by Tia Lewis
Then it seemed like everything happened at once. Things just sped up. Before I knew it, it was time to push. And Creed. He was there. He was behind me, holding my hands, wearing a set of scrubs and a cap over his head. He didn’t yell at me the way the doctors and nurses did. He just smiled, held my hands and kept telling me that I was doing a great job.
The funny thing was, even in the middle of all that chaos, just having him there made me feel better. I was terrified, point-blank delirious with pain and anxiety, but it was a little less intense with his support behind me. In the middle of all that pushing and sweating and grunting, I had the brief thought that I should have told him about our baby sooner. He would have made everything easier to deal with. Putting myself through all that unnecessary grief had been a mistake.
“I’m so sorry,” I whimpered in between pushes.
“For what?”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you!” Then there was more pushing, and I took a deep breath and bore down with all my might. Everybody counted to ten, including Creed. I let out my breath when it was over, falling back against him.
“It’s okay. I know that now. You’re doing great.” I felt his lips against my forehead and closed my eyes. I should have told him sooner and stopped acting like an immature person.
Another contraction, right on top of the last one. I could barely catch my breath before it was time to push again. I groaned, bearing down again. Creed pushed me from behind, supporting my back, giving me a little extra strength as I gripped my knees and gave it one last all-out, balls to the wall push.
I screamed a little when I felt something happening. Something was definitely happening. I heard Creed saying something—he sounded excited—and everything moved. I felt the baby leave my body. What a weird feeling, but it was also a relief. It was finally over. I leaned back against Creed as the doctor placed the baby on my chest, all blue and wet and squirming. They threw a blanket over us, and I wept as I realized that I was finally holding my baby.
Our baby.
“What is it?” Creed asked, looking at the doctor.
“You have a son.”
I heard what might have been a strangled sob coming from Creed, or it might have come from me or maybe even the both of us. I had never known love like that before. It was crazy, I couldn’t believe how miraculous that it was to bring life into this world. It was like nothing in my entire stratosphere had mattered up until that point. I was laughing and crying and holding onto the baby, who was most definitely not happy to have left his nice, warm, comfy home inside of me.
“Oh, my God.” Creed held me, his cheek pressed against the top of my head. “We have a son. I can’t believe it.”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry for everything,” I cried. He kissed my forehead, holding me a little tighter.
Hours later, it was the three of us in a room by ourselves. Creed, our son, and me.
“What about naming him after you?” I asked, glancing up at Creed as I held the baby close to me. Our son was beautiful, perfect in every way. And he already had a powerful set of lungs. He seemed to be content for the moment.
“Me?”
“Yeah, you. I don’t even know your actual first name,” I murmured.
“Christopher,” he said.
“Why do they call you Creed?”
He shrugged. “Isn’t it stupid? I don’t even remember where I got my own nickname.”
I laughed softly, not wanting to wake the baby. “I like Christopher,” I whispered. I handed the baby off to him, and just watching him gingerly take the baby from me was enough to fill my heart with enough love to carry me through the rest of my life.
Love.
Yes, I loved him. I couldn’t help it. No matter how different that we were, he had a good heart. He didn’t have to tell me that he wanted to take care of the baby and me—he didn’t know that Christopher was his. But he wanted to be there for me because he cared about me so much.
How could I not love him?
“He has my nose,” Creed muttered. “Poor kid.”
“I always liked your nose.”
“Really?” He looked over at me with a smile.
“Yeah, actually.” I reached out to take his hand, where it was wrapped around our baby’s bottom. “I like all of you, pretty much.”
“Pretty much,” he snorted. “I guess I’ll take it.”
There was a knock at the door. “Can we come in?” Nicole stuck her head in, all smiles. I nodded with a finger to my lips. She tiptoed in with Drake, Darcy, and Violet. I saw her eyes go big and round when she saw Creed holding the baby, and I nodded when our eyes met. Her chin wobbled, and she waved her hand, turning away like she couldn’t handle it. The rest of them went to the baby, and even Drake seemed awed by our son. He looked impressed with Creed, who smiled as only a new father could.
“You all right, brother?” he asked. I guessed that Creed had told Drake that he was a father, or perhaps Nicole had spilled the beans. I could tell from the look on his face that he knew.
Creed nodded.
“I got this.” He looked down at his son with so much wonder and pride. Seeing him now, I would never regret telling him the truth. I was so glad that he could be there at that moment, and that I got to witness him meeting his son. He was a good man. Based on that, I was sure that he would raise a good boy.
“How are you, Mama?” Darcy gave me a hug.
“Exhausted,” I admitted. “But happy.”
“How did it go?” Violet sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, patting my hand.
“I guess it went all right. No issues. I’m glad that the baby is here, and he looks happy, healthy and well.” I looked over at him, already longing to hold him again. But everybody else wanted their chance, so Creed was generous enough to pass him around. I watched him—he wanted to hover but didn’t want it to look like he was being overprotective or selfish with his son. I smiled at Nicole, who also noticed that he was hovering.
“Do you have a name for him yet?” she asked.
