True Confessions

by P. J. Trebelhorn

  “Oh, please, I knew it was only a matter of time.” Karen shrugged. “Honestly, I’m only worried about how our mother reacts to the news. I’m just glad Jessie waited to realize this until after our father died, because Mom’s a lot more accepting of me now. I’m sure she will be about Jessie too, if it turns out that she is a lesbian. Especially since Mom’s already gotten the grandchild she wanted so badly.”

  They all fell quiet again, and Lynn fought to sit still under their intense study.

  “What exactly did Wayne do to her?” Lynn finally asked the one question she’d wanted to ask Jessie since she’d first learned about the abuse. “How long was she in the hospital?”

  Karen glanced at Sarah and shifted in her seat, peeling the label from her beer.

  “Just over a week. As far as her injuries, you’d better ask her.”

  “Why didn’t somebody call me?”

  “Jessie didn’t want you to know,” Sarah said, echoing Lynn’s mother’s statement. She was getting annoyed that nobody thought she could offer comfort and be there for her friend. “I didn’t understand it at the time, but the other night she finally told me about the time you threatened their father.”

  “That bastard gave me one hell of a shiner.” Lynn grinned, and soon they were all laughing.

  “God, I wish I could have seen it,” Karen said. “You were Jessie’s own personal hero after that. I never thanked you for what you did that day. You know, he never touched her again after your little talk with him. I think you scared the bejeezus out of him. So, thank you. You did what I was never able to.”

  “You’re welcome, but I’m not sure I’d have done it if I’d had time to think. It all happened so fast.” Lynn finished her beer and looked at her watch. “I better get going. Charlie’s expecting me in about five minutes, and I can’t possibly make it there in that time.”

  “Don’t forget about the auction Friday night,” Sarah said as Lynn stood.

  “She’s in it?” Karen asked. “Cool. We’ll make a bundle to save the boobies.”

  “Shit, that’s the whole reason I came in here tonight. What do I have to do?”

  “Just be yourself. You could wear a tux if you feel so moved.” Sarah took Karen’s hand. “Be here by six thirty, because we start promptly at seven.”

  “And what does the high bidder get? I’m not selling my soul here, am I?”

  “I told you. A date with you, stud,” Sarah said, and Karen laughed. “Just dinner, and whatever else you decide you’re willing to give up for the winner.”

  “I’m thinking it’s going to be just dinner.” Lynn winked as she zipped up her jacket and left the bar.

  Chapter Ten

  Lynn was surprised when she got to Charlie’s house and was greeted at the door by her young niece and nephew. Obviously their mother had no idea Lynn was having dinner with them, because if she had, she wouldn’t have allowed the children to stay. Lynn glanced at Charlie questioningly, and he simply laughed when the kids assaulted her before she could even get her jacket off.

  “I think they were starting to believe you were Santa Claus,” he said after he’d sent them off to the living room and he and Lynn went to the kitchen. “The only time they ever saw you was on Christmas Eve.”

  “We can thank Witch Ellen for that,” Lynn replied, not trying to hide her distaste. “I thought you said she took the kids and moved home.”

  “She did.” Charlie nodded before he took the pizza out of the oven. At Lynn’s look of amusement, he shrugged. “I know I said we’d have steak, but the kids insisted on pizza. Next time, I promise.”

  “I won’t hold my breath.”

  “Anyway, her mother lives in Gresham instead of Seattle now, which is nice because I get to see my kids more often, but it sure sucks to have her so near.” Charlie set the pizza on the counter and began cutting it as he talked. “She decided that since it was my birthday Friday, I should get the kids for the weekend. She dropped them off yesterday morning, and I have to take them to school tomorrow. I won’t see them again until Christmas Eve.”

  “I know you’re dying to tell me, so what happened?” Lynn waited as he held a finger up and called the kids in to get their dinner. When their plates were full, he settled them at the coffee table, then returned to the kitchen.

