“What do you care about?” She searched his eyes for an answer, but she wouldn’t find one there.
He’d long ago learned how to slide his eyes into neutral mode, and he did so now almost automatically. Purely protective, he told himself. “The job.”
She blinked. “You’re good at what you do. You already have what so many of us want. To make a difference.”
He nearly flinched because he still couldn’t seem to make enough of a difference. He’d never be able to earn Megan’s forgiveness. Whether or not he should be done trying was up for debate. It was the same thing every year. Diana just happened to have a front row seat to the implosion, even if she didn’t realize it. Even if he could somehow share this burden with her so that she might understand, none of it would change a thing.
Jake would still be gone.
He stood up to go. “I’ve got errands to run.”
“Sure. Call me later.” She stared up at him and for a moment her eyes appeared open, almost hopeful. Then just as quickly they shuttered.
She couldn’t make it too easy for him, after all. Some small part of him realized that it would take only a few words from him to take what they had deeper. Stronger. More permanent. But as Megan would remind him all day today, he didn’t deserve to be happy. Didn’t deserve to have what he wanted out of life.
And maybe nothing he ever did could change that.
Chapter 20
At long last, Diana’s article was finished. Right on deadline.
It wouldn’t win any awards in the literary world, but for once Diana didn’t care. She’d had a blast writing it. Laughed out loud while she wrote certain parts. Entertained herself, for once.
For the first time in far too long.
There was something to be said for enjoying the creative side of writing, because it was also most of the time excruciatingly hard and painstaking work. If she couldn’t at least have fun through the creating, she no longer saw the point. Mrs. St. Michaels had taught her that. She had joy in her expression and didn’t care that most literary types would stick their professorial noses in the air at her syntax. Diana would have been one of them once upon a time. Now she saw the rough gem again before it had been shined and polished to the point where there was no stone left.
Mrs. St. Michaels had apparently told everyone she knew how Diana had helped her get organized and develop an outline for her book. Now Edna, an old friend of Mrs. St. Michaels, wanted help with her memoir. A friend of Julie’s wanted help with a short story she’d written for an e-zine, for which she’d received a revise and resubmit. For a change of pace, the town’s grapevine was working in a good way for Diana. She might actually be able to develop a small business plan with the help of Mandy. An old lover had returned wearing new clothes. Hell, he’d returned with plastic surgery.
Not wanting to waste another minute and change her mind, Diana fired off an email to Ophelia attaching her article. No, it wasn’t perfect but hopefully it was somewhat humorous and captured some of the heart of the FD of Starlight Hill. She’d become fond of one of them in particular.
Scott had surprised her with how open he’d been. Taking her back to the lake took guts, and coming clean about that night had made a difference. She’d carefully formulated only one view of that night through her own clouded lenses. But now she could see that in some ways, Scott had regrets too. He’d shared all of that and more with her. It gave her a slice of hope that maybe they could be more to each other than their ridiculous friends with benefits situation. It wasn’t working for her. She wanted more, but if this morning was any indication it wouldn’t be easy. Scott had been distant and he’d made it clear that the most important thing in his life was the job. She had no right to be selfish and ask for more than what he’d already given her. No right to expect him to put her first.
The next day after her shift at the bakery, Diana dropped by Gran’s, where she found Mom and Gran in the kitchen.
She put a box of pastries on Gran’s table. “Where’s Mandy?”
“Still sleeping. We were up late last night looking over our financials.” Mom said from next to the coffee machine.
Still sleeping? It took Diana a minute to remember that not everyone kept baker hours, and it was only ten o’clock in the morning.
“What are you doing here?” Gran asked.
“What do you mean? I stop by every day.” Diana grabbed a mug of coffee from the cupboard.
“Yes, but that was back when you worried about me. Now you realize you don’t need to. And even if you did, you could always ask your mother and Mandy to do it for you.”
It was true. With Mom and Mandy she no longer had to check in with Gran every day. Take her grocery shopping, to her doctor’s appointments and on all errands.
