Flawed Perfection

by Cassandra L. Giovanni

  “It’s getting to you isn’t it?” Adam said as he climbed through the window out to the balcony with me.

  I jumped at the sound of his voice. “What?”

  Adam leaned on the rail and nodded towards the happy couple. “Them.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  I watched Adam’s knuckles go white as he gripped the metal. “The look in your eyes.”

  “You think I have a thing for Bobby?” I asked.

  Adam pulled his lip ring into his mouth and let it out slowly as he shrugged. “I hope not.”

  “If I had a thing for Bobby I’d have been with him a long time before this,” I replied, and I watched as Adam cringed. The look on his face said that wasn’t the answer he was looking for.

  The feeling in my belly worsened. I didn’t know what to say.

  “I don’t have feelings for your brother,” I said.

  Adam turned to face me, leaning back against the rail, but his eyes stayed on his Nike ™ Cortez shoes.

  “Why are you looking green then?”

  I thought for a moment about it. I’d never felt this way when he was with any other girl. I’d always dealt with his explanations of his exploits and never batted an eye.

  I swallowed before answering. I knew it would sound petty.

  “I never thought he’d fall for Tara.”

  “That still sounds like you’re jealous,” Adam said, his eyes finally finding mine.

  I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his neck.

  “Do I look at him the way I look at you?”

  Adam’s chest rose against mine.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’ve never looked at anyone the way I look at you, Adam. I just hate to be wrong—you know that!”

  “So you dislike their relationship because you thought it would never happen?” Adam asked¸ and his eyebrows furrowed, darkening his face.

  I nodded, and he burst out laughing.

  “You’re nuts, you know that?”

  I shrugged before adding the sugar to my voice. “But I’m cute?”

  Adam bit at my lower lip. “Very.”

  His hands slid over my hips and up the back of my shirt and set my skin tingling.

  “So, I was thinking,” Adam began, his kisses trailing from my lips to my neck.

  “No, nothing kinky,” I replied as my muscles melted at his touch.

  Adam’s lips vibrated against my skin as he laughed.

  “No, but…” His voice drifted off, and I lightly pushed his shoulder. “Fine, I was thinking about our conversation about my band. I’d like you to come see us play, plus you already know my band mates.”

  I pulled away and blinked rapidly at him. “I do?”

  “My volleyball buddies…When I said Joe is a sick guitarist, it’s because I capitalize on it. Mark’s the drummer.”

  “A three piece?”

  “Yeah, I do the bass and sing slash scream,” Adam said.

  “I’d really like that.”

  I watched his expression turn nervous, and his foot started to tap sending a hollow pinging noise into the air.

  “We have a special gig tonight, are you up for it?” he asked with his eyes averted.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his gaze wandered up my body to meet mine.

  “Yes,” I replied as his hands slid over my hips to the small of my back, causing chills to shoot up my spine. “I’ve been dying to hear you sing again.”

  His lips hovered near my ear as he sang to me in that beautiful gravel of a voice, “In my arms I hold the only thing that matters…in my arms I hold the entire world…in my arms is my heart and soul.”

  “That’s not fair,” I whispered in response, my voice barely audible against the sound of blood pulsing in my ears.

  “All’s fair in love and war,” he continued in the sing song voice.

  “We have to go to dinner with my parents in twenty minutes,” I answered as I looked down at his watch. “So we need to leave, like now.”

  Adam smirked down at me. “Why? You want to rip my clothes off?”

  I pushed my hips into his, and his head tipped back so I could kiss his neck.

  “Don’t you want me to?” I asked.

  He moaned. “Mhmm…what punishment this voice is.”

  I pulled away from him and headed back inside.

  “Hey,” he said as he closed the pane behind him; “remember you can’t do that at the concert tonight.”

  “Aww,” I cooed back at him. “Darn it.”

