Neutral: A Curse of the Gods Novella (Book 4.5)

by Washington, Jane

  He set me down, and I turned immediately, striding toward Donald. I was hoping that she could somehow take me to Willa, because I wasn’t sure that I could be trusted in Cyrus’s arms again—but he only chuckled, catching my arm and drawing me back. As I spun into his chest, he drew the darkness around us and the rug disappeared from beneath my feet, hard marble taking its place. We were back on Pica’s platform. I started running toward the house before Cyrus could stop me, though his footsteps—and the hurried shuffling of Donald—weren’t far behind.

  When I made it to the room, Willa’s face was wet with tears, and when she saw me, she sobbed out my name, curling in upon herself. I rushed over to her, ignoring the others as I threw myself onto the bed and gathered her into my arms. It took me a moment to figure out what had her so distraught: she couldn’t believe that I was there.

  “I am alive,” I reassured her over and over.

  Because of her.

  I held onto her tightly until I felt the Abcurses growing anxious, and then I eased back. She wasn’t just mine anymore—she had her own family now. I thought back to Cyrus’s words as I watched Willa with her Abcurses. He had asked for all of me, in return for all of him. Everything he had to offer: his protection included. That was what Willa had. She had each of the Abcurses in their entirety—I was sure that they would all die for her, just as she would die for them. It was like a family, but different. I wouldn’t even hesitate to throw my life on the line for Willa, as she would for me, but I didn’t have all of her, and she didn’t have all of me.

  I had never given myself fully to another person. Atti had been an ally, a partner. I thought that I had given him my heart, but in truth, I had only given him my love. The two were different. I had Willa’s love, but the Abcurses had her heart.

  Nobody had ever had my heart, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to give it to anybody.

  I wasn’t sure that I even wanted everything that Cyrus had to offer. I definitely wanted his protection, and whatever influence his power could afford me: a dweller-turned-god navigating blindly through Topia. I was unsure of my place, and that uncertainty became so much more as I watched Willa with her Abcurses. I had poured blood, sweat and tears into advocating for the dwellers, into fighting for a better dweller lifestyle. I had died for my dweller cause, only to be brought back as a god.

  What kind of twisted fate was that?

  I tried to pull myself from my head, to listen as everyone filled Willa in on what had happened after we had both blacked out. Most of it I already knew, or had pieced together myself. Staviti was in love with Pica, Pica was obsessed with … everything—Rau and Willy especially. Staviti stopped his attack because he was outnumbered, and because Pica turned up. And now we were here, stuck with the Goddess of Insanity while Willa tried to swindle her way into a separate residence on the other side of the platform.

  I followed along after them as we left the room and exited into one of Pica’s chaotic gardens, listening in near-admiration as Willa carefully navigated the goddess’s craziness. I supposed that Willa’s own mother had prepared her quite adequately for dealing with the crazy mood-swings of an unbalanced woman. In no time at all, she had managed to convince Pica that it would be even more lovely if she lived separately, as far away from Pica’s own residence as she could manage, without actually leaving the platform. As soon as Pica agreed, it was as though her craziness caught a whole new wind. She started planning right there on the spot.

  “You must pick a colour-scheme, Willy,” she announced. “I will fetch the best builder in Topia and he will build you something incredible, but you must pick your colours first.”

  Willa was nodding and the rest of us were grinning as Pica finally ran off in the direction that Willa had managed to convince her would be the perfect place to live.

  “Do you think you will be safer with us, or with Cyrus?” Willa was serious now, turning her attention to me.

  “Cyrus,” I replied, before snapping my mouth shut. What? What the hell! I hadn’t meant to say that.

  “You’re probably right,” she replied, her forehead creasing as she tapped at her chin, apparently deep in thought. “We need to keep you hidden as much as possible …”

  She trailed off as Pica returned, striding out of her house with several waves of material flowing out behind her in a cascade of colours.

  “How about lilac?” she asked, fanning out one of the sections of material, displaying the light purple colour.