“What will you do with all the extra time?” Gran asked, smiling and diving into the box of goodies.
She had some ideas. “I’m not sure.”
“Maybe you can go on a date with Scott now.”
Diana stilled. She’d been far more than dating Scott, but she wouldn’t exactly want to define for Gran what she’d been so busy doing with Scott. Dating, not so much. Screwing him till his eyes crossed? Guilty. That had to stop and soon because already her heart was far more involved than she’d ever planned. Yes, he was a good man but he was still very much a man. She couldn’t blame him, either, since she’d been the one to set it up this way. To protect yourself. Yeah, right.
“Who’s Scott? Is that your beau? That’s the guy Mandy mentioned!” Mom’s eyes lit up again, and then as if she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar she shifted to a neutral look.
God bless her. She was trying. “He’s not my beau. Or my boyfriend.”
“Well, of course not. You first need to go on a date together,” Gran said.
Right. Diana didn’t answer, just stared blankly at Gran. She’d made some kind of promise to that effect not long ago but why did it feel like everything had changed since then?
“You promised you would,” Gran continued. “I’m sure Gen is waiting and hoping.”
Diana was sure Gen would be doing nothing of the sort. “What I want is for everyone to stop trying to fix me up.”
“She’s right, Mother,” Diana’s mom said. “Didn’t we agree we’d ease off on her?”
Mandy staggered into the kitchen, wearing a long t-shirt that read, ‘accountants do it by the numbers.’ “This had better be good because I was having a dream starring Johnny Depp. Why are you all yelling?”
“Good morning,” Gran said, filling a mug of coffee and handing it to Mandy.
“It’s about time you woke up.” Diana took a cinnamon roll before Mandy beat her to it. “Do you know what time I get up?”
“No, I don’t know and I don’t care. You woke me up, Diana. It was your high screechy voice. I’d know it anywhere. Now you owe me.”
“I owe you nothing. I’m the firstborn and I blazed the trail for you. You’re welcome.”
“Take me out tonight. If I see another number or another Excel spreadsheet I might have to cut somebody.”
“There’s not much night life around here. I remember that part well,” Mom said.
“What about that place called The Tavern?” Mandy asked.
“Looks seedy,” Diana said. “Not going there.”
“Is that the place Arnie’s father used to own?” Mom asked, a little light in her eyes. “Screwy Dave.”
“Why do they call him that? Is he crazy?” Diana asked.
“No,” Mom answered. “He just had a few screws in his arm from a bad break once. Happens in pro-wrestling.”
“Arnie’s your mother’s old boyfriend. The one before she met your father. He owns the bar now. Took it over when his father passed away,” Gran said and then everyone stopped talking.
Just. Stopped. Talking.
Mom only smiled innocently, and took another sip of her coffee.
Diana and Mandy both spoke at once.
“
Definitely going there.”
“Pick me up at seven.”
Later, Diana went home and showered, had a quick dinner while she wondered what Scott would be doing tonight, and whether or not he’d find his way to her house again. He’d been a little distant this morning, but she attributed that to the job.
She understood how much the job meant to him. The work and his family. That left third place for anyone else in his life and she could admit that she didn’t particularly like the placement. And she’d already been with one man who’d strung her along for years only to dump her when it mattered.
She didn’t know how to dress tonight. Mandy would kill Diana if she downplayed too much but she also didn’t want her newly acquired approval stamp to be taken away. Once she’d decided that this was America and she’d dressed however she wanted to, Diana chose her white halter sundress and new sexy half boots ordered through her nemesis, the Internet. With any luck she might see Scott around tonight, and found herself hoping she might. If they happened to run into each other at the Tavern where she assumed he might occasionally go to grab a beer, what would be the harm?
She drove back to Gran’s just before seven, and Mandy met her at the door. “Let’s get out of here. It’s like The Way We Were in there.”
