A Wish Upon the Stars

by TJ Klune

  “You’re still mad at me.”

  He snorted. “Yeah, but I’m allowed to be. Doesn’t change the fact that I’ve always believed in you, even when I told myself I didn’t.”

  “Leaving you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.”

  He sighed. “I know. But you did what you thought was right.”

  “Was it?”

  “Time will tell, Sam. But I think so. We’ll get through this. I refuse to believe that villains win in the end. They rise, but so do heroes. And we’ll fight back until we have nothing left. Because that’s who we are.”

  “Fancy yourself a hero, do you?”

  “I am rather dashing and immaculate, in case you didn’t know.”

  “I do. Still sort of douchey, though. In case you didn’t know.”

  “And in case you didn’t know, these walls are very thin and we can hear every word you’re saying,” Justin called out irritably from my parents’ old bedroom.

  “It’s like they never stop,” Lady Tina moaned. “This is why I shipped Rystin.”

  Ryan snorted into my hair.

  He fell asleep shortly after.

  I stayed awake for the longest time, watching the sunlight stretch across the wall.

  NIGHT HAD fallen by the time we stepped outside the shack again. We’d all changed out of the clothes from the previous day and were wearing Dark wizard robes that the Resistance had gathered over the past few months. They were black and heavy, the material scratchy, but they were thick enough to hide weapons, and coupled with my shaping magic, we looked the part quite fiercely.

  Ryan went first, making sure the street was clear before signaling the rest of us to follow. Apparently there was a curfew in effect for all residents of the slums, which meant the only people who should have been out on the streets were the Darks themselves.

  “There was even talk about forcing the people here to build a wall,” Ryan muttered as we crossed the street quickly. “To keep the people away from the rest of the City. They haven’t gone about it as of yet.”

  “Gods, they’re such assholes,” I said as we entered an empty alleyway. “Do they really think a wall would help if people wanted to get through?”

  “We did the same,” Justin reminded us. “At Camp HaveHeart. To keep them out.”

  “Yeah, but let’s be honest here. The Darks suck ass. It doesn’t matter what color your skin is or how much money you have. I’d rather be with those people than with fucknuts.”

  “As topical as this is,” Lady Tina said through gritted teeth, “maybe keep quiet for now? We’re not exactly going to be the only ones on the streets.”

  She was right, of course.

  I’d never admit that out loud.

  Because she also sucked ass.

  We kept to the shadows, moving through the City as quickly and quietly as we could. I was surprised at just how little resistance we met, given that I expected checkpoints on almost every corner. Maybe it was because we knew this City better than the Darks ever could, knew the side streets and the rooftops that would let us move almost undetected. In fact, I was starting to feel a little cocky about everything when—

  “Stop!”

  We all froze on the sidewalk.

  “You there. You four!”

  We turned slowly.

  A single Dark wizard rushed toward us, robes flapping. He had a pencil-thin mustache over his upper lip. His mouth was twisted into a scowl, his brow furrowed. Great wisps of black hair flew up around his head as he moved. He wore large glasses with thick lenses that made his eyes look huge.

  He was panting by the time he reached us. He bent over, hands on his knees, gasping for breath.

  I was about to kick him in the face when he said, “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “Um,” I said.

  “Well,” Ryan said.

  “You see,” Lady Tina said.

  “Idiots,” Justin muttered. Then, “We’re on patrol, of course.”

  Oh. Right! We had a cover story.

  “Yes,” I said, because I felt the need to help. “That. Exactly that. Patrol, of course.”

  Justin kicked the back of my leg as a reminder that I was not allowed to speak, given that I couldn’t lie for shit.

  “Who is your supervisor?” the Dark demanded.

  “Merle,” I blurted out.

  Justin groaned behind me.

  “Merle,” the Dark said. “I don’t know any Merle.”

  I gasped. “You don’t? Oh my gods, that’s awful. He isn’t going to like it when we tell him that. No, I expect him to actually be very upset about it. And then he’ll probably do some Dark wizard things, like monologue unnecessarily or kick kittens with big eyes who don’t deserve it because all they want is to have a home of their very own.”