  Chapter 37

  Two more weeks proved Bobby wasn’t over Adam and me. He hadn’t looked at me, let alone spoken two words to me. It was almost unbearable, but Jesse had me working late almost every night as we pushed to get the advertising and branding done for a big client who had just signed a contract with us. My lack of being home took away the constant feeling of bitterness from Bobby, because well, I just hadn’t seen him that much.

  Adam hadn’t been so lucky. He’d hinted to Bobby’s attitude without really talking about it. I wasn’t sure how much longer they could take one another, especially with all the yelling that was going on.

  I could hear them hollering at one another over the TV, followed by the slam of a door and my own door flying open before Adam closed it and came to sit beside me.

  “Shits hit the fan with Bobby. He’s being a fucking asshole 24/7. I can barely stand to be around him,” Adam said as he let his head roll loosely against his shoulders.

  “He has Tara, what’s he being such a big baby about?” I asked as I lay beside him and placed my head in his lap.

  He looked down at me, chest rising with a deep breath. “Tara’s not you, Riv.”

  I clenched my fists and sat up with my back facing Adam.

  “What was that about?” I asked finally, nodding over my shoulder at the door.

  “I threw out the sponge because it was gross, and apparently he needed to use it.”

  I furrowed my brow before asking, “You think I should talk to him, huh?”

  Adam rubbed my back. “He’s livid with me—maybe with you he’ll be more understanding.”

  I looked over my shoulder at Adam’s soft brown eyes and tussled hair. He was everything I’d ever wanted and needed. Perfect in all his flaws, and Bobby was perfect as a friend, which was something he could never accept.

  “Your brother has known since we were sixteen how I felt about you,” I said as I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them.

  Adam scoffed, head jerking back.

  “Asshole,” he muttered under his breath.

  “What?”

  “Of course he’d keep that from me.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. “You still won, though, didn’t you?”

  Adam’s eyes teased me as he tilted my chin so our lips met. “Damn, right. He’s won everything else, but all that really mattered was you.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him as he moved away. “Really, I thought you said I wasn’t a prize.”

  “You’re not.”

  “So what am I the toy you both wanted for Christmas?”

  Adam’s eyebrows rose. “The only toy I’ll ever need.”

  “You’re so dirty!” I said as I stood to walk pass him, only to get yanked into his arms.

  “We could go get clean?” he suggested, lips trailing over my collarbone, making my stomach twist in happy circles.

  “I thought you wanted me to go talk Bobby off that cliff he’s hanging off of?”

  Adam heaved a sigh. “Yeah…”

  “The things I do for you,” I said as I stood again and headed towards the door.

  “And for Tara,” Adam added, and I nodded.

  He was right. I wasn’t going to let Bobby break my only girl friend’s heart.

  I marched across the hall and peeked my head in the door.

  “Bobby?”

  “Hey,” he answered, head in the refrigerator.

  “Hungry?” I asked, walking
in and glancing into the empty fridge with him.

  “Yeah.” Bobby leaned up and his stomach growled. “Kinda sick of pizza.”

  I nodded over my shoulder. “You should come over and have dinner.”

  Bobby perked up. I should have known food would fix everything.

  “Meatballs?” he asked, drool practically dribbling down his chin.

  “Sure,” I replied with a nod and the sweetest smile I could muster. I knew this was far too easy to be true and watched as his body stiffened.

  He ran his tongue across the inside of his cheek. “Where’s Adam?”

  “Waiting for me to cook dinner,” I answered, watching his reaction carefully.

  Bobby turned his back to me.

  “No thanks,” he muttered into the refrigerator.

  “Come on Bobby!” I begged. “This has got to stop!”

  Bobby whipped the door shut, and the whole appliance shook as he turned to look at me. “No!”

  I stepped back, my chest tightening. “Why not?”

  “It was always going to be one of us. I knew you made your decision long ago, but I didn’t know it would hurt this much. You’ve abandoned me, and so has he,” Bobby said as he braced himself with his hands on the island.

