Blame It on the Shame (Blame It on the Shame: Lou-Lou and Ricardo's Story #1)

by Ashley Jade

  I mewl when our hips brush and I feel his dick pressing against my stomach. Our eyes lock and he shifts and thrusts into me. “Tell me you want this. Tell me you want me, Lou-Lou.”

  I can't lie to him.

  “I w—”

  The sound of my phone ringing catches both of us off guard.

  There's only two people who have this number—Ricardo who's very much in front of me right now and Bruno.

  Ricardo narrows his eyes. “You gonna answer that?”

  “I have to.” I reach for my phone and bring it to my ear. “Hello.”

  “Bambina,” his gritty voice greets me.

  Ricardo makes no move to adjust himself or move from his position. He's watching my every move intently, appearing to be fighting the urge to jump through the phone and kill DeLuca on the other line.

  “Hey. How's Italy?”

  “Don't know,” he answers. “Because I'm sitting outside your apartment complex. You have three minutes to meet me down here or I'm coming up to get you.”

  My eyes open wide and nerves scrape up and down my spine. I push Ricardo off me. “I'll be down there in two.”

  “I'm in the town car.”

  “Okay—see you soon.” I ignore the look Ricardo's giving me and scramble out of bed.

  “See you soon what?”

  “I'll see you soon, Mio amore,” I say before I hang up.

  Ricardo reaches for my arm but I twist out of his grasp. “He's here. Like downstairs here. I have to go.”

  He grabs his own phone off the nightstand. “I'll call him and make something up. I'll cover for you. You don't have to see him right now.”

  “Are you out of your mind?” I scream. “Of course, I have to see him. He's downstairs right now. He's expecting me to meet him down there in two—” I look at the clock on the nightstand. “One minute.”

  I reach for the doorknob but he spins me around to face him.

  “I can get you out of seeing him.” He holds my gaze. “You have a choice to make. You either want to stay up here with me or you want to go downstairs to see him.” His jaw tics. “What do you want, Lou-Lou?”

  If only it were that simple. I close my eyes and recall all the reasons this can't be.

  “I'm sorry. This was a mis—” I pause because I can't bring myself to say that lie. “I have to go see him,” I finish.

  He yanks the door open, his expression hard and unyielding.

  My stomach sinks and I open my mouth to somehow fix this but he cuts me off. “Go. Just go.”

  With a heart full of lead I run out the door and downstairs.

  I see the town car circling the parking lot and breathe a sigh of relief that it has tinted windows.

  I wouldn't even begin to know how to explain this to Tyrone or Jackson if they spotted me.

  Come to think of it, it's a little risky DeLuca's even here right now.

  Tyrone and Jackson seeing me with him would blow his whole plan to smithereens.

  And there's no way in hell they wouldn't tell Ricardo about seeing me with him, since according to Ricardo they both know he works for DeLuca. And if that happens, it would definitely put the kibosh on Ricardo and I working together. They'd think I was setting him up and if Ricardo continued 'seeing me' anyway, they'd think he was crazy and wonder what was really going on.

  Christ this whole situation is such a mess.

  The car stops and I pull open the door. With sweaty palms, I slide into the backseat. DeLuca pushes the button and the divider separating us from the driver goes up.

  He appraises me and lifts an eyebrow.

  Oh, god. He must smell the almost sex I was about to have coming off me.

  I'm dead.

  “I take it you just crawled out of bed?”

  Yes...yes I did. Your son's bed.

  “I—” My voice comes out like a squeak and he pins me with a stare.

  I never act this nervous around him.

  But then again, I've never had anything I'd actually miss if he killed me. Never had anything I was willing to protect with my own life before.

  His eyes drop down to my chest and I swear he's calculating my breaths...deciding which one will be my last.

  The corners of his lips turn up. “You're still wearing your pajamas.”

  “Huh?”

  I look down at my tank top and silk sleep shorts. “Oh, yeah. Wow, would you look at that.”

  If he notices the sudden relief in my voice, he doesn't let on.

