Complete Works of J. M. Barrie

by Unknown

  “You don’t needn’t think as we’ll have you,” he announced, firmly. “You had best go away to — go to—” His imagination failed him. “You had best go back,” he said.

  She did not budge, however, and his next attempt was craftier. “My mother,” he assured her, “ain’t living here now;” but mother was a new word to the girl, and she asked gleefully, “Oo have mother?” expecting him to produce it from his pocket. To coax him to give her a sight of it she said, plaintively, “Me no have mother.”

  “You won’t not get mine,” replied Tommy doggedly.

  She pretended not to understand what was troubling him, and it passed through his head that she had to wait there till the doctor came down for her. He might come at any moment.

  A boy does not put his hand into his pocket until every other means of gaining his end has failed, but to that extremity had Tommy now come. For months his only splendid possession had been a penny despised by trade because of a large round hole in it, as if (to quote Shovel) some previous owner had cut a farthing out of it. To tell the escapades of this penny (there are no adventurers like coin of the realm) would be one way of exhibiting Tommy to the curious, but it would be a hardhearted way. At present the penny was doubly dear to him, having been long lost and lately found. In a noble moment he had dropped it into a charity box hanging forlorn against the wall of a shop, where it lay very lonely by itself, so that when Tommy was that way he could hear it respond if he shook the box, as acquaintances give each other the time of day in passing. Thus at comparatively small outlay did he spread his benevolence over weeks and feel a glow therefrom, until the glow went, when he and Shovel recaptured the penny with a thread and a bent pin.

  This treasure he sadly presented to the girl, and she accepted it with glee, putting it on her finger, as if it were a ring, but instead of saying that she would go now she asked him, coolly,

  “Oo know tories?”

  “Stories!” he exclaimed, “I’ll — I’ll tell you about Thrums,” and was about to do it for love, but stopped in time. “This ain’t a good stair for stories,” he said, cunningly. “I can’t not tell stories on this stair, but I — I know a good stair for stories.”

  The ninny of a girl was completely hoodwinked; and see, there they go, each with a hand in the muff, the one leering, oh, so triumphantly; the other trusting and gleeful. There was an exuberance of vitality about her as if she lived too quickly in her gladness, which you may remember in some child who visited the earth for but a little while.

  How superbly Tommy had done it! It had been another keen brain pitted against his, and at first he was not winning. Then up came Thrums, and — But the thing has happened before; in a word, Blücher. Nevertheless, Tommy just managed it, for he got the girl out of the street and on to another stair no more than in time to escape a ragged rabble, headed by Shovel, who, finding their quarry gone, turned on their leader viciously, and had gloomy views of life till his cap was kicked down a sewer, which made the world bright again.

  Of the tales told by Tommy that day in words Scotch and cockney, of Thrums, home of heroes and the arts, where the lamps are lit by a magician called Leerie-leerie-licht-the-lamps (but he is also friendly, and you can fling stones at him), and the merest children are allowed to set the spinning-wheels a-whirling, and dagont is the swear, and the stairs are so fine that the houses wear them outside for show, and you drop a pail at the end of a rope down a hole, and sometimes it comes up full of water, and sometimes full of fairies — of these and other wonders, if you would know, ask not a dull historian, nor even go to Thrums, but to those rather who have been boys and girls there and now are exiles. Such a one Tommy knows, an unhappy woman, foolish, not very lovable, flung like a stone out of the red quarry upon a land where it cannot grip, and tearing her heart for a sight of the home she shall see no more. From her Tommy had his pictures, and he colored them rarely.

  Never before had he such a listener. “Oh, dagont, dagont!” he would cry in ecstasy over these fair scenes, and she, awed or gurgling with mirth according to the nature of the last, demanded “‘Nother, ‘nother!” whereat he remembered who and what she was, and showing her a morsel of the new one, drew her to more distant parts, until they were so far from his street that he thought she would never be able to find the way back.

  His intention had been, on reaching such a spot, to desert her promptly, but she gave him her hand in the muff so confidingly that against his judgment he fell a-pitying the trustful mite who was wandering the world in search of a mother, and so easily diddled on the whole that the chances were against her finding one before morning. Almost unconsciously he began to look about him for a suitable one.

