years ago,” I tell him. “I didn’t know. I didn’t feel any different. I had no fucking sixth sense about it or anything.”

  Landen frowns at me. “You became a biological father three years ago, Martin. Not a parent. You weren’t supposed to have a crystal ball and know he was being born. No one expects that. You became a parent the moment you decided to stay here and fight for custody of your son. And you will officially be one when you’re granted custody. Until then, take it easy on yourself. The fact that you even give a shit about being a good dad means you’ll be one.” I think he’s done imparting wisdom but he isn’t. “Neither one of us lucked out particularly well in the dad department. And that was my biggest fear, that I’d be like my dad. But I shouldn’t have worried about it and you shouldn’t either. Because you know what our dads weren’t doing twenty-four years ago?”

  I know the answer for once. “They weren’t having a conversation about how to be decent dads?”

  “Exactly.”

  “It’s just…you love Layla and she loves you. So of course you love your kid. But my situation is…different. It was one night, you know? She wasn’t some random hook up and I cared about Fallon back when we were kids. But sometimes, and I may burn in Hell for saying this, but sometimes I damn near hated her. And this…her leaving me all alone to deal with this in the way that she did…I feel kind of pissed at her, you know? And I’m carrying all this goddamn guilt about not saving her or fixing her before it was too late. What if I see this kid and I just don’t connect?”

  Landen rakes his hands through his hair as we approach the end of the path. “Look, if you see that kid for the first time, hear him call you dad for the first time, and you feel nothing, or worse, like my dad, you feel angry, then call me and we’ll get your bitch ass some therapy. But Skylar, I’ve known you for a long time. If you were too pissed or fucked up in the head or whatever, I’d tell you to stay away from this kid and let his grandparents raise him. But I think we both know you didn’t take time off work, contact a team of attorneys, and put Corin through the emotional wringer, all for a kid you won’t even care about. So relax. From what Layla said, Corin is handling it well, though now it’s my wife contemplating removing your balls instead of your girl threatening mine. So that’s a nice change.”

  I sigh because Layla can be pissed at me. I didn’t cheat on Corin necessarily, but I made a questionable choice to say the least, one Corin is paying for in a round about way, and I deserve the anger. “I’m scared, man. I’m honest to God terrified out of my mind.”

  “If mine are still in tact, yours are probably safe.”

  I slug Landen lightly on the shoulder. “Not about that, ass. About being a dad. A parent. About whether or not I’m doing this kid a huge disservice by fighting for custody.”

  “Welcome to parenthood, my friend,” he says, stretching on a nearby bench as we prepare to go our separate ways. “It’s amazing and wonderful and terrifying as hell.”

  We lose the first hearing. Or rather, the judge rules against us.

  Due to the fact that Christian doesn’t know Skylar yet, the Kensingtons are granted temporary custody of him until the end of the trial. It’s a painful blow and it takes a toll on Skylar.

  His first visitation is tomorrow and I can see the doubt weighing heavily on him as we leave the courthouse.

  “Mr. Dodd warned you this could happen and said not to be discouraged, remember?”

  Skylar nods but is silent as we get in the car.

  “And you have regular visitation now. So you’ll get to know him in plenty of time for the trial.”

  While the judge wasn’t ready to uproot Christian today, he did grant Skylar two days a week and every other weekend as open for visitation. The Kensingtons looked like they’d swallowed handfuls of nails when the judge informed them that Skylar was free to see his son at his convenience on Tuesday, Thursday, and every other Friday through Sunday. He has to give them twenty-four hour notice that he’s coming, but he can take Christian out of their home and bond with him, which his attorney said was a major win. The judge did call their behavior “shameful” when they admitted knowing Skylar was his father and not contacting him. I took that as a point for the home team.

  We stop at a sandwich shop for lunch after the hearing but Skylar barely touches his food.

  “Babe…” I touch his knee with mine under the table. “I know you hate losing and you are not particularly good at it. But try not to let this get to you, okay? Tomorrow is Tuesday, which means you can see him, meet him. Go ahead and call the Kensingtons and give them the proper notice.”

  “What if this is all pointless, Corin?” Skylar meets my gaze and he looks like a lost boy who’s been separated from Peter Pan. “What if I just get all attached to him and the court says no? What if I fight my ass off and the judge still rules against me? What am I supposed to do? Just go on with my life and see my son every other weekend?”

  I reach across the table and take his hand in mine. “I may not be a parent, Sky, but I understand what you’re feeling. Not that long ago I remember thinking to myself ‘what if I get all attached to this clown who’s constantly spitting ridiculous game at me and he goes off and gets called up to the pros and leaves me behind? What if I can’t see him as much as I’d like? What if I fall in love with him and love him more than he loves me? What if he meets someone else? What if he dies?”

  Skylar’s eyes widen and understanding shines in them. “I’m a selfish dick,” he mumbles.

  I roll my eyes. “No, you’re not. But you don’t have much time for a pity party. Sorry. You’re meeting your son tomorrow. And the truth is, loving someone, caring about them, it’s a risk. One I struggled to take when we first met and one you’re afraid of now. As you should be. It’s scary. And if the court rules against us, we’ll appeal. And if they keep ruling against us, we’ll appeal some more. If you are what’s best for your son then we will fight until he’s with us.”

  “You keep saying ‘we’ and ‘us’,” Skylar points out. “I never meant for this to turn your life upside down, but I know that it has. And whatever happens at the trial, my life will be completely different from here on out. I am sorry for that. Truly.”

  I shake my head. “We are an us. I accepted that a long time ago. If you decide you don’t want to be, because you need to focus on your son, your career, or whatever, then you can tell me. But I love you so th
at means whatever you’re going through, I’m going through. If your life changes, so does mine. I’m okay with that. More than okay.”

  Skylar lifts our joined hands to his mouth and kisses mine. “I love you too, so damn much there aren’t words.”

  I do have one question for him. One I haven’t asked the entire time but has been weighing on me.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  He nods. “You can ask me anything.”

  “If you and I hadn’t called it off, or rather, if I hadn’t said I didn’t want to do the long distance thing when you left, do you think you still would’ve slept with Fallon that night?” I do my best not to wince over the last part.

  There isn’t a moment’s hesitation from him. “Well hell no, Corin. Jesus. The only reason I was even in that bar that night was to drink away the constant ache from losing you. Not that I’m blaming anyone for my choices because no one forced me to do anything and I take full responsibility for my actions. But no, babe. No way in hell would I have ever cheated on you or even thought about cheating on you.”

  I nod. “I think I already knew that. And in some ways, I feel partially responsible for everything that’s happened. If I hadn’t been afraid, if I hadn’t let you leave with the way things were, or if I’d just been brave enough to try—”

  “I’ve been having that conversation with myself since I first found out about Christian,” Skylar admits. “Blaming myself for being weak, for getting too wasted, for making a...dammit.” He shakes his head as if trying to clear the thoughts from it. “I don’t want to think of my son as mistake, you know? He’s not. But that man I was that night, the one who was too drunk to use protection, or better yet, to not sleep with someone I wasn’t in love with, I’m not proud. The team makes us get tested every few months and I was terrified each time I had to wait for results. I’m deeply ashamed and so damn sorry that not only did it hurt you, but that every time you see him, you will be reminded of something hurtful that I did.”