Through It All

by A. K. Rose

  “Oh, Lolly, I’d love to. I’ll read it right now, okay?”

  “Yeah, that would be great, thanks,” the girl said as she handed over a folded manuscript.

  · · ·

  Laura dug in her handbag for the red pen she always carried—a tool of the trade—and sat at the dining room table to read Lolly’s story. As she unfolded the stack of papers that had been creased down the middle, the title struck her immediately: Ada and Olivia.

  That’s interesting.

  As she read, she learned the story of two young women who fell in love against the wills of their families—mortal enemies because of a feud that started over a parking spot in their rent-controlled apartment building. Neither family was especially well-off, so they couldn’t afford to move and had lived in avoidance of each other for a decade. The fact that their two daughters were friends was unappealing, but tolerated as long as it wasn’t seen. The girls were friends for years, until an underlying attraction developed into a more-than-friends relationship. When one of the fathers caught the girls kissing in the building’s shared hallway, all hell broke loose, and they ended up fleeing together and staying at a hostel in New Jersey.

  Laura was impressed with the creativity Mel’s daughter brought to the story. It was definitely modern-day, proven by the absence of sword fights and poison potions. The way Lolly brought a realistic scenario to life was heartening. She implemented an interesting pattern in her prose, chose a nice balance of complex and simple sentence structures, and her characters had depth. The girl was a writer, no question.

  The question, at least in Laura’s mind, was why Lolly had chosen to make the protagonists in her story both female. Was it a reflection on her relationship with her mother? Was she just so comfortable with the idea of two women together that it was a perfectly natural story for her to tell? Or, did Lolly have some tendencies of her own?

  · · ·

  “Hi,” Mel greeted, dangling a small towel in one hand, a water bottle in the other, “what’re you reading?”

  “Lolly asked me to take a look at an assignment for her English class,” Laura said, biting the end of her pen as she thought, then lowered her voice to a whisper and added, “This story is really good. I mean, it’s really good.”

  “Well, that’s great. She’s always liked to write. What’s it about?”

  “Do you want to go for a walk?” Laura diverted the conversation, trying to quickly sort out a way to move it outside so she could be more honest without the worry of being overheard.

  “I just came from a run!”

  “So, you want to go for a walk with me then? Good, let me get my shoes.” Laura looked directly into Mel’s eyes, letting her know in no uncertain terms that they were going on a walk.

  As they stepped out into the street, the noise of daily life surrounding them, yellow cabs packed into the street to infinity, Mel couldn’t stand the suspense anymore.

  “So . . . what’s this all about? Is there something wrong with the story?”

  “No, there’s nothing wrong with the story . . . nothing at all. I meant it when I said it’s good. It’s really, really good. Your daughter has a way with words that I wish I had. She’s talented, no doubt. It’s just, well, here’s the thing. The assignment was to write a modern day story based on the idea of Romeo and Juliet.”

  “I’m with you . . .” Mel encouraged, curious to see where this was going.

  “Okay, so, her story is definitely a modern day take. I won’t give it away, in case she lets you read it, but, the interesting thing to me is the protagonists in the story—the leads that would be Romeo and Juliet—are two girls.”

  “So the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, huh?”

  “Well, I don’t know. I don’t know that we can assume that, but I just thought it was interesting and wanted your opinion. I’m going to give it back with minor suggestions to tighten up a few things stylistically, but overall, she did a great job. She didn’t ask me not to tell you about it, but I’m assuming that since she came to me . . .”

  “. . . she doesn’t want to talk to me about it?” The picture was becoming clear in Mel’s head and she couldn’t say she was surprised by this information, not really. Whether or not Lolly was gay, or perhaps bisexual, was yet to be seen. She had just turned fifteen, and Mel started to figure things out when she was only slightly older than her daughter was now.

  “Yeah, I’m guessing that’s the case, but, she’s your kid. I don’t know her like you do. What do you think?”

