Child of Music (Warrender Saga Book 5)

by Mary Burchell

  Felicity gave a little groan of anguish and rolled over and wept a few irrepressible tears into her pillow.

  She lay awake for a long time. Not all night, though it felt like that, but certainly until a few sleepy birds cheeped at the first faint streaks of dawn. And even when she did sleep it was the very lightest degree of unconsciousness, disturbed by confused and anxious dreams.

  In the end she must have slept heavily, for after what seemed a cruelly short time she was dragged reluctantly to the surface by the raucous sound of her alarm clock. She almost threw something at its bland face, hating the very thought of getting up and facing whatever the day might bring. She also felt, most unusually, that she hated everyone she knew, from the offending Janet to Stephen himself. But most of all she hated herself for ever having arrived in the false, humiliating position in which she now was.

  For a black moment or two she saw as the only solution that she should leave Tarkmans and Carmalton and go right away to teach somewhere else. But the thought of deserting the scene just as Janet had arrived at the most exciting part of her development was inconceivable.-

  She got up and dressed, shivering although it was not cold. She consumed her breakfast without appetite, although it was a good one. And she snapped at Mary whose usually welcome morning good humour seemed to her, in her jaundiced state, both fatuous and offensive.

  ‘And this,’ thought Felicity despairingly, ‘is how it is going to be, day after day and week after week. This is how people feel when their self-respect is gone and they have to live perpetually with humiliation and their own stupidity.’

  That was not, of course, quite how it worked out. Things very seldom do work out as we most hope or fear. To begin with, no one at Carmalton had any inkling of what had happened and, since everyone was anxious to congratulate her upon getting Janet into Tarkmans, her stock was remarkably high. The kind and congratulatory things which were said to her, not only by Mrs. Bush but by her colleagues, served to steady her shaken nerve so that she began to regain a better-proportioned view of life again.

  The test came, naturally, when she next had to go to Tarkmans. She thought that if she saw Stephen Tarkman —

  He was, in fact, the first person she saw when she came into the building, and he gave her his usual curt nod and ‘Good afternoon,’ as he passed. She felt she had gone red and then white, like some Victorian heroine with palpitations. But as he passed in a matter of seconds perhaps he had not noticed this singular performance on her part.

  She was actually trembling slightly as she went on along the corridor, but at least the first encounter was over and she had survived. Once more her view of the situation shifted into more reasonable focus, and for the first time it occurred to her that possibly she had been tormenting herself quite unnecessarily.

  Suppose Julia had given him a spiteful account of the absurd incident at the bus stop? Was he not as likely to have laughed it off as to have taken it seriously? Whatever Julia had said, perhaps he had realized that she wanted to make much out of little. He might well have seen it for what it was — a cheeky piece of repartee on the part of a provoked and excited Janet.

  For some days Felicity basked in a sense of exquisite relief, believing that the incident had sunk into the oblivion it merited. And then, so subtly that she could not possibly have pinpointed the difference, she became aware that there was no renewed warmth in her relationship with Stephen, as she had hoped after the acceptance of Janet. There was just a courteous coolness, to which she could take no exception and in which she could take no possible pleasure.

  Whatever Julia had chosen to say had found its mark somewhere. If he had not taken all she had said at its face value, he was certainly not permitting any silly member of his staff to imagine she might be of undue importance to him. And there was absolutely nothing Felicity could do to set the record right. She could only smart under whatever he was thinking of her and curse Julia Morton in her heart.

  It was, of course, initially Janet’s fault. But somehow she found it comparatively easy to forgive Janet’s part in her misery and humiliation. The more so when she saw the ease and interest and sheer joy with which the child made the transfer to Tarkmans.

  She was frankly sorry to leave Mrs. Emlyn, who kissed her heartily and, with singular imagination, gave her a key to the house, telling her that she must always look on the place as her home and come back whenever she liked. The smile with which the rootless child turned the key over and over in her hand touched Felicity deeply, and she thought, not for the first time, that a touch of common sense and kindliness was worth a whole volume on child psychology.

