by Tia Lewis
Sadly, the party couldn’t last forever. Most of the girls had taken the morning off work to be there so that I would be surprised by a weekday party. I made them take food—there was so much left over thanks to Darcy cooking enough to feed an army—and I kissed and hugged all of them as they left. I felt so good, so buoyant, and it was all because of them.
The only thing missing was Creed. I couldn’t shake the bittersweet feeling. He should have been there, damn him. I had messed up, but so had he. We had both pushed each other away. Only I had pushed first. We hadn’t spoken since that last fight when I’d threatened to throw something at him if he didn’t leave me alone. How could two people come back from something like that?
I imagined us doing things as a family, like putting the crib together or reading a bedtime story to our baby. I pictured us setting up the nursery or taking video of our child taking its first steps or saying “momma or daddy” for the first time. I envisioned us teaching our child how to read and watching as he or she attended its first day of school. Instead, I would be doing all of it alone. And it was my fault. I’d pushed someone out of my life, turning my back on him just like my mother would have done.
The door flew open, and everyone who’d been outside came rushing past me. Nicole was behind them, shooing the other stragglers into the kitchen. They didn’t look like they knew what was going on any more than I did. I got up to follow them.
“Nope. You stay here.” Nicole held me in place.
“What’s happening?”
“Somebody’s here to see you. Well, he’s not here to see you, per se, but he’s going to see you anyway.”
“Oh, no. Nicole, you didn’t.”
She shrugged. “Yeah, I did. So what? The two of you need to have this out, Tamara.”
“Whatever happened to supporting me no matter what?”
“I do support you. I also know that you need a little nudge. So, here comes your nudge.”
“What’s he doing coming here right now?” I asked, panicking.
“I might have forgotten to tell him to stay away,” she said, shrugging. “Oops.”
“Nicole, I swear to God…”
“Listen to me.” She took me by the arms, staring me straight in the face. “Talk to him. Tell him what he needs to know. It doesn’t matter whether you guys are fighting or whatever. What is important is the fact that he has a child who’s coming along soon. He deserves to know. I love you, and I’m on your side, but he deserves to know.”
“I don’t know if I can do it,” I whispered.
“You can, and you will. You can do anything that you set your mind to! I have faith that you will do what’s best for you and your little one.” She looked at me pointedly, and her message was clear. She was telling me that now was the time to put up or shut up. She gave me a quick hug before running off to the kitchen.
Creed and I would be alone, but we were not truly on our own. We had an audience, and I knew that the girls would be listening in.
Nicole thought that I could do it—no, she’d said that she knew that I could do the right thing by my baby and by Creed as well by telling him the truth. The problem was that I wasn't sure that I could have the guts to face the music.
21
Creed
I finally got up the courage to go to the clubhouse when I figured that the baby shower would be over. The thought of a dozen women giggling over whatever women giggled over at baby showers didn’t do much for me, and I was sure that Tamara wouldn’t want me there after the nasty shit that had gone down between us.
When I pulled into the parking lot, Nicole was standing outside talking with two of the girls. When she saw me, all of them ran inside. By the time that I got inside and saw the lounge done up in pink and blue streamers and balloons, Tamara was all by herself. She looked just as surprised as I felt—probably wondering why everybody ran off on her. I thought that I heard them in the kitchen and I could imagine Nicole’s manipulative ass shoving them all in there to give us privacy. She was always trying to get us together, and this little matchmaking stunt was obvious.
I cleared my throat, suddenly unable to speak. Why did Tamara make me feel so tongue-tied? Not just because she gave me attitude; I was used to catching heat from women, so that was nothing new. I felt vulnerable, and I hated that I didn’t know why. It could have been the way that she still looked beautiful, even though she was swelled up like a basketball. Tamara couldn’t help how alluring that she was. How had I missed her appeal all this time? I had known her for years and yet despite our physical attraction I never recognized her beauty until we connected on a deeper emotional level.
“I need to talk to you,” I managed to croak.
She didn’t look happy to see me, but I couldn’t let that get in the way. She was going to be stubborn no matter what. I just had to get through to her. I had made up my mind that I would give it one last try.
“What is it?” she asked. “And if you could help me a little with all this stuff that would be great.” I looked around at all the boxes in the room.
“Why did everybody else leave you with this?” I asked.
“I have no idea, she answered.” I had a feeling that she knew exactly why her girls had rapidly abandoned her but I didn’t want to say anything. As usual, she was acting like a bitch towards me, and I was not in the mood to deal with her shit.
Did all pregnant women act that way?
“So can I talk to you or what?” I decided to put it out there and hope for the best.
“Yeah, you can talk to me. So talk.” She picked up a basket filled with toys and diapers, walking away before I had a chance to say anything. I grabbed the first box that I came across and followed her, feeling like a jackass.
“Did you have a nice baby shower?” I asked. She was acting stone cold and I wanted to see if I could thaw her out a little, especially since what I had to say wasn’t the sort of thing that a man could say to a woman who didn’t want to talk to him.