  “I think time will tell. We have the gene in my family, no question. But the thing is, kids today have it so differently than we had it. They’re exposed to so much more, they know so much more. They have the internet, they have TV shows that teach them about all types of lifestyles.” Mel hesitated, thinking back to her youth, to the lying and hiding she often did to escape the scrutiny of her family. “Of course, I don’t want her to have the struggles I had with my family. And, I want her to come to me when she’s ready, but I’m not going to force it, not yet. If she is, she is, and we’ll get her through it. If not, that’s fine too, and she’s just a good writer with an active imagination.”

  Mel thought for a moment longer, a little smile spreading across her face, the dimple in her left cheek on full display. She delivered the last bit of her thought—sensing it was probably a mistake, but unable to stop herself, “And if she is, at least I won’t have to worry about her getting pregnant.”

  “Oh, you are too much. I wouldn’t push it,” Laura laughed as she wrapped her arm around her lover’s waist and they continued to walk, the whir of the city serving as the reliable backdrop for their lives.

  FOUR

  “I need to pack up my apartment next weekend,” Laura announced from afar as she brushed her teeth for bed, her words slightly garbled as she worked the toothbrush. “I got an email today that the landlord has it rented already and the new tenants are anxious to move in.”

  They had been planning their wedding for weeks now, and it seemed foolish to continue to keep separate apartments. Besides, Laura hadn’t been back to her place for more than a few suitcases full of clothes and necessities since they’d become engaged.

  “Okay, sure. Do you want my help?” Mel was turning down the sheets and it hit her how routine their routine had become. It was comforting to share the mundane tasks of each day with her best friend, her partner in life. It was a relief to be living the life she wanted, to not be hiding behind secrets and lies in another country.

  “Only if you want to. I am going to line up a mover tomorrow, so really, it’s just a matter of going through stuff and packing.”

  “Okay, well, just let me know. Hon?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I’ve been feeling like I need to take Lolly to London for Thanksgiving, to see her dad, you know? It seems like a good time since she’ll be off school, and it’s not a holiday there, so it would be just a visit without all of the pomp and circumstance . . .” Mel knew this was a perfectly reasonable request, but wondered if it would cause concern if she jetted off to see the father of her child and left Laura alone for a major holiday. After all, Clark was the reason their relationship disintegrated the first time, and she’d be concerned herself if the roles were reversed. Life was complicated, and co-parenting with someone on another continent was complicated to the nth degree.

  “Okay, sure . . . sure, that’s fine. I can keep myself amused here. I have an idea I’m fostering for a new book. It would be good to have some time to work on it.” Laura slid into bed, her hair in a ponytail, the Wellesley t-shirt she wore showing signs of its age, its collar tattered and frayed.

  “Oh, new book, that’s good. It’s about time. I want to hear about it when you’re ready—hopefully I don’t play a role in this one . . . I wondered, though,” Mel started as she moved from her side of the bed to straddle her lover, to look into the eyes of her one-and-only, redirecting the conversation to the real question at hand, “. . . do
you want to come? To London?”

  “What? No . . . no. I don’t need to meet the man who stole you away from me for fifteen years. No, thanks.” She shook her head left and right to really sell it. There was no way Laura was going to London. She had no desire to meet Clark Smyth—it wasn’t going to happen. He would remain a mystery to her. A sperm donor that gave them Lolly, nothing more.

  “Are you sure?” Mel asked, moving even closer so she could work her magic, so she could cast her spell on the blonde in her bed. “It would be fun. We could show you the sights, you could stalk the Queen.”

  “I’ve never been surer about anything . . . ever,” Laura answered firmly, picking up the hard-backed book on her bedside table. She was corralling every fiber in her being in an attempt to act perfectly fine with the fact that she would be alone on Thanksgiving while Mel was with Clark. And she was trying—and failing—to avoid the piercing green eyes that were so intently focused on hers. Damn if those eyes didn’t get her every time. “You go. Take Lolly to see her dad. Seriously. It’s fine. I knew the deal. I knew you would have to go see him occasionally, and that’s fine. Besides, I promised my mom we’d come to Ohio for Christmas, so if you want to use the school break, it makes sense. You have my blessing.”