  There were also a few regrets about parting from some of her school friends at Carmalton, of course. But it was not as though Janet were leaving the district. The separation was an easy one. And in any case, the richness and fullness of the musical life which closed round her at Tarkmans obviously raised her to the greatest heights of happiness.

  She blossomed like a rose in a warm summer shower. Not that there had been anything of the parched plant about Janet before. She had been a reasonably contented and happy child, especially with Felicity to guide her in her musical development. But Tarkmans was something different. The specialization was not one-sided enough to harm the personal development of the children there, but everything was geared to the idea that music was the driving force of their lives.

  Janet settled into Tarkmans as though the whole of her short life so far had been no more than a preparation for this. And Felicity’s happiness in observing this helped to compensate in some measure for the unhappiness and frustration which fretted her whenever she thought of Stephen — which was often.

  She tried hard to discipline her thoughts and feelings; to tell herself that she was lucky just to have him for an employer, since he not only appreciated her teaching ability to the full but gave her the kind of scope she could have found nowhere else.

  But academic fulfilment is not a complete substitute for personal and emotional satisfaction. She loved Stephen Tarkman. She admitted the fact now. And she longed to be something special in his life. The fact that it was something utterly paltry which had spoiled the natural development of their friendship only increased the feeling of frustration. To scale tragic heights can be elating and ennobling. To plumb silly and tawdry shallows is a bitter business.

  Bearing in mind the charge which Oscar Warrender had laid upon her, Felicity made it her business to have a few words with Janet on most occasions when she came to Tarkmans. There at least there was no shadow on the relationship. And without any difficulty she managed to elicit the fact that so far Julia had made no attempt to intrude into Janet’s new life.

  ‘I saw her once when she came to the school with Mr. Tarkman,’ Janet volunteered. ‘But she didn’t say anything to me and I didn’t say anything to her. As long as she doesn’t come and talk to me alone it’s all right,’ she added elliptically.

  ‘And you’re very soon going to grow out of that feeling too,’ Felicity predicted with a smile. ‘It belongs to rather childish days, you know. Now that you are growing more confident — ’

  But she did not even finish the sentence, for she saw that vague look come into Janet’s short-sighted eyes, and knew, with a mixture of dismay and irritation, that the child was withdrawing mentally from a discussion which she regarded as more or less meaningless.

  ‘She hasn’t changed a bit in that respect,’ Felicity told Mary with a sigh, later that evening. ‘She’s beyond argument where Julia is concerned. I thought after that outburst at the bus stop — ’

  ‘What outburst at the bus stop?’ Mary looked surprised.

  ‘Oh — ’ Felicity bit her lip — ‘I didn’t tell you at the time, did I? I suppose I just tried to forget it myself. It was after Janet’s triumphant audition with Stephen and Professor Blackthorn. She and I were waiting for the bus back home and Julia drove up and offered us a lift. I tried quite politely to put her off. But something seemed to get in
to Janet and she was — well, she was pretty rude and provocative.’

  ‘What did she say?’ inquired Mary with the utmost curiosity.

  Felicity hesitated. Then the desire to share her anxieties with someone trustworthy suddenly overwhelmed her.

  ‘I’m afraid she said that Stephen Tarkman would never marry Julia — ’

  ‘She did? You know, I really like that kid,’ declared Mary heartily.

  ‘I didn’t like her much at that moment,’ replied Felicity grimly. ‘She went on to prophesy that he would marry me.’

  Mary let out a shout of delighted laughter, and asked, ‘What on earth did the Morton say to that?’

  ‘Nothing. But she looked — ’ Felicity made a slight movement of her shoulders — ‘indescribable. I tell you, if a glance could have killed, we’d both have been brought home feet first.’

  ‘You don’t say.’ Mary looked sympathetic but curious. ‘You’re a little afraid of her yourself, aren’t you?’

  ‘I think her will to harm is quite phenomenal,’ Felicity replied slowly. ‘But she’s basically a stupid woman and I’m not sure that her power to harm amounts to much. All the same, if I believed in hunches — ’

  She stopped, and Mary said, ‘Do you believe in hunches?’

