Soulless

by Kate Rudolph

  Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

  A warning alarm buzzed and the lights flashed as they approached the gate. The interstellar passageways were seeded throughout the galaxy and made it possible to travel throughout inhabited space in a relatively short amount of time. Humans hadn’t put them in place, but the Sol system had free use of one gate and that gate opened to a highway of other passageways that led anywhere a person could want to go. Not that Sierra particularly wanted to go to Fenryr 1, but she’d do the job, gather the intel… and leave any women behind.

  She clenched her jaw as her ears popped. Pressure built in her head as they slipped through the portal and out the other end. An all clear alarm sounded and the first leg of the journey was complete.

  A minute later, Mindy came bounding back and plopped into the seat beside Sierra, pulling her legs up to curl into a ball of fluffy woman. She wore a gray sweater that was soft enough to pet, but it was covered in soft balls of an unfamiliar fabric. The ensemble was matched by tight, synth leather pants and a bright green headband that held her long blue hair back. She didn’t look like a spy, but she was one of the best navigators in the entire Sol system.

  “We’ll save them all,” Mindy promised.

  Sierra wasn’t surprised that her friend had read her mind. The parameters of the mission hung heavy over all of them, even the standoffish Jo. “It’s a lot easier when we get to go in and steal data from rich assholes or plant a bug in some government official’s communicator.” Sierra unbuckled her safety harness and turned so she could more easily face Mindy. As her body shifted, the chair reshaped itself to accommodate her new position. They were designed for comfort on long journeys, something regular military vessels didn’t need. Though she’d never use that point in an argument with her dad.

  “But you might actually get to shoot someone this time,” Mindy countered. She glanced back toward the cockpit and then lowered her voice. “Dinner not go great?” It was more of a statement than a question.

  Sierra shrugged. “Could have been worse. We’re still talking to each other, so that’s good. I think he’s still kind of pissed off that I grew up.” Feelings weren’t something that they talked about in the Alvarez household, and Mindy was one of the few people who didn’t let Sierra get away with deflecting the discussion.

  “And he knows that you’re doing dangerous shit,” Mindy pointed out. “My parents think I work in accounts receivable. They’d be terrified if they knew what I really did. But it’s not like this is a secret you can keep from the great General Alvarez. No one keeps secrets from the man who singlehandedly saved a city from alien destruction.”

  Sierra groaned. “Don’t talk about Mumbai, please!” She covered her face with her hands and burrowed further into the chair. The trouble with being a hero’s daughter was that she could never escape his heroics. No one saw Remington Alvarez as the guy who’d panicked when he needed to help her buy bras. No, he was the man whose astute observations and quick thinking had turned a would-be massacre into a minor skirmish.

  “He wishes you had your own Mumbai,” said Mindy. “It’s not that he wants destruction, but he wants you to be recognized. And as long as you’re doing this, recognition is the last thing you can have.”

  “I don’t give a shit about medals and ceremonies. This is what I’m good at.” She’d been nine when her dad had swooped in and saved her from the Wastes, but that was old enough to already know how to wear a dozen different faces depending on what she needed. A safe home and years of therapy had given her the opportunity to live a fulfilling life, but she couldn’t escape those early years, not completely. They’d given her the tools she needed to survive and now that she could control her own destiny, she wanted to use those tools to help others, to help her people. Anyone could hold a gun, but only someone like her could lie to the face of the head of the Oscavian Diplomatic Corps and get away with it.

  “You ever regret what we have to give up?” Mindy asked. She grabbed a blanket from the storage bin overhead and wrapped herself up, adding to her already high level of fluff.

  “Like what?” She still had her dad, the money was good, and when she was home she was pretty much safe. What more could she need?

  Mindy scoffed. “Really? You know, a guy? A family? It’s kind of difficult to maintain a relationship when we’re called off planet for months at a time with no way to communicate.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever met a guy worth more than a few weeks of my time, and even those are rare. What’s wrong with having some fun? We’ve got plenty of time for families later.” Though now that Mindy mentioned it, Sierra tried to remember the last time she’d been on a date. Had it even been this year? She had a feeling her friend wouldn’t count a hookup with one of the marines they’d been briefly stationed with.

  “So you don’t want any of it?” This truly seemed to baffle Mindy, whose face screwed up in a look of confusion and something approaching pity.

  “Not enough to give all this up.”

  A slew of curses followed by fevered hammering came from the cockpit as the ship did something Jo didn’t like. Sierra and Mindy shared a look and both bit their bottom lips to keep from bursting out laughing. A moment later, footsteps pounded down the metal catwalk leading from the cockpit to the kitchen and Jo stomped through. She paused to look at both of them.

  “One of you babysit the damn autopilot. I need to take a shower.” Without waiting for either of them to agree, she headed off towards the bathroom, muttering more curses.

  For once, Sierra said her silent thanks to the temperamental pilot. A few more minutes of Mindy’s questioning and they’d be talking weddings or babies or some shit like that, and Sierra was not in the mood to discuss things that weren’t going to happen, at least not anytime soon. Unless there was some man out there who could respect what she did and appreciate her for the woman she was and not some perfect princess that he wished she’d be, she’d rather be single and fulfilled than paired off and miserable.

