Defiance (Heart Lines Series Book 5)

by Heather Hildenbrand

  “Well, something coaxed you back out again,” she said. “And goodness knows your father and I had nothing to do with it. We tried everything and then you come here and just like that,” she snapped her fingers, “You’re back to your old self again.”

  “It was hardly that easy or that quick,” I said, irritation welling up. She made it sound so simple, so painless, this journey I’d taken. Getting my memories back had been only the beginning and none of it had been anything close to easy.

  “Well, then tell me what it was and we’ll celebrate it together,” she pressed. And there it was. The million dollar question that I could not bring myself to answer. The question I’d been dodging ever since she’d come to town.

  “I … I can’t, Mom,” I said finally, wishing Koby would come out here and find a way to make my mother stop asking questions she didn’t want to know the answer to.

  “Mrs. Knight, your bags are all set here,” Alex said, joining us suddenly.

  But my mother was not going to be distracted. Not anymore. “What do you mean you ‘can’t?’” she asked me, ignoring Alex.

  A few pedestrians slowed to stare and listen as they passed us on their way into the ticketing terminal. I ground my teeth together, hating the way she grabbed onto something and didn’t let go of it until she got answers.

  “I mean you don’t want to hear it,” I said, my temper rising as I realized she’d done this on purpose.

  She’d waited until she had me cornered and she was on her way out to really bring this up. This whole conversation was ridiculous—not to mention a waste of my time. If I told my mom the real reason for my sudden personality switch, she’d worry even more. And I’d never hear the end of it.

  “Try me,” she said through closed teeth, clearly just as pissed as I was.

  “Fine. Magic, Mom. That’s what’s responsible for the change in me. I figured out it wasn’t all in my head like you told me when I was a kid. I do have magic and I learned how to finally use it.”

  She reared back as if I’d slapped her. “You … what?”

  Alex didn’t move a muscle.

  My chest heaved, and I felt winded, as if I’d just run a mile.

  The clear fury in her eyes and the disappointment in her expression spoke volumes. “It sounds like your aunt Kiwi has put more ideas in your head than I’d anticipated. I think I’ll have a word with her when she returns from whatever jaunt she’s disappeared on now—”

  I snorted at that. “You know what, forget what I just said. It doesn’t matter.” Suddenly, I wanted nothing more than to be done with this entire conversation.

  “What do you mean? Of course it matters.” She pinched her lips together and then added more gently, “Sam, magic isn’t real.”

  I hated the way she said it. Like she was trying to break painful news. Alex was dead silent beside me, and I wondered just what he was thinking of all this. He’d also wanted to deny magic once not so long ago—the kind I possessed, at least—but seeing was believing. Except where my mother was concerned. I was half-tempted to reach for her and send her a jolt of something from Hina, but shook the idea off. That wasn’t nice, and I wasn’t going to stoop to that. I had nothing to prove.

  But I was definitely done with this conversation. “Ugh. I don’t want to talk about this with you. Besides, you have a plane to catch. Look, all you need to know is that I won’t skip class anymore, okay?”

  “Why should I believe you? If you think you’re running around playing with magic, maybe you’re not doing as well as you think—”

  “No one is playing at anything,” I nearly shouted. More pedestrians turned to stare. I scowled at them and turned back to my mother.

  “—our mistake by sending you out here—” she was saying.

  “Mom, none of this is a joke or frivolous—”

  “—can just forget it. This is delusional—”

  “—can just stop paying for school, and I’ll find my own way—”

  “I’m serious!”

  “I’m serious!”

  We both stopped short on the same two words, out of breath and tempers blazing as we stared each other down. My mother blinked first, and I tried to remind myself how immature it was to be secretly pleased over that.

  “I don’t know what else to say,” she said softly. The temper leaked away and she just looked sad.

  I sighed because that sadness was all it took for my own temper to disappear and all that was left was guilt. “Mom, I’m sorry,” I said.

  “Sorry for what?”

  “For making you fly out here. For fighting. For everything.”

