by Ava Conway
My heart melted at his words, but I still needed answers. “Surely you didn’t have to steal every meal. Couldn’t your siblings help you?”
“They did what they could. They were so young.”
“You were, too.” Then another thought occurred to me. “You could have turned to someone for help.”
“We’d be split up. I couldn’t have that, not after everything we had been through.”
“There must have been someone. Your coach, maybe . . .”
“He didn’t know about us, and I wasn’t about to tell him. Like I said, he would have notified the authorities.” He let out a long breath. “It wasn’t until after I was arrested that he started giving me money.”
“And you turned around and gave it to your siblings.” I shook my head. “I’m so sorry, Flynn.”
“Don’t be. This is part of who I am, and who I’ll always be.”
“No,” I said as I shook my head. “I don’t believe that. People change. They’re fluid, remember? The file isn’t always right.”
“This time it is. See this?” He pointed to the bandage on his nose. “I got into a fight today.”
“Protecting Nesto.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
“You were right to be cautious around me. I’m nothing but a fighter and a thief.”
“You stole because you had to.”
He nodded to the rabbit in my hands. “I didn’t need that bunny.”
“Oh, Flynn.” I started to close the distance between us. “You can stop, I know you can.”
“Some people can’t change.”
“You can.” I touched his arm, drawing his attention. “I can help you.”
“No, you can’t, Mia.” He pulled away from my touch. “I’m not some lost puppy you can scoop up and pet.”
“I never said you were.”
“But you act like it.”
“I never would have kissed a puppy.” I closed the distance between us once more. “I never would have had sex with you if I thought of you as just another patient.”
He seemed to hesitate. Something flashed through his features, and for a brief moment I thought he believed me. Then whatever was there was gone, replaced by something cold and unshakable.
“You need to stay away from me, Mia. Stay far away.”
“I can’t,” I said as he moved past me to the door.
“You must.” He put his hand on the door handle. “I’d only ruin you.”
“You don’t know that.” Tears formed in my eyes. I blinked them back.
“I do. Everyone I’ve ever loved has grown to hate me.” He looked away. “I don’t want you to hate me, too.”
“Your coach doesn’t hate you. He’s paying for your stay.”
He hesitated, then let out a long breath. “With money he stole from me while I was fighting. He’s doing it out of guilt, Mia, not because he cares.” He twisted his lips into a wry smile. “He thinks that by paying for my stay here he can undo all the stealing he had done until this point. He thinks I’ll forgive him.” His face turned hard. “He’s wrong. I’m not some charity case to be fucked with.”
“Flynn—”
“I’m not a charity case, Mia. The sooner you learn that, the better.”
“Don’t do this.”
He nodded to the folders on my desk. “Why don’t you just tell it like it is? I’m a lost cause. There’s no hope for people like me. Then you could get your ‘A’ on your report and your life would be wrapped up in a perfect bow.”
“Flynn, don’t.” The tears spilled over onto my cheeks, but I didn’t have the strength to push them away.
“I’m bad news. Go back to your ivory tower, Mia. Wrap yourself up in the life you deserve and forget about me. Forget about all this.”
“I can’t.”
“You have to.” He met my gaze. “Because if you don’t, I’ll put in a request tomorrow with Polanski to be removed from your assignment.”
“No.”
“We shouldn’t see each other again.” He slid his gaze over my frame, as if memorizing every curve. “The fight with Martinez today proved that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been trying to stay out of trouble, Mia. For you.” He averted his gaze. “But the harder I try, the more trouble I get into. I can’t do this anymore. Nesto is now back in confinement, and every time he comes back from that place, a little piece of his humanity has slipped away . . .” He pressed his lips together as pain flashed through his features. “I did that to him, Mia. Me.” He pointed to his chest and shook his head. “I keep hurting everyone I care about, and it’s only a matter of time before I do something that will hurt you. I can’t bear to hurt you, Mia, so it’s better that I just go.”
He opened the door and stepped out into the hall. Beyond him, I saw Johnson straighten up against the wall. He flashed me a smile and nodded. My stomach turned. As the door to my office closed, I couldn’t help but think what a mess everything had become.
And it was all my fault.
A FEW DAYS later, I found myself standing outside Dr. Polanski’s office. The official reason for the meeting was to check on the progress of my project. I suspected that the unofficial reason was to find out what was going on between me and Flynn. True to his word, I hadn’t seen Flynn since we had talked in my office. His refusal to see me had left me feeling adrift. The work didn’t feel as fulfilling, and the dreariness of the ward had started to seep into my bones. It was becoming harder and harder to get out of bed and go to work. The only thing that kept me going was Freckles. That little stuffed bunny never left my side. She smelled like Flynn, and keeping her with me made me feel closer to him in a lot of ways.
Sometimes I’d catch him walking by out of the corner of my eye, or see him playing Ping-Pong with Nesto, but he’d never talk to me, never show any indication that I was there. To him I was just another staff member and he was just another patient. It made me miserable.