  The Dark stared at me. “What.”

  I shook my head ruefully. “How disappointing.”

  “He kicks kittens?”

  “Quite viciously.” I looked away, gazing into the distance, thinking about just how appalling it all was. “Once, he dropkicked one over the wall. Said the next time someone didn’t know who he was, he was going to dropkick them.”

  The Dark winced. “He sounds very strict.”

  “The strictest.”

  “I had a kitten once.”

  “Oh. Great. Um. Please. Tell me more.”

  The Dark sighed. “He was this scrappy little thing. My pa got him for me. For my birthday. I have issues with my father, you know, deep-seated issues that I’ll probably never get over, but that day I thought maybe it was going to be okay. But it turned out it wasn’t a kitten at all. You see, I was practically blind at that point, not yet having been fitted for eyewear, and it turned out my kitten was actually a rat.”

  “That’s… um. That’s super sad. Oh, you. There, there. It’s okay.”

  The Dark shrugged awkwardly. “Yeah, it really hurt. I still think about it sometimes. Have you ever held a rat?”

  “Can’t say that I have.”

  “They don’t feel very nice.”

  “You don’t say.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well,” I said as I clapped my hands. “This has just been swell. You learned things, we learned things—unfortunately—and now we’ll continue on our way and you can forget you ever saw us.”

  “Yes,” the Dark said. “That sounds fine. Thank you for listening to me. I should—wait. Why should I forget I ever saw you? Who did you say your supervisor was?”

  I widened my eyes in surprise, looking over his shoulder. “Oh no, look! There’s your father bringing you another rat!”

  “No, Papa, no!” the Dark cried as he whirled around.

  I punched him in the back of the head. “Motherfucker,” I howled, shaking my hand against the biting pain. “What is your head made of? Bone?”

  He held his head as he turned back toward us. “Did you just punch me?”

  “Yes. Why aren’t you unconscious? Everyone knows if you hit someone in the back of the head, they get knocked out!”

  “I just don’t understand why you would hit me! How uncalled-for. Here I am, pouring my heart out about my rat-giving father, and you hit me? Are you trying to make me regress to my childhood? Papa, is that you? Why can’t you love me?”

  “Heeeee-yaaaah,” Lady Tina shrieked as she pushed me aside and roundhouse kicked the Dark in the face. He immediately crumpled to the ground, out cold.

  “Whoa,” I said. “Like, I still don’t like you, dude, so, so much, so do not take this as a compliment. But that was badass.”

  “Thank you,” she said primly, adjusting her robes.

  “Still wasn’t a compliment, so. You know. No need for thanks.”

  “You said I was badass.”

  “Would you two stop flirting?” Justin snapped. “We don’t have time for this.”

  “Flirting?” I gasped. “Are you out of your godsdamned mind?”

  “As if I would ever,” Lady Tina exclaimed.
/>
  “Stay away from him,” Ryan warned her. “I don’t care that you guys have a history of mutually adoring me. You don’t get to touch him.”

  “Ha!” I crowed at her. “You don’t get to touch me.”

  “Like I would want to,” she snarled at me. “I don’t have a thing for unattractive people.”

  “Oooh,” I breathed. “Gary! Did you hear that? You need to bring the pain—oh, wait. They’re not here. Dammit. Why couldn’t we bring Gary and Tiggy again so they could have my back? Oh, right. The Darks would recognize them because of their existence. Dammit. I guess that means Lady Tina can stay.”

  She glared at me.

  I winked at her.

  “Stop flirting,” Ryan growled at me.

  “Why is this my life?” Justin asked no one in particular.

  SINCE WE couldn’t very well march up to the front gates of Castle Lockes and demand entrance no matter how good our disguises were, we had to come up with another way inside.

