by Ava Conway
My life would mean something.
It didn’t matter that many of these professionals didn’t have meaningful relationships outside the hospital. I wasn’t equipped to have a family anyway. And as far as developing a warped sense of reality, well, my monthly breakfast dates with Lucy would help me stay grounded in reality.
I parked the car and made my way through the outpatient building and quad of Newton Heights Psychiatric Hospital. The sun was shining brightly in the sky, and people strode purposefully to their destinations, carrying briefcases, smart phones and coffees. As I watched the people around me, Flynn’s words floated through my mind.
They are so self-absorbed, they can’t see what is going on around them. Had I been so focused on my current career path that I never questioned if it was what I really wanted? The thought caused a tightening in my chest. What if everything I had been doing had been for nothing?
I quickly made my way into the mental health building and waved at the guy behind the information booth. He raised his “disgruntled employee of the month” mug to me in silent salute.
I noticed that things seemed darker in here, the people more grim. It was almost as if a heavy shroud had covered the building and the weight of it caused everyone’s shoulders to slump.
I hurried into the elevator and pushed the button to start it moving.
This was ridiculous. Lucy was putting thoughts in my head that had no business being there. Of course I wanted to work in the long-term-care ward at Newton Heights. My past experiences made me the perfect person to help people bury their problems and reenter society. Working in long-term care was my calling, my purpose.
By the time the elevator doors opened, I had re-collected myself. I strode from the elevator with my head held high, determined not to let my insecurities show. My long, steady strides began to slow as I approached the reception area, however. Something was wrong.
“Better be careful,” the receptionist said. Not Pam, but someone else, a new girl. “Things are pretty crazy in there right now.”
“What’s going on?”
“There was a fight between two patients.”
“Who?”
The woman shrugged. “Some Irish guy got his nose broken.”
An uneasy feeling wound its way through my center. “Was this guy wearing a bandanna?”
“Yeah.”
“Was his nose bent”—I touched the bridge of my nose—“like it had been broken in the past?”
The woman hesitated before responding. “Come to think of it, yeah, it was.”
My briefcase slipped from my fingers. “What room?”
“The common room—hey, lady, you forgot your briefcase.”
I barely heard her as I ran down the hall to the common area. My heels clicked over the linoleum, and for the first time I wished that I wore more sensible shoes. As I wove among the patients in the hall, one patient caught my eye.
“Iris!”
Iris froze, her arms crossed, a look of horror on her face. She immediately turned around and started walking in the other direction.
“Iris, wait.” I caught up to her and pulled on her sleeve. She shrunk back, as if stung.
“Don’t touch me.” She pushed herself closer to the wall, keeping her arms crossed. Her bulky MIT sweatshirt bunched around her torso in odd places, and an outline of something rectangular could be seen underneath.
“Did you see the fight?”
“Fight?” She looked a little confused. “No. I was . . . in my room. Who was fighting?”
“Flynn and someone else.”
“Is Flynn okay?”
“I have no idea. I’m trying to find out.”
“What was he fighting about?”
I shook my head. “I just need to find Flynn. Have you seen him?”
“I haven’t seen anyone.” She hugged her arms tighter around her chest. “I don’t leave my room much.” She glanced down at the floor. “The hypochondria and all.”
“I see.” I frowned at the way her sweatshirt bunched around her chest. “Are you hiding something under your shirt?”
“I—no.”
“Iris?” I tilted my head to the side. “What have you been up to?”
She sighed and glanced around the hall. “This place gets so boring,” she whispered as she lifted her sweatshirt, revealing the smooth, gray end of a tablet. “I just use it sometimes,” she explained. “It makes me feel connected to the outside world.”
I blinked at this new revelation. “How did you get a tablet?”
“Shh. I had someone bring it in.” She lowered her shirt. “Please don’t tell on me.”
I stared at her and tried to think. Dr. Polanski needed to know about this. Electronics of any kind weren’t allowed on the floor.
“Is that where you go when you run off? To play with your computer?”
“Not play, exactly,” Iris said as she shifted her eyes around the hall. “But yeah.”
“Jesus.” I shook my head and raised my hand between us. “I don’t have time for this.” Flynn could be somewhere, hurting, and I was here arguing with Iris in the hall.
“Please don’t get me in trouble,” she whispered. “I’ll promise to get rid of it.”
I steeled my jaw and tried to think. This needed to be dealt with, but not now. I had more important things to worry about.
“Okay, get rid of it, and I won’t tell anyone.”
Iris relaxed her shoulders and let out a long breath. “Thank you, Mia. I owe you one.”
“Just make sure you get rid of it before they do rounds.”
“Sure thing.”
“Hey!” Kade waved to Iris from across the hall.
“I’ve got to go. Thanks again.”
Before I could say anything more, Iris and Kade were walking down the hall in the opposite direction. Shaking my head, I made a mental note to follow up with Iris later and hurried to the common room.
I only hoped that I wasn’t too late.
