Mary had spent the summer before last in London, with her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner. She was there, pursuing some advancement in her education; taking courses at the local ladies seminary.
But while there, she got to meet many artists that came to her uncle's home. Poets, musicians, and authors all seemed to find the Gardiner's home a meeting place of sorts. It was here that Mary met Lord Byron and his paramour, Lady Caroline.
Lady Caroline Lamb was married to the Second Viscount Melbourne, the Prime Minister. Oh, no one knew that she had a lover. But, Mary eventually discovered that she had been carrying on a secret affair with Lord Byron for some time.
Lady Caroline and Lord Byron used their visits to the Gardiner’s as a way of setting up their assignations. While Mary did not initially know any of this, she was intrigued by Lady Caroline, and learned of her interest in writing. Before Mary knew it, she and Lady Caroline had become quite good friends. It was from this friendship that the seeds of her current avocation began.
When Mary did learn of Lady Caroline’s secret affair, she found that she could not judge her, as she would before coming to London. Lady Caroline intrigued her, in fact. The two came up with an acceptable cover story to remain in contact with each other, and to be able to converse. Mary told a little white lie to her parents.
She told them she had met Lady Caroline while at the Gardiner’s. That Lady Caroline was intrigued by Mary’s knowledge of Fordyce, as well as other writers of the cloth, and desired to continue their acquaintance through writing. Both Mr. and Mrs. Bennet, hoping that the correspondence might decrease the amount of “sermonizing” Mary imposed upon the family on a regular basis, allowed the ongoing communication.
Lady Caroline had instructed Mary in the form and style of the modern gothic romance novel. She had also helped her by critiquing some of Mary's novice work. Mary was currently writing a romance novel. She hoped to have The Adventures of Mary Anne completed by the end of the year. Lady Caroline had already submitted portions of the novel to a publisher, on her behalf. It had been tentatively accepted for publishing, under the pen name Lady Mary Anne.
Mary was still a maid, but she was much more educated in the ways of men and women than most any other unmarried woman would be. Lady Caroline had given her a rare book from India about intimate relations, as well as sharing many gothic romance novels with her. Mary did not describe any actual act of coupling in her stories, as she felt it would be too difficult to do so--never having experienced it herself, but she did tend to let her imagination run free as she wrote.
Her family and friends knew her to be an expert in Fordyce Sermons and, in fact, she was. Her actual behaviour modelled those sermons. But she longed for more. Her thoughts and dreams were of another nature.
On this day she entered her father’s library, as she knew he was currently out of the house. Her father had a locked drawer in his desk where he kept his sensitive materials. Mary had learned she could pick the lock. She had often found her way into her father’s library when he left the house. On this day she needed to do some research to find out if there were ways to avoid conception while coupling. Her main character, obvious Mary Anne, had need of such special avoidance techniques. In Mary’s novel, her main character was a spy and a vixen.
On some level Mary wondered herself, if there were a way for her to be able to experience pleasure, and not have to experience the consequences. She believed she would be a better writer if she had intimate experience. Yet she had been raised as a gentlewoman, and such things were just not done.
*~*~*~*~*
It was not long before Kitty and Lydia ran by Mr. Bennet giggling, on their way to return to the house. Yes, he was glad that he had decided to send them to school! They might be the silliest of girls at this point in their lives. But he found himself wanting them to make as good of a match as Elizabeth had already made, and Jane was soon to make.
*~*~*~*~*
Other than their brief walk earlier, Lydia and Kitty had been sitting around this morning, discussing their father’s revelation that he intended to send them away to school. Lydia had always prided her self on being an exemplary flirt, but she knew now that she had gone too far, and had caused her father’s wrath the night of the Netherfield ball.
In the past, where Lydia went, Kitty had usually followed. However, recently Kitty had found that she desired to have a mind of her own. Yet, she simply could not seem to individuate from her most silly sister. On this day, Kitty had begun to think she needed to change her life in order to make a fortunate match, as her sister Lizzy had done.
Kitty had found her copy of Fordyce’s sermons and was reading it. She noticed something that she decided to share with her sister Lydia, “Lydia, listen to this:
**’It is a maxim laid down among you, and a very prudent one it is, that love is not to begin on your part, but is entirely to be the consequence of our attachment to you.’”
“Do you think that means we are not supposed to chase after men, but allow them to seek us? You know that Lizzy did not seem to even like Mr. Darcy in the beginning, but is very much in love with him now. He seems so much more agreeable than I would have ever have imagined--so handsome, and so rich. I think he formed an attachment first, do you not? Maybe it would be better, more prudent, to be pursued than to pursue ourselves. What do you think?”
Lydia snorted, “It would not be nearly as much fun, Kitty. Oh, I know that it is my behaviour that father is unhappy with, and that because of me we are to go to school. But it might be fun to be in London. I hope we are allowed to go to balls and the theatre. It could be fun indeed.”