  Ryan had an alternative. Given his role as the Knight Commander, he had access to a master key that opened most doors in Castle Lockes. Oh, not all, of course, because the King understood the value of privacy, but the necessary doors? All Ryan. And he, aside from the King, was the only one in possession of such a key. I could probably break whatever door we had to get into, but the less magic I used, the better, especially given we didn’t know how far Myrin’s reach extended. I’d felt him before, back in Mashallaha, calling me to him. And now that he’d consumed Morgan’s magic, I needed to do all I could to lie low.

  So the front door was out.

  But a side entrance? Perhaps one used by the knights to go in and out of the castle on their way to the training fields?

  That was possible.

  Well. It should have been possible.

  Except for the fact that there were four Darks standing in front of it, shooting the shit without a care in the world.

  “Dammit,” Ryan whispered as we peered around one of the King’s stables. “There’s too many of them. We can’t risk them raising an alarm. We need to find another—”

  “Don’t worry,” I said, eyeing each of the Darks individually. “I got this.”

  “What?” Justin hissed. “You can’t just—”

  “Babe, tell him how villains love me.”

  “He doesn’t need to tell me. Everyone knows about their weird obsession with you. But in case you didn’t know, we’re trying to remain undercover. You can’t just go out there and be gross with them!”

  “I’m kind of going to agree with Justin,” Ryan said.

  I glared at him. “So this is what betrayal tastes like. Bitter.”

  Ryan rolled his eyes.

  “And it’s not about Sam of Dragons,” I told Justin. “I just gotta be myself. I can charm the hell out of anyone, even looking like this. I’ll play the role Gary says I was born for, the wide-eyed newbie who stumbles upon a group of rough-and-tumble men and has his innocence devoured in a gangbang—you know what? I really should stop listening to Gary. And I’ll do that. Starting tomorrow. Hey, big fellas!”

  “That’s who you chose,” Lady Tina whispered behind me as I stepped out into the open. “Over Justin. Are you kidding me?”

  The four Darks turned toward the sound of my voice. I reminded myself that I wasn’t lying, per se, but acting. There was a difference, and this would be the role of my career. There would be stories told of my performance this night, and I would—

  “Well, well, well,” Dark One said lecherously, which meant this would go exactly as I expected. He had a mean look on his face and a sloping gut. “What do we have here?”

  I could do this. I could so do this. “Well, butter my biscuits and cover me in gravy, I do declare that I’ve found myself lost without an escort.”

  Gary would be so proud.

  “That right?” Dark Two asked, he of the hairy knuckles and bulbous nose that looked as if it’d been permanently reddened by drink. “All by your lonesome, are we?”

  I batted my eyelashes at him. “All by my lonesome. Why, when I left the farm to head for the big city to be a Dark, I never thought I’d get so turned around. Those buildings are so massive.”

  Dark Three laughed cruelly. His teeth were crooked and yellowed, and he smelled like badly aged cheese. “Do you like other things that are massive?”

  “Why, whatever do you mean?” I asked, hand at my throat. “What else here could possibly be massive to li’l ol’ me?”

  Dark the Fourth took a step toward me. “What’s your wizarding name, darlin’?”

  On the spot! Ye gods! “Purity of the Blushing Virgins,” I blurted.

  They gaped at me.

  I heard wheezing behind me.

  I winked at the Darks, hoping it would be enough to make their underwear fall off, tangle in their legs, and make them fall down and hit their heads and die.

  It wasn’t.

  I was disappointed in myself.

  Dark Two popped his hairy knuckles. “Purity of the Blushing Virgins,” he repeated. “How. About. That.”

  “Yes,” I breathed. “How about that. I, of course, didn’t choose that name for myself. Why, it was given to me by the monk where I lived.”

  “The monk?” Dark One asked. “Thought you came from a farm, not a monastery.”

  They could remember things! Curses! “Yes, exactly. The farm. It was a monk farm. Where the monks… farmed. And. Um. They adopted me? Yes, they adopted me after I was found in the woods as a child, and took me in. I worked their farm and kept myself pure and untainted because I wanted to make sure I remained… intact, and save it for the man I loved.” I licked my lips. “Or maybe four men I met on a dark road near a castle.”

