“Are you coming out with me tonight?” Bri asked. She stood and looked down at Lynn. “Or do you intend to sit here and wallow in self-pity, and probably get drunk anyway?”
Lynn took a deep breath and looked at the phone, willing Jessie to call her back. If things had gone according to plan, she would have been on her way back to Portland to begin the rest of her life with Jessie.
“She’ll leave a message if she wants to get in touch,” Bri said.
Lynn looked at her. If Jessie didn’t want her, maybe it was time to find someone who did. Just the thought made it feel as though her soul was being ripped apart, but what could she do? Jessie couldn’t make her disinterest any more obvious than she already had. Lynn rubbed angrily at a tear on her cheek.
“No, no, no,” Bri said, sitting again and putting an arm around Lynn’s shoulders. Lynn tried to pull away, but Bri held tight. After a moment, Lynn finally sagged against her. “Lynn Patrick doesn’t cry. I can’t stand to see you like this, honey.”
Lynn let the tears come unfettered. She hated feeling weak, and she abhorred crying, especially in front of other people. After a few moments she pulled away and stood, taking a deep breath and drying her eyes with the hem of her shirt.
“Can you wait for me to change?’ she asked, actually managing to sound as if her heart wasn’t breaking in two.
*
Jessie stared at the cell phone on the coffee table in front of her. She wanted Lynn to come back. Wayne had been let out with only a fine, and his lawyer had assured her he’d gone back to Vegas to finish his job there. That didn’t stop Jessie from jumping every time the doorbell rang or a car door slammed.
“You’re going to have to talk to her sooner or later,” Sarah said from the kitchen doorway. Sarah was still angry at her for the way she had treated Lynn, but she still let Jessie and Amber stay with them, and Jessie loved her for it.
“It doesn’t have to be today.”
“You said that yesterday. And I’m sure you’ll say it again tomorrow.” Sarah sat next to her on the couch. “The more time you let go by without coming clean, the harder it’ll be, Jess. It’s only been a week since she left. You’re making a huge mistake.”
“Do you think she’ll find someone else?” The possibility that she had pushed Lynn into the arms of another woman made Jessie nauseous.
“Honestly? It wouldn’t surprise me if she did. I’ve never known Lynn to sit around and wallow in self-pity. You sent her away, Jess. You told her that you couldn’t give her what she wanted. What’s she supposed to do? She’s loved you since you were kids. And you threw that back in her face without an explanation.”
Jessie angrily swiped at a tear that was making its way down her cheek. She felt like she’d been crying for seven days straight. Given a choice, Lynn would choose to be by her side, and that was exactly why Jessie had done what she thought was right—to protect Lynn. But as she sat there staring at her cell phone, she couldn’t think about anything except how much she loved Lynn. She wanted Lynn there to help her be strong, because she wasn’t sure if she could deal with Wayne on her own any longer. And not only that. She wanted Lynn to share the good things too, the things that had less meaning now that she wasn’t there.
Without giving herself time to change her mind, she grabbed the phone and flipped it open. Dialing Lynn’s number, she took a deep breath, but her heart sank when, after five rings, it went to voice mail.
“Hi, Lynn…I’m sorry. I really don’t know what else to say. Lynn, I love you. You were right—I sent you away because I was afraid Wayne would do something worse than break your wrist the next time. He told me that night he’d kill you if he ever saw us together again. I didn’t know what else to do. Please come back, Lynn…I need you. I miss you. I know I can’t apologize enough for not giving you the opportunity to make this decision for yourself, but I love you. I said that already, didn’t I? I want to say it again and again.” Jessie let out a choked laugh and used a tissue to remove another tear. “Please forgive me. Please call me back. I know this is all my fault, but ever since you left, I feel like I’m missing a part of myself.”
Jessie sat back against the couch, clutching the phone. It was up to Lynn now. Hopefully she could accept her apology. If not, Jessie didn’t know what she’d do.
*
“Shit, I forgot my cell phone.” Lynn stopped and felt in all her pockets, but it wasn’t there. She turned to go back the few blocks to her loft, but Bri grabbed her arm.