  “She started seeing someone else,” Charlie finally said as he sat across the table from her. He bit into a slice of pizza and watched her intently, apparently waiting for some kind of smart remark. She vowed to keep the snide comments to herself—at least for the moment.

  “Just like that?”

  “Evidently they’d been seeing each other for quite some time.” Charlie took a drink of his beer and sat back in his chair. “I only found out about it because I was sick one day and came home from work early. She had her little boy toy here that day.”

  “Were they—”

  “In my bed, thrashing around like wild animals. I was so shocked, I just stood there for a couple of minutes, not knowing what to say. They were so involved in what they were doing they didn’t even notice me there at the foot of the bed.”

  “I bet you were pissed.” Lynn was trying to look serious and hoped she was pulling it off. She couldn’t imagine what Charlie had gone through, and she was sure he didn’t need her rubbing it in all over again, no matter how much she disliked his wife. Charlie nodded and sighed.

  “Once I calmed down, I was oddly at peace. I grabbed him and threw him out the front door without his clothes. God, this all sounds like a bad cliché, doesn’t it?” He laughed and Lynn joined him. “I decided to let her get dressed before I began pitching all her things out on the front lawn. I filed for divorce the next morning.”

  “So why did she take the kids?”

  “I decided to be diplomatic about it, for now anyway. I figured it might help me when she tries to sue for sole custody.”

  “And you know damn well Witch Ellen will.” They picked up their beers and clinked them together before drinking.

  As they continued eating, Lynn wondered if Charlie was as upset about the end of his marriage as she’d first thought. He didn’t seem to be hurting much, and she hoped she was right about that. For a while they left the subject alone and talked about life in general, catching up and laughing the way they had before she moved to California.

  “I know you’ve been dying to say it, so get it over with, will you?” Charlie finally said after they’d cleaned up and the kids were in bed. They were sitting in the living room, each with a fresh beer, and had exhausted all of the small talk Lynn could handle for one evening.

  “What? I told you so?” Lynn nudged him with an elbow. “I won’t say that, Charlie. I know you loved her and I was always against her—for very good reasons, I might add. I never thought anything like this would happen, though.”

  “In a way, I’m glad it did.” He smiled a bit sheepishly. “I’ve met someone too.”

  “I hope she’s more tolerant of your lesbian sister than Ellen was.”

  “She has quite a few gay friends, so I’m sure she’ll be fine with it. I haven’t talked about you yet, though—talking about my sister on a date seems a little weird.”

  “Trust me, Chuckie, I never talk about you when I’m with a woman either.”

  “I guess that would kind of put a damper on things for you, huh?”

  “So…were you having an affair too?” Lynn asked carefully after a few moments.

  “No,” he answered with a laugh. “I actually haven’t slept with her yet. We’ve only known each other about a month, and an occasional lunch is all we’ve shared so far. What about you, big sister? Anyone in your life that’s important enough for more than a one-night stand?”

  Lynn shook her head but couldn’t help laughing. Charlie had always encouraged her to tell Jessie how she felt, but he—like Bri—always figured she’d never actually do it.

  “I told Jessie that I love her.”

  His face registered surprise, then a huge gr
in formed. “It’s about fucking time. But what about Wayne? Are they separated?”

  “Yes, and heading for divorce. The bastard was turning into her father.” Lynn fought to keep from clenching her fists. Every time she thought about what he’d done, anger welled up inside her.

  “He beat her?” Charlie was stunned, which surprised Lynn. She’d assumed everyone except her had known. They knew he’d tell me. She and Charlie had always been close, so clearly they’d kept the knowledge from him as well. His jaw muscles tightened, a family trait they shared. “I really hated Arthur Greenfield. I never understood how any man could do to a woman what he did to his wife and daughters. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I was actually relieved when I heard that he died. I was glad Karen and Jessie would never have to deal with him again. He was a bad, bad man, Lynn. Wayne did the same thing?”

  Lynn nodded and they sat there until Charlie apparently couldn’t contain his curiosity any longer.