  They exchanged looks before turning back to me and grinning. Dark Three said, “Well, we seem to have found ourselves in a situation to help make all your dreams come true. Especially the wet ones.”

  “Why, I suppose we have,” I said as my dick shriveled and my balls crawled back into my body. “Whatever shall we do with such a situation?”

  Dark the Fourth grabbed his crotch and leered. “I’m sure we can find out. Why don’t you come a little closer so we can… get to know each other better?”

  I didn’t think he was talking about tea and conversation. “But I’m so scared,” I whimpered. “Will it hurt?”

  “Only a lot,” Dark One promised. “But after a while, you’ll be so stuffed, you won’t even remember your own name.”

  “Ugh,” I said, grimacing. “I mean, ohhhh. Yes. That’s exactly what I want. I have so many holes to put things in. Tell me, will you treat me right?”

  “Probably not,” Dark Three said. “But a pretty young thing like yourself can take it, don’t you think?”

  “Sweet molasses,” I breathed as they got closer. “I might not have thought this through entirely.” And before they could reach for me, I cried, “Wait!”

  They stopped, eyeing me hungrily.

  “Before I do such a thing, I must go to confession!”

  They eyed me a little less hungrily after that. “Confession?” Dark Two asked.

  “Yes,” I babbled. “Confession. I must confess my sins to the gods before I give myself unto you and your manhoods. I ask that you meet me at church and sit with me while I confess before I let you fill me with what I expect to be extremely potent love juice.”

  Dark the Fourth frowned. “That sounds like… a lot of work.”

  “Ohh,” I said, rubbing my hand along my torso and neck. “I can promise you it’ll be worth it.” I accidentally poked myself in the eye. “Ow. Fuck. Ignore that part. Why, I do declare that I can’t wait to ride each of you in turn while the others stand and stroke themselves around me.”

  “To the church!” Dark One cried.

  “But we can’t leave our post,” Dark Two argued. “You know we could get in trouble.”

  “Bah,” Dark the Fourth said. “This is a shit job anyway. No one comes this way. And it’s not
like anyone can get in. The door is locked.”

  “And besides,” Dark Three said, “when was the last time you had virgin? Can you imagine how tight he’s gonna be? It’ll be like trying to force your fist into a mouse hole.”

  “Exactly like a fist into a mouse hole,” I managed to say, even as I fought the urge to vomit. “Now, as the monks taught me, I can’t be seen in public with men of your… voracity. So you head on to the church, and I will follow posthaste. And once I’ve made my confession, I expect to be ravaged. Though not in the church, because that would be blasphemous. And also, the church needs to be the one all the way on the other side of the City. Because reasons.”

  “I don’t know,” Dark Two said, frowning at me. “Something about this doesn’t smell right.”

  Time to up my game. I batted my eyelashes so hard I thought they were going to fall off as I took a step toward Dark Two. He was breathing heavily as I rolled my hips, thankful Gary had taught me how to walk like a sexy beast when I was fourteen. Granted, at the time, I’d failed miserably and he’d told me I was going to be alone forever, but still. I was doing this.

  I reached Dark Two and put my hand on his chest and sucked my bottom lip between my teeth. “My loins,” I whispered, looking up at him. “They ache for you. I think I’d let you go first and teach me the ways of the flesh. Why, I should think someone of your mass knows exactly what to do with someone as sweet as me. I expect that I taste like cherry pie. Everywhere.”

  He nodded furiously. “Church. We’re going to the church. Right now. Right now.”

  I squealed and clapped my hands as I stepped away. “Oh, the joy in my tight, tight butthole knows no bounds. I am all aquiver. I am trembling with need and—you’re all running away. Great. Fantastic. Well, don’t I feel used.” I glared at the backs of the retreating Darks as they ran down the road. Soon they had disappeared from sight.

  I turned back around toward my adventure companions.

  Justin looked horrified.

  Tina looked disgusted.

  Ryan looked both turned-on and furious, which made me want to gag on his cock, but now was not the time for such endeavors, given that we were on a mission to save the King while remaining undetected, and public fellatio was not conducive for being incognito.