  “It’s not like that,” I whispered back.

  “What’s it like then? It was always him, wasn’t it? I never stood a chance…all these years and I was lying to myself. You were my forever River, and now I have nothing!” Bobby’s voice cracked as his eyes washed over mine.

  I knew my face held the answer.

  “I still love you Bobby—you’re as much a part of me as him. It’s just not the same,” I tried to explain, but his face showed I failed. I could feel the thickening of my throat as I saw his composure failing him. His words carved into my heart, and I knew no matter what my happiness would destroy at least one person I loved.

  He clenched his jaw, a harsh breath hissing through his teeth as he looked at the hardwood floors.

  “I wish I could’ve made you love me.” His eyes rose, bitter, as he continued, “All he’s ever going to cause you is pain.”

  I could feel the anger only adding to my urge to burst into tears. I turned away from him and rushed to the door. I knew he was following me.

  I turned, a foot away from the door and thrust my finger in his chest.

  “He’s still your brother!”

  Bobby towered over me now, and I had to look up at him. He looked mean, more mean than I’d ever seen him.

  “What,” he hissed; “makes you think you’re any different than any other girl he’s fucked? Huh!”

  I was trembling as I met his toxic stare. I went to reach for the door, but it burst open with a slam.

  “You piece of shit!” Adam raced past me and nailed Bobby square in the face.

  I heard the crack, and I knew either Bobby’s nose or Adam’s knuckles were broken—or both.

  “I love her!” Adam yelled as he shook his swelling hand. His voice turned to a pained whisper as he stared his brother down, “I love her more than anything in this whole fucking world, including you!”

  Chapter 38

  Adam was always stubborn, even with his hand swollen to the size of a softball he wasn’t going to the ER. Tara texted me she was bringing Bobby to make sure his nose didn’t need to be set, but she never asked what had led to the double black-eyes she’d encountered when she came over later that afternoon.

  I guess she knew better.

  Adam had sat on the balcony with a blank stare on his face for three hours without saying one word to me. I sat on the couch with him in my line of vision as he drank the beer I had given him with the ice pack wrapped around his fist.

  I didn’t know what to say. Who was I to break up a friendship that was born into him? This was his brother he sucker punched, and it was all because of me. My phone beeped, breaking me out of my stupor, and I glanced down at my lap.

  TEXT FROM TARA

  Bobby’s fine—just bruised, no broken nose. Adam should see the doctor, though.

  I text her back to let her know I’d try to convince him and to thank her for letting me know. She didn’t respond. I let it be.

  When I looked up Adam had moved; his shoulders were slumped and his head was in his hands.

  I stood and slipped out the window, running my fingers over his back.

  “Hey,” I said.

  Adam didn’t answer or respond to my touch. I felt the nausea in my stomach as I wondered what he was thinking.

  “You okay?” I asked.

  Adam’s fingers gripped his hair before he let go and wrapped his arms around my waist, placing his head on my stomach. His back rose against my hands as he took a deep breath.

  “You know I meant it, right?” he asked, looking up at me.

  “What?” I asked, my voice soft.

  “I do love you that much. I love you more than anything. It makes me irrational, obviously,” he explained as he let out a painful chuckle.

  “Obviously Bobby’s a bit irrational, too,” I replied as he stood, his hands running up my arms and causing chills to course through my skin.

  Adam’s hands reached my face and his thumbs traced my cheeks as he lowered his lips to hover over mine. He cringed at the movement, and I pulled his injured hand into my own before placing a kiss there.

  “You’re not questioning how I feel, are you?” I asked finally.

  My eyes drifted up to meet his. “You’ve never said it River.”

  “I love you Adam Beckerson. I’ve loved you my whole, entire life—there’s been no one else since the day I laid eyes on you,” I answered.

  His lips crushed into mine, stealing my breath away as his good hand tangled in my hair, and he tilted my head.