  ‘Not really.’ Felicity smiled as she recalled Janet’s assertion that her disastrous announcement had been based on a hunch. ‘But I’ll be glad when Warrender is back in this country. Sometimes my gifted little Janet seems a heavy responsibility.’

  ‘Isn’t it a responsibility that’s shared with Stephen Tarkman now?’

  ‘Not in the full sense of the term,’ Felicity said. And she stifled a sigh again as she turned away, for it seemed to her that nowadays she shared nothing with Stephen. Nothing at all.

  She was therefore all the more surprised and pleased when, in the following week, she was asked to dinner at his house. One or two other members of the staff were also invited, and she knew it was not unusual for Stephen to arrange these social gatherings where informal discussion often yielded more interesting results than any formal school meeting could achieve. But, as a part-time member of the staff, she might easily have been passed over, and the fact that he had invited her cheered and pleased her.

  To be back once more in the beautiful room where he had first told her he wanted her to teach at Tarkmans was like turning back the clock to happier times. Though when Julia Morton proved to be one of the party she thought that was a repetition of circumstances which she could well have done without.

  Even so, she was prepared to enjoy the evening. She was on excellent terms with her colleagues, particularly with Professor Blackthorn, who was also there. And she tried in every way to give the lie to whatever Julia had said of her by being reserved and discreet to the point of self-effacement.

  Perhaps that was why Stephen sought her out after dinner and had ten minutes’ talk with her on her own. Perhaps that was also why, when she glanced at her watch, he said, ‘Don’t worry about the time. I’m driving you home.’

  It was more than anything she could possibly have hoped — those few precious minutes alone with him in the car — and she could not resist some wild speculation about the possibility of explaining away whatever misunderstanding Julia had so carefully fostered. But good sense told her that dignified silence on the subject would be far better than any clumsy abortive attempt at explanation, and she contented herself with the thought that at least he was not going out of his way to avoid her.

  Up to the very last minute of departure she was scared lest anyone else should offer her a lift in circumstances she could hardly refuse. And even when some had departed, and the others were in the hall donning coats and wraps, she tensed at every genial word that was said.

  Indeed, when there was a sudden ring at the front door bell and Stephen went to answer it, she felt despairingly sure that someone had come back with the kindly offer to give Miss Grainger a lift. But no beaming fellow-guest stood on the step outside. It was the Matron of Tarkmans who stood there, and although she was usually a very calm and self-possessed person, it was obvious that at this moment she was agitated.

  ‘Oh, Mr. Tarkman, I’m so glad to find you in,’ she exclaimed. ‘Something very disturbing has happened. One of the children is missing. It’s the little new girl — Janet Morton. I looked into her room ten minutes ago, and she’s not there. The other two girls who sleep in the room don’t know anything about it. At least — ’

  ‘I’ll come,’ Stephen interrupted sharply. ‘Felicity, you’d better come too.’

  ‘Yes, of course.’ She reached for her coat. And at the same time Julia Morton said, in a resigned sort of tone,

  ‘I’m not a bit surprised. It’s her way of drawing attention to herself. She wants you to think she’s run away. It’s just the sort of self-advertising thing she always did. She’s just hiding somewhere. — I’d better come too.’

  ‘You don’t need to,’ Stephen told her shortly.

  ‘But, Stephen, she is my niece. She’s family. And anyway, I expect I can deal with this better than you can.’

  It was obvious that she was not going to be brushed off easily, and it was no moment for prolonged argument. Though Felicity thought Stephen would have liked to argue. While the others quickly dispersed, Felicity and the Matron bundled into the back of the car, and Julia seated herself firmly in front with Stephen.

  As they shot down the drive towards the main building, Stephen said over his shoulder, ‘Do the other two children really know nothing about it, Matron?’

  ‘Well, Isobel Acton — you know, she’s the eldest of the three — says Janet was upset when she went to bed. That she cried but wouldn’t say why. And she insisted on having her violin with her beside her bed. She seemed nervous about it.’