Kitty returned, “I do not believe that father is sending us to London for fun, Lydia. I believe he is giving us a chance to learn to be ladies, and make as good of a match as Lizzy's. Listen to this:
**‘…some agreeable qualities recommend a gentleman to your common good liking and friendship. In the course of his acquaintance, he contracts an attachment to you. When you perceive it, it excites your gratitude; this gratitude rises into a preference, and this preference perhaps at last advances to some degree of attachment, especially if it meets with crosses and difficulties; for these, and a state of suspense, are very great incitements to attachment, and are the food of love in both sexes.’”
“I believe that state of suspense, as well as the crosses and difficulties, have provided the food of love for our sister, Lizzy. Do not you think so?”
“Kitty, do not think me too indiscrete. I can see that Lizzy’s courtship has progressed to her advantage. But living as Fordyce speaks seems so boring. Please promise me you are not becoming like Mary. I suppose we are to learn more of behaving as proper young ladies when we go to London. But I, for one, am not looking forward to it,” Lydia followed with another snort.
The sisters continued in such a manner for another hour before they decided to go for a walk.
*~*~*~*~*
Mr. Bennet concluded his musings about his daughters and began to return to the house. Before he began to enter the house, he saw an express rider, and remained outside to receive the express. It was from Matlock, and more particularly, from his friend Edward. As the express rider had been given instructions there was no need to wait for a response, Mr. Bennet re-entered the house and went to his library to read the express.
He began to read the attached article and, in shock, began to laugh:
*~*~*~*~*
Flashback, 27-28 November 1811, Mr. Collins’ flight from Longbourn
Mr. Collins exited the parlour as Mr. Darcy entered. He was mortified, as well as angry, and decided to go for a long walk to cool his ire. By the time he returned to Longbourn, completely expecting that Mr. and Mrs. Bennet would insist on Elizabeth accepting his suit, he was greeted with news that left him bereft and heart-broken. His chosen bride, his choice for the companion of his future life, his Elizabeth, was engaged to none other than Mr. Darcy.
Mr. Collin’s knew that this could not be the truth as his no
ble patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, had repeatedly gloated that her daughter Anne was engaged to be married to Mr. Darcy. Mr. Collins attempted to intervene with Mr. Darcy, pointing out to him the impropriety and impossibility of such an alliance as he was already betrothed to another.
The two gentlemen had quite an angry confrontation. Mr. Darcy attempted to inform him that he was not, nor ever had been, nor ever would be engaged to his cousin Anne. Mr. Collins immediately sent off an express to his patroness, to alert her to this disturbing development. Yet, by that time Mr. Collins realized he had lost all hope of making a successful match with Miss Elizabeth, and decided to leave Longbourn.
He was angry, he was sad, he was heart-broken, and yet he was also in need of relief for the growing allure he had felt for Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Her bounteous beauty, or more specifically her breasts, had so attracted him that he had been longing for the day he would join with her in wedded bliss. When he realized this was not to be, Mr. Collins made a decision that was against his better sense, against his character, and even against his own moral standard. Mr. Collins decided to take himself to London to find a ‘house of ill repute.’
Oh, yes, Mr. Collins knew it was a moral degradation to even contemplate doing what he was considering. He had done some study in Fordyce’s sermons to see if it was an unforgivable sin, and found that it was not. Therefore, he had determined he could find forgiveness for his future actions after the fact.
He had also read a great deal about the topic in local newspapers. It was acceptable by society for men to have these little liaisons. It was probably not acceptable that a man of the cloth do so, but who would know?
Next, he began to contemplate how he could explain his visit to London to his noble patroness. First, he must see about finding a ‘disguise’ to wear to such a house, as the clothes of a mere parson would be noted and frowned upon. God forbid, someone should see him entering or leaving! He would be in disgrace.
Mr. Collins told a little white lie to his noble patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. He wrote to her, stating he needed to further his venture into obtaining a companion for his future life, by visiting a distant cousin in London, who was reported to have four lovely daughters. He told her he had found no one suitable in Hertfordshire. (Of course, he forgot he had just sent her an express, in which he told her of his rejection by Miss Elizabeth Bennet, because she was to marry Mr. Darcy.)
Initially, Mr. Collins considered finding the ***rag and bone man to purchase a used set of men’s wear. There was no guarantee he would run into him, or that he would have a size that would fit him. So he determined he would need to purchase a new set of clothes. He went to a men’s wear shop in Cheapside, to purchase clothes befitting a gentleman.
He told the shopkeeper he was assisting a gentleman who was a member of his parish. The gentleman had been sick for a long time, and had lost enough weight to need a new size of clothing.
He also went to a wig maker to purchase a wig. Mr. Collins decided on red hair, as it was quite different from his current coloring, and there would be less of a chance that anyone would recognize him. He told the wig shop owner he was to be in a play that was being produced in his parish, and was to play Irish gentlemen.
Mr. Collins had woven such a web of convenient white lies; that he found it quite easy to forget he was not telling the truth. The deeper he got into the elaborate deceit he was spinning, the easier it became to lie. After a short time, his lies were so far from being white, that little truth existed in his words.
