Shattered

by Ava Conway

  I wrote “evaluate” and “hands-on” in my notebook as a collection of groans echoed through the room. I glanced sideways at Flynn, who seemed to be staring at my notes. Feeling self-conscious, I closed the notebook and put the cap back on the pen. He snorted and turned away, giving me a perfect view of his stony profile.

  There was something about him that I found alluring. It was more than his handsome, angular features. He seemed rough around the edges, but manners and respect were important to him. The contradiction was intriguing, and something I wanted to know more about. Hopefully Dr. Polanski would choose him as one of the patients for me to evaluate.

  “Part of Mia’s assignment will be evaluating patients for the work program. As you know, this is the last hurdle for many of you before moving into a group setting. Demonstrate an ability to become a productive member of society, and you can go home.”

  Flynn snorted. “Home.”

  “Don’t you want to go home?” I asked.

  Flynn glanced at me and frowned. “You’re assuming we have a home to go back to.”

  “Oh.” I cracked open my notebook and wrote down his comments as Flynn made a disgusted sound through his teeth.

  “Mia will be evaluating four of you this semester. Two from this group and two from the women’s group.

  “Flynn and Nesto, you will both be evaluated from this group.”

  “Fuck,” Nesto muttered.

  “I don’t understand what the big deal is,” I said as I wrote down their names.

  “You wouldn’t,” Flynn said.

  I flashed him a questioning look. What was that supposed to mean?

  Dr. Polanski nodded in my direction, forcing my attention away from Flynn and his peculiar behavior. “Your evaluation will be taken from case files, observances during therapy sessions, and individual interviews. At the end of the semester, she will hand in a written report that I will take into consideration.”

  “My future isn’t going to be decided by Daddy’s little princess,” Nesto said.

  I tightened my grip on my pen until my knuckles turned white. He doesn’t know. He’s just trying to get under your skin.

  “That’s enough,” Dr. Polanski warned.

  “Come on, look at her.” Nesto waved his hand in my direction. “You think she knows what it’s like in this place, or what we need for help?” He made a disgusted noise as he dragged his gaze up and down my body. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she was more screwed up than we were.”

  “Shut up.” Flynn’s voice was tinged with warning.

  “Okay, I think we’ve had enough group therapy for one day.” Dr. Polanski placed her marker next to the sketchpad. “I’d like everyone to go back to their rooms—”

  “Oh, God, this is bad. This is real bad.” Carter put his hand over his ears and began to rock.

  “Come on, Flynn. You know what it’s like. This is a child. She knows nothing about the real world and how it works.” Nesto made a fist and pounded it against his chest. “She isn’t one of us.”

  “Excuse me?” I said, placing down my pen. No one knew the pain I had suffered in silence, not even my family. “I’ve had more pain than you will ever know.”

  “Yeah, right,” Nesto scoffed as the other patients stood and started to leave.

  “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” Flynn stood up next to me, his large frame dwarfing mine. Despite his height, he was much leaner than Nesto, who looked like a wall of muscle.

  Dr. Polanski stood on her tiptoes and shifted her gaze toward the door. “Elias, Johnson. We need some help here.”

  “Someone my size? Like who—you?” Nesto waved his hand in dismissal. “You punch like a girl. I could beat your ass with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back.”

  Before I could react, Flynn jumped on Nesto, sending them both crashing to the floor. I screamed and tried to step back, but my feet got tangled in the mass of limbs beneath me. I stumbled and crashed to the floor with them.

  That was when the real chaos began.

  FOUR

  WITHIN SECONDS my world spun out of control. Fists were everywhere, legs, everywhere. The harder I tried to get away, the more tangled and disoriented I became. Something solid hit me on the arm, then again on my outer thigh. I cried out as pain shot through my calf. I felt my panic begin to rise and tried to figure out how to get away.

  “Get off me.” I pushed and shoved, but I might as well have been pushing against stone. The men didn’t even seem to realize that I was on the floor with them.