  Instead, his eyes flash and he licks his lips.

  Oh, no.

  Yeah, Bruno wasn't 'on' to me at all...he's fucking turned on by me.

  My stomach resembles the titanic being submerged into the Atlantic.

  He pats his thigh, summoning me to him.

  Bile burns my throat and I try to think of a way to get out of having his hands on me.

  His touch will undo Ricardo's...his touch will make my skin crawl.

  He snaps his fingers. “Now.”

  I hang my head and close my eyes as he proceeds to reach across the seat and haul me onto his lap.

  He grabs my thigh and I snap my head up. “What the fuck is going on with you, Lucianna?”

  I wince when he tightens his hold on me. “Nothing,” I say.

  His grip becomes so tight I know it's going to leave a bruise. “Y-you're hurting me, Bruno.”

  “That's the point. Now tell me why you're acting so strange?”

  I need to think of something...fast.

  “Because I can't take having your hands on me when I'm supposed to be seducing Tyrone and Jackson.”

  He narrows his eyes and I quickly twist on his lap and grab his cheeks. “It makes me feel like I'm disrespecting you and what we have. It makes me feel wrong because I belong to you and only you, mio amore.”

  I add a sniffle for dramatic effect.

  His eyes soften and he pulls me into a hug. “I'm so sorry my beautiful, Lucianna,” he says. “I didn't take into consideration how hard this would be for you.”

  My cheek rubs against the material of his suit and I stifle a gag. “It's so hard, I hate it.” I add another sniffle. “I love you so much, Bruno.”

  He stills himself. “Are you crying?”

  Shit...I took it too far. I never cry...or at least, I didn't. Bruno knows this.

  I look down and sure enough, there really is a damp spot forming on his suit jacket because of my tears.

  This is bad...real bad.

  “I'm sorry. I didn't—”

  He puts his finger over my lips and studies my face. “You really do love me, don't you, Bambina?”

  “So much,” I lie.

  My self-preservation is back with a vengeance...but it's not only myself I'm worried about anymore.

  He reaches for my hand and kisses the underside of my wrist. “I guess it's a good thing I came here to see you this morning after all.”

  “What do you mean? Not that I'm not happy you did.”

  He pulls out a thick and gaudy gold bracelet loaded with diamonds. I never wear jewelry—I hate it and that's something he should know. Every trinket he's ever given me ends up in a jewelry box.

  And if I did wear jewelry? I most definitely would not wear this hideous monstrosity.

  He fastens the bracelet around my wrist and kisses it. “You don't have to seduce them anymore. Happy birthday, Bambina.”

  Before I can question him further, he's fastening a diamond and gold choker around my neck as well.

  Great, this must be my fucking collar.

  “Do you like it? I picked it up for you in Italy.”

  I finger the choker on my neck...fitting name for it because it's definitely choking me right now. “It's beautiful. But um...my birthday isn't for another 3 days.”

  He sighs. “I know that. I know every single thing about you. However, this was the only time I could get away from conducting my business in Italy. I'll be going back shortly.”

  “Oh?” I question. “What exactl
y are you doing there, anyway?”

  I cover my mouth when I realize my mistake. “Sorry, mio amore. It's none of my business.”

  He smirks. “You know, you're more obedient now. I think I like the effects you being here is having on you after all.” My cheeks burn and anger flares but I stuff it down.

  If he likes me being here he'll let me stay longer.

  I mentally smack myself when I realize what he said before. “So, you don't want me to seduce Jackson and Tyrone anymore? Does that mean I'll be going back to the Hamptons tonight?”

  I try to make myself sound happy at the prospect but it feels like the choker tightens around my neck.

  He takes a cigar out of his pocket and lights it. “I need you to stay here for a little while longer. But your sole focus won't be seducing them anymore.”

  “Wait...am I supposed to seduce them or not? I'm confused.”

  He rolls the cigar around before taking a puff. “I don't want you to change your behavior...I still want you to flirt with them and rile them up. I just don't want you dropping to your knees for them, understand me?”