There was one element in this plan he had not accounted for. He belatedly realized he had no idea where to go in town to find a supposed ‘house of ill repute.’ He began perusing the paper for telling news events, and discovered that several bawdy incidents had happened in and around an area of town called Covent Garden. He decided to venture to that side of town in his new set of clothes and wig.
To the gentlemen of London, it was quite well known that there were high class and lower class prostitutes. However, this was not something Mr. Collins was aware of, and he entered the Covent Garden in search of a night of carnal bliss. He happened upon a place simply listed as Madame Unina’s. What he did not know was Madame Unina’s was a home for the rehabilitation of wayward girls--girls attempting to reform their lives--not a house of prostitution. Unfortunately, Mr. Collins did not know this upon entering the establishment.
So, prepared with cash and ready for a night of pure debauchery, he unwittingly entered a house run by a former Spanish nun. Sitting just inside the establishment were several lovely young women. Several of them were equally as well endowed as Miss Elizabeth, and he was quite eager to taste their lovely mounds. As he had never requested this type of service, he was unsure exactly how to ask. So, he reached down and fondled his manhood, and asked which of them would like to take him on.
"Hello, my lovelies, being an Irish gentleman and new to town, I find myself in need of an extended release. Which one of you would be so inclined to be the companion of my future bliss?"
The girls were shocked as they thought they had gotten away from such men, and began to scream. Madame Unina, the matron of the home, came out to see what caused such a disturbance.
By this time the girls had picked up whatever they could find in the room to use as weapons, and had begun to beat Mr. Collins about the head and shoulders. At that same time, Lady Eleanor was entering the front parlour. She was one of the organizers of a group of respectable citizens in London that had recently formed an organization called ****'The Guardian Society for the Preservation of Public Morals'. Members of the society were beginning to arrive for their bi-weekly meeting. One of their recent projects was working toward maintaining a refuge for repentant concubines and courtesans.
Currently, Madame Unina’s establishment was one of their main projects. They were having some success, as recently the Lord Mayor of London had agreed to issue a proclamation against streetwalkers, and an increasing number of mistreated and neglected young women were seeking refuge in homes such as this one.
Mr. Collins knew none of this. The screaming had caused several of the men from this group to advance towards him, to assist the women.
Collins was quite shocked that among the group was one of his seminary professors from the Theologian College at Oxford. The seminary was internationally renowned, and attracted students and professors from all over Europe. He began to back out of the room, as the assembled group tried to subdue him with a plan to prosecute him for assault.
What Collins did not know was not only was he backing out of the door, he was backing towards a steep staircase that led to the basement, and that the door was open. Before any could stop him, he tripped and fell down the stairs. He twisted his head as he fell, cracking his neck in the process, whereby he was dead before he hit the basement floor. His wig had flown off in the process. Professor Mischa, a seminary professor from Theologian College, ran down the stairs to assist him. It was discovered that not only was the man dead, but was also Mr. Collins.
*~*~*~*~*
Mr. Bennet read the highlights from the newspaper article Edward had sent him:
“Reverend Collins was apparently killed in a scuffle between the members of the Guardian Society (an organization founded this year to aid wayward girls and prostitutes in changing their profession), the residents of one of the houses established for restoring these young girls to a moral life, and him. Reverend Collins, according to a source, had mistaken the home for a known brothel.
Madame Unina stated, ‘For a man of the cloth to be of such a low character, to seek out prostitutes, is disgraceful. I, of course, regret he died in my establishment, but it was an accident. The Church of Rosings, in Kent, will most likely be much better off without the services of a morally degenerate minister.’
Lady Catherine de Bourgh, who was the patroness for Reverend Collins, has refused to comment.”
*~*~*~*~*
Mr. Bennet knew it might be inappropriate at such a
time, but he could not help it. He laughed so hard he cried.
*There are many Internet sites in which you can learn more about Lady Caroline Lamb. You can also discover more information about her torrid affair with Lord Byron.
**Quotes are directly from Fordyce’s sermons
***The rag and bone man would come round all the villages collecting any clothing what people would consider to be rags. Many fine ladies would most likely only wear their dresses a couple of times and then give them say to her Ladies Maid, the Ladies Maid would then either pass them on to a scullery maid or would take them to the Rag and Bone Man who would give her a few pence for them. He would then take what he had managed to get home where his wife would dye them a different colour or sell them at the market in a different town or county. Here a squire’s daughter may pick up a silk dress for less than a quarter of the price in London.
****A.D. Harvey , Sex in Georgian England, Phoenix Press (1994), page 100
In 1811 a group of respectable citizens in London formed an organization called 'The Guardian Society for the Preservation of Public Morals'. Probably its most important work was in maintaining a refuge for repentant prostitutes but they persuaded the Lord Mayor of London to issue a proclamation against streetwalkers.
White Lies and Other Half Truths Page 12