“Forget it, Lynn. Just come inside for a couple of drinks and forget about your troubles for a while. You wouldn’t be able to hear it if it rings while you’re in here anyway.”
Lynn wanted to argue, but Bri was right. Besides, what were the chances Jessie would call at all, when she hadn’t answered Lynn’s messages all week? Lynn nodded in defeat and rolled her shoulders to release some of her tension.
“Well, look who finally managed to crawl out of her hole,” Renee said when they walked up to the bar. She put a shot of whiskey and a beer in front of Lynn, who flipped her the bird. Renee laughed and poured a glass of wine for Bri.
“She’s a bit touchy this evening,” Bri explained.
“You think?” Renee asked before going to the other end of the bar to help another customer.
“So, does anyone here tickle your fancy?” Bri asked, glancing around the bar. Lynn was sitting with her back to the dance floor and her elbows on the bar.
“What the hell does that mean?” Lynn didn’t bother to hide her annoyance. “Where exactly is your fancy, and how would one go about tickling it?”
“Jesus, lighten up.” Bri tapped her on the shoulder and pointed toward the door. “How about that one?”
“Leave me the fuck alone, will you?” Lynn didn’t even bother to look in the direction Bri indicated. “I’m here because you didn’t want me drinking at home alone, and I am not looking to pick up anyone. But if I were, I’d have no problem doing it on my own, as you’ve been so quick to point out on numerous prior occasions.”
“Well, excuse me,” Bri said with visible frustration. Without another word, she picked up her drink and headed for the opposite end of the bar.
Lynn spent the next few minutes peeling the label off her beer bottle and feeling sorry for herself. She was seriously considering going home when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to meet the eyes of the pretty young thing who’d tried to pick her up the night of the wet T-shirt contest. The night before she’d left to go to Portland. To see Jessie. Damn it, she really needed to stop thinking about her.
“Excuse me,” she said with a shy smile. “You’re Lynn, right? God, I hope I remembered that correctly.”
“Yeah, you did.” Lynn forced a smile.
“Is anyone sitting here?” Lynn shook her head and motioned for her to have a seat. “You never called me. I guess I really didn’t expect you to, but a part of me was hoping.” She glanced down and noticed the cast on Lynn’s arm for the first time. “Oh, my God, what happened?”
“It’s just one of the hazards of being so desirable. But on the bright side, the cast makes it easier to fight off the women. You know, I lost your number.” Lynn ran her good hand through her hair and scratched her temple. “I forgot your name too. That really isn’t like me.”
“Norah. You probably threw my number away.”
“No, no, I didn’t.” She really hadn’t, but she had absolutely no idea what she’d done with the napkin Norah had written it on. She motioned for Renee to get them another round and saw that Bri was giving her a thumbs-up. Lynn chose to ignore her. “You can even ask my friend over there.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” Norah laughed, but she looked at Bri over Lynn’s shoulder.
Lynn sighed quietly. It was way too easy. She wasn’t even trying to pick up Norah. Lynn didn’t object when Norah reached into her pocket for money to pay for their drinks.
“So, tell me, Lynn,” Norah said when Renee walked away with her
cash. “Are you in a better frame of mind tonight than you were the last time we met?”
“No,” she answered honestly. She took a deep breath and met Norah’s intense stare. “My frame of mind might be even worse than it was that night.” Lynn didn’t even think about what she was doing when she placed her good hand on Norah’s thigh, right above her knee. Norah didn’t seem to mind, so Lynn edged closer to her. “But I don’t feel like going home alone tonight.”
Norah glanced around nervously before redirecting her attention to Lynn. “I might be able to help you with that,” she said with a slight smile.
Lynn was pleased to see the shy young woman she’d met that first night was still in there somewhere. She put her arm around Norah and kissed her on the cheek. “It’s been a month since I met you. Don’t tell me you still haven’t been with a woman.”
“I haven’t.” Norah’s tone was a little too defensive. “I’ve only been here a couple of times since then. It’s not like I come in here every night looking for someone.”