  “So when did you finally tell her?”

  “Friday night, after dinner.”

  “Why didn’t you let me know before now?”

  “It doesn’t matter, because I haven’t seen or talked to her since I dropped her off that night.”

  “Why? What happened?”

  “I let my insecurities show. I insinuated that I thought she might be using me to get rid of Wayne once and for all.”

  “That was stupid.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Lynn placed her bottle on the end table and looked up at the ceiling. “She ripped into me, and I haven’t heard from her since.”

  “Wait a minute. This is because of that guy she was talking to at the restaurant, isn’t it? Lynn, just because she talks to a man doesn’t mean she wants to be with him.”

  “But what if she’s only considering women because she’s had bad male role models?” Lynn asked quietly. “What if she finds a man who’ll treat her the way she deserves to be treated? Where will that leave me?”

  “Jesus, Lynn. She might be gay because men abused her? I know you realize how stupid that sounds. Some people who were abused are gay, and others are straight. Just like some abused people turn out to be serial killers, and others go on to lead completely normal lives. Who can really say whether or not the abuse has anything to do with any of it? I know Jessie, and so do you. If she is a lesbian, it’s because of what’s in her heart, not because of something that Wayne and her father did to her. You should maybe think about something, though, sis. Perhaps she isn’t considering women. Maybe she’s just considering you.”

  Sometime during Charlie’s little soapbox speech, Lynn really looked at him and wondered when the hell her little brother had grown up. She grinned as she took his hand.

  “Have I told you lately how proud I am to have you as a brother?”

  “Now that you mention it, no.” He squeezed her hand. “A few more things before I stop. If anything happens between the two of you, it’ll be because she loves you, not because she thinks you can help her get out of a bad situation. And if she does love you, neither a man—or woman—will be able to turn her head. And here’s the big thing—what in God’s name are you doing hanging out with me when you should be with Jessie trying to make things right?”

  “I can take a hint.” Lynn stood to leave, Charlie following her. “I should leave anyway, because I’m not used to you saying such heartfelt things. It’s going to ruin my image of you.”

  “Hey, I have two tickets to the Winterhawks game Friday night. You’ll come with me, right?”

  “I’d love to, man, but I have plans I can’t get out of. I agreed to be auctioned off for charity.” She laughed at his expression of shock.

  “Forget the hockey game. I wouldn’t miss that auction for the world.”

  “It’s at a gay bar,” she warned him, hoping to dissuade him.

  He shook his head. “I don’t care. I need to see this. I’ll bet Mom will want to go too. Maybe even Dad. It could be a family night out.”

  Lynn dipped her head in defeat before she retrieved her jacket from the hall closet and put it on. She turned to say something else to him, but his expression of amusement stopped her.

  Friday’s definitely going to suck.

  Chapter Eleven

  Lynn sat in her car outside of Jessie’s house. For about ten minutes, she tried to convince herself that she was doing the right thing by coming here. She really did need to apologize for the insensitive things she’d said, and it was childish to expect Jessie to be the first to call.

  Maybe it was too late to just be dropping by out of the blue. A quick glance at the clock told her it wasn’t even ten o’clock, and the downstairs lights were still on. Obviously, it wasn’t too late.

  She sighed. When the hell had she become such a ball of nerves? No one had ever affected her the way Jessie did, and she was surprised that simply because she’d spoken those words—“I’ve never been in love with anyone but you”—she was suddenly a totally different person. Everything was at stake now. This wasn’t just some anonymous woman she was bringing home to spend the night. It was Jessie, and it suddenly mattered to Lynn how Jessie perceived her.

  Lynn had been with enough straight women to know the dangers of getting involved, because they almost always went back to men. That had never mattered before, because Lynn had never wanted anything more than one night with them. With Jessie she wanted a lifetime—and that scared her, because what if Jessie really did end up breaking her heart? Jesus, she didn’t think she could survive that. Plenty of women enjoyed being with women every once in a while, but she didn’t want to be a “once in a while” for Jessie. But then, plenty of women came out late in life. Maybe she was just a late bloomer? Lynn gently banged her head against the steering wheel.

