A Good Distance From Dying

by David Carroll

  “I would say we’re hip deep and sinking fast. I’ll know for sure after I have had my meeting with the king.”

  “You think your next?”

  “Pretty sure of it.”

  Shawn looked out the window to see what I was looking at. He watched the gun toting boy with me as he spoke. “Even if this king isn’t as nuts as I think he is we’re just as likely to be killed by somebody walking around with an automatic weapon who has absolutely no business carrying it.”

  “You just read my mind.” I said and I looked back to him. Shawn looked nervous and stressed. His eyes didn’t linger on anything for long. He kept moving from object to object like he was cataloging everything in the room in case he soon found he needed it.

  “Shawn. It’s okay man. We’re not going to let anything happen to any of you. I’m too stubborn and Amanda’s to mean to let anyone push us around.”

  “I heard you tell Amanda that you weren’t stupid enough to pick a fight.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I was just wondering, what if he picks one for you?”

  I smiled again, “Quit reading my mind.”

  Shawn laughed despite not being in any mood to do so. I had been able to purge some of his anxiety, but he was still wound really tight.

  “Seriously Charlie, you haven’t met this guy, he’s WAY out there.”

  “You told me how he was dressed, but you never really spoke about how he made you feel. Judy and Veronica took over that end of the conversation. I was curious if you agreed.”

  “Charlie man, serious as a heart attack here, this guy is nuts. Squirrels try to stuff him into their tree he’s so nuts.”

  “Do you think he means to start killing people?”

  “I would be shocked if he hadn’t started that long before we got here. He wants power and he wants control. I really get the feeling that he is going to do whatever he needs to get it and keep it.”

  Everything just keeps getting worse. When I woke up in the darkness, alone and scared, I thought things were bad. Then as Sass as I ran in blind terror from the step-drag monster I knew things had gotten worse. When we had to watch the doomed couple die, and when we had to cross the bridge, I had thought things were as bad as they could get.

  Then we found Veronica’s friend on the floor, taking her last breaths. The fear in her voice. The hopelessness in her eyes. That last thing she said which made me feel my heart break over a total stranger. I thought to myself that it couldn’t possibly get worse, could it? But here we are. Prisoners of a crazy man who has deemed himself the King of Gray. Locked away in a conference room like a bunch of medieval princesses horded up in a tower. If I make the wrong move I will succeed in nothing more than getting us all killed. A group of seven people’s lives in my hands. My responsibility to protect. Daniel called me a court jester. Was he wrong? Do I have any business leading these people?

  My mother told me once that it was okay to be scared. It was indecision that caused all the problems in the world. She said make up your mind and follow through. Take a side. Take a stand. Make your life count for something even if it’s wrong. It’s better to be on the losing side than to never have had the guts to pick a side. She had laughed and told me never be like Sweden. At the time I didn’t get it, but later I learned that Sweden was the oldest neutral country in the world. My mom was one hell of a lady. I had always wished she could come back for just one day. That’s the problem with people dying, you never know which conversation is going to be your last conversation. The last time I had seen my mom I was very sick myself and had slept most of the time that I had been at her house. Then she was gone. Now though, I think I am glad that she is no longer around to have to see the world this way. My dad is still here. He lives in Kingsport, but thank God nowhere near that dying chemical plant. It hurts to not know how he’s doing or even if he is still alive, but I know that there is no way I can get to him from where I am.

  My mom had told me to take a side, be brave, stand strong. Being wrong is better than being scared. I just think she never imagined that people’s lives would be attached to my decisions. Every situation I have faced today has gotten progressively worse. If I somehow find a way to save myself and the others from this disaster I don’t think I can even imagine what would come next. What could be worse than this?

  “I know you don’t take Charlie’s threat seriously because he comes off as more of a clown than anything else.” Amanda had told Randy as we surrendered our weapons and entered the locked room. She told me if I was going to be the leader of this group I had to take it seriously and I had to stop trying to be the clown. Clowns are never put in charge. Clowns entertain the leaders, they don’t lead themselves.

  “You’re like a court jester who found the king dead. You put on the crown and you think that gives you all the answers.” Daniel had told me. Did I think I had all the answers? I really doubted it. If I had all the answers would I be having internal dilemma after internal dilemma over this leadership crap? The problem was I didn’t have any of the answers; I didn’t even have a clue. And on top of that everyone expected me to have all the answers just because I’ve seen a lot of zombie movies and read more than a few books about them. That’s like telling somebody they could fly a plane since they had built a bunch of models when they were a kid.

  Even a lunatic would tell you that kind of logic is way out on the ragged edge. In reality, you aren’t qualified to be a leader just because you know more about what might be going on than other, more qualified people. In reality things aren’t supposed to play out like in movies or books. But they had, hadn’t they? Maybe it was like Amanda said and reality was closer to what happened in the movies than we really wanted to believe.