“Hey, relax. I’m not judging you.” Lynn stood and moved so her body was close to Norah’s and her mouth was about an inch from Norah’s ear. “I feel privileged that you want me to be your first. Someday you’ll be in my shoes, Norah, and you’ll understand what an incredible turn-on that is.”
It was almost as though she flipped some kind of switch in Norah, who kissed her awkwardly.
When Lynn felt a hand groping between her legs, she pushed Norah away gently. “Slow down, honey,” she told her with a chuckle. “The night’s still young. Believe me—there’s plenty of time for all that.”
“I’m sorry.”
Lynn saw the blush creeping up Norah’s neck before she turned away. “Never be sorry for going after something you want.” An image of Jessie flashed in her head when she said those words. Jesus, why couldn’t she stop thinking about her? Lynn took her seat once again and downed her second shot of whiskey before taking a swig of beer. “I need to tell you something before this goes any further.”
“You have a girlfriend?”
“No,” she answered bitterly, her thoughts again turning to Jessie. She shook her head to try and clear it. “But there is someone I haven’t gotten over. I’m in love with her, and I can’t honestly say I’ll ever be over her. I can’t promise you anything beyond tonight. You need to understand that before I walk out of here with you.”
“I’m okay with that.”
Lynn looked at her, searching for some kind of sign that Norah really did understand. What else could she do but believe Norah was okay with the arrangement? As far as Lynn was concerned, she’d done her duty by letting Norah know up front where things stood. If Norah had a problem with that the next morning, it certainly wouldn’t be Lynn’s fault, would it?
“At the risk of making a horrible mistake, I’ll take your word for it.” Lynn finished her beer, then took Norah by the hand, leading her toward the door.
“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Bri told her as they walked past, but Lynn only waved at her over her shoulder. She should have felt like things were finally getting back to normal, but in the company of another woman, she felt her loss even more acutely. And she refused to let Bri or anyone else see the truth in her eyes.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“I want your hands on me, Lynn,” Norah said breathlessly the very second Lynn closed the door behind them. “I’ve wanted you ever since I first saw you.”
“Tell me what you want.” Lynn began to unbutton Norah’s blouse. Her cast made it difficult, and Lynn chuckled at her own clumsiness, ignoring the queasy feeling in her stomach at the memory of Jessie’s skin under her hands. She finally gave up and moved her good hand to the top of Norah’s jeans. “I’m at a bit of a disadvantage here, honey. You’re going to have to undress yourself.”
Without a word, Norah finished what Lynn had started, then let her blouse fall to the floor before undoing her bra and her pants. Guilt washed over Lynn at the sight of Norah standing naked before her, and she suddenly felt numb. She didn’t resist when Norah kissed her, but when Norah began to urge her toward the bed as she was pulling Lynn’s shirt from her pants, Lynn stopped and backed away from her, shaking her head.
“I can’t do this,” she whispered.
“Yes, you can.” Norah grabbed Lynn’s hand and tried to pull her closer, but Lynn jerked away and turned to walk into the kitchen.
“I’m sorry,” Lynn said. When she faced her, she saw that Norah had followed her and was still completely naked.
“Did I do something wrong?”
Norah looked hurt and Lynn wanted to laugh, but she couldn’t. Instead, a single tear rolled down her cheek. “No,” Lynn answered. “I know it sounds idiotic, but it isn’t you, it’s me. You’re beautiful, Norah, but I want to be with someone else. I’m so sorry.”
Lynn eventually told her to stay and insisted Norah take the bed and she would sleep on the couch. Before they turned in, they had a couple of shots while Lynn told Norah all about Jessie. Standing by the big picture window, Lynn glanced over toward the bed. She loved her loft, but times like this begged for privacy instead of this open layout. After toying with the idea of waking Norah and sending her on her way, she finally decided to simply let her sleep since it was the middle of the night. Lynn redirected her attention to the view outside her window.
Suddenly it occurred to her that she’d never checked her messages last night. Lynn had been so focused on Norah and trying to let her down easy, she’d forgotten. When she opened her phone and saw the missed call, she quickly pushed the button. Her heart sped up when she saw Jessie’s name, and she fumbled as she dialed her voice mail.