  She pressed her lips together and glanced at Alex as if just now remembering he was here. I glanced at Koby but he was staring stoically out the front window, and I knew he’d ignored us on purpose, forcing me to face her. Sneaky little …

  “I’m sorry too. I don’t want to part angry,” she said.

  She held her arms out and I stepped reluctantly into them, hugging her tight. Maybe my body could convey what my words could not. We both remained stiff, though.

  She pulled back, her smile wobbly. “We’ll talk more about this when I get home, all right?”

  I nodded but silently swore to never talk about this again if I could help it. Magic and my mother didn’t belong in the same place. Ever. “Tell Dad I love him.”

  “I will.” She turned to Alex and hugged him too. “Take care of her,” she said.

  “Absolutely. Travel safe,” he told her.

  An attendant appeared with a cart and helped load her bags for check-in. Alex’s hand slid into mine, but he didn’t try to lead me away and we both watched as my mother followed the attendant toward the terminal entrance. I waited until she’d disappeared through the sliding doors before letting my smile falter and my shoulders droop.

  When she was gone, I sighed. “That went well.” Alex didn’t answer, and when I finally turned, he watched me with raised brows. “What?” I asked.

  “Your mother …” He reached over and opened my door, holding it for me while I stood on the sidewalk, eyes narrowed at him.

  “What about her?”

  He shook his head, a small smile playing on his mouth. “Like I said before, the apple doesn’t fall far.”

  My lips twitched at that. He had a point. But I wasn’t ready to laugh it off yet. “She doesn’t like me having magic. I wonder if it’s because she’s scared she has it too,” I said, sliding into the car.

  “Maybe. But then some people don’t need it,” he said knowingly. “Your mother has all the power she needs. And she knows exactly how to use it.”

  He pushed the car door shut, and I leaned my head back against the seat, absolutely positive he was right about that. In fact, there was a part of me that felt relieved with her gone. I’d rather face the Witherer than try to explain magic to my mother ever again.

  Chapter Twenty

  Alex

  The forest was deadly quiet. Behind me, Safar and Brittany were silent too. But beside me, Sam’s footsteps crunched over the dead leaves underfoot. I gritted my teeth but let it go. I knew from her slow steps and careful movements she was trying her best. Besides, so far, Safar’s wards had worked. Not a single werewolf—feral or otherwise—had found us.

  Even without the proof of danger, I could feel the magic ahead. We were almost there. My heart pounded at what we were doing—where we were going and why.

  I had magic.

  Sam had dropped a fucking bomb on me when she’d told me I had magic. Everything I thought I knew about the world—or at least my place in it—had changed. My entire life, I’d wondered why I hadn’t inherited that particular gene from my mother. But I had inherited it. In fact, my mother had died for it and no one had ever told me about it, and now, here we were, about to find out. It was enough to give a backseat to my anxiety over Sam’s upcoming merge and the gods bent on war. But now … Now that I knew I did have it, I wasn’t sure what to do with it.

  It felt li
ke a secret.

  Like my mother had kept a secret from me. And who else knew and hadn’t told me. Jin. Safar. Maybe even Mirabelle. The memory of that first meeting, the reading she’d done and her strange reaction—she’d been flustered at the least when I’d shaken her hand—had me wondering. I’d put in several calls to Edie but still hadn’t heard back and that grated on me. I hated being the last to know anything—but this? This was more than I had words for.

  Beside me, Sam’s foot caught on a tree root, and she stumbled. I reached for her, steadying her with my hand and she looked over at me, smiling tightly. We were both on edge, but she seemed particularly tense. I squeezed her hand in reassurance wondering to myself if it would be good or bad if Hina made an appearance at today’s visit. Just as quickly, I shoved that thought away. Losing Sam was not a price I wanted to pay, no matter the power we gained in return. At least my shoulder had stopped screaming at me and was finally beginning to offer a range of motion that might allow me to protect us properly today—if it came to that.

  Hopefully, it wouldn’t.