  Before she knew it, the book she’d just opened had been closed, her thumbs trapped inside, the familiar scent of cinnamon filling her senses as Mel softly kissed her the way only she could do. Laura’s hips were pinned down by the bent legs spanning them. She felt a single hand on the back of her head and the pressure on her lips intensified, her mind unable to wander away from this moment. Mel’s teeth gently tugged at her bottom lip, sending instant shivers through her being. Mel’s tongue traced her lips carefully, purposefully, and Laura was—as she always had been—completely captivated by this woman. Completely, utterly, no-turning-back-now captivated.

  “I swear you could tell me you were taking Lolly to the moon to see Clark, and then convince me it was a good idea simply by touching me just the right way. How do you do this to me?” Laura whispered that last part, the part that contained the big question she’d been trying to figure out for most of her adult life, as she lifted a white tank top over her lover’s head, as she worked to expose the bare skin and feel the beating heart of the woman who was always on her mind.

  · · ·

  “Are you excited to see your dad?” Mel asked as they settled into their seats for the trans-Atlantic flight.

  “Yeah, I guess so,” Lolly answered, her distraction obvious as she dug in her backpack. It was a seven hour flight; she’d need plenty of entertainment to overcome the restlessness that was in her near future.

  “So, how have things been going for you in New York? Is it what you expected?” Mel wanted to use the flight to catch up, but her teenager had other things in mind. The almighty iPad was now officially out and in use.

  “Fine, Mom.”

  “Lolls . . . you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

  “Yep.”

  Mel reached over the armrest and pressed the power button on her daughter’s tablet to dim the screen, just temporarily. They didn’t often get alone time, so the relative solitude in the first class cabin of a long flight seemed like a good opportunity for some quality bonding. Ever since Laura told her about Lolly’s English assignment, she’d been hoping to have an opportunity to talk to her daughter about it. She didn’t want to pry, but was curious to find out what was going on in that adolescent brain. This seemed like an ideal opportunity—they were seat-belted in place thirty thousand feet in the air. There was no way to escape.

  “You can use your iPad soon, I just want to have some us time for a few minutes okay? We haven’t talked much lately and I want to know what’s going on in your life . . . how’s school?

  “Good.”

  This was going to be work, clearly.

  “Have you met any boys?”

  “Of course I have. Half my class are boys.” Lolly was both short on words and a smartass, sure signs that Laura’s predictions of impending teenage rebellion were starting to come true.

  “Lolls, you know what I mean. Have you met any boys that interest you? Believe it or not, I was once your age, I know what goes on in high school.”

  “Nope, no interesting boys. Plenty of friends, though. There are lots of kids in the theater program that are fun to hang out with.”

  “Okay, that’s great, I’m so glad to hear it. So, then, have you met any girls that interest you?”

  “Mom!”

  “Lolly, I’m just asking about your life. You’re getting to an age where you’re going to start facing more adult situations, and I just want to know what’s going on with you, that’s all. It’s perfectly normal to have feelings for other people, you know. I was just curious if you have anyone special in your life. I’ve told you a lot—way more than most parents would, mind you—about my personal life, so it feels like I should know what’s going on in yours.”

  “Mom.”

  Lolly was growing up, no doubt about it. Mel had been tight-lipped about her life with her mother when she was this age, and true to form, her daughter was exactly the same way. The teenage angst that had seemed so distant earlier that year was officially rearing its ugly head, evident by the way “Mom” was used in almost every utterance. She was no longer “Mum” or “Mummy,” she was very much “Mom.” Her daughter had been Americanized.

  “Lolls, Laura told me about your story. For your English class. She said it was really good. She was impressed with your writing.”

  “Yeah, I know, she told me. It’s cool. I just wanted someone to read it before I turned it in, that’s all.”

