On the Other Side

by Michelle Janine Robinson

  “So now you’re going to persecute me for something I said or did while I was sleeping? I don’t even remember whatever it is you’re talking about.”

  “You know what they say about dreams being manifestations of your life while you’re awake.”

  “Neal, I have no control over that. I’ll admit that maybe it might have something to do with what happened, but that wasn’t my fault, was it?”

  “Oh, so, that’s what we’re doing now? Are we laying blame for all that’s wrong with this marriage?”

  “I can’t speak much about this marriage, since we’ve barely been married a week, but I do know that I never hit you. I also know that under the circumstances, I should be nominated for sainthood. A lot of women would have been gone the moment you hit them. I’m still here, trying to make this work. Instead of appreciating that, you keep bouncing back and forth with these mood swings. I don’t know where it’s coming from. You were never like this when we were dating.”

  “You know, Damita, I must admit, I felt guilty after I hit you. I’ve been trying to figure out why I did it. I now realize it’s because there is something about you that is so maddening! You expect the world to kiss your ass. You think I should be grateful to you for not leaving. That’s not going to happen. You’re my wife and I expect you to act accordingly.”

  “If you hold such disdain for me, why don’t you leave? Maybe we both made a mistake. Let’s end it here and now.”

  “No.”

  “What do you mean by no?”

  “I mean exactly what I said.”

  “Damita, when I spoke those vows, I meant every word I said. Marriage for me means forever.”

  “But, Neal, if it’s not working, why on earth would you want to stay? This is clearly not working. You’re not who I thought you were and judging from your comments, I’m not who you thought I was.”

  “I’ve always known who you are, angel. However, I never had any intention of allowing you to stay that way. None of that has changed. Your parents obviously spoiled you rotten. You think you can do and say whatever you want, but you will not do that and be married to me. It’s best that you learn that now, rather than wait months or even a year or two down the road to find out.

  “I don’t believe that men and women have been or will ever be equals, in marriage or in life. You are not my equal and the sooner you figure that out, the better. I fully intend to hold up my end of the bargain. You should quit your job and get pregnant and I will be the man in this relationship, as it was intended.”

  Damita was speechless. She had married a Neanderthal. “Neal, despite what you may think, this marriage is over. This is not what I signed up for.”

  As she headed for the door, Neal blocked her way.

  “Neal, move!”

  “No. You’re not going anywhere.”

  “You really are insane, aren’t you?”

  Neal chuckled. “I want you to see something.”

  “I don’t need to see anything.”

  “I think you do. Look in the coffee table.”

  Damita knew she should probably leave but curiosity got the best of her. She figured she would simply leave after seeing whatever it was he was talking about. She opened the coffee table drawer and saw nothing but the usual miscellaneous items they kept there.

  “Look under the lining.”

  She pulled up the lining in the table and there was a manila folder.

  “Open it.”

  There was a picture of Neal with another woman. She could have been Damita’s sister. The cocoa brown complexion, the slim build; even the long wavy hair was styled eerily similar to hers.

  “Who is this?” Damita asked.

  “Everything you need to know is there. Keep looking.”

  Under the picture there was a newspaper article. As she read, she wondered what it all meant. “Okay, so I give up. Who is this and why did you want me to read this article? Why did you feel you needed to hide it?”

  “You know what it means, Damita. I keep it as a reminder. She was my wife. Her name was Claire and she was even more willful than you. She pushed and pushed and never stopped pushing. She was infuriating and, like you, she eventually wanted to leave. I told her I would never let her go, but she didn’t believe me.”

  Damita was stunned. “Neal, what are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that I take the words until death do us part very seriously.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Damita couldn’t get a bit of sleep all night. She considered running in the middle of the night, but remembered the newspaper article. A woman named Claire Westman and her sister, Ny Cooper, had apparently been mowed down by a hit-and-run driver. She wondered if Neal was trying to scare her or if he was really capable of something so heinous.

  She sat in the living room in the dark, gazing out the window. She picked up her cell phone several times, considering whether she should call her mother or Carmella. She was sure Neal was watching her and almost jumped out her skin every time she thought she heard him move or even breathe. Sometime around two a.m. she had finally convinced herself that the only thing she could do was to call her mother. As if reading her thoughts, Neal was standing in front of her as she picked up the phone.

  “Who are you calling at this hour?” he asked.

  “I’m not calling anyone. I was checking to make sure my office hadn’t tried to reach me during the day. I’m due back in the office in two days. I’m surprised no one has called yet.”

  “Why would anyone call? We’re on our honeymoon.”

  Damita shrugged and went back to bed.

  • • •

  The cell phone awakened Damita the next morning. It was her mother.

  “Hi, baby girl. How was Jamaica?”

  “It was. . . It was okay, Mom.”

  “Baby, are you okay?”

  “Of course, I am. I’m fine. I’m a little tired, that’s all.” She paused. “How are you, Mom? Did you miss me?”

  “You know I did. I should’ve been on that beach sunning myself right along with you.”

