Defiance (Heart Lines Series Book 5)

by Heather Hildenbrand

  Kiwi nodded. “Precisely. You can’t do a merge without rooting yourself first. Otherwise, you’ll get lost and all we’ll have left is Hina.”

  Sam and I exchanged a look and I couldn’t bring myself to tell them the real truth: that Sam was already losing herself.

  But our exchange didn’t go unnoticed.

  “Goddess,” Kiwi breathed in dismay. “It’s already begun, hasn’t it? What aren’t you telling us?”

  Sam offered an unconvincing smile but let the question go unanswered.

  Mirabelle nudged Kiwi and she straightened. “Listen, if RJ has already claimed Mount Shasta for his own rooting, we need to move fast.”

  “What are we talking about?” I asked. “Do we need to get Sam to one of these energy points?”

  Kiwi frowned. “That’s one option although it’s risky. RJ will probably be watching the other locations hoping for that very thing.”

  “This is why you wanted to use the witches,” I said. “To keep her under his radar.”

  “Exactly. But without CHAS supporting this, we can’t offer you this solution,” Mirabelle said. Now I knew why she was grumpy. Someone actually had the balls to tell these women no.

  I wouldn’t want to be whoever it was.

  “What else can we do?” Sam asked. My shoulder pulsed with pain but I tried to stay focused on finding a solution.

  “You have to find another way to root yourself,” Kiwi said.

  “And you’ll have to do it sooner rather than later. RJ isn’t going to wait until the equinox to begin the chaos I’ve seen,” Mirabelle said.

  In my shoulder, the burning and pulsing reached a crescendo. I opened my mouth to ask Mirabelle exactly what she’d seen but in the end, all I managed to do was fall and fall and fall some more …

  Chapter Five

  Sam

  Safar’s robe swished as she rounded the corner and disappeared toward the front door, and beyond that, a run into town for supplies. I watched until she was gone and then turned back to Alex still sleeping on his pile of blankets. The video phone sat off to the side, unplugged and powered down. Jin had taken care of that and then fixed Alex more of his medicinal tea before excusing himself to a room I hadn’t even noticed last night. Now, I sat quietly, watching over Alex while he slept off the pain that had collapsed him earlier.

  God, he was stubborn.

  Although, his display earlier was convenient enough. After their admission about the witches and CHAS, the discussion had shifted. The moment their line of questioning honed in on me, I’d looked for a way to end the conversation. I knew Kiwi would only worry if I told her what had happened last night. Ending the call to take care of Alex wasn’t the worst timing ever, although his condition worried me. I’d never actually seen him this sick when it didn’t end with him nearly dying.

  Along with my worry for him, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Kiwi had said about RJ and Mount Shasta’s energy vortex. He’d been without the full power of Ea all this time—that’s how he’d gone undetected so long. And now, he was obviously intent on retrieving it. But how would he balance it all inside him once the merging ceremony was done? Up until now, I sure as hell hadn’t. And if RJ was out there doing some sort of magic to draw the god’s power into himself, he was going to be a scary opponent. I had to figure this out for real now. No more going in and out, slipping back and forth between me and her.

  I had to merge, like Safar said.

  I had to let Hina become me before I became her.

  And I had to find a way to root myself to do it.

  I went back to watching Alex, but he didn’t move beyond the steady rise and fall of his chest as he slept. He looked better than he had during the call, more peaceful, and thankfully not in pain anymore. Seeing him pass out like that had scared me to the point of panic.

  All I could think of as I’d watched his eyes roll back and his head loll sideways was Mason. How one moment he’d been fine and the next he’d been infected. I knew it was RJ now who had infected him, and mostly, I was angry—furious—when I thought about it. But in this moment, I was just scared. Scared of losing another person I cared about. Mason had been my fault, and before that, Bernard. I couldn’t let Alex die because of me. I couldn’t survive that.

  Just imagining it left a lump in my throat, and I forced away all thoughts of death. And Mason. I knew I’d grieve later. But not now. Not when there was still so much to figure out.