  And she hadn’t once met a guy who wouldn’t want to change her. So single it was. And that didn’t make her regret anything.

  Not at all.

  CHAPTER TWO

  An uncharted topographical disturbance derailed the initial plan to land near the Lyrden and quickly retrieve the data. Toran directed Kayde to a secondary location and within the hour, they had the ship hidden among an outcropping of rocks and were hiking over the stony terrain down the windswept peninsula. The gusts beat at Raze’s hair, sending some of the longer strands into his eyes and mouth. He normally kept it cropped short, but his scheduler had malfunctioned and deleted his appointment for his last haircut. He smoothed his fingers through it and the slight mist in the air was enough to wet his hair and keep it slicked back.

  From space, it hadn’t been obvious why Fenryr 1 remained mostly uninhabited. The weather seemed moderate, despite what they’d been warned of, and green covered huge swaths of the planet, both over land and sea. But once they set down, the inhospitality became more apparent. The green that looked like trees from space was actually a dense and malodorous moss that covered everything and stuck to their boots where they walked. A few small animals darted out from the cover of the moss, only to be snatched up by birds that swarmed in dense black clouds.

  There was no sign of the pirates and slavers, and the path that they’d charted to the ship was meant to keep them out of range of whatever detection devices and patrols they used.

  After several hours of walking, Raze’s legs burned and his lips cracked, parched for water. He took a drink and surveyed the area around them. There was little cover, other than some stone outcroppings, and if he hadn’t been tracking their coordinates, he might have believed they’d been walking in place. It all looked almost the same. The suns were setting on the far horizon and a chill froze the air around them. His clothes were meant to withstand subfreezing temperatures, but he suspected that Toran would soon stop them for the night.

  In another s
etting, Toran, as the youngest of the three of them, might have been the junior member of this team. But among the legion, it was those who still had their souls who led in the field. They had the ability to adapt and follow instincts that Raze and his like had surrendered in the name of survival. And it was only soldiers who still had their souls that could make the choice to put down one of the soulless if he went over the edge. They could see the danger long before he would, long before the bodies hit the floor and blood coated the walls.

  Toran held up a hand to stop them. Kayde and Raze came up beside him and waited for him to speak.

  “Those rocks look like they’ll give us some cover. I want the two of you to set up camp. I’ll see if I can round up food or water. Don’t break into the rations until I’m back.” He handed off his supplies to the two of them and took off.

  Kayde followed Raze toward the area Toran indicated and they worked in silence to set up tents and ignite the warming block that would act as a heat source and a way to cook any potential food Toran hunted down. It gave off no scent and little light, which helped with stealth.

  More than an hour later, Toran returned with two small animals in hand. They were covered in fur with large ears and looked to have a good amount of meat on them. He handed them over to Kayde with instructions for him to clean the kills and test them for digestive compatibility before taking his place in setting up camp.

  “I’ve set up the drones to monitor a perimeter,” Toran told him. “Kayde can take first watch, but I’ll want us to keep to the camp in case we need to make a quick retreat.”

  Raze nodded and finished adjusting the final strap of the tent he was working on. Once he was finished, he stepped back and looked around the little camp. Tents, warming block, refuse pit, everything was set up. He took a seat on a fallen log and stared into the dim glow and let his hands soak up the heat as night fell around them.

  “You can’t get bored, can you?” Toran asked as he set up one of the portable chairs beside Raze.

  Raze thought about how to answer that for a moment. “Not like you mean, I don’t think. I could sit here until it’s time for me to sleep, but my mind is sharper with stimulus.” The first week of training after becoming soulless had been all about how not to fall into ennui now that he couldn’t desire anything. The warriors who survived were the ones who found a way to keep engaged, even when engagement no longer seemed to matter.

  Toran studied him for several moments, his form quickly disappearing into shadow as the suns finally set. He was little more than the outline of a Detyen, the soft glow of the warming block not enough to discern details. “Can I ask what it’s like?”

  Raze didn’t need to clarify what he meant by ‘it.’ Most people back at the base wouldn’t ask, but there was only one thing he knew that they didn’t. “It isn’t like anything,” he said after taking another few minutes to gather his thoughts. “I can remember emotions, remember desire and goals and everything else. It hasn’t completely vanished. But it’s the difference between a steaming hot spring and a tepid bath. Water surrounds me no matter what, but now it merely serves a function. I neither like nor dislike it.” Raze paused for a moment and then unexpectedly added, “I would not have chosen this if it weren’t for my debt.”

  “Debt?” Even in the shadows, Raze could see Toran jerk his head in his direction and lean a little closer.

  “For surviving,” Raze explained. “My brother and I were saved by the legion, not born into it. And we owe it to our people, as the last link to Detya.”

  He could almost feel Toran’s stare boring into him. “Do you really believe that?”

  “I used to.” It was hard to believe anything these days. He hadn’t realized just how much emotion went into belief until his life dissolved into the nothing of soullessness.