  They were now in a street much nearer to his own home than the spurts from spot to spot had led him to suppose. It was new to him, but he recognized it as the acme of fashion by those two sure signs; railings with most of their spikes in place, and cards scored with, the word “Apartments.” He had discovered such streets as this before when in Shovel’s company, and they had watched the toffs go out and in, and it was a lordly sight, for first the toff waggled a rail that was loose at the top and then a girl, called the servant, peeped at him from below, and then he pulled the rail again, and then the door opened from the inside, and you had a glimpse of wonder-land with a place for hanging hats on. He had not contemplated doing anything so handsome for the girl as this, but why should he not establish her here? There were many possible mothers in view, and thrilling with a sense of his generosity he had almost fixed on one but mistrusted the glint in her eye and on another when she saved herself by tripping and showing an undarned heel.

  He was still of an open mind when the girl of a sudden cried, gleefully, “Ma-ma, ma-ma!” and pointed, with her muff, across the street. The word was as meaningless to Tommy as mother had been to her, but he saw that she was drawing his attention to a woman some thirty yards away.

  “Man — man!” he echoed, chiding her ignorance; “no, no, you blether, that ain’t a man, that’s a woman; that’s woman — woman.”

  “Ooman — ooman,” the girl repeated, docilely, but when she looked again, “Ma-ma, ma-ma,” she insisted, and this was Tommy’s first lesson that however young you catch them they will never listen to reason.

  She seemed of a mind to trip off to this woman, and as long as his own mother was safe, it did not greatly matter to Tommy whom she chose, but if it was this one, she was going the wrong way about it. You cannot snap them up in the street.

  The proper course was to track her to her house, which he proceeded to do, and his quarry, who was looking about her anxiously, as if she had lost something, gave him but a short chase. In the next street to the one in which they had first seen her, a street so like it that Tommy might have admired her for knowing the difference, she opened the door with a key and entered, shutting the door behind her. Odd to tell, the child had pointed to this door as the one she would stop at, which surprised Tommy very much.

  On the steps he gave her his final instructions, and she dimpled and gurgled, obviously full of admiration for him, which was a thing he approved of, but he would have liked to see her a little more serious.

  “That is the door. Well, then, I’ll waggle the rail as makes the bell ring, and then I’ll run.”

  That was all, and he wished she had not giggled most of the time. She was sniggering, as if she thought him a very funny boy, even when he rang the bell and bolted.

  From a safe place he watched the opening of the door, and saw the frivolous thing lose a valuable second in waving the muff to him. “In you go!” he screamed beneath his breath. Then she entered and the door closed. He waited an hour, or two minutes, or thereabout, and she had not been ejected. Triumph!

  With a drum beating inside him Tommy strutted home, where, alas, a boy was waiting to put his foot through it.

  CHAPTER II

  BUT THE OTHER GETS IN

  To Tommy, a swaggerer, came Shovel sour-visaged; having now no cap of h
is own, he exchanged with Tommy, would also have bled the blooming mouth of him, but knew of a revenge that saves the knuckles: announced, with jeers and offensive finger exercise, that “it” had come.

  Shovel was a liar. If he only knowed what Tommy knowed!

  If Tommy only heard what Shovel had heard!

  Tommy was of opinion that Shovel hadn’t not heard anything.

  Shovel believed as Tommy didn’t know nuthin.

  Tommy wouldn’t listen to what Shovel had heard.

  Neither would Shovel listen to what Tommy knew.

  If Shovel would tell what he had heard, Tommy would tell what he knew.

  Well, then, Shovel had listened at the door, and heard it mewling.

  Tommy knowed it well, and it never mewled.

  How could Tommy know it?

  ‘Cos he had been with it a long time.

  Gosh! Why, it had only comed a minute ago.

  This made Tommy uneasy, and he asked a leading question cunningly. A boy, wasn’t it?

  No, Shovel’s old woman had been up helping to hold it, and she said it were a girl.

