“Baby, I need to talk to you and I don’t want to do this through lawyers,” he said. “I told you I was sorry about what happened. Let me come back home to you when this job’s over.”
“You were sorry the first time it happened too, Wayne, but that didn’t stop you from doing it again, did it? I refuse to subject my daughter to the same things I grew up with. I told you that when we first got married.” She should hang up on him, but part of her feared retaliation if she pissed him off. “If you really want the house back, I’ll move out so you can live here, but you will not be coming home to Amber and me.”
“Jessie, you don’t know what you’re saying, baby. I’ve changed. I’ve gone to counseling.”
“Only because the court ordered you to.” She fought to keep her voice down so he wouldn’t know how much he was getting to her.
“But I did do it. We can work this out if you’ll only give me a chance.”
“I’m hanging up now, Wayne. Don’t call here again.”
“Jess…” was the last thing she heard before pushing the Off button and slamming the receiver down on the coffee table. She had her head in her hands when the phone rang again.
“What part of do not call here again did you not understand?” she yelled as she brought the phone to her ear again. The lack of noise on the other end unnerved her. Was he outside the house, taunting her? She was about to go check the front door when she heard a quiet voice on the other end.
“Mo…Mommy?”
“Amber? Sweetie? Oh, God, I’m so sorry. Mommy thought you were someone else.” Jessie tried not to cry because Amber’s hesitant tone showed how afraid she was. “Are you having fun at Disney?”
“Yes.” Apparently that was all Amber wanted to say, because Jessie’s mother came on the line.
“Jessica? I don’t know what’s wrong with her,” Donna Greenfield said. “She was so excited to call you, and now she won’t talk.”
“Mom, I thought it was Wayne. I’d just hung up on him when you called. Please make sure she knows I wasn’t yelling at her.”
“Is he harassing you again?”
“I can handle it, Mom.” Jessie sighed and got up to get a glass of orange juice.
“I don’t doubt you can, but if he’s bothering you, maybe you should go stay with your sister and Sarah for a few days.”
“He’s in Nevada.” Jessie was gratified that her mother would suggest she visit her lesbian sister and her lover. Before their father died about a year ago, Donna Greenfield would never have done that. “Tell Amber I love her, and I can’t wait for you guys to get home. And tell her that she better kiss Minnie for me.”
They said their good-byes, and Jessie turned off the phone’s ringer before she stretched out on the couch. She picked up the book and opened it to page one, noting that Lynn wouldn’t be there for a couple of hours.
*
Jessie jerked awake, insistent bells startling her. She started to shut off the alarm clock, but soon recognized the sound for what it was. Her book had fallen to the floor, so she picked it up, hastily setting it on the coffee table before she went to the front door. It had to be Lynn, because it was exactly five minutes after one.
“Hey.” Lynn couldn’t hide her nervousness, and Jessie wanted nothing more than to pull her into an embrace.
“Is it lunchtime already?’ Jessie stepped aside, then closed the door behind her before following Lynn into the kitchen.
“Oh, please, you know I’m late. You were probably pacing in front of the door wondering where the hell I was.”
“You’re always late,” Jessie said. Their familiar banter helped her relax. “I wouldn’t know how to react if you showed up on time.”
“We won’t have to worry about that then, will we?” Lynn nudged her with an elbow, but then looked horrified. Jessie took her hand and led her out to the couch. After they’d both taken a seat, Lynn finally said, “I’m sorry about last night, Jessie.”
“Sorry? Why?” Jessie saw the uncertainty in Lynn’s eyes. “I’m not sorry about any of it. Besides, I was the one who kissed you. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.” In fact, Jessie wanted to kiss Lynn again, but something was in the way. It was Wayne. Until he was completely out of her life, she’d never be able to give herself to someone else, no matter who it was. “I also want to thank you for being the voice of reason and suggesting we sleep it off.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” Lynn looked at their hands briefly before her eyes rested on the book on the coffee table. “I don’t want to be anyone’s morning-after regret.”