  “What is the lilac going to be for?” Willa asked, sounding a bit afraid.

  “Everything!” Pica announced, glowing. “Once you pick a colour, you must commit! Loyalty is love, my dear. How about magenta? Orange? Topaz?”

  I tried to mask my snort, but Willa heard it anyway, shooting me a narrow-eyed glare. I could tell that she was trying to figure out how to escape from Pica’s decorating obsession, but I already knew that she had lost the battle.

  Four

  Cyrus

  My limit had been reached.

  “If I have to spend one more fucking click discussing colour schemes, I’m going to kill everyone on this platform,” I announced.

  Emmy just rolled her eyes in my direction.

  Willa didn’t even lift her head. “Stop being so dramatic Cyrus,” she told me, her eyes still glued to all the fabrics sprawled across her lap. “I’m sure you don’t have anything better to do.”

  I stopped my pacing—sitting still would definitely cause my energy to spiral free and annihilate something Pica loved, which would cause a shit-show I wasn’t prepared to deal with. “Gods are not dramatic,” I informed them. “We’re powerful and commanding and we don’t waste time on colou—”

  Willa cut me off. “I’m not sure that I can commit that fully to one colour. I change my favourite colour every rotation.” She held up a small swatch. “Plus, if I choose purple, Siret will gloat about it, and then Coen will throw him through a wall and then he’ll throw Coen through a wall, and then Yael will have to throw someone through a wall because he won’t be outdone, and then Rome will throw someone through a wall because everyone’s smashing things … and then we’ll have no walls. Nobody wants that.”

  “So, that rules out green, gold, purple, blue, and dark grey,” Emmy reminded her, listing off the colours of Abil’s sons.

  Meanwhile, I hadn’t missed the fact that both of them were ignoring me, completely unafraid of my current pissed-off state.

  “No fucking respect,” I muttered, turning my back on the pair and storming off because they were driving me insane.

  The Abcurses had left some time ago in an attempt to ferret out friend and foe among the gods, which meant that I was stuck babysitting the two dweller-turned-gods in front of me. I’d had enough babysitting to last a lifetime, but at least Pica wasn’t there. A small blessing. She had left Willa with all the colour schemes and a two-rotation time limit on deciding. We were nearing the end of her allotted time and Willa still hadn’t decided on anything except that the Abcurse colours were eliminated, and that orange might be a hazard, because how will she know if she’s accidentally started another fire if she’s surrounded by orange? I had actually agreed with her on that point. I should have told them about what Pica did when someone didn’t make their deadline, because Willa had committed herself to a strict deadline whether she realised it or not … and Pica took commitment very seriously.

  “Willa.” Emmy used her reasonable voice: the soothing and convincing one. I had to ignore my urge to cover her mouth with my own and absorb the fire that filled her whenever she got bossy. “I think you should just go monochromatic. You can add your own splashes of personality after that—maybe something from all of the Abcurses’ colours. And if you make the main decor black or white, you can change the accessories all the time. You’ll never get sick of it.”

  I really was going to walk out this time.

  “You’re so smart, Emmy,” Willa exclaimed. “All of the Abcurse colours together would be perfect.
” I knew they would be hugging again. “But I’m not sure I can go with black because of Death, or white because of … reasons.” They both turned and looked at me, and I just crossed my arms, shaking my head.

  “You’d be lucky to have my colour,” I told Willa. “Neutral is powerful. Untouchable. Pure. Original. Even more original than the very first gods.”

  “Uh huh,” she said, her lips twitching. “It’s amazing, Cyrus, truly one of a kind.”

  I stilled. “Are you mocking me?”

  She flashed a grin in my direction. “Come on. White is a little boring, don’t you think?”

  Emmy chuckled, and that fired me up even more.

  “No,” I declared. “I do not think that at all. In fact, it’s the best colour you could ever have, and if you don’t choose white as your colour, I’m going to be really upset.”