  I kicked hard at the solid form in front of me, trying to get away, but hit nothing but air. One of my shoes flew off my foot and into Carter’s shin. He stopped heading toward the exit, held his ears and started screaming. His scream had a domino effect on the room. The nice, single-file exit of the patients became disrupted as patients were jarred out of the normal routine. Some started crying, others ran in circles, still others cheered both Flynn and Nesto on. The wall of people created a barrier between Elias, Johnson, and myself. They started to sweat as they tried to break through the patients and get to me.

  Voices rose up from every direction, but I couldn’t make out any words. I yelled at Nesto and Flynn to get off me again and covered my face with my hands. Pain exploded through my body as fists and feet hit me in places I never realized were so sensitive. I silently prayed for the chaos to stop. Don’t hit my face. God, if they kicked my face, the resulting bruise would damage my professional image for weeks.

  I tried to roll away and heard the sound of fabric tearing in my lower region. Fuck, now my wonderful suit was ruined.

  “That’s enough, you two,” Elias’s booming voice rang in my ears as a body was hauled off me.

  “I can’t believe you hit her,” Flynn said. “Asshole.”

  “I didn’t hit her, you did,” Nesto retorted.

  Air, I finally had air. I didn’t realize how suffocating it had been beneath two men until they were finally pulled off me.

  “Are you okay?” Dr. Polanski’s voice rang through the commotion. I lowered my shaking hands and nodded.

  “They didn’t hurt you, did they?” my mentor asked.

  “I’m not sure. I don’t think so.” My voice sounded weak and strained to my ears. I coughed and picked at my tongue. “Although I think I might have swallowed a dust bunny.”

  It was a poor attempt at humor, so it didn’t surprise me that no one laughed. I stood and straightened my skirt. My hair was a helpless mess, the tight bun long gone. Frizzy strands hung in my face as I straightened and adjusted my blazer. I ran my hands over my skirt, whimpering in dismay at how the hem had been completely torn apart.

  “Did he hurt you?” Flynn’s voice rose out of the general commotion.

  I glanced up at Flynn, who was trying to get to me, but Elias was holding him back. He looked so concerned and angry. His bandanna had fallen off during the fight and rough, auburn locks fell across his temples. His hair was shorter on the sides, longer on top, and was a perfect match to the auburn stubble along his jaw. The wild look in his eyes made me think of a caged lion, ready to pounce as soon as its keeper opened the door.

  I straightened my glasses, which remarkably remained on my nose through the entire ordeal, and shook my head.

  “Let go of me, man!” Flynn yelled at Elias.

  “Not until you settle down.” Elias’s white uniform was rumpled and it looked like it had collected a fair amount of dirt from the floor.

  “If you let go of him, then you have to let go of me,” Nesto said. “This was all his fault.”

  “You provoked him, amigo,” Elias said. “Without cause, I might add.”

  “Like hell I did. We were just playing, weren’t we, bro?”

  Flynn ground his teeth but said nothing. Elias murmured something in Flynn’s ear. I wanted to know what he was saying, but it was too soft for me to hear. Slowly, Flynn started to relax. Elias loosened his grip but didn’t let go completely. The fire in Flynn’s
eyes had dissolved, and his muscles relaxed. I became jealous over how Elias seemed to have a calming effect on him and wanted to know how he did it.

  I glanced over to where Nesto was pinned to the ground by Johnson and a second orderly. The two staff members worked as one, as if they had done something similar many times before. Johnson’s appearance could be described as average. Average build, average height, average mousy-brown hair. Even his uniform was the standard white, form-fitting outfit all of the staff members wore. His features looked to be East European, or perhaps German, and his hands were large enough to span my waist, if he were ever to try it.

  His buddy’s hair was styled in a dirty-blond buzz cut, and his broad build suggested that he frequented the gym. His features were more Nordic, enough for me to easily imagine him as a Viking in another era. Neither he nor Johnson were men I wanted to encounter in a dark alley. Both looked used to fighting.