Jessie’s heart sank at the detached nonchalance in Lynn’s tone. “Lynn—”
“When did you start reading lesbian romance?” Lynn picked up the book and looked at Jessie with one eyebrow raised. “You told me you’d probably never read any of my books, but here you are, presumably doing just that. Assuming, of course, this isn’t Wayne’s choice of reading material.”
Jessie snorted. “It wouldn’t surprise me if it was.”
“I don’t want to even consider that scenario.” Lynn smiled, an obvious attempt to lighten the mood, but then her expression turned serious again. She looked back at the book she held. “When did you start reading this?”
“When I was in the hospital, the woman I shared the room with gave me a couple of books to read.” Jessie sucked in a breath, wanting to take the words back as soon as they left her mouth. But Lynn didn’t seem surprised. “You knew?”
“That you were in the hospital? My mother told me last night.” Lynn shrugged, but Jessie saw the flash of fierce protectiveness in her eyes, quickly replaced by hurt. “Why would you keep that from me, Jess? I could have been here for you.”
“You would have gone after him.” And then she’d have been in prison.
“I told you I never liked him. I never trusted him. He always had that same vacant look in his eyes that your father did the day he hit me.”
“Wayne didn’t like you much either, but you already knew that,” Jessie said with a sigh. The truth was going to come out, and she suddenly regretted not being honest with Lynn from the beginning. “He told me he was convinced you were after me—that you wanted to take me away from him. It didn’t matter what I said, because he was determined to believe what he wanted to. He was jealous of the time you and I spent together around the holidays. My denials only fueled his anger.”
Lynn stared at her, and Jessie wished that she would say something—anything.
“So it’s my fault that he did this to you.”
“Lynn, it’s not your fault, any more than it’s mine.” Jessie had spent many nights lying awake thinking about this, both as a child with her father and now as an adult, with Wayne. The patterns were frighteningly similar. “An abuser doesn’t need a valid excuse to do what they do. They constantly try to rationalize the behavior. If he hadn’t been jealous over my friendship with you, he’d have found something else.”
“I’m so happy you’re actually divorcing him, instead of staying with him out of some warped sense of commitment.” Lynn sat back again and sighed.
“I’m done with him. I told you that last night.” Jessie didn’t pull away when Lynn covered her hand with one of her own. Jessie was certain a spark of electricity passed between them. She met Lynn’s eyes and was seriously thinking about kissing her when Lynn broke the spell.
“You wanted me to stay the night last night. Have you ever been with a woman before?”
“I’d never kissed a woman before last night.” Jessie felt the corners of her mouth pulling up when Lynn released her hand. “Well, except for that once.”
“God, that was awful, wasn’t it?” They both laughed at the memory neither of them had ever acknowledged before, and some of Jessie’s tension melted away. Lynn seemed a little more relaxed too. “I have to say—you’ve certainly improved as a kisser.”
“Me? I was thinking you’d improved.” Jessie felt her cheeks flush, but she refused to look away
from Lynn.
“I’d never kissed anyone before that,” Lynn said. “You shocked the hell out of me.”
“I shocked the hell out of myself.”
“Way back when, or last night?”
“Both.” They fell quiet, and Lynn studied her hands again. So she had been Lynn’s first kiss too. Jessie’s heart swelled. “We should eat before that wonderful food gets cold.”
“Jess, Charlie’s birthday is tomorrow, and my parents are taking him out to dinner. Will you come with us?” Jessie stared at her for a moment, but Lynn refused to look up from her hands.
“Are you asking me on a date?”
“I hadn’t intended for it to be that. Just two friends having dinner,” Lynn said, sounding sad. Lynn finally turned her head to look at her again, uncertainty in those beautiful blue eyes. Jessie so wanted to purge it from her, but wasn’t sure if she could. “The reservations are for seven.”
“Then you can pick me up at six.”
Chapter Seven
Lynn pulled into Jessie’s driveway at five minutes after six the next evening. No matter what time she left, she always arrived five minutes late. She was glad Jessie actually expected her to do it.