“Christopher,” I said.
“Christopher James, Jr.” Creed corrected.
“Oh, yeah, that’s your actual name, isn’t it?” Drake asked. “Funny how you forget those things.” He put an arm around Nicole as she held the baby, and the look on his face made me wonder how much longer that it would be before they had a child of their own.
After a little while, they left us on our own. The baby was asleep, and I was halfway there myself, so I watched as Creed lowered Christopher into his clear bassinet. I used to think that I would be too tired to have the baby in my room with me at the hospital—and it had scared the hell out of me, the thought of being alone with him when I had no idea what to do—but I wouldn’t have traded him being there with me for the world. I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to lie there on my side so that I could watch him sleep.
“Do you think that he’s dreaming?” Creed asked.
“I don’t know. I guess he’s been dreaming since he was created,” I murmured, watching the baby stir in his sleep.
“What do you think a baby could possibly dream about?” He sat on the edge of the bed and took my hand in his. It was the most natural gesture in the world, and even though I would have pulled away if he had tried it earlier in the day, I couldn’t imagine pulling away just then.
“The things that are important in life,” I answered, wanting to let the baby sleep as long as possible. I was so mentally worn out and physically spent that I wanted to join him in dream land, but I didn’t want to end the moment with Creed, either.
“Like what?”
“Like what life is all about,” I mused. “Maybe about the secrets of the universe. We only forget the significance of that stuff as we grow up.”
“I like that. It’s as good as any other explanation.” He grinned down at me, then his expression changed when he noticed how tired I looked. “You’re exhausted.”
“Wouldn’t you be?” I sm
iled.
“Are you kidding? I’d be fucking dead.” His eyes widened, and he glanced over at the baby.
I laughed softly. “You have to learn how to watch your language,” I pointed out.
“So do you.”
“I don’t curse like a sailor, the way that you do.”
“All right. I’ll get better at it, I promise.” He looked down at my hand, where he held it in his. “Can I ask you something?”
“As long as it’s quick. I don’t know how much longer that I have to give you right now. I could fall asleep any minute.” I yawned just then, just to prove my point.
“Why didn’t you want me to know that he was mine? I know that I’m not the Prince Charming that you probably dreamed about when you were a kid, but…”
I shook my head. “There’s no such thing as that kind of Prince, and if there were, I wouldn’t have met him. I was never that little girl who believed in fairytales. Can you imagine me dreaming about a Prince?” I chuckled.
“So why did you hide it?” He searched my face, looking like he was dreading my response. And he deserved a good answer, too. He deserved so much more than what I’d been giving him credit for.
“I was afraid. I didn’t want to be like my mother.”
“Oh.” He looked down again. “But I’m not like your father. I’m not like Clayton.”
“I know that you’re not. I didn’t know my father, but at the same time what I do know is that you’re not like him. I was afraid, and like I said, I told myself that I had to be careful for the baby’s sake too. I didn’t want my baby to grow up the way that I did. My mother trusted my father and she ended up raising six kids alone. And let’s face it, you live a dangerous life.”
“Not as dangerous as it was back then,” he reminded me.
“I know. But if I lost Austin…”
“You won’t lose me. You won’t. I’m not going anywhere.” He raised my hand to his mouth, kissing it gently. “I love you, Tamara.”
Tears sprang to my eyes. “You’re not just saying that, are you?”
“Of course not!” he replied.
“And not just because of the baby? You don’t have to lie to make me feel better, you know. I don’t ever want to make you feel trapped, Creed.”
He put his free hand to my mouth, shushing me. “Didn’t you know that I loved you all of this time? Why do you think that I’ve been busting my—butt? I wanted you to see that I could be better than I was before I let myself go. I wanted to be the man that you deserved.”
“I could kick myself right now. That whole time, I thought that you were getting yourself into shape for one of the girls at Bobby’s whorehouse.”
He grimaced. “They’re not the kind of girls that you get serious about or commit yourself to for the long run. I thought that everyone knew that.”
“I didn’t know how you felt about it.”
“You could have asked.”
“No, I couldn’t have.”
“Well, I love you back,” I admitted. I had finally said it. And I meant it. He smiled, stroking my cheek, and brushing the hair away from my face.
It was scary as hell, even when I knew that the person that I was saying it to felt the same way that I did. It was so scary. Probably because I didn’t have a lot of experience with saying it out loud. I hadn’t told many people that I loved them before. Then I remembered the way that I’d felt when Austin died and how sorry I was that I hadn’t told him how I really felt. It didn’t matter whether he felt the same way. What mattered was saying it, admitting what was happening in my heart and opening myself up to the possibility that something good could come from it.
“I love you, too.” He bent to press his lips to mine. It was like our first kiss all over again. In a way, it was. It was a brand-new beginning for us, for our little family.
Epilogue
Tamara
“Happy birthday, dear Christopher, happy birthday to you!” I sang to my son, and I was not the least bit embarrassed that I was off tune.
