True Confessions

by P. J. Trebelhorn

  After Sarah left, she managed to maneuver herself so she was lying properly on the bed. She stared at the ceiling, willing her mind to shut down, but eventually the pills did their job and she drifted into an uneasy sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Lynn woke the next morning to the unrelenting pain in her wrist and an intense ache in her chest. Her breath caught when the memories of the previous night came crashing back. The sun was shining in on her face, and she glanced at the bedside clock. Noon. The need to pee was overwhelming, so she got up, barely managing to get a few buttons on her blouse done before she grabbed her toothbrush and headed for the bathroom.

  When she finished, she struggled to tuck her blouse in with one hand, which proved to be more difficult than brushing her teeth had been. She splashed some water on her face, then ran her wet fingers through her hair.

  She returned to the bedroom on autopilot, picked up her bag, and headed downstairs. No one was around, so she dropped the duffel by the door, walked into the kitchen, and stopped. There sat Jessie at the table with Karen and Sarah. Karen tapped Sarah on the arm and motioned toward the door.

  “Hi, Auntie Lynn!” Amber ran to her, and Lynn crouched to greet her, trying desperately not to cry. The fantasy Lynn had harbored of her and Jessie over the years had never included the little girl, but Lynn had fallen for Amber too. She hugged Amber with her good arm and kissed her on the cheek. Amber placed a gentle hand on her cast and looked at her with concern. “What happened?”

  “I fell and hurt myself.” Lynn forced a smile before Sarah took Amber’s hand to lead her out of the room. Lynn stood and met Sarah’s eyes for a moment.

  “There’s coffee if you want some,” Sarah murmured.

  Jessie refused to look at Lynn. If she did, her resolve would break. Without a word, she got up, poured Lynn a cup of coffee, and put cream and sugar into it. She finally met Lynn’s eyes when she placed the cup in front of her. The pain that greeted her broke her heart. The broken wrist wasn’t all that hurt her.

  “Can we talk for a moment?” she asked, completely unsure of Lynn’s reaction. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves.

  “According to what Karen told me last night, we really don’t have anything to talk about.” Lynn took a seat, then a sip from her coffee. “She made it sound as if you’ve already made up your mind.”

  “How’s your wrist?” Jessie looked at the cast and glanced away again when tears threatened. God damn Wayne for thoroughly fucking up my life.

  “Broken,” Lynn replied, with a shrug.

  “Does it hurt much?”

  “I’ve had worse pain.” She paused, but when Jessie refused to look at her, she went on. “What did I do to fuck this up, Jess? I admit that I don’t know much about relationships, but I thought things were going pretty well.”

  “You didn’t do anything to fuck it up, Lynn. It was me. I’m not ready for this.” Jessie looked away, knowing that if she allowed Lynn to hold her gaze, she’d give in. “You’re going back to San Francisco now, and I thought this would be the best time to end it. I just got out of a bad marriage. Actually, I’m still in the middle of ending it. I’m sorry, but I’m not sure I’m in the right state of mind to jump into a new situation. We were moving too fast. I need to be alone with Amber for a while.”

  “I was only going back to get my things. I was planning to move up here and live with you, remember? You told me that was what you wanted. Is this because of what Wayne did last night? I can take care of myself, Jessie. Don’t let him force us apart.”

  “It has nothing to do with Wayne.” The words, the blatant lie, tasted like metal in her mouth. Jessie hated herself, but she knew it was for the best. At least she’d been convinced without Lynn sitting in front of her. But in the cold morning light, with Lynn across the table from her, she wasn’t entirely sure anymore. “Lynn, I don’t want to lose you as a friend, but I can’t give you what you want right now. Maybe I can someday, but not right now. Please, tell me you understand.”

  “I can’t do that, because I don’t understand. And you have no idea what I want, so don’t give me that crap about not being able to give it to me.” Lynn shook her head, pushed her coffee cup away, and stood. “I hope you don’t expect me to wait around forever for you to realize you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.”

  She turned and left the kitchen, not giving Jessie the opportunity to respond.