She stopped at the steps to the front door. How the hell was she supposed to act? Why had Jessie asked if this was a date? Did she want it to be one? Lynn sat down on the stoop and stared out at the darkened street.
She didn’t really think Jessie would use her, but what if she saw Lynn as a way to get away from Wayne once and for all? Or maybe she wanted to experiment to see if she really was attracted to women? Fuck. If this was the baggage that went along with being in love, no wonder she’d stayed away from it for so long. Maybe if she let Jessie make the first move, she could relax and just let whatever would happen, happen. Maybe. Or maybe it would all blow up in her face and she’d lose the one woman she’d loved all her life. Fuck.
“Are you planning to sit out there all evening, or would you like to come inside?”
Lynn jumped to her feet at the sound of Jessie’s voice behind her. “Jesus Christ,” she said as she bent over at the waist attempting to catch her breath. “You scared the hell out of me.”
“I do that a lot, don’t I? Come inside and have a drink.”
Lynn took in Jessie’s tight-fitting blue dress and hoped to God she was managing not to drool all over herself. She tried to keep her eyes averted from the plunging neckline.
“You look beautiful,” she finally managed to say once they were in the kitchen.
“Thank you.” Jessie blushed slightly as she smiled, and Lynn smiled back. She held her breath as Jessie gave her a thorough inspection. “You look quite nice yourself.”
“Thank you.” Lynn glanced down at her black slacks, green sweater, and black leather jacket. She’d put on so many outfits she’d made herself sick from indecision. She finally settled on the first thing she’d tried on. Jessie was looking at her, but she was afraid to meet her eyes. This was ridiculous. She’d never been nervous around a woman. She accepted the beer Jessie offered and took a swig before stealing another look at the revealing blue dress.
“Shouldn’t I be the one who’s a little on edge?” Jessie finally asked. “Because I can’t help feeling like this is a date.”
“You’d think so, wouldn’t you?” Lynn chuckled uneasily, trying to quell her panic. “I’m not sure how to act around you anymore.”
She hadn’t really intended to say the words out loud, and she watched Jessie anxiously. Jessie placed her beer on the counter before taking the three steps to close the distance between them. Lynn didn’t stop her when Jessie took her beer from her and set it aside. She watched quietly as Jessie touched her wrist, then slowly moved her hand up Lynn’s arm, holding her gaze the entire time.
“Jess—”
“Shhh.” Jessie held a finger to her lips. Lynn’s legs almost gave out. “You’re going to end up making me nervous, Lynn. I need you to relax, okay?”
Lynn nodded, marveling at the sensation of Jessie’s finger on her lips. She wanted nothing more than to suck it into her mouth. Her body rebelled at her self-imposed restraint because she wanted to be in control, wanted to take Jessie with the abandon she’d enjoyed with other women, wanted…everything. When Jessie cupped Lynn’s cheek, she was certain that Jessie was about to kiss her. After a moment, Jessie’s hand slid around to the back of Lynn’s neck and pulled her closer.
As soon as Jessie’s mouth covered hers, Lynn’s instincts took over. Jessie’s hands were in her hair, urging her closer still, and when their tongues met, Lynn found Jessie’s hips and pulled her tight against her body. With heels, Jessie was a couple of inches taller than Lynn. In her bare feet like she was now, Jessie was only a fraction of an inch shorter. Lynn moved her hands up the back of Jessie’s dress, searching for the zipper, but Jessie pushed her away.
“Lynn, stop,” she said breathlessly. Lynn eased back, and Jessie rested her forehead on her shoulder. “I’m sorry. All of this is so new to me. I need to go slow. Is that okay?”
“Yes,” Lynn managed to whisper as she closed her eyes, still holding Jessie to her. “But for future reference, this is not the way to help me relax.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Lynn moved her hands to Jessie’s upper arms and held her a few inches away so she could look at her face. “I’m going to let you set the pace, all right? I won’t pressure you into anything. If this is going to happen, it’ll be when you’re comfortable with it, because like I already said, I don’t want to be anybody’s morning-after regret. Especially not yours. And I don’t want to have regrets either, Jess.”