THE COMMON ROOM was surprisingly empty when I got there. There were only a handful of patients, and it seemed as if the orderlies and nurses had things mostly under control. A couple of orderlies with troubled expressions escorted a few patients from the room. I quickly scanned the area and found Elias talking to Carter in the library area. Elias’s brow creased with concern as he placed his hand was on the patient’s elbow. As I hurried over to them, I realized that Elias was sitting where Flynn liked to read. It seemed wrong seeing the orderly there now, and I fought back my sudden impulse to tell him to move.
“What happened?” I asked as I got within earshot.
Carter jerked back from Elias and met my gaze. Carter’s eyes looked wild, and his hands were shaking. “We’re all going to die.”
I ignored him and focused on Elias. “Is everyone okay?”
“They’re coming for us. We’re going to die.” Carter pointed to a spot on the rug. “They’ve already taken one.”
Shit. I knelt down and inspected the drop of blood. My stomach lurched and I felt as if I was going to lose that pastry I had eaten with Lucy at breakfast.
“Take deep breaths,” Elias told Carter. “Everything is going to be fine.”
Carter gripped the armrests as he focused on Elias. Together they did some breathing exercises until Carter relaxed his shoulders. As the seconds passed, I became more and more impatient. I had already wasted precious time with Iris in the hall. Couldn’t Elias just answer a simple question?
“Good,” Elias said as the color returned to Carter’s face.
“What happened?” I asked as Carter visibly relaxed. “Who’s hurt?”
Elias flashed me a frustrated glare and refocused on Carter. “Are you going to be okay, buddy?”
I glanced around the nearly empty room and wondered if I should call the teaching hospital. If Flynn were hurt badly enough, they might have taken them there.
“Elias?”
“Just a moment.” Elias focused on Carter, and I ground
my teeth. It was obvious that Carter was going to be fine. Flynn, on the other hand, could be bleeding to death around the corner, and I’d never know.
“I—I think so,” Carter said.
“No more demons?” Elias asked.
As Carter shook his head, I fought the growing uneasiness in my gut. Hang on, Flynn. I’ll find you.
“Good. Come on.” Elias helped Carter to stand and motioned to Pam several paces away. “Could you help him back to his room?”
Pam gave Carter the once-over and nodded. “Come on, big guy.” She looped her arm with his and steered him toward the exit. “Let’s get you back to your room.”
Elias watched their retreating forms for a moment, then turned his attention to me. “What was that all about?”
“What do you mean?” I uncrossed my arms and put them at my sides. He was the one who was rude, not I.
“I mean, you saw this place. The patients here had just gone through a trauma. You can’t come in and start yelling and waving your arms. You’ll upset them even more.”
“Oh, sorry.” I had been so concerned over Flynn that I hadn’t thought about the other patients.
“It’s okay.” Elias relaxed his shoulders “You’re still learning. Just try to show a little more compassion.”
Compassion? Elias’s condescending tone irritated me, but he looked tired, so I cut him some slack. Besides, arguing with him would not get me the information I wanted.
“What happened?”
“I’m not sure.” Elias scratched his head. “Nesto and Flynn were playing Ping-Pong and Iris was watching TV with Carter. Then Harris came in, and . . .”
“Harris?”
“Kade Harris.” When I shook my head he waved his hands over his arms. “Skinny guy, lots of tattoos and a nose ring?”
I thought back to that day in the common area when he had been watching television with Iris. “Yeah, I know him.”
“Well, Harris came in and sat next to Iris. He started talking to her.” He shook his head and frowned. “The next thing I knew, Nesto had him on the floor and was punching him in the head.”
“Jesus.”
“Flynn got to the fight first and tried to pull Nesto off of the poor guy, but Martinez was like a man obsessed.” Elias looked up and met my gaze. “He turned around, screamed that no one was going to come between him and his girl, and then punched his friend in the nose.”
I covered my own nose in horror. “Oh, God.”
“Yeah. Took everyone by surprise, including Flynn. He tried to duck, but Nesto was too fast. It was a clean shot.”
“Where is he now?”
“We had to sedate and put him in confinement.”
“Why? He was trying to help break up the fight.”
“Oh, you mean Flynn. I thought you meant Martinez. I don’t know where Flynn is. After he got bandaged, he took off.”
“Oh.” Damn. I had to find him but didn’t know where to start looking.
“Elias? They need you in room two-thirty-two,” Johnson said as he approached.
“Thanks.” Elias stood and turned to me. “Do yourself a favor and lay low for a while. When patients get riled up like this, it doesn’t take much to set them off. Give them time to cool off.”
“Will do.” I watched Elias’s retreating form and wondered how on earth I was going to find Flynn.
“Asshole deserved it.”
I turned to see Johnson and his buddy Everett standing there, grinning like Cheshire cats.
“Excuse me?”
“They’re animals,” Everett said. “Throw them the right bait, and they all go after it.”
I widened my eyes as I glanced from Everett to Johnson. “You set him up,” I said. “You set Nesto up.”
“We didn’t punch anybody,” Johnson said, putting his hand over his chest.
“Yeah, all we did was make a little observation.” Everett chuckled.
“You manipulated him,” I accused.
“No, I merely said that it was interesting how close Kade and Iris were sitting.”
“And I noticed how Kade looked at her boobs.” Everett snorted.