  “What happened?” Sarah asked when Lynn walked into the living room.

  “Just give me my damn keys so I can go home.” Sarah handed them to her and she put them in her pocket. “I’m leaving now. Thank you for the hospitality and for the ride to and from the hospital.”

  “I went out this morning and got this filled for you.” Sarah handed her a bottle of the pain pills the doctor had prescribed the night before.

  Lynn looked at it blankly before putting it in her jacket pocket. She picked up her bag, then glanced back toward the kitchen.

  Jessie had been standing there watching her and crying, but Lynn squared her shoulders and walked out the door without looking back.

  “Are you sure you did the right thing?”

  “No, Karen, I’m not sure.” Jessie brushed the tears from her face and went to sit on the couch with her. “I love her so much.”

  “Then go stop her, for God’s sake. Tell her.” Sarah looked back and forth between them, and Jessie began to cry again. “Is somebody going to tell me what’s going on here?”

  Jessie looked at Karen for help, but got only a cold stare. Obviously Karen didn’t really understand either.

  “I don’t feel right involving her in my domestic turmoil,” Jessie said after a moment.

  “You’re kidding me, right?” Sarah laughed before she sat down in the chair opposite the couch. “Jesus, Jessie, she’s already involved. Why didn’t you just tell her the truth instead of making her feel like shit? She loves you more than life itself. I can’t believe you took it upon yourself to make this decision without her.”

  “I did it for her, Sarah,” Jessie said in her own defense. She felt attacked for giving up the only thing in her life with any meaning other than her daughter. “He broke her wrist. What if he did something worse? Last night, he whispered in my ear that he’d kill her if he ever saw us together again. I don’t know if he really would, but I’d never be able to live with myself if something happened to her. It’s better this way. She’s safe.”

  “Oh, so you did it to protect her. Well, that makes all the difference in the world, doesn’t it?”

  “Sarah, knock it off,” Karen said. “Amber’s upstairs in our room watching television, and she doesn’t need to hear this. Jessie’s hurting too, in case you haven’t noticed.”

  “Oh, I noticed,” Sarah said tersely. “But at least Jessie knows the reason behind the hurt. Lynn walked out of here thinking she did something wrong.” Sarah looked at Karen. “And I can’t believe you went along with this.”

  “She tried to talk me out of it,” Jessie said. “But she wants Lynn safe too.” She’d thought Sarah would understand. The last thing any of them wanted was for Lynn to get hurt.

  “Safe? Is that what you think?” Sarah asked. She stood and headed for the stairs. “Her heart’s broken, Jessie. She was going to give up the life she’s built in San Francisco in order to move up here and be with you. I think you hurt her a hell of a lot more than Wayne did. Her wrist will heal, but I’m not so sure about her heart.”

  Jessie was miserable. She’d known Wayne would find a way to screw things up for her. It really was inevitable.

  “Maybe I should call her,” Jessie said after Sarah had left.

  “You did what you felt you had to do,” Karen told her. “Wayne may only get a fine for violating the restraining order. His lawyer was slick enough to keep him from serving any time for putting you in the hospital. If he does end up spending time in jail for this, then you can tell her why you did what you did.”

  “Ma
ybe I should have told her anyway. Sarah’s probably right. Lynn should have had the opportunity to make the decision for herself.”

  “Jess, you can’t beat yourself up over this. What’s done is done. If he knows Lynn’s gone, maybe he’ll leave you alone as well. I want Lynn safe, but I want my sister safe even more.”

  Jessie hugged her arms tight around herself, praying that Karen was right, because at that moment, she was afraid she’d shatter into a million pieces.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Lynn managed to get in and out of her parents’ house while they were away running errands. She took all of her things and left a note, knowing it was the coward’s way out, but she couldn’t face anybody. She was ready to head out of town when she decided to call Mike Williams. He’d come to their rescue the night before, and she wanted to catch up with him before getting the hell out of there.