  I wondered how long it would take Alex’s wound to heal on its own—or if I dared to try and heal it myself now. He hadn’t asked me to. But I couldn’t let him keep weakening like this. Not with everything we had to do now.

  Nervous at the thought of using my magic, I went looking for Jin, pushing open the door to his “wing,” as he’d called it. I found it unlocked, but inside, the space was dark. I stood just inside the doorway, willing my eyes to adjust using the dim lighting streaming in behind me. And hoping I wasn’t walking in on anything too strange. Supernatural creatures did weird shit behind closed doors. This I knew firsthand.

  But Jin was only sitting on a rug in the middle of the floor, legs crossed, eyes closed, his hands propped on his knees.

  “Oh,” I said. His eyes opened. “Sorry,” I added, already backing away.

  Jin smiled, waving me over. “It’s perfectly fine. Come. Join me.”

  I crossed the dark room, stepping carefully to be sure I wasn’t going to trip over some piece of furniture or sacrificial lamb or something. But the path was clear and the floor smooth and cold under my feet. In fact, the room was mostly empty, I noticed. From the dim shadows I could make out, I saw only the rug and against the wall, a bench and an altar of some sort. If there was another door somewhere that housed his bedroom, I couldn’t see it from here.

  When I reached the rug, Jin motioned at the empty space in front of him. I sat and crossed my legs, mirroring his pose. “Do you meditate often?” he asked.

  “Not really. I mean, I guess when I’m healing it’s a sort of meditation,” I said.

  He waved my answer off. “That’s for them. This is for you.”

  I nodded like I knew what he meant.

  “Meditation is a practice,” he explained.

  “A practice of what?” I couldn’t help but ask. I’d seen others do it. Kiwi, Mirabelle. But Jin’s version felt different. Maybe because Jin himself felt different.

  “Of not thinking.”

  I smirked. “I do things without thinking all the time.”

  Jin’s lips curved. “Doing nothing without thinking is much harder.”

  “Then why do it?” I asked.

  “It quiets my mind.”

  I bit my lip, too afraid to admit how badly I wanted that. If it wasn’t me talking in my head, it was Hina. Between us, I never got a quiet moment. Could meditation give me that? With all the magic floating around, this seemed so simple. “Quiet sounds good,” I said.

  Jin nodded knowingly, his dark eyes almost black, and I wondered if he was telling me all this as a means to help. Like he knew my question before I even asked. “Sit still and close your eyes,” he instructed. I did as he asked and took a deep breath. “Very good. Now focus on the breath. In for four beats. Hold for seven. Out for eight. Over and over. Try it.”

  I did as he said and kept all my concentration on the breathing rhythm and my own counts. After a few moments, I felt some of the tension leave my shoulders and arms—and my chest felt lighter with each exhale.

  I smiled and opened my eyes. Jin smiled back. “You look much better.”

  “Thanks,” I said wryly. “Was it that bad before?”

  “Not bad. Just troubled.”

  “I was worried … about using my magic to heal,” I admitted. “Last time I tried, it made me sick.”

  “Alex will be fine even if you don’t heal him,” he said.

  I gawked at him, surprised he’d guessed my thoughts so easily. “Am I that easy to read?” I asked.

  Jin smiled. “An
open book, actually.”

  I smiled back.

  “You can stay as long as you like,” he added.

  My smile fell and my eyes widened. “How did you know I was going to ask?” My eyes narrowed. “You can’t tell the future, right?”

  He laughed, a deep belly laugh that rumbled in the silent room. “We don’t need to read the future once we know someone’s true past.”

  “But you haven’t read me,” I said and wondered what he thought he knew after seeing me through Alex’s eyes.

  But Jin didn’t mention that at all. “Not with my hands. But it’s not hard to miss. You are tired, Sam. It’s understandable for one who wants peace in the middle of a war. Take some time. As long as you need.”

  I softened. “Thank you, Jin. But … We’ll have to move on soon. We don’t want to risk bringing trouble to your doorstep.”