  “In reality Charlie you’re still just a clown.” Daniel said in my head. A clown that everyone is counting on. A clown that everyone believes should be the leader. A clown that is in way over his head and sinking further every second. “What the hell am I doing?” I asked myself. “What the hell am I going to do?”

  “You’re not a leader Charlie. You’re a joke.” Was Daniel right?

  “Charlie man, you okay?”

  Shawn’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I attached the smile back to my face before putting my hand on his shoulder.

  “I’m fine, really.”

  “Listen, I…well, I told Judy I would get you to talk to her…about Daniel. I think she just wants to apologize and maybe try to do some damage control. She’s already laid the law down to him. Have you noticed how restrained he’s been?”

  “Yeah, I noticed. It’s kinda creepy.”

  Shawn laughed, “Yeah, it really is. It’s okay to bring her over?”

  “Sure, I’d be happy to talk to her.”

  As Judy walked over to me Shawn made sure he found somewhere else to go. I watched as he walked over to where Amanda and Veronica were still talking at the table. Judy passed Shawn as he walked towards the other girls and he must have winked at her or something because she looked over and gave him a little smile. Three steps later she was standing in front of me.

  “Hi Charlie.” She sounded a bit nervous which caught me by surprise.

  “Howdy mam, how you holding up?”

  “I’m okay I guess. There are moments where I actually forget all that’s happened today, then I remember and I feel even more guilty for forgetting about them.”

  “It’s not fair for you to feel that way. You are not in a position that allows you to take the time you really need to grieve. The world isn’t going to afford you that time, at least not now. Once we’re safe I am sure you will make peace with what has happened, but to feel guilty now for trying to keep yourself alive isn’t fair on any level.”

  Judy smiled at me, “Thank you Charlie. I know it’s not fair to feel the way I do, but I can’t stop myself. Just as Daniel can’t seem to stop himself.”

  And here it comes I thought. It was a beautiful slide into the point of her conversation.

  �
��Judy, you don’t have to take up for him. He’s just out there at the moment. I understand, really.”

  Judy gave me a look that all but called me a liar.

  “Daniel is, was, a lawyer. He is used to arguing his case and getting dirty if the need is there. I think that has a lot to do with his attacks. He is acting out of his grief and he is attacking the only target that can give him what he needs.”

  “You’re saying that he needs to yell at me?”

  “You have been put in a position where you feel you have to defend yourself. By attacking your authority he is attacking your character. It doesn’t matter if his arguments hold no merit. You still have to defend yourself against them. Your position ensures that you will give him what he needs.”

  “And what is it that he needs? To fight with me?”

  “No. he needs somebody to hate. He needs somebody to target and allow his rage to burn like the sun because if he’s busy hating you then he can forget about the kids. He can forget about the hurt, the grief that he knows is just waiting to reach out and choke him.”

  “You can understand how this isn’t helping me accept things can’t you. You’re basically telling me that I am going to have him fighting me every step of the way till either he or I die. How is that supposed to make me feel better?”

  “I don’t know. I just wanted to help you better understand the situation. I know you’re getting fed up. I know that he is bottom man on the totem pole in the eyes of most everyone in our group. I also know that this talk won’t change that. I’m just asking that you keep things in mind and react accordingly.”

  Judy looked at me for what seemed like a long time. I know what she wanted me to say, but I couldn’t do it. Daniel was a major thorn in my side. Now here she stood telling me he’s going to punch you in the face every chance he gets, but he’s hurting so please don’t hit back. What the hell kind of request was that? What was I supposed to say? “Here let me show you how good of a guy I am. I will gladly let your asshole husband cause friction in the group and constantly belittle me in the hopes that through my sacrifice I will be able to heal his heart.” Seriously? She expects me to say that? She expects me to do that? I had a big urge to ask her if I had sucker plastered across my forehead.

  “Judy, I can’t promise you anything. If Daniel attacks I will most likely fire back with both barrels, just as I have been. I know he’s hurting and I know he’s trying to find a way to cope, but I can’t allow his coping to endanger the group. That’s as honest as I can be with you.”

  Judy looked at me, quietly taking in what I had said. She frowned after a moment and seemed to try to think of another way to word her request to me that would get her the response she wanted. After she realized that such an avenue most likely didn’t exist, she put on a tight smile and nodded.

  “I guess that will have to do.”

  She turned and walked back towards the table where Daniel sat. He was still frowning at the wood grain of the table top. I found myself wishing that we had came down that road ten minutes later then shook my head and wondered what kind of person I was turning into. I was losing the once clear cut lines of good and bad in the grey of this new world. Judy had reached the table, and I stood at the other end of the room alone. I was taking a little time to enjoy the silence before somebody else would want to talk to me. I was watching the others interact when I saw Veronica look over Shawn’s shoulder and rest her eyes directly on me. She winked and gave me a very large smile.

  I could see she was maneuvering to get out of her current conversation and come over to where I stood when I heard the door open. Sass walked back into the room. I moved towards him wanting to get his take on the king when Randy leaned in and gave me a look.