  At least one of Jessie’s major concerns about the two of them was most probably how Wayne would react. But what if Jessie simply didn’t want a relationship with another woman? Letting her family’s encouragement influence her, Lynn had allowed herself to think that the two of them had a chance, but what if—

  Lynn jumped when her phone rang and ripped her out of her thoughts. She pulled it out of her jacket pocket and looked at the display, then at the house—Jessie. She was watching her through the kitchen window.

  “Hi,” she said, without taking her eyes from where Jessie stood.

  “Do you plan to make a habit of sitting outside my house?” The tone of amusement in Jessie’s voice helped Lynn relax a bit. “Because even though I think it’s cute that I can make you this nervous, you’re going to give me a complex. And people will think I have a stalker.”

  “I want to apologize for the other night.”

  “Come inside and have a cup of coffee.”

  Lynn replaced the phone in her pocket and took a long, deep breath. She wasn’t thinking about any of her reservations now because all she could think about was having Jessie in her arms. And hoping to God that Jessie would forgive her.

  Jessie had the door open before Lynn reached the front steps, and she walked in without a word. When Jessie shut the door, Lynn faced her.

  “I’m so sorry, Jess,” she said quietly, waiting for Jessie to unleash her anger again. But Jessie simply held out a hand to take her jacket.

  “Thank you.” Jessie hung it up, then led Lynn into the kitchen.

  Jessie’s calm attitude was somehow worse than if she’d let her anger and disappointment out. Lynn waited for the attitude Jessie had shown the other night to surface again. Jessica’s cool indifference was killing her.

  “Jess, you have to know I didn’t mean what I said the other night.”

  “Do I?” Jessie asked. She handed Lynn a beer and sat at the breakfast bar with her own bottle. “Lynn, I think I got so mad at you because, on some level, you might have been right.”

  Lynn’s heart sank, but she tried hard to hide her hurt and disappointment. She’d never experienced pain like this in her chest, and she didn’t like it. She didn’t trust herself to speak without h
er voice breaking, so she waited for Jessie to go on.

  “I’m struggling with this, Lynn,” she finally said after an uncomfortable silence. “I’m a wife and a mother. Until a few months ago, I never even considered that I might be interested in women. But lately, it seems to be the only thing I can think about. When you kiss me, you make me feel like I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. I honestly don’t know what’ll happen between the two of us, but no matter what, I don’t want to lose you as a friend. You’re the most important person in my life besides Amber, and I couldn’t bear it.”

  “You won’t, Jess.” Lynn’s voice was tight. She put her hand over Jessie’s on the counter and sighed in relief when she didn’t pull away. “I don’t know what’ll happen between us either, but I do know this, and I told you before—I won’t pressure you into anything. I can promise you that. Whatever happens—or doesn’t happen—will be entirely up to you.”

  “Thank you,” Jessie said, finally meeting her eyes, and Lynn sucked in a breath at the desire that swelled inside her. “That’s a nice change of pace from what I’ve experienced in the past.”

  A burst of anger replaced the wanting, and Lynn had to turn her head so Jessie wouldn’t see her hatred for Wayne expressed in her eyes. She calmed her emotions before moving her chair closer to Jessie and risked looking at her again.

  Lynn touched the scar on Jessie’s cheek again, and Jessie melted into the touch. “What did he do to you?” she asked softly.

  Jessie had known she would have to eventually tell Lynn about that night, and now was as good a time as any. She closed her eyes and thought back to that awful experience.

  Wayne had come home from work later than usual, in an extremely foul mood. He was yelling at her because he’d tripped over one of Amber’s toys on his way to the living room. Amber was crying, and Jessie was scared for her. She quickly took Amber upstairs to her room and convinced her to stay there, no matter what happened. When Jessie returned to the living room, Wayne was working on his second scotch.