  He waved a hand. “Safar has seen to the wards. You are protected here.”

  “Safar can do wards?” I asked, remembering what Alex had told me about the magical barriers some Hunters could do around the border of a property or place. They usually kept werewolves out—but Safar wasn’t a Hunter. She was a witch. I hope that meant her wards kept witches—and gods—out too.

  “Safar can do a great many things.”

  I didn’t argue because the more I learned about her, the more I realized Jin was right. Only manners kept me from asking for an actual list of them all. “I’ll thank her when she returns,” I said instead.

  Jin was silent, and I wasn’t sure if he’d gone back to meditating and shut me out entirely or was giving me time to think of something else to say.

  “Peace was never won by fighting against it, you know.”

  I blinked, a little confused about what “it” he meant. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I said.

  “Your root. Not your mind.”

  “What?”

  “Your root chakra houses your beliefs. What you believe about yourself, your higher power, and the rest of the world—not to mention your place in it. Your villain is not the only one who could benefit from connecting there.”

  “Right. Of course. I’ll … meditate on how to root myself.” I paused, but the comfortable silence between us drove me onward. “Safar says that Alex … has magic,” I said. Jin didn’t react but his silence spoke volumes. My stomach tightened. “It’s true then.”

  “Alex is one of a kind,” Jin said as if choosing his words carefully.

  “You won’t tell me about it.”

  “It is not for me to tell.”

  “But you’ve read him. You know—”

  “Do you tell your friends everything about the healing you do for them? Do you tell them about the darkness? The way it sits inside you for a while afterward?”

  “I … How did you know that?”

  “A past is a complicated thing. The way we interpret our own story shapes who we are. It can be dangerous to alter the interpretation. Just as it’s dangerous for you to root into someone’s mind beyond the sickness. I tell my clients only what they wish to know.”

  “And Alex? What did you tell him?” I asked, knowing full well I’d overstepped from curious to nosy. But I couldn’t stop myself. Even with the video call we’d done earlier as a buffer, I’d felt the secret between us. I didn’t want to keep lying to him, but I wasn’t sure what to say, where to begin.

  Jin shrugged, clearly not as concerned about the lie as I was. “He didn’t want to know about magic.”

  “He wanted to know about Indra,” I guessed.

  “No. He wanted to know about you.”

  “Me?” I blinked, thrown off.

  “He wanted to know the path that would avoid hurting you most.”

  “Oh.” Well shit. What did that even mean? Physically—like with Ea? Or … romantically?

  Jin gave me a look that said he knew exactly what I wanted to ask next. But I couldn’t bring myself to say it. “Safar is one of a kind too,” I said instead.

  Jin’s small smile was proof he knew why I was changing the subject. “Yes.”

  “You are very kind to save her. To take us in. Thank you for your hospitality, Jin. Without you …”

  “I have given you sanctuary, Sam. But even I cannot save you. Not from her.”

  “You mean Hina. You know about her then? What she is? That she is inside me?”

  He nodded. “Many of us know,” he said and there was no doubt in my mind what “us” he referred to. Witches. Supernaturals. Those that still lived in the shadows. God, every time I thought I knew something about the world, it just got bigger.

  “She’s getting stronger. If I don’t fix this before the equinox, I think she’ll take me over,” I said quietly.

  He was silent for so long I wondered if he was going to respond to what I’d said. Or if I should have said it at all. I didn’t know Jin personally. And here I was just telling him things. Things I hadn’t told anyone else. But there was something about him so trustworthy, so easy to talk to. In fact, since the moment we’d arrived I’d felt safe enough to talk about anything here.

  Finally, Jin held out his hands for mine. “May I?”

  I hesitated, knowing full well what he meant.

  “You can say no,” he added.

  I took a deep breath, debating that. He was right. I could refuse. But I wouldn’t. We both knew it. I wanted too badly to help everyone. To beat Ea. To win.

  I swallowed hard and put my hands in his.