  He was waiting for her in a little coffee shop downtown and grinned broadly when she walked in. Lynn felt incredibly miserable about all that had happened, but his smile, as always, made her feel better. He stood and they embraced briefly before sitting.

  “How have you been, Lynn?” he asked after the waitress came and took their orders. “You certainly look good. You haven’t aged a bit in the past fifteen years.”

  “And you’re still full of shit.”

  “It’s really good to see you again. You said on the phone you’re leaving. Any chance I could talk you into staying another day or two?”

  “No, I’ve got to get back home.”

  “That’s too bad. I’d have loved for you to meet Ryan. We’ve been together almost ten years now.”

  “Wow, Mikey, that’s fantastic.” Lynn squeezed his hand and smiled. There wasn’t a better guy on earth as far as Lynn was concerned, and she was glad to hear he was happy.

  “You have a better half waiting for you at home?”

  “No.” Lynn sighed, determined to change the subject. “I told the cop at the hospital last night who took my statement that I wanted to press charges against Wayne.”

  “I know. I talked to a friend at city hall. Unfortunately, he was only fined for the restraining-order violation. They let him out, but once his job in Nevada’s done, he’ll have a court date for your incident. Maybe he’ll finally get some jail time.”

  “What do you mean? Wasn’t he in jail after he put Jessie in the hospital?”

  “Only for the few days it took to get him in front of a judge. He has a lawyer who knows his way around the system. Wayne was let off with a fine and spent little more than a weekend behind bars. It was a first offense, so they went easy on him.”

  Lynn looked out the window at the people passing by the coffee shop. Jessie had led her to believe Wayne had spent time in jail. Mike laid his hand on hers, and she shook her head with a sigh. “I can’t believe she lied to me.”

  “Are you finally with Jessie? You seemed pretty close last night, and you’ve been in love with her forever, right? And you said there isn’t anyone back home.”

  Lynn pulled her hand away and sat back from the table to allow the waitress space to set down their coffee. Mike had been one of her best friends in high school, and they’d told each other all their secrets. She’d been shocked when the quarterback of the football team had asked her to the homecoming dance, but less than an hour into their date, it all made sense. The rumors about Lynn being a lesbian were pretty well known, and she really didn’t care what anyone thought about her.

  But then Mike walked right up to her at lunchtime one day and asked her to the dance. At first she’d looked around, wondering if the cheerleaders were pulling some colossal joke on her, but he sat next to her in the cafeteria and convinced her he was serious. She’d agreed, and that was the beginning of a year-long relationship that stopped the rumors from circulating about her and kept them from starting about Mike.

  Mike constantly pushed her to tell Jessie how she felt, and Lynn pushed him to go after the love of his life, a popular drama student who’d starred in every production the school put on. Neither of them followed the other’s advice, and instead spent their time together fantasizing about their respective love interests.

  “We were together for about five seconds. After last night, she decided it was all a mistake.”

  “Ouch.” Mike winced and took a sip of his coffee. “Maybe she’ll change her mind? You know, just got scared?”

  “That’s what I thought last night.” Lynn turned her attention to the people on the sidewalk again. “Trust me, Mikey, I still want to believe that, but after seeing her this morning, and now finding out that she lied to me about him doing jail time, I’m beginning to think she’s right. Maybe I’ve held on to the fantasy for so damn long that it’s finally warped my perception of reality.”

  “You know, Lynn, I was there the night he put her in the hospital. I got the call and was the first officer on scene. All she cared about, after making sure Amber was all right, was that no one tell you what happened. She was there on the floor, badly injured and waiting for the paramedics, and she made her family promise not to call you. She was scared to death that you’d hightail it up here and end up getting hurt, or even going to prison. She really cares about you, Lynn.”

  “I don’t know what to do, Mike. I want…” Lynn glanced at the door and saw Wayne walking in with another man, laughing. She tried to keep her breathing even, but Mike must have seen the anger in her eyes, because he looked over his shoulder.

  “Don’t worry about him, Lynn.” Mike moved his chair to try and block her view, but it was too late. Wayne had seen her and was walking toward their table. “Don’t let him get to you.”