Taking a deep breath, I decided not to put off the inevitable any longer and knocked on the door.
“Come in.” Dr. Polanski’s voice filtered through the cracks.
I opened the door and stepped inside. “Hi.”
“Sit down. And close the door.”
My stomach did flip-flops as I did as I was told. “You asked to see me.”
“Yes, I read your latest update on your project.” Dr. Polanski took off her reading glasses and put them on the desk. “It doesn’t seem like much progress was made since the last time we talked.”
I fidgeted with the hem of my uniform. “Well, I’ve been busy doing that data entry assignment, and of course helping the staff with the patients.” Pam had helped me learn how to read medical charts. She’d make up the small cocktails of pills, and I’d help her enter everything into the database. With Flynn ignoring me, I had gotten to know the other patients on the ward better, too, especially Iris. I could see why she and Lucy were friends, although Iris still often disappeared for hours on end, which was worrisome. When I asked her about her tablet, she swore to me that she had gotten rid of it, so I knew she wasn’t off in a corner, accessing the Internet. It had to be something else. I tried to keep an eye on her, but hadn’t yet figured out what she was up to.
“Do you have an assessment of the patients yet?”
“Not yet,” I answered.
“Any thoughts?”
“Not really.” I gave her an apologetic look and pulled at a thread in my skirt.
Dr. Polanski leaned her elbows on her desk and studied me for a moment before speaking. “You have been here two months.”
“I know.”
“And you have no opinion of the patients assigned to your care?”
“Well . . .” I struggled to come up with something, anything that would buy me a little time. “Nesto seems to have aggression issues and likes to thumb his nose at authority figures. He might not be quite ready for a work program yet.”
Dr. Polanski leaned back in her chair. “What do you suggest we do with him?”
I thought for a moment. “I think that the anger management therapy sessions are a good start, but they’re not enough.”
“Oh?” Dr. Polanski raised her brows.
“No,” I said, gaining confidence. “He’s been doing them for months and he still shows signs of aggression. In fact, I’m willing to bet that he’s not trying to control his anger at all.”
“Interesting.” She thought for a moment. “So what do you think we should do beyond anger management classes?”
“Well, first you should discuss it in his one-on-one sessions.”
“We do.”
“You probably discuss methods to control his anger, but do you talk about why he gets angry in the first place? I mean, there has to be a reason why his anger escalates so quickly.”
A faint smile touched Dr. Polanski’s lips. “Continue.”
I thought back to the first day in group therapy. “Nesto didn’t like the breathing exercises. According to him, he wanted to lash out.”
“Yes.”
I widened my eyes as an idea popped into my head. “Why don’t we give him an alternative outlet for his anger?”
“Alternative outlet? Like what?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Tai chi, or yoga.” I slid to the edge of my chair. “I know—exercise.”
“Exercise?”
“Yes. We have an exercise room. Perhaps we teach him to lift weights, or run, or shoot baskets every time his anger symptoms come on. If he’s expending a lot of physical energy, it could help to defuse his anger.”
“And let out his aggression in a more constructive way,” Dr. Polanski said. “Interesting. I’ll take that into consideration.” Dr. Polanski made a note in her notebook. “And Flynn?”
Flynn. Just hearing his name caused an ache in my chest. “Flynn’s ready.”
“How do you know?”
I thought about the last time we had been together. “He recognizes his issues and is trying to deal with them head-on. He is always looking out for others, which makes him a good team player.”
“I see. And you know that he requested that you be removed from his case?”
I nodded, suddenly embarrassed. “Yes, he told me he might do that.”
She nodded. “Any idea why he might ask that?”
“He didn’t say?”
Dr. Polanski shook her head. “I was hoping you’d tell me.”
I chewed the inside of my lip and gripped the arms of the seat until my knuckles turned white. If I told Dr. Polanski the truth, then she’d know about my relationship with Flynn—a relationship that was strictly forbidden. I could get reprimanded, or fired. After working so long and so hard for this position, I didn’t want to just throw it all away on a relationship that, according to Flynn, was already over.
“I have no idea why he’d request that.” I felt a little queasy over the lie, but I rationalized that if the relationship was over, it was best to make a clean break of it. There was no point in dredging up past things. Bury them and move forward, that was my motto, and I was sticking to it.
Dr. Polanski took in a long breath, then let it out once more. “Okay.” She put her glasses on her face and turned toward her computer monitor. “I won’t grant him his request—for now. But we should move up the timeline before things get too out of hand. I’ll expect a rough draft of your final report by the end of the week.”
“The end of the week?” I leaned forward in my seat. “That’s not enough time.”
Dr. Polanski stared down her nose and through her square spectacles at me. “Today is Monday.”
“I know.”
“So you have five days.”
“Yes.”
“Then you better get moving.”
I wanted to say more, but the look in my mentor’s eyes gave me pause. Instead I stood and nodded. “Thank you.”
“We’ll meet at this time next week. You can hand in your report then.”
“Of course.”
Dr. Polanski glanced at me once more. “That is all.”