  “Charlie, you're up.”

  C H A P T E R T W E N T Y - T H R E E

  Randy opened the door to the manager’s office saying, “Charlie Collins to see his majesty!”

  I raised an eyebrow, “You’re kidding, right?”

  Randy’s face didn’t show that he was kidding one bit.

  He stood there looking at me until we heard, “He may enter”

  come from the room. Upon entering I got my first look at the

  king. I had to wonder if maybe I had been transported into a

  Monty Python skit. Behind his desk he sat wearing a wife beater

  t-shirt with the red curtains over his shoulders and the Burger

  King crown on his head. He seemed very pleased with himself.

  After sitting in the quite for maybe half a minute I decided that I

  should go ahead and get this ball rolling.

  “You are aware that you’re wearing a Burger King crown,

  right?”

  The king looked up as if he had forgotten the crown was

  there.

  “Yes. A king needs to wear a crown I would think.” “A Burger King crown doesn’t make you a king. If that

  was the case I would go get a Long John Silver’s hat and

  become a pirate captain.”

  “Is that how you see yourself, a pirate?”

  “I see myself as many things, but I fear I lack the proper

  head gear to ever be any of them.”

  The king smiled at me.

  “There in is the problem.” The king said, “You’re

  thinking that the hat denotes who I am, but it is who I am that

  denotes what I should wear.”

  “So, you’re royalty?”

  “Yes.”

  “And how far back can we trace this line of nobility that

  has been hidden away in the mountains of northeast

  Tennessee?”

  “Ah, just to me. I am the beginning of my own noble

  line.”

  “So, you are royalty just because you say you are?” “Yes, today I have taken steps towards establishing my

  sovereignty, but we can speak on that later.”

  I gave a nod to this remark. He wasn’t wanting to keep

  the discussion focused on him, or what he had done today. He

  was still smiling at me and I thought it might be a good time to

  push my luck and take a half-hearted jab at him.

  “I have never seen Royalty wear a cardboard Burger

  King crown. Are you to be known as the King of Cows?” To my surprise the king laughed. He laughed long and

  loud.

  “Charlie, I have heard tales of your wit and I must say

  that the stories were not exaggerated at all. King of Cows

  indeed.”

  As I watched him laugh I decided not to talk. This turn of

  events was not what I expected. I needed to reassess the

  situation.

  “I have heard quite a bit of what you and your group

  have been through today. Thrilling stuff, I must say. It is

  apparent that many of your group are alive only because of the

  direct action of you and your friend John Caldwell.” “Sasquatch.” I said without even thinking.

  “What?”

  “Nobody calls him John. His name is Sasquatch, or Sass

  for short.”

  The king frowned at me, “Funny, he never mentioned

  that to me.”

  “He must have thought that we wouldn’t be here long

  enough for it to matter.”

  The king gave me a questioning look, but didn’t say

  anything. I looked at him with an even gaze and said, “I’m sure

  your scout told you, we will just be resting here tonight and

  then moving on in the morning.”

  The king pursed his lips together and smiled at me

  again, “That is, I’m sure, one of the matters that you and I are in

  need of discussing now.”

  “I’m sure you feel that way, however my opinion has

  never changed as to what I will be doing come tomorrow

  morning. I do have some qu
estions for you though and I am

  curious if you are brave enough to answer them truthfully.” I knew that line had to sting him some. Questioning his

  honesty and bravery would call his character into question.

  Thank you Judy for pointing that out to me.

  “And what questions do you have?” He asked. “Well, first, how have you survived all of this today?

  Secondly, how on earth have you built yourself this little dictatorship in a matter of, what’s it been, five and a half

  hours?”

  The king smiled, “Surviving in this world is not hard. All

  you have to do is remember that no matter what you think, you

  are always at risk. You must stay aware of where you are and

  what dangers surround you. As to how I’ve become king, that’s

  just basic psychology. In times of high stress or situations that

  may call for questionable moral judgments, such as war or

  disasters, people will always rather take orders than give them.

  They want to be able to say, “I was just doing as I was told”

  when the questions start being asked. To assume control in

  times such as we now face all you need to do is recognize the

  opportunity when it presents itself and not be afraid to kill

  some people to make it happen.”

  I was taken way back by this answer. Did he just admit

  to killing people? This was a level of truth that I was not

  expecting. This bordered on scary insane people truth. “So…you’re saying…you’ve killed people?”

  “Most certainly, but like I said earlier, we can talk about

  all of that later. Right now I am more interested in talking

  about your group of survivors.”

  I could see what he was doing. He was tempting me

  with information that he knew I wanted then he was backing

  off, making me wait for my answers. I also knew that if I were to

  try and steer the conversation back to him he would shut me

  down. I could see him sit back in his chair; lay his hands across

  his stomach and say, “As I said Charlie, we will have plenty of