  For fuck’s sake. I needed to get out of there. Those two were turning me into a dweller. I was discussing interior colour schemes. And why did I give a shit if they didn’t like my colour? The opinions of bugs shouldn’t matter to me. It never had before.

  A frustrated sound crept up from my chest, but before I could release it and tell the occupants of the room how much they were affecting me, I turned and thrust the door open, stepping out onto the main platform.

  I didn’t go far because it was still my responsibility to keep the pair safe, and despite the fact that I had driven the knife into Willa’s chest and tortured my little bug on a sun-cycle basis, I never wanted to see either of them hurt. My intention all along had been to keep them safe. My intention had always been to keep them safe. With Willa, I was sure that it had something to do with the balance of the worlds, but with Emmy … I wasn’t sure about anything.

  “Times up!” Pica trilled, appearing from somewhere close by. She was always hovering.

  Not wanting the girls alone with her, I followed her back into the main room, having regained a little of my control. I just needed to hold out until Willa’s protectors got back, and then I could return with Emmy to my cave. That was a concept that should have bothered me, because I didn’t like anyone in my space … touching my things … annoying me.

  It had been somewhat of a surprise when Emmy had declared that she was safer with me. Obviously there was no safer place in either world, but I hadn’t expected her to acknowledge it. I’d expected her to run as fast from me as she could. Especially after my declaration about wanting everything from her. That had scared her, I’d seen it in her face.

  But she hadn’t run.

  The dweller was stronger than I’d given her credit for. She was certainly far more intelligent than most of the gods I knew. And she had put up with Willa for many life-cycles. That took great mental and emotional fortitude.

  “What colour scheme did you choose?” Pica crooned as she reached the pair, who were still on the bed surrounded by fabric. “The builders are on their way as we speak.”

  Emmy seemed to have confiscated the colours from Willa, and she thrust a scrap of fabric at the goddess now. I couldn’t see what they had chosen because Pica whipped it away so quickly, and then it was gone.

  “Amazing choice,” she crooned. “It’s the perfect, most lovely, most perfectly lovely colour I’ve ever seen. I’ll have the work commence immediately.”

  She spun quickly, gliding from the room and muttering about abstract art and the shape of round walls.

  “So, what did you choose?” I asked the pair.

  “Nothing,” Willa said with a smirk. “Emmy reminded me that it probably didn’t matter what colour I chose, Pica would find a way to turn it into something crazy. Emmy is going to run damage control secretly with the builders.”

  I rested my gaze on Emmy, shaking my head just a little as an unexpected smile tilted up my lips. She has the intelligence of a god.

  That thought grew stronger after it entered my head, until all I could think about was how strong and smart and stunningly beautiful the new goddess before me was. There wasn’t a single bug-like thing about Emmy in that moment, and I wondered if the transition to god-hood was continuing for both her and Willa. Maybe it was a slower ascension when it wasn’t done by Staviti.

  “Do either of you know your powers yet?” I asked, startling them with my subject change. “Most gods would have some idea by now.”

  Willa shrugged. “All I know is that mine isn’t Chaos.”

  “If you believe that the god from the imprisonment realm is your father, Willa, you might not have ever been a dweller,” Emmy said, voicing the thought we’d all had since Willa came back from the land of death.

  Willa’s voice was strained, breaking as she replied: “I have no idea if he’s really my father, or if it was wishful thinking on my behalf. I’m desperate for some answers ...”

  “What about Donald?” I asked bluntly. “Have you figured out a way to return the portion of her soul that you brought back? Can you still hear her in your head?”

  Willa nodded, her lips trembling. “Yes, but … there’s nothing normal about her thoughts. And I still haven’t figured out if it’s possible to return her soul. The Abcurses can’t return mine … so there’s that.”

  We fell quiet as Pica returned with the builders. I caught Emmy’s arm before she could hurry out of the room after Willa.

  “You shouldn’t show yourself to any of the other gods,” I warned her quietly.