  I tore my gaze away from the orderlies and glanced at Nesto, who looked to be in horrible pain. Whether it was from the fight, or the awkward position he was being held in, I wasn’t sure. He didn’t look very dignified, lying there on the ground, and part of me felt sorry for him.

  “Don’t you think you should let him go?” I asked.

  Johnson flashed me an incredulous glare. “Let him go? Are you crazy?”

  “Probably, she’s in an institution.” The second orderly laughed at his own joke as he held down Nesto’s legs.

  “Johnson, go easy on him.” Dr. Polanski knelt down beside Nesto and put her hand on Johnson’s arm. “You don’t want to break his arm.”

  Johnson grinned at the doctor, but it looked more like a sneer. “Would you rather I let him punch her?” He nodded toward me as he spoke. “Because if I let go, fists will be flailing. I’m just sayin’ .” He wrestled with Nesto, whose struggles intensified. “Bunch of animals.”

  “That’s enough.” Dr. Polanski pressed her lips together and turned to the man with a buzz cut. “Everett, go get Pam and some lorazepam, stat,” she ordered.

  “How much?” Johnson’s friend asked. “Or should I get enough for everyone?”

  Johnson snorted.

  “Fuck you! I’m not takin’ no drugs!” Nesto shouted from his painful-looking position on the floor.

  “Do you really need to hold him like that?” I asked, cringing.

  Johnson frowned. “For a college girl, you aren’t very smart, are you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Look what these two did to the room.” He nodded behind me. I looked over my shoulder and was taken aback by the devastation. During the melee, patients had overturned chairs and tables. The coffee urn had been tipped over and dark brown liquid pooled on the floor. Pictures had been torn down from the walls, and two of the three potted plants had been destroyed.

  “My God.” There were no words to describe the mess.

  “Nice, eh?”

  “Where are they?” Johnson was busy wrestling Nesto, so I turned to Dr. Polanski. “Where’re the other patients?”

  “The other staff members on duty took the patients away from the disturbance and back to their rooms to calm down.”

  The front receptionist entered the room holding a small white briefcase. Her lips were pinched, and she strode with purpose. Everett was hot on her heels.

  Everything was happening so fast. This whole incident couldn’t have lasted more than a few minutes, and now . . . now both Nesto and Flynn were going to be drugged and dragged away.

  “Why are you giving him such a strong sedative?” I asked Pam.

  She ignored me and turned one of the folding chairs upright. “Who should I start with?” she asked as she set the briefcase on the chair and opened it.

  “Martinez.”

  “Why are you giving him such a strong sedative?” I asked Dr. Polanski. Something felt wrong, horribly, terribly wrong.

  “Because it’s part of our protocol.”

  I had read about lorazepam in class but never knew anyone who used it. The benzodiazepine drug had some nasty side effects, and changed the way the brain processed information. It basically slowed brain function so the user felt sedated and euphoric. If not carefully monitored, it could become habit-forming. My professor told us of how he had treated one patient with a lorazepam addiction, and how that person eventually slipped into a coma from overuse. The drug was dangerous, and the thought of Flynn and Nesto getting the toxin in their bloodstream didn’t sit well.

  “It’s okay,” Flynn said, drawing my attention. “We’ve had it before.”

  That only made this whole situation worse. “Does it hurt?”

  “No more than any other shot,” Dr. Polanski said before Flynn could open his mouth. “Trust me on this. It’s what’s best for both of them.”

  As I watched Pam put on sterile gloves and prepare the needle, I felt this odd detachment, as if I were watching a movie. Everett and Pam moved toward Nesto. The nurse had a syringe in her hand.

  “Just like old times, ain’t it, buddy?” Everett whispered.

  “Everett, enough,” Dr. Polanski said.

  Johnson chuckled in reply, and my stomach churned with unease.

  “Wait, no.” Nesto tried to get free, but Everett joined Johnson, and between the two of them, they managed to hold Nesto down. “Damn it, he started it.” Pam knelt beside him and pushed a small amount of liquid through the tip of the syringe. It sprayed up into the air like a fountain coming to life.