“Sad and sappy?” Diana asked as she opened up the driver’s side door.
“Exactly. But between all the deep sighs and memories, I got the scoop.”
On the way to the bar, Mandy filled Diana in on the latest. “Did you know this guy Arnie was a football player with the Niners back in the day? And now he’s some kind of a mime?”
“A mime?” Interesting, and yes, she had to meet this guy.
“Have you been out at all since you’ve been in town?” Mandy pointed the air conditioning vents in her direction.
“No I’ve been too busy helping Gran and working.”
“And—?” Mandy pressed, as if Diana was leaving something important out.
Fooling around with Scott, or fooling herself?
“Listen, you have that I-just-got-laid smirk on you and I’m jealous. Okay?”
“I do?” At one of the three stoplights in town, Diana brought down the visor mirror and took a good look at her face. Damn, she looked—happy. Satisfied. For the first time in months.
Scott had done that for her, but even now she reminded herself that she had to keep expectations low. She’d told him they were friends and it was ‘only’ sex. What an idiot she’d been.
Far be it for me to say, said Stupid Heart, but we could have told you so.
“Well?” Mandy pressed.
“Okay, it’s Scott. We’ve been just having some fun. No strings.”
Mandy snorted. “Sure. Like you can do that.”
“I am so doing it.” Wow, lying to her sister was getting easier.
“Puhleeze. You’re the girl who dated her college boyfriend up until six months ago. You don’t do casual.”
She went through the green traffic stoplight. “Maybe I do now.”
Given time, maybe she could—no way. She wouldn’t be doing this again. Ever. Who was she kidding?
She’d failed to keep her heart out of it. “He was supposed to be my rebound guy.”
“You actually did that?”
“It was your idea!”
“It was only a suggestion. I didn’t think you’d actually take my advice.”
“What?”
“I mean, I’ve never done it.”
“Wait. You’ve never cleansed your palate?”
“Please. I’m not nearly as wild as everyone seems to think.” She lifted a shoulder. “But it seemed like a good idea for you at the time.”
“Great! Do you ever have a thought you keep to yourself?” Diana parked in the only available parking spot. “Do me a favor and remind me never to listen to you again!”
Everything in Starlight Hill was so close they should have walked, but Diana didn’t have on walking shoes. She had on her FMP ankle boots. In fire engine red, which had somehow overnight become her favorite color.
Mandy, who wore an extremely short denim skirt with strappy sandals, opened the door to the bar. “Don’t let me do anything stupid tonight.”
“Ditto,” Diana said and walked into the Tavern behind Mandy.
The long dark wood bar dominated the area in a classic L shape, and though hip-hop music streamed through speakers, there was no discernible dance floor. A pool table was in the back of the room in the dark corner.
“Not exactly a nightclub.” Mandy stated the obvious. “More like a pub.”
“What did you expect?” Diana hadn’t known quite to expect, either, but now that she’d walked through the door she wasn’t completely shocked.
She did, however, nervously scan the crowd for any other women. The place was ripe with waves of testosterone bouncing off the wood paneled walls. Finally catching sight of the blonde hairdresser she’d seen at the Curl up and Dye performing mouth-to-mouth on a tall, studly-looking man, she let out an uneven breath. Then sucked it back in when she noticed Scott at one end of the bar surrounded by his brother Wallace, Ty, and some other guys she didn’t recognize. It didn’t take two seconds for Scott to lock eyes with her. He didn’t smile, but only quirked an eyebrow in her direction. Someone clapped him on the back at that point, and he turned away from her.
“It’s like a Hunk Convention.” Mandy scanned the room, then whispered in Diana’s ear. “Don’t forget what I said. Nothing stupid.”
“Define stupid.”
“Me at Jessica’s wedding two years ago.”
“Got it.” Considering that Mandy had made out with the best man in a supply room closet, Diana guessed that she wouldn’t even get close to that level of stupid tonight. But then again with Mandy one could never be too sure.