  Shutting his mouth tightly; which was never natural to him, the startled Tommy mounted the stair, listened and was convinced. He did not enter his dishonored home. He had no intention of ever entering it again. With one salt tear he renounced — a child, a mother.

  On his way downstairs he was received by Shovel and party, who planted their arrows neatly. Kids cried steadily, he was told, for the first year. A boy one was bad enough, but a girl one was oh lawks. He must never again expect to get playing with blokes like what they was. Already she had got round his old gal who would care for him no more. What would they say about this in Thrums?

  Shovel even insisted on returning him his cap, and for some queer reason, this cut deepest. Tommy about to charge, with his head down, now walked away so quietly that Shovel, who could not help liking the funny little cuss, felt a twinge of remorse, and nearly followed him with a magnanimous offer: to treat him as if he were still respectable.

  Tommy lay down on a distant stair, one of the very stairs where she had sat with him. Ladies, don’t you dare to pity him now, for he won’t stand it. Rage was what he felt, and a man in a rage (as you may know if you are married) is only to be soothed by the sight of all womankind in terror of him. But you may look upon your handiwork, and gloat, an you will, on the wreck you have made. A young gentleman trusted one of you; behold the result. O! O! O! O! now do you understand why we men cannot abide you?

  If she had told him flat that his mother, and his alone, she would have, and so there was an end of it. Ah, catch them taking a straight road. But to put on those airs of helplessness, to wave him that gay good-by, and then the moment his back was turned, to be off through the air on — perhaps on her muff, to the home he had thought to lure her from. In a word, to be diddled by a girl when one flatters himself he is diddling! S’death, a dashing fellow finds it hard to bear. Nevertheless, he has to bear it, for oh, Tommy, Tommy, ‘tis the common lot of man.

  His hand sought his pocket for the penny that had brought him comfort in dark hours before now; but, alack, she had deprived him even of it. Never again should his pinkie finger go through that warm hole, and at the thought a sense of his forlornness choked him and he cried. You may pity him a little now.

  Darkness came and hid him even from himself. He is not found again until a time of the night that is not marked on ornamental clocks, but has an hour to itself on the watch which a hundred thousand or so of London women carry in their breasts; the hour when men steal homewards trickling at the mouth and drawing back from their own shadows to the wives they once went a-maying with, or the mothers who had such travail at the bearing of them, as if for great ends. Out of this, the drunkard’s hour, rose the wan face of Tommy, who had waked up somewhere clammy cold and quaking, and he was a very little boy, so he ran to his mother.

  Such a shabby dark room it was, but it was home, such a weary worn woman in the bed, but he was her son, and she had been wringing her hands because he was so long in coming, and do you think he hurt her when he pressed his head on her poor breast, and do you think she grudged the heat his cold hands drew from her warm face? He squeezed her with a violence that put more heat into her blood than he took out of it.

  And he was very considerate, too: not a word of reproach in him, though he knew very well what that bundle in the back of the bed was.

  She guessed that he had heard the news and stayed away through jealousy of his sister, and by and by she said, with a faint smile, “I have a present for you, laddie.” In the great world without, she used few Thrums words now; you would have known she was Scotch by her accent only, but when she and Tommy were together in that room, with the door shut, she always spoke as if her window still looked out on the bonny Marywellbrae. It is not really bonny, it is gey an’ mean an’ bleak, and you must not come to see it. It is just a steep wind-swept street, old and wrinkled, like your mother’s face.

  She had a present for him, she said, and Tommy replied, “I knows,” with averted face.

  “Such a bonny thing.”

  “Bonny enough,” he said bitterly.

  “Look at her, laddie.”

  But he shrank from the ordeal, crying, “No, no, keep her covered up!”

  The little traitor seemed to be asleep, and so he ventured to say, eagerly, “It wouldn’t not take long to carry all our things to another house, would it? Me and Shovel could near do it ourselves.”

  “And that’s God’s truth,” the woman said, with a look round the room.

  “But what for should we do that?”

  “Do you no see, mother?” he whispered excitedly. “Then you and me could slip away, and — and leave her — in the press.”