  “I don’t understand why I deserve you,” he whispered as his lips drifted over mine.

  “I complicate everything,” I answered.

  Adam’s forehead moved against mine as he shook his head. “You make me a better person.”

  “You just clocked your brother because of me,” I choked.

  That wasn’t my idea of a better person.

  Adam tilted my chin. “Look at me…He had it coming. I should’ve done it a long time ago.”

  “Your mom is going to hate me even more now,” I answered.

  Adam burst out laughing, a smile cracking the sadness in his face. “I didn’t think that was possible!”

  “Oh, ha ha!” I sneered at him as he led me back into the house. “You need to go to the ER.”

  Adam shook his head. “No, especially not after the fact I’m sure Bobby already went.”

  “We can go to the walk-in,” I suggested.

  Adam cleared his throat as he sat on the edge of my bed and unwrapped the ice pack from his fist.

  “That does not look good,” I commented with a swallow. I could feel the blood rushing from my face, and I had to sit to keep my knees from buckling.

  His whole fist was black, and his fingers had turned an awful shade of nauseating blue-green. It looked painful, and I grimaced as I took it into my own hands. I tried to move his fingers and he moaned in pain.

  “Maybe,” he said as he sucked in a breath through his teeth.

  “What?” I asked with narrowed eyes.

  “I’m more concerned about how I’m going to teach guitar with this,” he said, eyes glassy. “This will send them over the edge.”

  “I thought they didn’t mind the lip ring?”

  “Having the appearance of a bad ass is one thing; showing up with a broken fist is another thing.” Adam tilted his head back and squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m fucking screwed.”

  “Let’s go to the walk-in and see what they say. No?” I asked.

  He nodded. “You’re driving, though.”

  I smiled down at him, biting my lip and he rolled his eyes.

  “You want to drive the GLI?” he inferred.

  I nodded, and he used his good hand to take the switchblade key out
of his pocket.

  I grabbed it and smiled at him. “Finally!”

  “If you crash it, I’ll kill you,” Adam teased as he stood.

  “You and your bum hand are going to take down this?” I fired back as I showed my “guns”.

  “Twig,” Adam coughed as he followed me out.

  “Broken hand,” I returned.

  Chapter 39

  Under some miracle of God Adam’s hand wasn’t broken; it was merely strained, but a good one at that. He wouldn’t be able to play guitar for at least two weeks.

  Two weeks where he couldn’t teach.

  I had to admit that his aura of worry was wearing on me, and I was starting to be concerned he might not have a job by the end of the day. I somehow managed to keep the sentiment of doubt off my face as I helped him to button-up his shirt and put on his tie and vest.

  “Looking spiffy,” I said, palm against the faux silk of his tie.

  His body rose against my hand, and he kissed my forehead. “You think they’re really going to believe you dropped a bowling ball on me?”

  I looked at him through my eyelashes. “If they met me they’d believe it.”

  “They might need to meet you then,” Adam said, his voice strained. “Especially when I’m teaching my students piano with one hand.”

  “You could also teach them vocals,” I suggested as I grabbed my purse, and we headed out the door.

  “Vocals? Me? I’ve never been formally trained,” he replied.

  “Didn’t you teach yourself how to play all those instruments before you were ever formally taught?” I reminded him.

  He shrugged. “I never learned anything about vocals, though.”

  “Doesn’t mean you’re any less amazing,” I said as I shifted the GLI into gear.

  “If you say so,” he sighed.

  “Fade Burn was amazing the other night, and did I forget to mention how much I love the name?” I said as I tried to cheer him up.

  Adam shrugged and remained hunched in the seat for the remainder of the short, but too long drive through Boston traffic.

  When we got to the school Adam gave me a kiss before he wordlessly left the car. I watched him walk into the school with his shoulders bent as if he was walking in to his death. I looked down at my watch. I was supposed to give at least two hours notice.