  Dr. Polanski crouched down beside Nesto and pushed the loose strands of hair from his face. The action seemed almost motherly, but Nesto didn’t seem appeased by the calming gesture. He bucked and swore as Pam moved the needle out of my range of vision and pulled out an alcohol pad.

  I turned to Flynn, realizing he was about to suffer the same fate. Unlike Nesto, he wasn’t fighting the inevitable. He seemed concerned, but not for his safety or his friend’s.

  “He’ll be all right,” he said.

  I glanced around, wondering if we should be talking, considering what happened. Everyone’s attention was firmly fixed on Nesto.

  I inched closer to Flynn, who was still being held by Elias. “Will he?”

  Flynn twisted his lips into a half smile. “As well as someone like him can be.” He nodded to the small group on the floor and lowered his voice. “He didn’t mean anything by what he did.”

  “Then why did he do it?”

  Flynn shrugged. “Why do we do anything?” He studied my face. “You hurt?”

  I shook my head.

  Tension left his shoulders as he exhaled a long breath. “Good.” He hesitated, then added, “Sorry you got caught up in the middle of that.”

  I parted my lips to speak, but then Pam rose from the floor and exchanged the old syringe for a new one. Dr. Polanski, Johnson, and Everett also stood and stepped away from Nesto.

  I didn’t want to look at him, but I couldn’t help myself. I was like a deer in headlights, mesmerized by the moment.

  Nesto’s body was limp, and his eyes half closed. He moaned something incoherent and twitched his fingers.

  I shook my head in amazement. Moments ago he was full of piss and vinegar, fighting the staff with everything he had. Now he looked half dead.

  “You gave him too much,” I said.

  “No, he just likes to do that,” Johnson said. “Martinez likes to play the victim.” He tapped Nesto’s leg with his foot. “Don’t you, buddy?”

  Nesto groaned in reply.

  I tore my gaze away from Nesto, unable to watch any longer.

  “Are you okay?” Dr. Polanski asked as she put her hand on my shoulder. “You look ill.”

  I felt ill, but I wasn’t about to tell her that. “I’ll be fine.” Eventually, like after I’ve had a few dozen margaritas and could black out this whole nightmare.

  Pam pushed some liquid through the tip of the new syringe.

  I glanced over at Dr. Polanski, who was watching me with interest. “But I don’t understand.
Flynn’s not a threat now. Elias calmed him down.”

  Dr. Polanski took my elbow and steered me away from the others. “Danger takes many forms, Mia,” she whispered. “Sometimes it is in your face and easy to pick out.” She waved her hand at Nesto’s drugged body, which was now being dragged from the room by Everett and Johnson. “Sometimes it’s more subtle.” She glanced over her shoulder at Flynn.

  “I don’t understand. I thought we were supposed to be compassionate,” I whispered back.

  “We are, but not so compassionate that we jeopardize our own safety.” She crossed her arms and considered me for a moment. “You know as well as I do what these patients are capable of doing. Just because Flynn’s not fighting now doesn’t mean that he’s not up to something. For all I know, he’ll start throwing punches the moment Elias lets go of his arms.” She glanced over at him and frowned. “Flynn is a dangerous man, Mia. In some ways, more dangerous than Nesto.”

  I glanced up at Flynn and saw him flinch and steel his jaw as Pam pushed the needle into his arm. It looked like it hurt, but he said nothing.

  Dr. Polanski patted my arm. “It’s okay, Mia. This is part of our procedure.”

  I forced my gaze away from Flynn and met hers. “Procedure?”

  “If a patient shows aggression, then we must subdue him by any means necessary for the safety of the other patients and staff. Surely you read that in your studies.”

  I had. In fact, I had aced that test. Learning things in the classroom and seeing them play out in real life were two different things, however.

  Dr. Polanski let out a long, tired breath. “It may look as if we aren’t being compassionate, but we really are. We’re watching out for the safety of everyone on this floor, including you.” She squeezed my elbow. “You’ll understand that better after you spend a little more time here. We aren’t the bad guys. We’re here to help.”