  I turned back to the trail, Sam’s hand still firmly in mine. My thoughts drifted back to my magic. It just didn’t seem possible. Going this long without knowing this side of myself…

  And of course the one person on the planet who understood that without question was walking right beside me, maybe even put in my path on purpose for that reason. Proof that maybe fate existed after all.

  A few minutes later, I signaled a halt to our processional with a raised fist. Brittany and Safar stepped up to where Sam and I waited and I felt a twinge of familiarity at the sight of the entrance to the Obupa. Memories of the last time I’d visited washed over me. Sam had come here on her own when I’d refused to bring her myself or tell her anything about Sushna. My own hesitation had ended in her getting hurt and both of us almost getting killed. And then Indra had saved me.

  Indra.

  I loathed the idea of seeing her again even if it meant getting the information I desperately wanted about myself.

  “Are we almost there?” Brittany asked, looking around in confusion. She’d been uncharacteristically silent today and now she looked nervous as she looked around.

  I pointed at the moss-coated bank that was really a hidden doorway into the Obupa forest just beyond where we stood. “That’s it.”

  Brittany frowned. “Uh, that’s a dead end.”

  “No, that’s the entrance,” Sam confirmed.

  She was looking at me, but now that we were here, I felt too damned unsettled to meet her eyes. Sad. I was sad. This whole thing had made me angry at my mom and that depressed the shit out of me. She didn’t deserve my anger after all this time.

  “Safar and Brittany are going to wait here,” I said, repeating the same plan we’d already discussed earlier. “When we come out, we’ll need wards protecting Sam so her sudden presence here doesn’t trigger any wolves nearby.”

  “My wards are going to disappear once we enter to Obupa, aren’t they?” Sam asked.

  “Yes. That magic …” Safar shuddered and took a step back. “I can feel it from here. It definitely overrules my own. I don’t think I want to join you in there anyway.”

  It was the first time I’d ever seen Safar intimidated. But I couldn’t blame her. I wouldn’t have gone in either if I didn’t have to. I turned to Brittany and handed her my weapons. They wouldn’t do me any good in there anyway. “You guys are good here?”

  “Of course,” she said, sliding my knife into her boot with one hand and clutching the spear gun in her other. “But I’d be better if you’d let me go in with you. I can’t let Sam die, remember? It ruins my five-year plan.”

  “Britt, I can’t let you,” Sam said. “Sushna uses people and she exploits their weaknesses until she’s in their head. Not to mention, if anything happened to you or Safar—”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’ll stay and guard our secret weapon.” She nodded her chin toward Safar who simply raised a brow. “You guys just get in and out as soon as you can.”

  I nodded at her and then finally turned to Sam. “Ready?” I asked.

  Sam nodded and there was gentleness in her eyes that threatened to break me. “Ready,” she said softly.

  I took her hand, a gesture meant to convey a message—no matter what happened next, I would protect her—and was glad when she hung on tight. Together, we slipped through the false wall behind the moss and into the Obupa.

  On the other side of the mossy bank, the forest was different. The trees whispered. I couldn’t say how I knew it, but I did. Maybe it was Harold’s influence that brought out the strangely certain paranoia. Or maybe, after three visits, I was finally starting to read this place better.

  The trees were a bright, pulsing green, just like I remembered, and the forest sounds were like nothing I’d ever heard in the regular world. The fact that strange bird songs filled the air was the only thing that put me at ease right now. It was when the sounds stopped that I knew enough to worry. Still, I didn’t exactly want to meet anything foreign without the comfort of a single weapon on me. With that in mind, I tugged on Sam’s hand and she hurried to match my pace.

  We reached the center of the circle of trees where I’d always met Sushna, and still the birds sang from their invisible perches.

  “Maybe she’s not home,” Sam said after a moment.

  I knew better than that, but all we could do now was wait.

  I turned to look at her and exhaled, knowing I only had minutes—maybe seconds—before we were interrupted. “I love you,” I said without preamble.

  Sam’s eyes widened and her lips parted in surprise. “I … love you too,” she said uncertainly.