Jessie gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. “Thank you. We should probably get going if we intend to make it to the restaurant on time.”
Lynn stood there for a moment while Jessie went to get her coat and willed the blood pulsing between her legs to begin flowing somewhere else, anywhere else. Like to her brain.
This was going to be a long night.
*
“Jessie!” Rose exclaimed when she and Lynn walked into the waiting area. Rose stood and pulled Jessie into a warm embrace, winking over Jessie’s shoulder at Lynn. “Our table should be ready in a few minutes. I was so happy when Lynn told me you’d be joining us.”
Lynn rolled her eyes just as someone slapped her back. She stumbled forward and turned to see her brother standing behind her with a huge grin.
“What’s up, Chuck?” she asked with a grin of her own. She laughed when his expression changed to irritation.
“I wish you wouldn’t call me that.”
“I know.” She hugged him briefly, then stepped away. “And if you’d just ignore it instead of complaining every time, I’d probably stop doing it. Happy birthday, Charlie.”
“Thanks.” He smiled again when Rose finally let go of Jessie and held out his arms to greet her. “I’m glad you could join us.”
“Me too, and happy birthday,” Jessie said as she pulled away from him.
“Where’s Dad?” Lynn asked, glancing around the immediate area.
“Still at work, but he’ll be here as soon as he can.” Her mother motioned for Jessie to sit next to her.
Charlie grabbed Lynn’s arm and turned away from them. “We’ll go get some drinks,” he said over his shoulder while they walked toward the bar. When they’d given their order to the bartender, Charlie nudged Lynn with an elbow. “So, was I right? Are they separated and headed for divorce?”
“Why don’t you ask her for yourself?” Lynn shook her head in annoyance. He was worse than any gossip she’d ever known.
“Maybe I should ask her out on a date,” he said with a wink. “What do you think?”
Lynn stared at him for a moment, fighting the urge to punch him, then returned her attention to the bartender, who was a rather nice-looking young woman. Charlie was the only family member who’d known since high school how Lynn felt about Jessie, so he’d nev
er really date her. Then again, how could he possibly know that Jessie was actually considering Lynn as a lover? She decided to play with him a bit.
“Maybe you should.”
“Seriously? You wouldn’t castrate me?”
“Why would I?” Lynn shrugged and continued to watch the woman fixing their drinks. “You know I’m a pussycat. I’d never hurt anyone if I could help it.”
“Oh, I don’t know—maybe because you’re interested in her?”
“She can go out with whoever she wants, Charlie.” Lynn finally turned to look at him. “I can’t stop her from dating. I won’t deny that I’m interested, but I can’t do anything about it if she’s not interested in me. After all, she hasn’t been up to this point.”
“Have you told her?”
“Here you go,” the bartender said, smiling suggestively at Lynn. When Lynn held out her credit card, the woman took it, brushing Lynn’s fingers with her own.
“Jesus, you do better with women than I do,” Charlie grumbled.
“I always have, little bro. Stick with me, and I’ll teach you everything I know.” Lynn winked at the bartender before pocketing her credit card. She turned and walked back to where they had left Jessie and their mother, but she faltered. Jessie stood by the door talking to an attractive man. Lynn tried not to let her jealousy show when she sat down next to her mother. “Who’s that?”
“I don’t know.” Rose shrugged, but was watching them just as intently as Lynn. “He came and said hello to her, and then they went over there to talk.”
Lynn watched them for a moment, but then the hostess called their name. Rose and Charlie followed her to their table, but Lynn sat there a moment longer and Jessie put up a finger to indicate she’d be along in a minute. Lynn glared at the man she was talking to before getting up and trailing her mother and brother, insecurity suddenly twisting her insides into knots.
True Confessions Page 5