“It was nice. Everybody was super generous, as you can see.” She had a smile on her face, which I took as a good sign. She opened the back of her SUV, and I slid the box inside.
“That’s good. Did you get everything that you asked for in the registry?” I knew that she had gotten everything that she needed for the baby because I had figured out how to find it online and I had been checking for updates the entire time to see what people had bought. I had planned to buy anything that didn’t get gifted to her by the time that the baby was born, but it looked like everything went smoothly. I was glad for her.
“I guess so. I’m new to all this, so I’m just going off what I read online and in books. And, of course, what Nicole helped s me research. You know how it is.” She shrugged, going back to the clubhouse for more gifts to load into her vehicle.
“Let me take care of this stuff,” I said. “You should be sitting down. Shouldn’t you have your feet up or something like that?”
She smirked. “So you’re an expert on maternity issues now?”
“I know some things. I had a pregnant sister, but she moved away when I was overseas.”
“Oh. I didn’t know that.” I was glad that she took that excuse and didn’t ask for any more info. Yeah, my sister had been pregnant when I was away, but I never once saw her or talked to her about the baby. I couldn’t tell Tamara about the baby books that I had been reading, all in hopes that she would accept me into her life. “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” wasn’t exactly the most masculine reading material.
“You should definitely rest,” I repeated. “You’ll be running around enough when the baby comes.”
“Thanks.” She gave me a begrudging smile as she sat, putting her swollen feet up on the coffee table. I took one of the smaller boxes and put it under her feet to keep them elevated. She didn’t say anything, and neither did I. It was important to me that she see how helpful that I could be—and if I were that helpful when she wasn't friendly, I wanted her to see how much mo
re accommodating that I could be when she was willing to open her heart and let me in. It was a stupid plan, perhaps even silly and childish, but it was all that I had.
“So, how much longer do you have?” I asked, picking up a box with a picture of a car seat on it.
“Until the baby comes?” she replied with an inquisitive look on her face. She had the audacity to look at me like she was utterly clueless about what I was asking.
“No, until your birthday,” I countered, making sure that my sarcasm was noticeable. This back and forth shit that went on between us was for the birds. I didn’t understand why Tamara insisted on playing crazy with me. She knew what I was getting at, but she refused to cut me some slack and meet me halfway.
I decided to throw her a bone. “You know what I mean. Yes, until the baby comes,” I confirmed. I sat back, watching for her reaction.
She rolled her eyes. That’s almost four weeks away.”
“Funny how fast the time has gone.” I took the car seat outside, sliding it into the car with whatever else that I had already loaded. Before I went back in, I took a few deep breaths and reminded myself not to let her attitude get to me. I had to find out why she got so pissed that day after the party at Bobby’s club and try to make things it right between us. If I fought back, the shit would only get worse.
I continued to load her things from the baby shower into her SUV while Tamara sat on the couch with her feet up. She looked pained—her face was screwed up, her nose wrinkled.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, sitting on the coffee table.
“Nothing. Just indigestion. I knew that I shouldn’t have eaten so much of Darcy’s lasagna, but it was so damn good. Did you get any food?”
“Nah, not yet. I will though. I wanted to talk to you first, remember?”
“You didn’t already say what you wanted to say?” she asked, and I knew that she was playing dumb to break my balls.
“No, I didn’t.”
She shifted uncomfortably, wincing. “This kid is using my insides as a punching bag. You’d better hurry up and say what you have to say before I fall asleep or get up to pee since that’s all that I can seem to do anymore besides eat.”
I smiled, even as my intestines quaked. There would never be a better time to put myself out there and hope that she would be open to what I had to say.
“I want to be there for you after you have the baby,” I explained, trying to take my time and ease into it.
“I appreciate that, but like I said, I don’t need any help.”
“You say that now, but you don’t know what may be in store for you after the baby comes.”
She sighed, rolling her eyes. “I’m sick to death of people telling me what I do and do not know. I think that I’m the expert on my life, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, but it’s not just your life anymore. It’s the kid’s, too. And I know it’s not my child, and I’ve sorta gotten over that. It is what it is. But I thought that you and me… I thought that we had something powerful and real for a little while. If I fucked it up, I have to live with it, but I don’t want the kid to suffer.”
“Who says the kid will suffer?” she asked, eyes narrowed. “There are plenty of single mothers in the world who do a great job raising their children without a father. I think that I can handle it.”
“I didn’t say that you couldn’t, but why would you want to do it alone if you don’t have to?”
“What are you saying?”
“You’re impossible,” I muttered, getting up. I couldn’t look at Tamara when she was making it so damned hard for me to reach out to her.
“What are you saying, Creed?” I could feel her eyes burning into me.
I didn’t turn around before answering. “I’m saying that I wanna be there for you and the baby. I wanna be your man and take care of you and the kid. It’s important to me.”
“What about your other girls? Like those whores that you’ve been hanging out with?”
