Henry & Sarah

by Kadrak, Suzanne

He smile at her reassuringly.

  “Yes, my girl, everything is alright. It is just because of Damian. We do not want him to become upset, do we?”

  Sarah lowered her gaze sadly and shook her head.

  Oscar fumbled in the pocket of his jacket and produced a little package with some pills in it.

  “These are no tranquilizers, Sarah. On the contrary, these pills here are supposed to strengthen you. I want you to take one of them on Saturday morning. But only one—that should suffice as they are quite strong and not meant to be taken on a regular basis. In fact, you should actually not take them at all as the only real remedy to boost you would be food. But as you are apparently unable to eat right now, we need to take these kinds of measures. And there is something else: If we want these pills to have the desired long-lasting effect, it is essential that you do not overdo it on Saturday even though you might feel like jumping on trees.”

  “Donʼt worry, Uncle Oscar,” Sarah answered. “Damian will be out all morning anyway. He will not need me until the late afternoon. I will just lie in my comfortable hotel bed and have a good nap...”

  “No, Sarah,” Oscar quickly said to her. “I know that Damian will not be there, but I do not want you to lie in your bed. It will only confuse your blood circulation and would make you drowsy and weak again, which would destroy the effect of the new medication altogether.”

  If you stay in your room, Henry will have no chance to get close to you and talk to you...

  “So what will I do then?”

  “You will go and have some tea in the parlor or the restaurant. I happen to know that they have a nice little restaurant in the hotel. I want you to spend all morning there as long as Damian is gone. In the afternoon when Damian is back, you can go for a walk if you like.”

  “And what about these silly geese?” Sarah asked.

  “What geese?”

  “Abigail and Phyllis, Damianʼs grandmother and his aunt, who live in London. Damian has told them to be around and serve as my personal guards during the morning until he comes back.”

  Damn… Oscar thought, realizing that he had completely forgotten that Damina would never leave Sarah alone during his absence.

  “Just tell them to join you; I am sure these old hags will not mind a nice cup of coffee and a chat.”

  Sarah nodded imperceptibly.

  “And this strict schedule has all got to do with these pills so that they have the desired effect?” she asked. Oscar noticed that there was this wary tone to her voice again, telling him that she knew that there was something he concealed from her.

  “Yes, all for the sake of the pills,” he answered, then he quickly bent down and kissed her on the forehead.

  “You will not see me for the last time now, Sarah,” he whispered. “I swear by all that is dear to me that I will never leave your side as long as I live.”

  Sarah nodded again and cast him a grateful yet worried glance.

  Oscar got up and hesitantly walked over to the door.

  “Good bye, Sarah. And do as I say,” he reminded her. Then he left the room without looking back. He wouldnʼt have been able to bear the sight of her as she lay curled up in her bed, weak and tiny, this sad look in her eyes. He wanted to take her with him right away, and the fact that he couldnʼt, almost broke his heart.

  He didnʼt say goodbye to his sister, who had not cared to come and say hello to him either when he had arrived earlier on. Instead, he rushed out of the building to escape the gloomy atmosphere which had always been prevalent in the mansion but which he had never really noticed up until now.

  Outside, he climbed in the coach which had brought him from Oxford to the mansion. But instead of telling the driver to bring him back to town straight away, he told him to stop once they were beyond the mansion grounds.

  “Please, do me a favor and drive up to the main road where nobody from the mansion can see you, and then come back in about half an hour to pick me up here again,” he whispered. “I want to go for a little walk before we head back to town.”

  And with these words, Oscar grabbed a shovel and a little basket which he had borrowed from Holly and hopped out of the coach again. The coach driver, who had known Oscar for quite a while, nodded and did as he was told.

  And as the coach moved away from the mansion and towards the road which led to Oxford, Oscar secretly rushed along the path which led into the forest and to the graveyard where he knew that Sarahʼs mother Melissa was buried.

  * * *

  The farewell letter to Sarah still lay on Henryʼs bedside table, waiting to be posted. For the past days, Henry had taken it in his hands every so often, had pensively stared at it and then put it back down again.

  He still had not come to a concrete decision whether to go and meet Sarah or not. On Thursday morning, he was sure that he would go, on Thursday afternoon, he was sure he wouldnʼt. On Thursday evening, he was sure he would, and on Friday morning, he was sure again that he wouldnʼt.

  On Friday evening, Oscar stood in front of his door.

  “Oscar!” Henry called out, positively surprised by his best friendʼs unexpected appearance.

  “Mrs. Potter has let me in. I hope I am not turning up at an inconvenient time,” Oscar said. He took off his hat and stepped inside the small room which had been Henryʼs home for the past months.

  “Not at all, Oscar, not at all!” Henry gave Oscar a hearty hug. “I was really hoping that we would have a chance to talk to each other before I leave.”

  “So was I. Why did you not reply to my telegram?”