  “I know that’s right. It’s been a long time since we’ve been on a vacation together. Remember all those trips we used to take; Jamaica, Bahamas, Bermuda, Vegas. Those were some good times.”

  “Okay, now you will tell me the truth. What’s going on? All of a sudden you’re getting nostalgic. What happened? I swear, if that fool did anything to my baby, I’ll—”

  “Listen to you sounding all tough.” Damita was so happy her mother had called. “What are you doing right now, Mom?”

  “I’m not doing a doggone thing. What’s up?”

  “Do you feel like shopping?”

  “Baby girl, when have I ever said no to shopping?”

  “I’ll meet you at Macy’s in an hour then,” said Damita.

  “An hour it is.”

  While Neal slept, Damita quietly busied herself with preparing to meet her mother. She breathed a sigh of relief as she shut the door to the apartment. She was looking forward to seeing her and feeling normal.

  Damita saw her mother standing in front of the department store as soon as she arrived. She ran toward her and hugged her. “Somebody missed their mama,” said Karen.

  “Yes, I did.”

  Before going into the store, Karen stopped and tapped Damita affectionately on the chin.

  “I don’t know what’s going on, but you will tell me. I’m going to leave you alone for now and let you enjoy the day shopping, but we are going to talk about what’s been going on with you. And, Damita—.”

  “Yes, mother,” Damita said sarcastically.

  “We’re going to talk sooner than later. Now, let’s go put a dent in these credit cards.”

  “Mom, how did you get to be so smart?”

  “Girl, I changed your diaper, kissed your boo-boos and comforted you when that little piss ant, Donnie Warren, dumped you a week before your senior prom. I know my child and I know when she’s in pain.”

 
Karen put her arm around her daughter and they walked into the store.

  Macy’s was as crowded as it always was.

  “I don’t know why I come here,” Damita said.

  “You come here because you know it’s your mother’s favorite store.”

  “I know that’s right. I only come here when I’m shopping with you because otherwise I’d be in Bloomingdales.”

  “What’s wrong with Macy’s?”

  Damita looked through the racks of clothing with exasperation. “I can never find what I’m looking for here. Why don’t you like Bloomingdales?”

  “I don’t like shopping in that store. They’re uppity.”

  “Mom, you know you need to stop. How is the store uppity?”

  “It just is. Every time I walk in that store I’m surprised when a store clerk even offers me assistance.”

  “Now, now, Mom, that sounds like your own paranoia at work.”

  “You know what they say, just because I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get me.”

  Damita laughed and looped her arm with her mother’s. “Let’s go spend some of my husband’s hard-earned money.”

  “That sounded pretty catty. What’s wrong? Is there trouble in paradise?”

  “Now who’s being catty? I said that because Neal is always talking about me making babies and not working, so I thought I’d try out the life of a housewife. It’ll be fun to shop on someone else’s dime for a change.”

  “You’re not really thinking about giving up your job to be a housewife, are you?”

  “Not really. Only thinking out loud.”

  “I certainly hope so. You love your job.”

  She stared off absentmindedly, considering how much worse things would be if she were a housewife.

  • • •

  Damita and Karen shopped for most of the day, then stopped to get something to eat. Their routine was always for Karen to come back to her place after they had gone shopping, but Damita didn’t think it was a good idea under the circumstances. She realized she was right when she got home.

  “Where the fuck have you been all day?”

  “I went shopping with my mother.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”

  “You were sleeping. I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “I wake up and there’s no you and no food. There wasn’t even a container of milk. I might as well be single. What’s for dinner?”

  “I thought we’d order out tonight.”

  “I’m sick of ordering out. I want a home-cooked meal for a change.”

  Damita couldn’t help but notice that he sounded like a small child about to have a tantrum. “What do you want?”

  “It’s not like there’s much to choose from. The cupboards are bare.”

  “We were supposed to be on our honeymoon.”

  Neal looked at Damita with a cautioning glance. That’s when she realized the edge in her voice. That’s also when she realized within a week she had become the kind of woman she never thought she could ever become. She understood now how someone could kill another person. Being abused both physically and emotionally wasn’t the worst of her predicament. He had robbed her of her strength. In just a week she was afraid of everything.

  “I’ll go to the supermarket,” Damita offered.

  “Good.”

  She walked to the supermarket, happy to be out of the apartment. Once inside, she hurriedly threw items in a shopping cart. While in the frozen foods section she noticed a couple kissing one another. She wondered whether the life they lived publicly matched the life they lived when they were not subject to scrutiny. Did he hit her? Was she afraid of him. After all, no one would have ever guessed what her marriage was like behind closed doors.

  • • •

  As she wound her way around the aisles in Gristedes Supermarket, she felt like a zombie. Her body was moving, but she felt lifeless.

  “Hey! Damita! Damita, is that you?”

  She didn’t hear her coworker, Tina, trying to get her attention.

  “Hey!”

  Damita turned to find Tina Rogers, tapping her on the shoulder.

  “Hey, married lady.”

  Damita’s expression was emotionless. “Oh, hey, Tina. What brings you to my neck of the woods? I thought you were a downtown, girl. Murray Hill, right?”

