Combust (Electric Series #4)

by E. L. Todd

  Sometimes, it broke me.

  My students forced me to put on a good smile and be whatever they needed me to be. But without that support, I fell back into a lonely person. My shoulders slacked, and I didn’t care about anything. I hadn’t gone grocery shopping in weeks, but I was so depressed that I didn’t care.

  I didn’t care about anything.

  I wanted to call Volt just to hear his voice. I wanted to talk like we used to, even if it didn’t go anywhere. If we just talked about the weather, I would be okay with that. Not talking to my best friend every day was dreadful. The fact that I would never talk to him again was just more painful.

  When I arrived at my door, someone was standing in front of it. With bright blonde hair and remorseful eyes, she looked at me with pure desperation. It reeked from her clothes.

  Just looking at her pissed me off. I used to find comfort in her smile. Now I just loathed her, hated her. There was no chance of forgiveness. My heart was too black, too cold, for that. “Get the fuck away from me.” The profanity flew from my mouth like it was the most natural thing in the world.

  Sara cowered as if I slapped her across the face. “I know you hate me right now—”

  “No. I hate you all the time.” I pushed her aside so I could unlock my door.

  “Taylor, I’m so sorry. Please, just give me five minutes to tell you how sorry I am.”

  “I’ll pass.” I swung the door open and marched inside.

  “Taylor, come on. I hate myself for what I did—”

  I kicked the door shut and locked it.

  She didn’t knock on the door or turn the knob. She went quiet, accepting my dismissal.

  I set my things down and immediately went into the shower. The hot running water acted as a cocoon for my wounds. It wrapped me up tightly and kept me afloat. The sound blocked out most of my thoughts. When I cried, I couldn’t hear myself because everything was muffled.

  This was my life now. Crying in the shower.

  This is what it’d come to.

  I had to start over. I had to stand on my feet and move on. I had to forget about the perfect life I threw away and continue forward. In theory, it sounded plausible. But in reality, it seemed impossible.

  All I could do was sit there—and cry.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Volt

  When I was alone, my thoughts swallowed me whole.

  There was no escape from the pain in my heart. Taylor’s face came into my mind’s eye, her beautiful brown hair contrasting against those bright, blue eyes. Her lips were full and curved like a bow. I remembered every detail because they were impossible to forget.

  I missed her.

  My anger was still prevalent, building inside me with bitterness. But sometimes, it would disappear altogether, and I would be left with longing. I would be left empty.

  Taylor hadn’t contacted me. I expected her to come by the apartment or at least send me a text. But she never did. When I left that ring there, she knew I meant business. She knew I would never ask her to marry me after the shit she put me through. She knew she was wrong when she listened to Sara. She knew she was wrong for doubting me.

  But I still expected her to fight.

  A part of me was disappointed when she didn’t.

  And the other part was just relieved.

  When Clay first moved in with me, my natural instinct was to call her and tell her what I’d done. I wanted her support. I wanted her to tell me I could handle raising a teenager with no experience. I needed to know I did the right thing.

  But now I would never find out.

  I was sitting at my desk in my office when my secretary informed me I had a visitor. My first instinct was Taylor. Maybe she came to talk to me, cornering me in my office so I couldn’t simply run away.

  My heart pounded.

  Excitement rushed through me.

  I was suddenly out of breath.

  I told my secretary to send her in, remaining calm and collective. A poker face was important. Since nothing had changed in our relationship, I couldn’t give her any hint of hope. I had to remain strong—indifferent.

  The door opened, but Taylor didn’t walk inside.

  It was Sara.

  My mood evaporated like a wisp of smoke. I wanted to grab my desk and throw it at her. I hated this woman—loathed her. Somehow, I hated her even more every time I looked at her.

  I despised her.

  “Get the fuck out.” I pointed at the door, refusing to give her a chance to speak. She had nothing important to say to me. Even if she did, I refused to hear it. “Now. Or I’ll call security and have them throw you out.”

  She hovered near the door, afraid to come any closer to me.

  “Go,” I barked.

  “Just give me five minutes. Please.”

  “I don’t owe you a goddamn thing.”

  “It’s about Taylor.” She found the strength to take a step forward, coming closer to my circle. If she crept too close, I could snatch her and carry her out. “Just listen to me, okay?”

  When she mentioned Taylor’s name, my body immediately tightened in concern. Maybe this was just a way to bait me, but it worked. “Is she okay?” My voice softened automatically, showing the love that wouldn’t die.

  “She’s…terrible.” She came closer to my desk now that my rage had been subdued. “She’s devastated.”

  “But she’s not hurt? Not sick?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never seen her this low.”

  So they were still friends? Unbelievable.

  “I came here today to beg you to give her another chance. I’m the reason you guys aren’t together and that’s just wrong. She loves you. You love her. Please, forgive her. It’s not her fault.”

  “She put you up to this?” I asked incredulously.

  “No.” Her eyes fell. “She won’t talk to me…”

  At least Taylor learned something.

  “She said she never wants to see me again. She hates me.” Her bottom lip quivered. “We aren’t friends anymore.”