  Toran said nothing for several moments after that before changing the subject. “I hear chatter.”

  Raze stayed silent.

  His teammate let out a small huff that might have been a laugh. “I'm going to talk at you until you tell me to stop.”

  Raze had realized that. “We’re outside of surveillance range, I have no reason to stop you.”

  This time he was sure he heard the laugh. “You know about that Detyen colony in the Consortium?”

  “Yes.” The Consortium was a system of several planets mostly ruled by humans. They’d been abducted from their home world over centuries and set up their own civilization which welcomed almost any race. Raze had never been, the legion tended to stay in less populated areas of space unless a mission called for something else.

  “They say that one of the leaders there found his denya.” Toran spoke so quietly that Raze almost had to strain to hear.

  “It does still happen.” Even among the legion, a few had found their mates.

  “She's human.”

  Those two words froze Raze in place, rooting him to the ground. “What?” Something like curiosity nipped at his mind.

  “A human denya.” Wonder filled Toran’s voice at the thought. “Mated to a Detyen. I don't know if it's just a fluke. Maybe she's not all human. But wouldn't that be…” he trailed off.

  “Why now? Detyens have had some contact with humans for a long time. Why did none find a mate among them until now? This sounds like a story, a legend.” Though humanity’s expansion into space hadn’t begun in earnest until after the destruction of Detya, there’d been some level of contact for centuries, whether through the Consortium or humans abducted from their home planet. Raze had never heard of a human becoming mated to a Detyen in that time.

  “You mean like warriors who give up their emotions to live longer than a biologically mandated death sentence?” Even he could recognize the sarcasm dripping from Toran’s words.

  “Toran… don't get your hopes up.” If he’d heard this story three years ago, Raze could only imagine how he would have felt. And how he’d have been crushed as his birthday approached and that hope was snuffed out again.

  “Aw, I'd almost think you were worried for me.” Toran placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a friendly squeeze. Raze sat still and took it. Contact didn’t exactly hurt, but it reminded him of things that were no longer his.

  “I would be.” If he still had the capacity.

  A beep cut through their conversation and Toran’s wrist communicator lit up. He sighed. “I need to go check on Kayde. He's due for an eval.”

  “And me?” He and Kayde needed to be closely monitored to ensure that they didn’t compromise the mission. Toran would run through basic diagnostics on a daily basis while they could spare the time.

  But his fellow Detyen only shook his head. “You're good. I'll see you later.”

  Raze let him go without another farewell. He sat there for a long time staring at the warming block and considering everything that had just been said. Thankfully, he could not hope and he could not regret. He didn’t know what he’d do with the information Toran had given him if that were the case. And the hollow core in his chest might have ripped open and bled if he could feel anything other than the mildest pang of longing.

  ***

  “I’ve got us landing by this piece of crap old ship,” Jo said as they orbited Fenryr a final time. “Should give us good cover from any surveillance. This craft is small enough that they’ll just think we’re another piece of debris.”

  Unlike the departure from Earth, Sierra was strapped to her seat in the cockpit for their entry into the potentially hostile planet. She had her blasters strapped to her sides, communications devices secured, and a first aid kit within reach if they needed it. All signs indicated that the slavers and pirates had no idea they were coming, but she liked to be prepared in case the cold mission turned hot. That was a lesson she’d only needed to learn once.

  “Entry path is clear,” Mindy confirmed. The navigation visor covered half of her head, feeding her information from the hundreds of sensors studded to the outside of their craft.

  “Affirmative
. Entering orbit in thirty seconds.”

  Anticipation bubbled in Sierra’s veins. A feeling of restless uselessness had been dogging her for the entire flight. She could take over either Jo’s or Mindy’s position and do an adequate job if the circumstances called for it, but everything had gone off without a hitch so far, leaving her sitting on her ass for the past three days. That was a good thing, she reminded herself. Still, it was just about her time to shine.

  Best navigator. Best pilot.

  And now, it was time for the best operative to get into position.

  She didn’t say anything while Jo concentrated on getting them through the atmosphere at a blistering pace. They came in hot in the hopes that any sensors would read them as a meteorite, rather than a hostile ship. Once they were in place, they’d split, with Jo guarding the ship, Mindy finding high ground to run surveillance, and Sierra getting up close and personal with the kinds of assholes who thought it was okay to steal and sell people. Well, as up close and personal as a person could get without actually being seen or sensed in any way by the enemy.

  With a final jolt, they punched through the atmosphere and crashed down in what felt like a free fall. Sierra gripped the armrests of her chair hard enough to hurt her fingers and her jaw ached from being clenched so tight. Jo's the best, she reminded herself. This is all going to plan.

  That didn't make the semi-controlled landing feel any safer though. But in a matter of minutes they were out of the sky and nestled into a rocky outcropping within sight of the shipyard.

  “They must be stripping these pieces of junk,” Mindy said as she leaned forward to get a better view through the screen. “That guy over there has to be more than a hundred years old. God, the tech must suck.”

  Jo started to scoff but the noise lodged in her throat.