  “I’m kind of on a date. He lives in the area. The guy’s never got a thing in his refrigerator. I wanted to make sure we have something for breakfast in the morning.”

  Whenever Damita saw Tina she thought of a line from the movie Working Girl. Much like Melanie Griffith’s character, Tess McGill, Tina had a head for business and a body for sin. Damita often watched the men (and some of the women) make idiots of themselves whenever they were in her presence. Even their boss, Michael Underhill, was rumored to have slept with Tina. Damita tried to keep an open mind about Tina, but when she came into the office with her tight skirts and low-cut tops, Damita had a great deal of difficulty not judging her. Now, here she was at a time when Damita felt more insecure about herself than ever before.

  “Sounds like my refrigerator.”

  “At least you have an excuse. You just got married. I can imagine food has been the last thing on the minds of two newlyweds. It must be nice.”

  “Yeah, it’s nice.”

  “Whenever someone else gets married it gives me hope that I’ll have my chance one day.”

  “Take your time. It’ll happen exactly when, and if, it’s supposed to. I find it fascinating how so many single people want to be married, and how many married people wish they were single again. It’s funny how we idealize things and situations, just because it’s what we think will make us whole.”

  “I’ve never thought of it that way. Thanks.”

  “For what?” Damita asked.

  “I’ve always gotten the impression that you don’t like me very much.”

  “No. No. Where on Earth did you ever get that idea?”

  “You don’t have to deny it, Damita. I realize what people think of me.”

  “You’re so smart. I hate to see any woman sell herself short.”

  Five seconds after the words were out of her mouth Damita realized how hypocritical it sounded. She, of all people, was not in the position to preach to anyone about selling themselves short.

  “Well, it feels good to know that you consider me smart, anyway.”

  “Of course I do.”

  “I should get going and let you finish your shopping. It was nice seeing you.”

  “It was nice seeing you, too.”

  As Tina walked away she wondered what Damita’s story was. She had worked with her for at least three years and she always seemed so happy, especially at her wedding. Now, one week later, she was a different woman; distracted, edgy, even sad. Tina turned back and waved goodbye.

  Tina said, “See you at work.”

  “I’ll see you at work,” Damita responded.

  Damita glanced at her watch and wondered how it was that she became the kind of person that was afraid of how long she’d spent shopping in the supermarket. She rushed through her shopping, so she could make up for the time she lost talking to Tina.

  “Look who is finally back,” Neal said, waiting at the door.

  Damita sighed. “I saw one of my coworkers at the supermarket.”

  “I’ll bet. What’s his name?”

  “Her name is Tina. I told you about her. The investment banker who wears the tight dresses to work.”

  “Ah. I do remember you talking about the fair Tina. She’s the blonde with the Jessica Rabbit figure. I saw her at the wedding. She was wearing a pink dress, wasn’t she?”

  “Yeah, that’s her. She seemed to stick in your mind.”

  Neal smirked. “Why, Damita, are you actually jealous?”

  “No, I’m not jealous. It’s just, how often does a man remember what a woman was wearing?”

  “When the woman’s measurements are thirty-e
ight, twenty-four, thirty-six, you can’t help but remember. Hell, I got married. I didn’t stop being a man.”

  “I guess that’s what men do. Quantity always overrides quality.”

  “It sounds to me like you’re doing the same thing. How do you know Tina Rabbit is not possessing of quality?”

  “Quality doesn’t sleep with married men or just about any man who wants her.”

  “Wow, if that ain’t the most judgmental thing I’ve ever heard, I don’t know what is. One thing I will say about Tina, and women like her, is at least they’re true to themselves and they don’t feel the need to create a public persona that isn’t real.”

  Rather than continue the direction of the conversation, Damita decided to end it there. She was quickly learning that there was no such thing as a reasonable disagreement when it came to Neal and she also realized that much of what she was saying was less about the way she felt about Tina and more about her anger toward Neal.

  “Dinner will be ready in about an hour,” was all she said.

  CHAPTER SIX

  After dinner Neal opened a bottle of Scotch. Damita didn’t think she had seen him drink anything stronger than a glass of wine since she’d know him.

  “Where’d you get that from?” she asked.

  “This is the Glenrothes John Ramsay. It’s a gift from one of my colleagues. I suppose he thought I would want to add it to my collection. There have only ever been two hundred of these in the entire United States. Now one of them is mine. I enjoy collecting unique and unattainable things. It’s a perfect wedding present.”

  “Don’t you want to save it for a special occasion?”

  “This is a special occasion. I’m celebrating my triumphant return to the old grind. Have you forgotten that the honeymoon is over and we’ll both be returning to work?”

  As she watched him drink glass after glass, she regretted not having gone through all the presents. The last thing she needed was Neal drunk.

  “That chicken was so salty. Do you want some water?” she asked.

  “Does it look like I want water?”

  By the time the bottle was practically empty, Neal was slumped over on the couch, fast asleep. Damita was relieved and decided to try to get some sleep herself.