  “Good riddance,” I snapped. “Taylor deserves better.”

  She stared at the floor for a few seconds before she looked at me again. “Muriel—”

  “Don’t. Call. Me. That.”

  She nodded and cleared her throat. “Volt, please give her another chance. I tricked her. I lied to her. I manipulated her. I took advantage of her trusting nature and turned it against her. She didn’t do anything wrong. She just wanted to give me the benefit of the doubt…”

  “I can’t believe you lied to her like that.” I shook my head. “If I hadn’t recorded it, she never would have figured it out. You’re only talking to me because you think if I take her back, you’ll be forgiven. You never would have come clean to her. You would have gotten your way, and Taylor would have lost the love of her life anyway. This is entirely selfish. You think you’ll be forgiven if you make this right.”

  She clutched her hands together in front of her waist. “Taylor will never forgive me for what I did. Even if I pull off a miracle and you march over there and propose, she still won’t forgive me. It’s too late to save myself. What’s done is done. I have to live with the consequences forever.”

  It was the first time I stopped hating her, even if it was just for a second. “I don’t understand why you did this in the first place…”

  “Honestly, I don’t either. I guess I didn’t want to lose Taylor. If she married you, I would be tossed to the side. I would be constantly reminded that she got Prince Charming and I’m alone. I just… It didn’t work out in my favor.”

  Questions came to mind that I never asked before. There was never an opportunity to gain this knowledge. But now there was. “Why? Why did you cheat on me? I thought we were happy.”

  She flinched at the question, not expecting it. “I…I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know?” I asked incredulously. “Was I not giving you enough? Was I bad in bed?”

  “No, of
course not,” she whispered. “Leo called me, and we started talking again. Old feelings flared up, and I couldn’t tell him about you. And then one thing led to another…it just happened.”

  I shook my head, disappointed. I was hoping she would have a reason. I was hoping I did something to make her betray me like that. But the fact that there was no reason just made things worse. When she told me she loved me, she didn’t mean it. When she made love to me, it was just an act. It was depressing.

  “Taylor would never do that to you. I heard her talk about you for a year before I realized who you were. Believe me, she’s over-the-moon in love with you. She thinks you’re the greatest guy on the planet. She’s hopelessly and pathetically in love with you. Please give her another chance.”

  “Why should I?” I asked coldly. “She didn’t believe me. If she loved me so much, she should have trusted me more.”

  “It was a difficult situation. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a good liar. I played you, and I played her… You know how easy it is to be misled.”

  Yeah, that was certain.

  “Volt, please. I know you love her. She loves you.” She placed her hands in front of her chest, begging me.

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “I already told you,” she whispered. “I want to make this right for her. It’s the least I can do.”

  “And you want me to talk to her on your behalf?” She must want something. People like her didn’t do things for no reason at all.

  “No. You don’t need to do that. It won’t make a difference anyway.”

  I stared at her and saw the sincerity in her eyes.

  “Just think about it. There’s no reason strong enough for two people not to be together when they love each other. And love has never been a problem for either of you.” She silently excused herself and turned to the door. Her head was bowed, still covered in shame.

  I watched her go without saying goodbye. The door clicked shut, and I was alone with my thoughts again. I lowered myself back into the chair and stared at my blank screen. The conversation played back to me in real time. I thought of many things. What should I do? What should I not do? Should I leave things the way they were? Or should I get my ass up and get back the woman I loved?

  Chapter Twenty

  Taylor

  I finally went to the grocery store and picked up a few things. If I didn’t eat something substantial soon, I would pass out and never wake up. I grabbed sandwich meat and bread, and a few cans of soup. My muscles had atrophied from doing absolutely nothing for the past few weeks, and I could hardly carry the bags.

  I still had my bag from school, and in each arm was a bag from the grocery store. My shoulders screamed from the weight because they lacked any strength. I took the elevator to my floor but even that was difficult.

  After the doors opened, I carried everything to my apartment. But the bag was tearing from the cans of soup. If I didn’t get there quick enough, it would rip and spill all over the floor. Then I would have to chase them down and carry each one individually.

  The bag stretched even more, and I knew I wasn’t going to make it. I practically ran to the door, my eyes on the bag. I didn’t make it in time and the bag ripped altogether, dropping five cans of soup as they rolled in every direction in front of my apartment. I stared at the ground and watched the carton of milk fall out with it too.

  All motivation died within me. It took weeks of preparation just to get me to go to the store in the first place. Now that I accomplished it, everything went to shit. I just didn’t care anymore. I screamed to myself then slid to the floor in front of my door. It was a stupid thing to cry over, but that’s what I wanted to do. Curl into a ball and just cry.

  Footsteps sounded and someone picked up every can. I didn’t look up but I watched his shoes. They were black Vans, something Volt used to wear once in a while. He grabbed each can then placed them on the floor beside me, next to the bag that was still intact.

  “Thanks…” My voice was so quiet he probably didn’t hear it.

  He sat down beside me, sitting dangerously close for a stranger. “You’re welcome.”