  I held tight to her hand, regretting my timing. I should have done this earlier, I realized now. Not here, not now.

  “No, I mean. I really, completely, absolutely love you,” I went on. “And I’ve never loved anyone like that before. In a way that—” I broke off, not even sure what to say or how to make her understand.

  “It’s okay,” she said, her free hand coming up to lay flat on my chest. “This is a lot to process. Probably too much. We can talk about it later. We can—”

  I shook my head, catching her hand and holding it in place over my heart. “We aren’t promised ‘later’ and I don’t want to waste a single second. I know things are crazy, and I know we have a thousand other things going on but … I need you to know how I feel about you in case—”

  “Whoa, there. No.” She held up a hand to stop me. “We are not doing the whole ‘I love you in case I die’ thing.”

  “I’m not,” I assured her, stepping closer and fighting the urge to kiss her as I stared down into those dark eyes that always invited me to drown myself in them. “I’m saying I love you in case I live.”

  Her lips curved, and I felt the stir straight down my gut and into my groin as her lashes fluttered closed and she reached onto her tiptoes. “Much better,” she said softly, brushing her lips over mine.

  “Mmm. You make this relationship thing way too easy,” I said against her lips.

  She arched a brow and leaned in close, lowering her voice to a seductive whisper. “I thought you liked me easy?”

  I couldn’t help it; I laughed out loud.

  Sam grinned, and I felt something inside me settle into place.

  “Thank you,” I told her and she reached up, planting a kiss on my chin. I opened my mouth, ready to say more; to tell her how much I wanted her and needed her and that having magic didn’t change any of that. But she beat me to it.

  “Let’s talk about it later,” she said.

  I frowned but Sam cocked her head meaningfully, and I realized the forest had finally fallen silent around us. I tensed, tightening my hold on Sam’s hand, and turned to square off with the direction Sushna had appeared the last time we had come.

  She was already there, smiling from underneath layers and layers of mud. “Hello, you two love birds,” she sang.

  �
��Sushna,” I said simply, my heart pounding because even without her words, I could tell by the stare she’d fixed on me, the way she ignored Sam, that she knew exactly why I was here.

  And I wondered how I’d missed it before—the smug smile she gave me that said she knew something I didn’t.

  “Huh,” she grunted. “You’ve finally come to know.”

  I swallowed hard and nodded. “I’ve come for you to tell me.”

  “I knew you would.” Her gaze swung to Sam and bits of mud and dirt went flying from the ends of her caked hair. “You received my gift.”

  “I did, thank you,” Sam said, lowering her head as if in respect.

  I raised a brow at that but let it pass. If that was how Sam wanted to play it—

  “Come. Sit. Deal.” Sushna turned without waiting for our answer and led the way to the familiar hovel of branches and mud and leaves that we’d sat inside the last time. This time, a second hovel stood beside it. I swore something inside it moved and breathed, but I saw nothing and by the time I sat where Sushna motioned, all my attention was aimed once more at the Witherer. I didn’t trust her as far as I could smell her.

  Sam sat beside me, and I resisted the urge to pull her even closer as Sushna hunched over in front of us. The magic between us all practically sucked the air dry.

  “You haven’t merged,” Sushna said to Sam.

  Sam tensed. “No.”

  “Yin and yang. You are the Void.” The words were sang like a reminder, like that should have answered some question we hadn’t even asked.

  Sam rolled her eyes and I knew the riddle-speak was already annoying her. “Yep, that’s me. Hollow.”

  “Not hollow. Just void,” Sushna said with a shrug like she couldn’t care less.

  Over Sushna’s shoulder, something shook the leaves of the second hut and I stilled. Beside me, Sam tensed. “What is that?” I asked.

  Sushna pretended not to hear me.

  The leaves shook again. Sushna didn’t react, and I barely resisted rolling my eyes.

  “We’ve come for information,” I said.

  Finally, Sushna looked up at me, her gaze clearer than I’d seen the last time we were here. Sushna was far more clever than anyone suspected and that sharp glance was proof. “You want, I want. We’ll make a deal.”