Jessie’s words lifted a huge weight from her shoulders, and she fell into the chair and listened to the rest of the message, unable to stop grinning. When it was done, she listened to it again, knowing she was being foolish, but damn, it was good to hear Jessie’s voice. She was out of breath when she finally disconnected and quickly dialed Bri’s number.
“Do you have any idea what fucking time it is?” Bri mumbled.
Lynn didn’t care. She felt like rushing outside and yelling with joy. “Yeah, it’s almost one thirty, and what are you doing home anyway? You usually close the bar.” Lynn laughed, but a thought suddenly occurred to her. “Oh, shit—you got lucky, didn’t you? You aren’t alone?”
“You get a gold star, honey.” Lynn heard sheets rustling, then a muffled voice. “Why exactly are you calling me this late? You didn’t go home alone either.”
“It’s a long story, but nothing happened, and she’s sleeping in the bed while I’ve forced my poor cat to share the couch with me.” Lynn took a deep breath. “Jessie called while we were out. She loves me. I’m leaving for Portland in the morning, Bri, and I’m not coming back. Do you still want my loft?”
“Wait a minute—you’re moving to Portland?”
“Yes. Do you want the loft, or do I need to put it on the market?”
“Slow down.”
Lynn heard Bri take a deep breath, and she smiled. “Do I need to give you time to wake up?”
“What makes you think I was asleep?”
“Well, if you were in the middle of something I’d hope you’d have ignored the phone.”
“All right, fine, I was asleep. You’ve really decided to move to Oregon?” Bri sounded disappointed, but Lynn couldn’t worry about someone else’s feelings now. She just wanted to pack what she absolutely needed and get the hell out of Dodge. “Things won’t be the same without you here. I’ll miss you.”
“I know, and I’ll miss you too, Bri. You’re a great friend to put up with all my shit. At least you won’t have to take care of Oscar for me anymore. And you’ll always be welcome, no matter where I am.”
“You’re taking the devil cat? Thank God.” Bri chuckled. “He was actually starting to grow on me, you know?”
“I’m leaving in the morning, Bri. Do you want the loft or not?”
“Of cour
se I do. We’ll work out the particulars later. Just go do what you have to do.”
“Thanks, Bri. I love you.”
“You too.”
Lynn closed her phone and ran her fingers through her hair. Norah came out of the bathroom fully dressed and sat on the edge of the bed facing her. Lynn had been so wrapped up in her renewed happiness, she hadn’t even noticed when Norah got up.
“Did I hear you say you’re moving to Portland?”
“Jessie called. I need to get back there as soon as I can.”
“Is she okay? I mean her husband—”
“She’s fine. She said she loves me, and I don’t want to spend another minute away from her.” Lynn set the phone down on her desk and rested her elbows on her knees. “Norah, I’m really sorry about last night.”
“Don’t be.” She shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but even in the dim light Lynn could see pain in her eyes. “It was bad timing. Maybe if we’d met two months ago, things would have turned out differently. I’m happy you’re getting what you want, Lynn.”
“Thanks.” Lynn stood, and Norah did the same. It seemed perfectly natural to embrace Norah, and Lynn gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.
“I’ll let myself out.”
As soon as she was gone, Lynn took out three suitcases, which she started filling with clothes. Oscar sat on the bed staring at her as though she were crazy. She pointed at him and smiled.
“Just you wait, mister. You’re coming with me this time.” He blinked and yawned, obviously bored with her, but he got up and walked to a half-filled suitcase to check out what she was doing. “I know a little girl who’s going to fall in love with you.”
She laughed when he meowed, and then he curled up on top of the clothes she’d put in the bag. She let him stay there while she packed her laptop and everything else she needed in order to do her work. After grabbing some things from the kitchen—and a few beers for celebrating after she got there—she started hauling everything out to the car. Oscar was content to lounge on her pillow after she’d removed him from the suitcase, and he watched everything with typical feline disinterest. But when she started gathering his food and toys he suddenly seemed nervous.
True Confessions Page 17