  For a long moment, Jin just sat still with my hands wrapped in his, palm up. I waited, but he didn’t speak. Didn’t move. The only reason I didn’t interrupt was his breathing. It was irregular at first and built quickly to erratic. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to close my eyes or do anything—he hadn’t given me a single instruction—but all I could do was stare at him with wide eyes, watching as his expression seemed to morph with every vision my skin gave him.

  My throat closed when his expression contracted as if in pain.

  I wanted to apologize for whatever he saw.

  I wanted to take it away.

  “I’m—” sorry, I began.

  “Strong,” he breathed. “So strong.” His eyes remained closed, but his hands were moving now. Squeezing and twitching against my own. I didn’t move, but I couldn’t help the twinge of fear and disappointment at his words.

  Hina was strong. That was what scared me.

  “Total control comes through utter surrender.”

  The words jolted me. It wasn’t just the way Jin spoke them, but the resonance deep inside me to the idea that I really did have the power to change what was happening. Even if that power did come from giving up.

  “Don’t give up,” Jin said and my jaw fell open.

  “Did you read my mind?” I asked.

  “I read your past thought,” he amended, but a devious grin ghosted his lips. I narrowed my eyes. He laughed. “Give in. Not up,” he added.

  I let that sink in. “Are you talking about the merge?” I asked.

  “For starters—” He looked like he might say more but a noise sounded behind me. I twisted around and found a familiar silhouette framed in the doorway.

  Alex yawned, rubbing his face. “You guys partying without me?”

  “Alex.” I jumped up and hurried over, offering my body as a crutch for his weight. He brushed me off, taking my hand instead. “I didn’t expect you to be awake so soon. Are you feeling better?” I asked, frowning at his shoulder and the blood-soaked bandage that covered it.

  “Much,” he said and then looked past me to Jin. “Thank you.”

  Jin dipped his head. “Anytime, my friend.”

  “Can I steal Sam for a bit?”

  “Of course. She can change your dressings. The supplies are on the table.” Jin looked at me. “Think about what I said,” he added in a low voice.

  “I will,” I promised him, my heart thudding. And it wasn’t a lie. I had no choice but to think about it. Surrender. It was the one thing I hadn’t
tried. And the one thing I’d sworn not to do.

  Distracted, I let Alex lead me back out to the couch. When we sat, I found him studying me and only then realized he’d gotten across the room with little help from me—and that I’d forgotten about his bandage. “Later,” he said, catching my wrist before I could get up and waving me off.

  “In a minute,” I corrected and then studied him more closely. “You’re feeling better,” I said, noting the dark circles that remained even though the strained lines etched around his face were gone.

  “You already asked me that.”

  “Right.” I frowned, still thinking over everything Jin had said.

  “Did Jin’s reading help?” he asked.

  I looked up startled. “How did you…?”

  Alex lifted a brow. “Either he was reading your or you were two-timing me on that meditation rug. I assumed.”

  I shot him an irritated smirk. “Yes,” I said simply. “It helped.”

  “Are you going to tell me about it?” he asked when I didn’t say more.

  “Eventually.”

  Another lifted brow. “You seem to be more and more yourself.”

  I sighed. “If only that remained true.”

  Alex winced. “You want to talk about that yet?”

  I scowled, the small bit of positivity I’d managed to take away from my conversation with Jin fading quickly. At the reminder of everything we’d come through in the past few days, sadness and defeat coated every thought. “I don’t know what to say.”

  Alex cleared his throat. “I know you’re hurt by what happened with RJ. A betrayal like that … I can only imagine how you feel. RJ was my friend too and to know he played us like that—” He broke off, his lips pressing together into a thin line that spoke volumes about his silence. “I want to kill him for what he did to Mason. And to you.”

  “And you,” I agreed, not bothering to try and talk him down. If I was being honest, the urge to take my rage out on RJ wasn’t something I could turn off—or feel bad about—right now.

  “And me,” he agreed. “And Brittany. And CHAS. And all of us. He betrayed us all for a long time. If he were here right now, I’d kill him.”