“They don’t mean shit to me!” I turned around, ready to tear into her, but the look on her face stopped me. She looked like something had just exploded inside her.
“Oh, my God!” She doubled over, her face scrunched up as she groaned in pain.
“Tamara? What is it?” I knelt in front of her. She took my hand and squeezed, and I grunted as the bones in my hand mashed together under the force of her grip.
“The baby… the baby’s coming… oh, God!” Her face turned beet red. I tried to pull my hand away, but she was holding on too tight. I was sure that I would never use it again.
“The baby? Now? You said that you had four weeks to go!”
“I know… I know… oh, it hurts… I think that my water broke!” I looked down at the puddle of water on the floor.
“Yeah, either that or you pissed yourself.”
“Creed!” She looked red-faced, furious and embarrassed about my comment.
“Okay, okay. Sorry. Come on. We must get to the hospital, fast. I’ll drive.” I grabbed her purse, then helped her off the sofa. She did that weird breathing thing while we walked. It sounded like the same breathing pattern that I heard pregnant ladies practicing after taking one of those classes. “Right. Breathe. Just like that. Keep breathing.”
“What other choice do I have?” she growled.
“Did you do that Lamaze thing?” I helped her into her car, shutting the door just as she let out a ferocious roar that almost broke the windows.
When I got inside, she was fuming. “It’s a fucking scam! You tell me to breathe like I can concentrate on anything else right now! That’s bullshit!”
“Try to be calm. Just try, okay?” I couldn’t believe it. What if there was something wrong? I could hardly focus on driving. I told myself to be calm, the same way that I kept telling Tamara to go easy, too. There wasn’t much traffic, but it was still hard to keep us safe and drive as fast as I fucking could. She didn’t make it easy, grunting and panting for every breath while she cursed my every movement. Every once in a while, her hand would shoot out and squeeze my arm. That made it hard to drive, but I didn’t dare tell her to stop. I was afraid that she might kill me if I did.
“I should have known that this would happen.” She seemed calm of a sudden. That worried me.
“What? How could you know that this would happen? You’re like four weeks away from your due date.”
“No. I’m not.” She groaned, then breathed harder. “That’s not true.”
“What?” I swerved to get around a double-parked car.
“I’m not four weeks out. I’m due in two days.” She closed her eyes and groaned, rubbing her stomach. At least she wasn’t squeezing my arm.
I leaned on the horn to get a fucking pedestrian out of my way as I raced down the street. “Two days? Why did you lie about it then?”
“Because the baby’s yours, Creed!”
Now was not the right time to tell me that shit. I almost hit a garbage truck that was collecting trash in the middle of the street. I swerved to avoid it while my mind absorbed what Tamara had just told me. To say that I was shocked was an understatement. Was she seriously saying that the baby was mine?
I didn’t know if I should be angry or if I should be pissed off.
“Yes! I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to think that I was trying to trap you and I know how you feel about women and relationships and oh, my God I’m gonna have this baby in my car if you don’t hurry the fuck up!”
“I’m going as fast as I can!”
She was having my baby. I wanted to think it over, but I didn’t want to cloud my judgment while I was driving because I wanted to get us to the hospital alive. My heart was pounding swiftly, about to gallop out of my chest while my mind was running in overdrive.
My baby. My baby.
“Hurry!” She grabbed my arm again with a grip that I was sure would crush my bones. I wasn’t a weak man, by any means, but she had me grimacing as hard as she was as she prepared to g
ive birth.
“Just… hold it in or something!” I knew as soon as that shit came out of my mouth that it was the wrong thing to say.
“Hold it in?” she roared. I was thankful that she wasn’t a dragon or some shit because if she had been then the fire would have come rushing out of her mouth and burned me to ash.
“Okay, okay! We’re almost there. Just breathe, okay? Just breathe and try to calm down.”
“You try to calm down!” she panted. I couldn’t calm down. I was going to be a father.
It was a relief for both of us when we reached the hospital. I pulled up in front and ran around to the other side so that I could help Tamara out of the passenger seat. She was moaning, gripping my hands tightly as we walked into the building. “My bag is in the back,” she gasped. I told her that I would get it for her. A nurse rushed over, put her in a wheelchair and started asking questions.
“Are you the father?” She looked at me for confirmation. I looked at Tamara. I didn’t know what to say.
“Yes. He is.” Tamara nodded, and I went out to park the car and get the bag with my head spinning. I was the father. I wanted to cry at the same time that I wanted to laugh in relief.
My baby.
I had to be there for Tamara. As I ran inside the hospital with the bag, I texted Drake. Get here right away. My baby’s coming.
22
Tamara
It was all a blur. The pain was too intense for words. The doctors were asking a million question about my medical history and the nurses were taking vital signs and sticking needles in my arms. I was in agony. I screamed until they had no choice but to give me an epidural. Whoever came up with the idea of a natural childbirth was obviously a man. After that, there was a lot less pain, but there was a lot more pressure.