  The feeble smile with which his mother received this he interpreted thus, “Wherever we go’d to she would be there before us.”

  “The little besom!” he cried helplessly.

  His mother saw that mischievous boys had been mounting him on his horse, which needed only one slap to make it go a mile; but she was a spiritless woman, and replied indifferently, “You’re a funny litlin.”

  Presently a dry sob broke from her, and thinking the child was the cause, soft-hearted Tommy said, “It can’t not be helped, mother; don’t cry, mother, I’m fond on yer yet, mother; I — I took her away. I found another woman — but she would come.”

  “She’s God’s gift, man,” his mother said, but she added, in a different tone, “Ay, but he hasna sent her keep.”

  “God’s gift!” Tommy shuddered, but he said sourly, “I wish he would take her back. Do you wish that, too, mother?”

  The weary woman almost said she did, but her arms — they gripped the baby as if frightened that he had sent for it. Jealous Tommy, suddenly deprived of his mother’s hand, cried, “It’s true what Shovel says, you don’t not love me never again; you jest loves that little limmer!”

  “Na, na,” the mother answered, passionate at last, “she can never be to me what you hae been, my laddie, for you came to me when my hame was in hell, and we tholed it thegither, you and me.”’

  This bewildered though it comforted him. He thought his mother might be speaking about the room in which they had lived until six months ago, when his father was put into the black box, but when he asked her if this were so, she told him to sleep, for she was dog-tired. She always evaded him in this way when he questioned her about his past, but at times his mind would wander backwards unbidden to those distant days, and then he saw flitting dimly through them the elusive form of a child. He knew it was himself, and for moments he could see it clearly, but when he moved a step nearer it was not there. So does the child we once were play hide and seek with us among the mists of infancy, until one day he trips and falls into the daylight. Then we seize him, and with that touch we two are one. It is the birth of selfconsciousness.

  Hitherto he had slept at the back of his mother’s bed, but tonight she could not have
him there, the place being occupied, and rather sulkily he consented to lie crosswise at her feet, undressing by the feeble fire and taking care, as he got into bed, not to look at the usurper. His mother watched him furtively, and was relieved to read in his face that he had no recollection of ever having slept at the foot of a bed before. But soon after he fell asleep he awoke, and was afraid to move lest his father should kick him. He opened his eyes stealthily, and this was neither the room nor the bed he had expected to see.

  The floor was bare save for a sheepskin beside the bed. Tommy always stood on the sheepskin while he was dressing because it was warm to the feet, though risky, as your toes sometimes caught in knots in it. There was a deal table in the middle of the floor with some dirty crockery on it and a kettle that would leave a mark, but they had been left there by Shovel’s old girl, for Mrs. Sandys usually kept her house clean. The chairs were of the commonest, and the press door would not remain shut unless you stuck a knife between its halves; but there, was a gay blue wardrobe, spotted white where Tommy’s mother had scraped off the mud that had once bespattered it during a lengthy sojourn at the door of a shop; and on the mantelpiece was a clock in a little brown and yellow house, and on the clock a Bible that had been in Thrums. But what Tommy was proudest of was his mother’s kist, to which the chests of Londoners are not to be compared, though like it in appearance. On the inside of the lid of this kist was pasted, after a Thrums custom, something that his mother called her marriage lines, which she forced Shovel’s mother to come up and look at one day, when that lady had made an innuendo Tommy did not understand, and Shovel’s mother had looked, and though she could not read, was convinced, knowing them by the shape.

  Tommy lay at the foot of the bed looking at this room, which was his home now, and trying to think of the other one, and by and by the fire helped him by falling to ashes, when darkness came in, and packing the furniture in grotesque cloths, removed it piece by piece, all but the clock. Then the room took a new shape. The fireplace was over there instead of here, the torn yellow blind gave way to one made of spars of green wood, that were bunched up at one side, like a lady out for a walk. On a round table there was a beautiful blue cloth, with very few gravy marks, and here a man ate beef when a woman and a boy ate bread, and near the fire was the man’s big soft chair, out of which you could pull hairs, just as if it were Shovel’s sister.