  She frowned, but I could tell that she was thinking about it. I used the fact that she was deep in thought to my own advantage, pulling her a few inches closer while she was distracted, staring after Willa’s retreating form.

  “What am I supposed to do?” she finally asked, tilting her head up so that her eyes could catch mine.

  I swallowed, letting my hand drop from her arm. She wasn’t allowed to look up at me like that, all helpless and confused.

  “Am I supposed to just hide away in your white cave until everyone is ready to know about me? How can I protect Willa from there?”

  “How can I protect you if you’re here?” I returned, biting back the bad taste that accompanied the words. She wasn’t allowed to separate herself from me, just like she wasn’t allowed to make me feel things with her big, blinking eyes.

  “You should figure that out, and quickly,” she warned me. “Because I’m not going to stay hidden away in your secret little alcohol hovel for the rest of my life—”

  “You’re a god, now,” I interrupted her. “There are no more life-cycles. You’re already dead. Your life has already ended. Now, there is only eternity.”

  “I’m not going to spend eternity hiding away in your wine closet!”

  She jerked away from me, temper finally sparking through her innocently confused expression, turning her into the fiery creature that I was more familiar with.

  “I think I know something that might help.” I held out my hand to her, but she only narrowed her eyes on it, before flicking the same suspicious look up to my face.

  “You’ll pull me off the platform,” she predicted.

  I nodded, still holding out my hand, though I was starting to grow impatient already. I had never had to actually cater to anyone before—man or woman, mortal or god.

  “But I haven’t decided if I want to go back to your cave.” She folded her arms across her chest, tucking her hands firmly away.

  “You ... just said ... earlier, to Willa.” I was stumbling over my words, my offered hand curling into a fist.

  “I was saying that so she wouldn’t worry. She has enough to think about right now without also trying to protect me.”

  “You can’t protect yourself, Emmanuelle. You need me.”

  “Maybe,” she hedged, her chin tilting up stubbornly.

  “Frustrating woman,” I grumbled, striding up to her and wrapping my hands around her upper arms, drawing her up onto her toes and against my chest.

  Those damn eyes were wide again, tiny hints of need swirling behind the blockage of fuck off that she was trying to muster. I turne
d on the spot, pulling her with me through a pocket. I held her weight against me as we landed, the grass soft beneath us. A forest rose high around us, soft purple flowers dotting the grass of the clearing we stood in. Emmy drew closer to me, instinctively driven to shield herself with my body.

  “What is this place?” she asked, her tone quieter than usual.

  “This is where Terrance lives. It’s his magic that you’re feeling. Don’t worry, it can’t actually harm you. His magic cloaks the gods with something he calls a predator shield. It communicates to his animals that we are not to be hunted.”

  “Hunted?” Her tone was no longer quiet, but tinged with a shrillness that had me biting back a smile.

  She scrambled away from my chest, putting her back to me and turning about to examine every edge of the clearing slowly and carefully.

  “Terrance is the—”

  “Bestiary God,” she supplied distractedly. “I know. Why are we here?”

  “He is a little more ... attuned to the base nature of beings than most gods are,” I explained, reaching out and wrapping my hand around a section of her robes.

  I figured she wouldn’t let me touch her to lead her forward in any way, so this would have to do. “We’re going to ask him if he can tell us what your power is.”

  “I thought we weren’t supposed to be showing me to outsiders?” she goaded, sticking close to my back as I picked my way through the trees.

  The animals were gathering about us, but they stayed out of our way. I could feel the heat of their bodies close by, and hear the rustle of leaves along the ground.

  “As a general rule, yes. But I have leverage over Terrance, and I don’t have leverage over the builders.”

  “What leverage?” she asked, as we reached a small footbridge.

  I didn’t answer because Terrance himself had just emerged from the water beneath the bridge. His saturated robes were half pulled off, tied about his waist and draped in reeds. His green eyes were like the moss he loved to play in; his long, brown hair slicked back from his face.