I held the cake up to Christopher and blew out the candle, and we all cheered. He had no idea what the big deal was. Of course, he was used to being a star. He had been the focal point of my existence since the day that he was born. He was just the kind of kid that people adored. Maybe it was the round, cherub cheeks or the big, bright green eyes. He was just like his father.
I watched Creed’s face light up with joy as he placed a thick slice of chocolate cake in front of his son, on the tray to his high chair. They adored each other. Christopher’s face lit up whenever he saw his father come into the room. Probably because Creed was such a good father, always tossing the baby around, bouncing him up and down and making up silly songs to entertain him. Creed was all man, but he was a kid at heart, so they had something to bond over.
We all stood around, cameras ready as Christopher tried to figure out what he was supposed to do with the cake. He took a tentative taste of the little bit that he picked up in his chubby fist, and the smile that broke out over his face was the sort of magic that you only saw in television ads. Between me, Nicole and the rest of the women of the Blood Riders Motorcycle Club we must have snapped a thousand pictures of that moment alone.
Then he dug in with gusto, and we all laughed as he made a mess of himself.
“That’s how your mommy looked when she was pregnant with you,” Creed said when Christopher smeared cake and frosting all over his mouth.
“You’d better hold your tongue, or you won’t live to see him turn two,” I warned, said, and everybody laughed. He wasn’t completely wrong, but nobody wanted to be reminded of that.
“Hey, never try to get between a pregnant woman and her food,” said a very pregnant Nicole. At seven months, she was already bigger than I was at full-term. I was sure that she was due to have twins, but the doctor insisted that it was just one very tall baby. With the height of its’ parents, I could understand how that was possible. She was the happiest that I had ever seen her, and it seemed like she was getting happier every day.
“Speaking of which…” I cut her a thick slice of cake so she could enjoy a delicious treat. She took it over to a chair and sat with her swollen feet propped up on another chair. Drake sat next to her, talking to the baby in her belly. If anyone had told me that Drake Collins would be talking to a baby in a pregnant woman’s belly—much less his own child—I probably would have wet myself laughing. It was all so unbelievable, what a little time had done to all of us.
And love had changed us all.
It was corny, but it was also true. Love had inspired us, altering our lives forever.
Darcy and her boyfriend stood off to the side, grinning as my son threw the cake that they’d made for him all over the kitchen. place. He was a pastry chef named Claude, and they were already planning on opening their own restaurant one day.
Violet was still single, though I thought that I might have caught her and Diesel exchanging a few meaningful looks. His relationship hadn’t panned out, and he’d been single for a while now. I knew enough about those looks from across the room, so it was only a matter of time before they acted on their attraction. Creed and I had exchanged enough of those looks to last a lifetime.
My heart was so full of love and adoration as I watched Creed take a piece of Christopher’s cake off his tray and eat it, smearing the frosting around his mouth and making his son mimic him. The kid would do anything that he did. I was sure that the minute that he learned how to talk he’d be asking me for a bike just like his father’s. I took a picture of the two of them grinning at each other like fools. Well, one of them was a fool for the other. Creed would literally have done anything for his son, I was sure of that. He would do anything to make him happy, or to get him to smile. The first time that he laughed was when his father fell over an ottoman in the living room. So, Creed intentionally fell over it another ten times, just to get Christopher to laugh again. And he had, every single time.
Once it was clear that
Christopher was finished with his cake, Creed took him from the high chair and held him at arm’s length. “I’ll get him changed,” he offered, giving me a quick kiss before leaving the room. I marveled at how quickly he had adapted to life with a baby. I had been sure that it would take him forever to get used to it. Instead, he seemed to relish the time that he got to spend with his son, even if it was only washing him up and changing his clothes.
I glanced over at Nicole, who was apparently telling Drake to take note of Creed’s eagerness to help. “You have some pretty big shoes to fill,” I laughed, cleaning up the messy high chair.
“Yeah, he needs to lower the bar a little, the fucking show-off.” We all laughed, even Drake. He had gotten much better at laughing at himself over the years, thanks to his wife. He’d also gotten more comfortable in his role as President. It was like he was born to do it, which I didn’t doubt one bit. He was a natural born leader.
Creed came back out, carrying the little man of the hour. I took him from his father, giving him a big kiss when he was in my arms. He looked happy, and all sugared up from receiving kisses from his dad. I hoped that meant he would crash hard later. Creed had been so busy with the brothel that we had hardly had any quality time together in weeks.
I hated that Creed worked at that damn brothel. It had been a real source of contention between us for weeks when it first opened, and that had not changed. At the time, I hadn’t liked the idea of it, and I sure as hell didn’t like the reality of my man being around a bunch of whores all day long. It had taken him explaining two things to me to change my mind.
“I know the past is the past but…”
“Yes?”
“That night, when you thought that I slept with those two girls. You remember?” We’d been on opposite sides of the living room at the time, having fought for an hour after putting Christopher down for the night. I had already thrown a pillow across the room—though, in my defense, I hadn’t thrown it at Creed.
“Yes, I remember! How could I possibly forget!” I’d panted, beyond furious.