  ‘Nervous? — About her violin?’ Julia laughed her soft, fluting laugh. And to Felicity’s stupefaction — and presumably Matron’s too — Stephen said savagely, ‘Shut up! — What else about the violin, Matron?’

  ‘Only that she’s taken it with her.’

  ‘Taken it with her?’

  ‘But her clothes are still there, Mr. Tarkman. That’s what is so disturbing. Only her coat is missing. She must have gone out with her coat over her nightdress, taking her violin with her.’

  ‘She’s sleep-walking!’ cried Felicity softly. ‘She did it before, don’t you remember, Stephen? Whenever she was deeply upset she tended to walk in her sleep.’

  ‘But why should she be upset?’ Stephen jerked the car to a halt in front of the school, and they all hurried out and up the steps. ‘I thought she was so happy here.’

  ‘She is — she is. Don’t worry.’ Instinctively Felicity put a comforting hand on his arm. ‘It’s nothing to do with Tarkmans.’

  He touched her fingers briefly with his other hand, as though grateful for her reassurance, and they all went up to the large, pleasant room which Janet shared with two other children. The younger one was fast asleep again. But Isobel Acton was sitting up, alert and unusually calm and sensible. And in answer to Stephen’s request that she should tell them exactly what had happened, she obviously gathered her thoughts carefully together before she said,

  ‘I come to bed later than Janet, you know, and when I came up she was crying — something she’d never done before. I mean, she wasn’t at all homesick, like some of the kids, or anything like that. I tried to make her tell me what was wrong — petted her a bit, you know. She’s very young for her age in some ways. Younger even than Evangeline — ’ and she gestured towards Evangeline, whose flushed, angelic countenance looked almost cherubic in the subdued light.

  ‘Did she tell you what was wrong, Isobel?’ Stephen asked, quietly but with a slight air of strain.

  ‘She said she was frightened something would happen to her violin — that she didn’t think it was safe. She was terribly fond of her violin. Her father gave it to her and he’s dead now. I told her it was perfectly safe and asked why she should think
anything else. And she said her aunt had been talking to her and said violins were easy to break — ’

  ‘Oh, really, she is a little beast,’ said Julia languidly. ‘What next will she put on to me?’

  Isobel paused and looked in surprise at the beautiful woman who had made this interruption, while Stephen turned to Julia and asked curtly, ‘Had you said any such thing?’

  ‘No, of course not.’ Julia looked bored and contemptuous. ‘She was just romancing in the mischief making way she does. I’ve told you — she’s a very dangerous little girl to those she dislikes. You’re all taken in because — ’

  ‘Had you spoken to her at all today?’ Stephen persisted.

  ‘No,’ said Julia again. But Felicity noticed — and she thought Stephen noticed too — that there was an infinitesimal pause before the denial that time.

  ‘Go on, Isobel,’ said Stephen, turning back to her.

  ‘I said that if she was so worried about the violin she’d better have it upstairs with her. She’s only a little kid, really — ’ Isobel glanced apologetically at Matron — ‘even though she’s so gifted. And it seemed the best way to pacify her.’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ said Stephen quickly, and Matron nodded.

  ‘So I fetched the violin for her and put it by her bed, and she seemed absolutely satisfied. She was asleep before I was undressed. And I fell asleep pretty quickly too. I didn’t know anything else until Matron woke me and asked where Janet was.’

  ‘Thank you, Isobel. That’s very clear.’ Then he turned to Felicity, still with that calm but strained air. ‘Where would she make for, Felicity? You know her so much better than the rest of us. Where would she go — sleep-walking?’

  ‘I’ve been trying to think. All the time Isobel was talking I’ve been wondering about that. And, although she may not have got there, I think she’d make for the Emlyns’ place. It was home to her. She felt absolutely safe there.’

  ‘She felt safe there,’ repeated Stephen softly, and an expression of real pain crossed his face. ‘She felt safe there. But not at Tarkmans.’