  “Lynn, I want to apologize for last night,” Wayne said. He stopped next to her, and she refused to look at him, keeping her eyes on Mike.

  “Get lost, Wayne. I don’t want to talk to you.”

  “I understand how you feel.”

  Mike shook his head at her, but Lynn ignored his warning. She got to her feet and stood to face Wayne, who took a step back from her. “You will never understand how I feel, about anything.” She spoke through clenched teeth, and the man with Wayne tried to pull him away. Lynn assumed he was his lawyer.

  “I want to pay for your medical bills.” Wayne motioned toward the cast on Lynn’s arm. “It was my fault.”

  “Did you pay for Jessie’s medical bills when you put her in the hospital?” Lynn saw a flash of rage cross Wayne’s face and knew he’d love to get her away from other people.

  “What goes on between me and Jessie is none of your business.” He smiled to try and hide his fury. “Send your bills to my lawyer, and we’ll see that they get paid.”

  “I don’t want anything from you, you scumbag.” Lynn pulled her arm away when Mike’s hand tightened around her bicep. “Stay away from me, and stay away from Jessie. She wants you out of her life.”

  “Really? That’s not what she told me when I talked to her a little while ago.” He laughed, but he finally let his lawyer lead him away.

  Lynn grabbed her keys and headed for the door, Mike at her heels. When they were outside, she whirled around and faced him. He ran into her before he could stop his forward motion.

  “Do you have any idea how much I want to slug that bastard?”

  “Lynn, he isn’t worth it. Jessie would never forgive you.”

  “I need to get the hell out of this city.” Lynn headed toward her car, but Mike grabbed her arm.

  “You know he was only trying to rile you, right? You can’t believe what he said.”

  “I don’t know anything anymore.” Lynn was so frustrated with the events of the past twenty-four hours that she wanted to cry. She wouldn’t, though—not until she was well away from here and everyone she knew. “All I know is Jessie doesn’t want me around anymore, so I’m going to give her what she wants. Please promise me you’ll keep an eye on her and make sure she’s okay.”

  “I will.” Mike nodded and released his hold on her arm. “I have b
een, Lynn.”

  She started to walk away again but suddenly turned and threw her arms around his neck. He held her for a minute, and she kissed his cheek before pulling away.

  “I’m sorry this wasn’t a happier reunion.” She forced a smile. “Thank you for being there last night, and thank you for being here for Jessie. You’re a good friend, Mikey. I’ll look you up when I come home next Christmas.”

  “I’ll see you when you come back for his trial.”

  Lynn gritted her teeth. If she never saw Wayne Paulson again, it would be too soon.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  “She still won’t answer your calls?” Bri had been trying to get Lynn out of her funk for the entire week she’d been back in San Francisco. She was still mentally kicking herself for not sticking around long enough to get the true story out of someone—Jessie, Karen, Sarah—it really didn’t matter who. Now that she was so far away, the fact that she’d run without putting up a fight was eating her up.

  “She wanted to talk to me the morning after it happened. I basically told her I didn’t understand why she was doing what she was doing, and I walked out.” Lynn bent forward on the couch and held her head in her hands. She’d called her mother when she was only an hour away from Portland, and Rose had tried to get her to stay a few extra days, but at the time, Lynn only wanted to lick her wounds in private. “I only stayed long enough to press charges against that asshole, and then I came right back here. Well, after I had that confrontation with the prick.”

  “Any idea how long until the trial?”

  “No, but they said someone would call me. I’ll have to drive up for that, but otherwise, I guess I’m here for good.”

  Lynn was in a state of limbo. She’d phoned Jessie a thousand times since coming home seven days earlier, and her calls always went right to voice mail. She’d even tried Karen and Sarah, with the same result. Her mother hadn’t heard from Jessie, but was encouraging her to keep trying. Bri was pushing her to move on. It was becoming apparent that Jessie didn’t want to talk to her, and what was she supposed to do, other than take Jessie’s reasoning at face value?