I nodded and left her office. Once out in the hall, I let out a long breath. How on earth was I going to get all of that research done in five days?
Dr. Polanski was right. I had been skimping on my duties as an intern, but my mind had been preoccupied with other things. How could I work with Flynn not speaking to me and Johnson paying way too much attention?
“She has a habit of doing that to people.”
I jumped as Nesto materialized beside me. “Jesus, Martinez. You scared me half to death.”
“Sorry.” He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the wall. “So what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” I hugged my manila folders to my chest and took a step back.
He nodded toward the doctor’s office.
“Oh, that.” I shook my head. “Nothing. More work.”
“I see.” He fell into step beside me as I walked back to my office. “Look, I wanted to talk to you.”
“Yeah?” I asked as I pulled up outside my door. “About what?”
“Flynn.”
That got my attention. I lowered my folder slightly. “What about him?”
He considered me for a moment before responding. “Look, if this has anything to do with me—”
“What are you talking about?”
He muttered something in Spanish under his breath and raked his fingers through his hair. “Okay, fine. I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For picking on you. For getting between you and Flynn.”
I stared at him in surprise as I tried to digest his words. “Is that what’s bothering you?” I waved my hand in the air in dismissal. “Forget about it.” I turned away and found Johnson standing along the opposite wall of the hall, watching us. All the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end.
“Look, I have the feeling that you two aren’t talking because of me. I want to make it right.” He shifted so that he was in my line of sight, blocking out Johnson.
“What?” I forced myself to focus on Nesto. “No. What’s between Flynn and myself has nothing to do with you.”
“Thank God.” Nesto exhaled and slumped his shoulders slightly. “I was worried.”
Johnson moved until he was in my line of sight once more. He nodded to me and moved off down the hall. I dragged my gaze away from his retreating form and focused on Nesto. “Worried? Why?”
“Flynn hasn’t exactly been acting like himself.” Nesto glanced around the hall and shifted his feet. “He’s been distracted.”
“Distracted?”
Nesto jerked his gaze back to me. “Moody.” He let out a long breath. “At first I thought it was that dumb rabbit.”
“Bunny.”
“Whatever. But it wasn’t. He told me that you and he—you had a fight.”
“Yeah, I guess we did,” I said, thinking about our discussion in my office.
“Look.” He rubbed his arms. “I don’t know what you two fought about, but . . . the poor guy is miserable, and he’s making everyone around him miserable.” He straightened away from the wall. “Just forgive him, Mia. Please. He’s driving us all crazy.”
I hesitated a moment before responding. It was dangerous speaking with Flynn. Over the past few days Johnson had been watching me like a hawk circling its prey. He had asked me out at least three times, and each time I had brushed him off. He was starting to become angry, and I felt that seeing me with Flynn would only heighten that anger.
Still, I missed Flynn. Perhaps he was right and we couldn’t be together, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t be friends.
Resolved, I lifted my chin and tugged my folders closer to my chest. “If you send him to my office, I’ll see what I can do.”
Nesto nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Good.” He hesitated and then added, “You haven’t seen Iris around, have you?”
“Okay, thanks.” He turned to go, took a few steps, then turned back. “So we’re good, too?” He waved his hands between us.
I smiled. “Yeah.”
“Good.” He seemed to relax a bit. “I’ll see you around.”
“See ya.”
I watched him turn the corner and wondered if Flynn realized how lucky he was to have such a good friend. I suspected he did. It was sweet of Nesto to try to patch things up, but I didn’t know if such a thing was possible. Flynn was the one who thought he was bad news and broke things off. He was the one who believed that he’d hurt me just by our hanging out together. Until Flynn stopped his self-deprecation and saw his true worth, nothing I said was going to change his mind.
I placed my hand on the door just as a low, familiar baritone rose from somewhere behind me.
“Hey, Mia.”
I turned and met Johnson’s gaze.
“I’m really busy,” I said, turning my knob. “If you’ll excuse me.”
“Sure thing.” He didn’t move.
I glanced around the hallway as I spoke. “What do you want?” There were a few patients and staff milling about, and I wondered how quickly they would come if I yelled for help.
“I heard that Flynn doesn’t want to see you again.” His voice sounded low and husky. It sent off alarms in my head. What was he up to?
“Yeah. So? Patients here say a lot of things.”
“They do.” He nodded and leaned against the door, preventing me from opening it. “But he seemed rather insistent.”
“He did?”
“Yeah.” He dragged his gaze up and down my body. “So I guess that there will be no more appointments in your office.”
Panic gripped my chest as I lifted my chin. “We will continue with whatever is necessary to finish my assignment.”
“Whatever is necessary?” He raised his brows suggestively.
I tried not to grind my teeth. “Professionally speaking.”
He twisted his lips into a lazy smile. “Of course.”
“I don’t know what you are insinuating, but Flynn and I . . . we’re not . . .”
“No, of course not.” He pushed away from the door. “We’re professionals. It would be unprofessional to engage in physical relationships with the patients.”