  I recognized that voice. It accompanied my dreams. It was in my fantasies. It was the song I heard in my head when I walked to work. I turned my face slowly, not wanting to get my hopes up. If it was really him, I would cry. Cry harder than I already was.

  My eyes locked to his, and I saw the man of my dreams. I saw the man I was still in love with. I saw the man I threw away. I quickly turned away because my eyes watered. I was a mess, and I was embarrassed to be seen this way. I couldn’t even carry groceries because I was so weak.

  “Hey.” He grabbed my chin and forced my gaze back to his.

  Our faces were close together, and his touch was divine. It was the first time I felt good in weeks. It was the first time I could take a full breath without shaking. “Hey.”

  His fingers rubbed my cheek gently, giving me the kind of affection he used to give me on a daily basis. “I miss you.”

  Instead of making me feel good, those words only hurt. “This is so hard for me, Volt. I’ve never been the kind of woman to cry over a man. I’ve never been the kind of person to give up living when someone walks away. I’ve never been the damsel in distress. But that’s exactly what I am. I’m barely holding on, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever recover. If this doesn’t mean anything and you’re just lonely, please leave. You’re making this so much harder on me.”

  His thumb moved down my cheek until it rested in the corner of my mouth. He gave me a look full of pity before he leaned in and gave me a soft kiss, a kiss full of agony.

  Our lips hardly moved together. They just touched—barely.

  “I am lonely,” he whispered against my mouth. “But I’m also miserable without you. And this does mean something.”

  I took a deep breath, the kind that actually hurt my ribs. Tears sprouted from my eyes, falling like drops in a waterfall.

  He wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs. “I’m so sorry.”

  “You shouldn’t be sorry,” I whispered. “It was my fault.”

  “I’m sorry for leaving. I should have stayed. I should have worked this out with you.”

  “No, you had every right to be upset. I was the stupid one. I was the idiot who believed everything that stupid cunt said.”

  Volt smiled slightly. “I’m glad that nickname is catching on.”

  It was the first time I laughed in weeks. The sensation felt good in my chest. It felt good everywhere.

  “And it’s okay. I should have been more understanding.”

  I shook my head in response.

  “I forgive you, baby. I want to work this out—if you’ll have me.”

  If I’ll have him? Was he insane? “Of course I’ll have you.” I moved into his chest and hugged him tightly, welcoming his scent as it washed over me. His shirt smelled like mint and winter. His body was warm like a personal heater, and it welcomed me like I belonged.

  Volt rested his chin on my head and ran his fingers through my hair. “I’m sorry I took so long.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “I’m here now.” He pressed his lips to my forehead and gave me a deep kiss. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

  ***

  Volt made dinner for me then served me on the couch.

  “I’m not hungry.”

  “Baby, eat.” He sat beside me and handed over the plate. It was a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, just like the kind he made for Clay over Christmas break. “I can tell you haven’t been eating enough.” He eyed my arms, which were dangerously skinny.

  I took a few bites of my soup and ate slowly, not used to the action of chewing.

  Volt sat beside me, watching every move I made. “When you get your strength back, we can get to the good stuff.” He winked then gave my thigh a gentle squeeze.

  I ate faster, trying to down everything as quickly as possible.

  Volt chuckled.
“You missed me as much as I missed you.”

  I set the empty plate on the coffee table and immediately moved into his arms. I didn’t care about sex, but I did want to cuddle. I wanted to be held forever and never be released. I wanted to sleep on his chest just the way I used to, to feel that comfort I once took for granted.

  He lay back on the couch and pulled the blanket over both of us. His hand moved into my hair and he watched me with concerned eyes.

  I was so happy to feel him underneath me I couldn’t breathe. “I’m so glad you came. I didn’t think you would.”

  “I’m sorry I took so long.”

  He had every right to be mad. I didn’t hold it against him. “I’m surprised you changed your mind. You were really upset.”

  His fingers stopped in my hair. “Well, Sara paid me a visit.”

  I flinched at the sound of her name. “What did she want?”

  “She asked me to forgive you. She said you really loved me and deserved another chance.”

  She did that? I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

  Volt heard my unspoken thoughts. “I was surprised too. She said you were a mess without me. And she said we should be together since we love each other. Nothing else matters.”

  “And why did she do that?”

  He shrugged. “I think she wanted to make things right for you.”

  “Because her plan backfired?” I hissed.

  “I think she wants me to put in a good word for her to you. But I’m not sure if I can.”

  “How can asking you to take me back make up for what she did?” I asked coldly. “If she got her way, she never would have told us the truth.”

  “No. Probably not.”

  “Like I would ever forgive her.”

  Volt fell silent, stroking my hair once more. “I have some other news. Not sure how you’re going to handle it.”

  If he slept with someone else, I didn’t want to know about it. I just wanted to forget the whole thing and pretend it never happened. We could pick up where we left off and move on. “What?”

  “I adopted Clay.”

  I heard what he said, but I couldn’t process it. I sat up and looked down at him, needing to see the confirmation in his eyes. When I saw it, I gasped. “You’re serious?”