“You know how violent Martinez is.” I took a step back. “I can’t believe you goaded him like that.”
Everett shrugged. “Martinez needed to be reminded.”
“Reminded of what?”
“Of who has the power in this place,” Johnson said.
“You two disgust me.” I turned to go, but Johnson moved, blocking my path.
“Hey, Everett,” he said.
“Yeah?”
“I think they need you down in room two-thirty-two as well,” he said, his gaze never leaving mine.
“Yeah, I guess they do.” Everett shoved his hands in his pockets. “Catch you later.”
“Yeah, later.” Johnson waited until Everett left the room. “Interesting how you accuse me of manipulation when you’ve been manipulating me all along.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I started to move around him, but he grabbed my wrist, preventing me from leaving.
“I think you do.” He made a show of dragging his gaze over my body. “You come in here in that tight uniform and wiggle that ass. A man would have to be dead not to notice.”
“I don’t dress to entice men, you idiot.”
“Then you walk down these halls, and the animals are drawn to you like bees to honey.” He inched closer. “Aren’t you tired of rolling around in the dirt?”
I took a step back, desperate to put some distance between us. “I don’t roll around in the dirt.”
“Sure you do. I’ve seen you with the Irishman. I’ve heard you talk to him when you think no one’s around.” He leaned in close until a thin slice of air separated our lips. “Oh, Flynn. Yes. Give me more.” He spoke in a high, falsetto voice that made my blood run cold.
“You listened to us.” Horror shot through my system as I realized that Johnson knew so much about what was going on between me and Flynn. At best he could make my life miserable with his sexual innuendos. At worst, he had physical evidence that could get me fired. I was screwed.
“Don’t worry, darlin ’. Your secret’s safe with me.” He turned his hand and stroked my palm with his thumb. “Although, if you ever choose to stop playing with pigs in the mud and ride a thoroughbred instead . . . ” He tugged on my hand, pulling me against his pudgy body. My stomach rolled in disgust as his erection pushed into my lower abdomen. “I can make myself available.”
I tugged my arm, but his grip was solid. “Go to hell.”
“Mia, there you are.” The receptionist rushed into the room, carrying my briefcase. “You left in such a hurry, you dropped this in the hall.”
“Thank you.” I pulled my hand from Johnson’s grasp and gave him a cold, hard stare. “I think we’re done here.”
“For now.” He dropped his gaze to my breasts. “We can discuss things more later. In your office, perhaps?”
“Aren’t you wanted somewhere?” I asked. “Room two-thirty-two or something?”
He nodded his head in silent concession and walked backward toward the door. “Later, then.” He dragged his gaze over my body. “I’ll look forward to it.”
Before I could form a decent retort, he disappeared into the hall.
“Is everything okay?” the receptionist asked.
“Yes,” I said. For now. “Thank you.” I did my best to smile, but my stomach was about ready to revolt. I hurried out of the common area and down the hall. Once back behind the closed door of my office, I closed my eyes and sagged against the wall.
What a mess. Part of me wanted to go out and find Flynn, but another part was too scared to run into Johnson again. Something had to be done about that orderly. I considered telling Dr. Polanski but dismissed the idea. I had no proof, and if I said anything, he could tell her about me and Flynn. I could deny it, of course, but then it would become a game of “he said, she said,” and since Johnson outranked me, I’d probabl
y lose. No, I had to just make sure that Johnson and I were never alone together, and I’d be fine.
It was in that moment that I heard the squeaking of metal gears.
I opened my eyes and gasped as I saw Flynn sitting in my office chair, watching me.
“Flynn,” I said on an exhale.
“Mia.” He stood and began to close the distance between us. “I came to return this.”
In his outstretched hand sat my bunny, Freckles.
SEVENTEEN
“FRECKLES,” I said, taking the bunny and holding it close to my chest. “Where did you find her?” I rubbed my cheek against her furry head, thankful to have my stuffed animal back.
Flynn stepped back and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I took her.”
“You what?” I looked up and met his gaze. “What do you mean?”
“That first day you were here and I was in your office . . .” His voice trailed off into a shrug.
“And you just took her?” I asked, horrified.
He stared at something on the floor. “It’s a thing with me. Kleptomania, remember?” He shook his head. “It was stuffed in my sweatshirt pocket. Some laundry guy found it. Believe me, if I’d realized it sooner, I would have returned it.”
Maybe. Then again, maybe not. I couldn’t help but feel as if we were touching on a much deeper problem, and part of the reason why he was here. Suddenly the stuffed bunny wasn’t so important. I put it aside and ran through all the facts from his file in my head.
“You stole food to feed your family,” I said, trying to connect the dots of his past.
He nodded to the bunny. “I was always looking out for something to take. Half the time I don’t even realize I’m doing it. If I see something I like, I just take it without thinking. It isn’t until hours later, when I look down and see I’m holding something that isn’t mine, that I realize what I had done.” He pressed his lips together for a moment before continuing. “You seemed to be attached to the stuffed animal. It obviously had great meaning. I think . . . I think on some level, I took it because I wanted to feel closer to you.”