  Henry ignored the silent reproach in Oscarʼs voice and instead began to quickly remove some empty wine bottles which were still lying on the floor.

  “Please do forgive the mess,” he said, laughing nervously. “I havenʼt really cared about keeping this room tidy lately. You must know that I have led a terrible life in the past months. Well, I actually have not led any life at all...”

  “Donʼt bother, Henry,” Oscar remarked offhandedly. “Believe me, we have much more important things to do than tidying up. We must talk.”

  Henry didnʼt like the stern look that Oscar gave him. He knew exactly what the doctor was hinting at; namely, at Sarahʼs visit to London. Overcome with a rather uncomfortable feeling, Henry pondered how he could possibly avoid the subject because he simply did not know what to say. He was still indecisive whether to go and see Sarah or not. And this had also been the reason why he had not sent Oscar a telegram.

  Henry picked up some dirty clothes from the floor and hectically stuffed them in the cupboard.

  “I am really glad that you didnʼt see me up until three days ago, otherwise you would have thought I had gone completely insane. I mean, I completely let myself go and began to turn this place into a dirty little hole and—” Henry rattled on when Oscar suddenly interrupted him.

  “Henry, will you go and meet her?” he asked with urgency in his voice.

  Henry let out a sigh and sat down on the bed, burying his head in his hands.

  “Oscar, please try to understand my situation,” he moaned. “Sarah made it quite clear to me that she doesnʼt want me to intrude into her life anymore. And it has taken me an eternity to get over this decision of hers. I know that if I see her again, it will throw me right back into my old state. And I canʼt allow this to happen, Oscar. I really canʼt.”

  Oscar sat down next to Henry on the bed.

  “Have you thought about this carefully?” he asked.

  “I have been thinking about this ever since you sent me that telegram,” Henry mumbled. “Oscar, you overestimate me. I am not that strong. It is already hard enough for me to summon up all of my courage and nerves to go on this ship tomorrow. It is quite a step, you know, leaving England, my home country, and all the memories connected to it...”

  Oscar nodded and placed his hand on Henryʼs shoulder.

  “I can most definitely understand you,” he said softly.

  Henry sighed with relief.

&
nbsp; “Good, that is clarified then...”

  “Still, I am asking you to go and talk to her,” Oscar suddenly added.

  “Oscar, please!” Henry exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air in an aggravated gesture. He abruptly got up, walked over to the window and blankly stared out onto the street where the shop owners were busy closing the shutters of their stores.

  “Oscar, donʼt you see that she doesnʼt want me in her life anymore…?” he said sadly.

  “That is not true, Henry. But she needs to act hard on you and on herself because otherwise she would completely fall apart. She is close to falling apart anyway, and that is why I am begging you to talk to her and ask her if she wants to come with you to America—just one more time. She is torn and afraid. She needs a nudge.”

  Oscar looked at Henry almost beseechingly.

  “A nudge…” Henry laughed bitterly. “What for? Donʼt tell me I havenʼt tried everything. I have given her enough nudges in the past, but it was of no use at all!”

  “Henry, she is not well,” Oscar insisted.

  Henry turned to look at Oscar.

  “Why? Whatʼs wrong…?” he asked uncertainly.

  “She has stopped eating a while ago, and whatever manages its way down to her stomach is sure to leave her body in a matter of minutes,” Oscar explained calmly. “She is starving herself.”

  Henry felt his legs go weak. Numb with shock, he sank down on a chair next to him, fighting the sensation of guilt that suddenly threatened to overwhelm him; guilt because he had not been at Sarahʼs side for the past weeks, as if it was his fault that she was in such a bad state.

  He tried to remember that she herself was the root of her problems. She had rejected him even though she could have had it all, straight away. Still, he felt terribly sorry for her, knowing that she was nothing but a prisoner of her own fears.

  “She is suffering because she needs you, Henry,” Oscar added. “She is making herself believe that she is fine without you, but she is not. She does not even notice that she is about to lose all her willpower to live. And it all has become so much worse ever since she was told that Damian wants her to move with him to India.”

  “To India?!” Henry exclaimed.

  “Damianʼs brigade is being transferred there in order to suppress some unrest which has arisen lately. Some Indians riot against the fact that Queen Victoria has become empress of the country. Anyway, Damianʼs father owns a palace there with a ridiculous number of servants and many acres of land surrounding it. Sarah will have everything that a young woman can possibly dream of, but she does not show the slightest interest in it. She fears that she will not have anyone around whom she feels close to and whom she could confide in—which is no irrational fear, of course. I seriously considered following her to India, but I am afraid even if I do so, I will not have the chance to come near her.”

  “Why?”

  Oscar let out a sigh.