“Hello ladies,” the man behind the bar said when he’d noticed them. “What can I get ya?”
Diana ordered two drafts, then asked if he could tell her where to find Arnie.
“Right here.” He pointed at himself, drawing their beers. “Who’s asking?”
Diana hadn’t expected to come up this close and personal with the owner and she didn’t have words for a minute. “Diana.”
“Hey, you’re the girl in the video!”
No need to ask what he meant. “Yeah, that’s me.”
“So you’re Arnie?” Mandy asked. “How old are you, anyway?”
“Stupid alert.” Diana elbowed Mandy.
“I mean, it’s nice to meet you.” Mandy smiled.
“I’m ancient, that’s how old I am.” Arnie answered. He had a full head of white hair with a Fu Manchu beard, and was clearly still a big and husky football type judging by the ham hock hands that served their beers on tap.
“Arnie’s a former Niner,” came a husky voice. Diana turned to see Ty walking straight towards Mandy.
“Stupid alert, stupid alert.” Diana leaned in and whispered.
“I haven’t done anything yet.” Mandy pushed away from Diana. “Give me a chance.”
“You have been warned.” Diana watched as Mandy headed straight toward Ty.
It gave her an opportunity to take her draft and walk towards Scott. He’d still made no attempt to say hello, unless she wanted to count the lusty looks in her direction. Scott had locked eyes with her again across the room, and this time she caught the hint of a smile on his lips.
Diana made it halfway across the room when a guy she recognized from the construction site intercepted her progress. “Hey. Diana, is it?” he asked, blocking her sight of Scott.
She had visions of this man watching the videos and checking out her momentarily exposed nipple. Probably a long sermon on how she was not ‘that kind of girl’ might not be in order, especially since she’d recently become ‘that kind of girl.’
“Uh, yeah.”
“I’m Kyle. I work with Scott.”
“Yeah, I remember you.” She walked back to the bar and set her draft down.
/> Unfortunately he followed her. He then shocked her by leaning in, and whispering close to her neck, “What’s Scott doing right now?”
Not the question she’d expected. Her gaze naturally flicked back to Scott, who was still staring in her direction.
“Nothing?”
“Except staring laser holes into my back?”
“He’s just looking this way.”
“Yeah, I bet.” Kyle leaned in closer, reached out and lightly touched her shoulder. “And now? Are his eyes about to bug out of their sockets? Jaw tight? Scowl on his face?”
Kyle had nailed Scott’s expression, which had switched from lustful to slightly homicidal. “How did you know?”
“Ha! Thought so. You two are a thing, aren’t you?”
She didn’t know how to answer the simplest of questions. Yes, they were and no, they weren’t. They were supposed to be casual, temporary, and no strings.
Because she’d been an idiot. Her rebound guy was fast turning into ‘the’ guy. Except he didn’t quite feel the same. He wanted her body, no doubt. But the rest of it was a blur.
“We…we…I mean, we’re just good friends.”
He let out a loud laugh. “So it’s okay if I kiss you?”
“No! But I would say that even if I didn’t have a thing with—” she slapped her hand over her mouth.
Kyle grinned. “Called it.”
“Can’t anything be private around here?”
“No, actually. But it’s cool if you two want to keep it on the down low. You just might have to understand when people hit on either one of you.” He leaned back and rocked on his heels.
She wondered how many women hit on Scott on a daily basis, and found she didn’t want to hear the answer. “Point taken. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
She headed straight to Scott, ready to be the one to seek him out first. She wanted to talk to him, wanted to touch him, to hear his deep throaty laugh. But when she got to the rear of the bar and closer to the Hunk convention, she only saw Scott’s back as he slipped out the door. It couldn’t be work because a quick glance in Mandy’s direction showed that Ty was still commanding every second of her attention. There was no other explanation than the fact that Scott had run from her. Diana swallowed hard, her heart squeezing in her chest.
Unforgettable You (Starlight Hill Series Book 4) Page 25