  Mel pressed on, determined to connect with her daughter. “I’m curious though, sweetie—and you have to understand that I have been in your shoes, okay?—I’m curious, do you worry that you might be like me?”

  “Of course I’m like you, you’re my mother. But do you mean, do I worry I might be gay?” Lolly knew exactly where her mom was going with this line of questioning, but didn’t make it all that much easier for her.

  “Yeah, that’s what I’m getting at.”

  “Nope, I don’t worry about it. I know it, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

  This admission took Mel by surprise.

  She shouldn’t have been surprised, not really. She knew her daughter, she knew there was a good chance; in fact, she had a strong sense this would be the case. What she was surprised about, more than anything, was that her daughter was so sure, so confident. She had just turned fifteen. How was she so secure about such a big revelation? Times were definitely changing. It took Mel quite a lot of internal dialogue and quite a lot of testing the waters to determine this very same thing about herself all those years ago.

  “You know it?”

  “Yep. Mom, it’s fine, really. I have known for a long time. Why do you think I’m so cool with you and Laura?”

  “You know, I’ve asked myself that question plenty over the past year. In some ways, I was certain you just wanted to move to New York and found a way to make it happen. After all, every artist dreams of New York City, and I have known you were artistic since you were little. But, I also wondered how you were so mature about such a complicated situation. Listen, kiddo, you never cease to amaze me—really. I see in you all the things I wish I could have been, and your talents are just now coming to light,” Mel moved a strand of brown hair out of her daughter’s eyes, her signature parenting move. “I’m so excited to see what you end up doing with your life. You get a chance at a world that is just a little bit less judgmental, just a little bit less biased, but you need to understand, you’re still going to face it, okay? Even today, when people are perceived to be different, there are ramifications to that, you know?”

  “I know.” Lolly was anxious to have this heart-to-heart come to an end so she could get back to her entertainment, so she could slip off into another world for the duration of the flight.

&nbs
p; “And, you know, you don’t have to give yourself a label, right? You might decide you like boys. Or you might not. And it’s okay, either way.”

  “I know.”

  “So, will you promise me just one thing?”

  “Okay.”

  “Promise me, when you want to talk about it, if you want to talk about it, you’ll come to me?” Mel made one last attempt to open the window into her daughter’s world, one last shot across the bow.

  “Of course . . . Mom? . . . Her name’s Reese.”

  “Ah. So there is someone?” The tough exterior of teenage secrecy had a crack. This was good. This was progress.

  “Yeah, but . . . she doesn’t know I exist. It’s not a big deal.” Lolly reached for her headphones and started to slip them on, but her mother stopped her, intent on making one final point.

  “Honey, sure it is. It’s a big deal for you. Here’s the thing about love—when it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. When it’s right, things work out.”

  “I know.”

  “Have you talked to her?”

  “Well, yeah, we have English class together. We’ve talked, but not like that. Anyway, she’s into boys.”

  “Okay, yes. That does present an issue. You’ll learn this one in time, but I’ll let you in on a little secret: it’s not always that clear cut. I’m not saying force something or try to change someone, especially at your age. That’s a recipe for a heartbreak. You’re all still figuring out who you are. You’ll be doing that for quite some time, I’m afraid. But, I will tell you, when I met Laura, she was into boys, too.” Mel winked at her daughter and patted her arm, a signal that it was okay to go back to the iPad.

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  So, they’d had a breakthrough. A good step in the right direction, but Mel felt a twinge in her gut as she realized her daughter was growing up fast—she’d be in college in three short years. She only hoped she’d armed the girl with the tools she’d need to succeed, to be herself in a sea of sameness, to listen to her heart without fear of rejection and failure. She wanted to jump in and fix things, she always did. But, this was something she couldn’t fix. She couldn’t make the process of being a teenager any easier, and she couldn’t prevent her daughter from going through some of the same challenges she’d faced. Being parent was heartbreaking sometimes.