  “Well, I am afraid I had a quarrel with my sister and am sure that she, Horatio, and Damian are very suspicious now that I might be plotting something with Sarah—which I am after all. They would not even reveal to me which hotel she will stay at, let alone allow me to accompany her tomorrow. I only found out where she will be because I could bribe Thelma into telling me everything. Even she feels sorry for the girl at this stage. God, Henry, I am dying with worry...”

  Henry was staring incredulously at Oscar. He wished he would wake up and realize that all that the doctor had told him was only part of a bad dream. After all, in his opinion, situations like that only ever arose in books and theatre plays but not in real life.

  “But how am I supposed to help her?!” he asked.

  “Just as I told you: By offering her one more time to come with you to America,” Oscar answered. “Please, do it for me. Talk to her. If she says no, I swear I will never ever pester you again.”

  “But what if she says no to me again?!”

  “As a word of comfort to you: If she says no to you, I will pack my belongings and follow her to India. And there I will try my best to help although right now I have no idea how to interefere as I am quite sure Damian will isolate her from me. But maybe there is still a chance to reconcile with my sister and make her put in a good word for me.”

  “Does Sarah know that you are here now?”

  Oscar shook his head.

  “No. I found it best not to tell her because I knew she would not approve of all of this. Rest assured she does not want to see you either. She has the same fears as you. She worries that meeting you again will drive her completely out of her mind and will take all of her strength that she needs to lead her miserable life with Damian. She does not understand, though, that this miserable life of hers is not leading anywhere. She will not stand it through, Henry.”

  Henry closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, exhaling deeply.

  He had originally planned to spend the remaining days before his departure taking a last relaxing stroll through London, ceremoniously saying goodbye to all the places he loved, and looking forward to some interesting days on sea. But Oscarʼs appearance had turned his whole world upside down.

  “I am asking you once more now, Henry: Will you go and see her?” Oscarʼs voice tore him out of his daze.

  Henry slowly opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, waiting for a sign from God who would tell him what to do. But then he realized that even without asking God for advice he already knew the answer.

  “Of course, I will,” he mumbled. “What other options do I have? I could never leave, knowing that Sarah is in such a terrible condition…”

  Oscar sighed with relief.

  “Alright then, let us talk about tomorrow,” he said, not granting Henry any time to digest what he had just told him about Sarah. “The best occasion for you to see her will be in the morning at about ten after Damian has left to meet Marshall Longbottom in town. You will find her in the hotel restaurant, but you must be careful because she will not be alone: Damianʼs aunt Phyllis and his grandmother Abigail have promised to keep an eye on her during Damianʼs absence. It will be the best if you do not talk to anybody as I am certain that Damian will tell the receptionist to let him know if someone asks for Sarah. You must try not to attract anyoneʼs attention.”

  “But how am I supposed to talk to her then if she is so guarded by Damianʼs private army?” Henry asked, crinkling his forehead.

  “This, Henry, I can not tell you, I am afraid. I presume you will just have to wait for an opportune moment to arise… I know, it is quite daring. If you have a better idea, I will gladly accept it.”

  “I donʼt have any other idea at all...” Henry mumbled. Then he laughed and shook his head in disbelief. “Even before you arrived here to talk to me, you had already set it all out, you little rascal.”

  Oscar blushed slightly and lowered his gaze.

  “I know, Henry, but I found it best to plan ahead—just in case I would really manage to convince you. And I obviously have convinced you.”

  Henry smiled limply. Then he asked, “What if I secretly followed her to India instead of all this hassle?”

  “Forget it, Henry,” Oscar answered firmly. “Why should they let you near her if they do not even let me? She will live like a bird in a golden cage. Apart from that, I am certain that Damian will shoot you the moment he sees you.”

  “He cannot just shoot a civil person just because the whim takes him,” Henry scoffed.

  “Believe me, he can,” Oscar replied.

  “But thatʼs… thatʼs murder!”

  “I am sure he will find a reason to justify killing you. He can always say it was self-defense, especially when he finds you lingering on their premises and peering through Sarahʼs window. Apart from that, what kind of support would that be for her? Watching her from afar, day by day? That will surely not make her eat.”

  Henry fell silent. He was running out of arguments. Oscar was right. There was no way around it: He needed to go to Moun
t Merrion Hotel.

  “Henry, do not be so upset now,” Oscar said to him soothingly. “We have a plan now, donʼt we? And we might as well try and pull it through first, before we let our heads sink in despair and lose all hopes. We have not reached that stage yet.”

  Henry nodded imperceptibly. He suddenly felt utterly tired, just as if someone had drained all the energy from him.

  “When you have spoken to her, you need to tell me all about it straight away, alright?” Oscar insisted. “Or bring her with you if you can, and we will hide her in here until tomorrow night.”

  For some reason, Henry doubted that he would be lucky enough to not only talk to Sarah but to even sneak her out of the building unseen. After all, as for now he didnʼt even have a plan to smuggle himself inside unnoticed.