  I nod and blow the smoke out of my face. “Not that I'm not happy about the sudden change of plans and all. But can I ask why the plan has changed?”

  He stares me down. “A number of factors.” He rubs his chin. “The first plan didn't work out quite like I'd hoped.”

  I start panicking. “I'm sorry, mio amore. It's only been a couple of weeks...” I start rattling off.

  “I didn't say I was displeased about the sudden turn of events, Lucianna,” he snaps and I shut my mouth. “In fact, I'm very pleased by your loyalty to me.”

  He grabs the back of my neck and pulls my face close to his. “I know without a shadow of a doubt now that we are meant to be.”

  “Of course, we're meant to be,” I whisper while looking down because there's no way I can look at him and say that.

  “What do you need me to do, Bruno?”

  “I want you to be my little spy.”

  “I thought I was already doing that?”

  His eyes darken. “I want your main focus to be on my son.”

  All the air leaves my lungs and I begin suffocating. I wave my hand around the smoke from his cigar, blaming it on that.

  “Why do you need me to focus on him?”

  He huffs and pushes a button beside him, letting some of the smoke clear out. “My son called me the other night.”

  This is complete news to me. “He did?”

  “Yes,” he says. “We spoke for awhile. And do you know what he ended our conversation with?”

  When I don't answer, he continues, “He said—I'll see you when you get home from Italy....Babbo.”

  I open my mouth to ask what the big deal is but I close it when he says. “He hasn't addressed me as his Babbo since he was a boy, a teenager.”

  Damn, Ricardo wasn't kidding about his plan.

  DeLuca's eyes light up and he grabs my chin. “I don't know what you've been doing to my son, Bambina but I need you to keep doing it.”

  Oh. Fuck.

  “What?” I screech. “I'm not doing—”

  He gives me an odd look. “Ricardo tells me you've been singing my praises. He said you told him about how I saved you when you were a child.” His eyes soften. “I didn't ask you to do any of that but you did it anyway. You knew how important having my son look up to me is and you did that for me. Do you know how much that means to me?”

  “I—” I'm at a loss for words.

  Ricardo's good.

  He puffs on his cigar and a smile spreads across his face. “I figure, if you keep working your magic on him, he'll be open to taking over the family business one day.” His smile turns wicked. “But I'm not stupid enough to believe his act for one goddamned second. Not until I have some solid proof.”

  My stomach turns sour. “How do you know it's an act maybe he—”

  He turns his dark gaze on me. “Are you defending him to me?”

  “No,” I say. “God, no. Bruno, I was only—”

  “Well don't,” he snaps. “Really, you were doing so well, Lucianna.”

  “Sorry,” I say. “I know how important Ricardo is to you. I just...I want the best for you, mio amore. I want to see you happy.”

  “That's why I need you to stay here. Tell me if his new change of heart is genuine. Keep singing my praises. Make him see how important him being part of our family is.” He chuckles and snuffs out his cigar. “After all, you will be his step-mother one day.”

  I slip a finger under my new choker, hoping to get some air.

  I can't breathe. I'm suffocating.

  Oh god, I'm dying.

  I feel a hand pressing down on my back. “Before you get your hopes up, this is not a proposal. I need to know with utmost certainty that I can trust you before that happens.”

  I somehow find my voice because I have no choice but to right now. This is survival. “You think you can't trust me?”

  He flicks a hand in my direction. “Of course, I can trust you. You wouldn't be alive if I couldn't. Because if I couldn't trust you...there's no way I could love you as much as I do. Stop being so fucking sensitive. There's a reason I've never taken a wife before is all I'm saying.”

  Yeah, because you killed Ricardo's mom and any other female that crosses you.

  Hell, anyone that crosses you...period.

  “And to answer your question,” he says. “I'm visiting with family in Italy.” He snarls. “Taking care of some old family business.”

  I have no idea what he's talking about but the look on his face tells me not to question him further about it.

  He skims the side of my breast and I try not to wince. “I won't be here for your birthday and I'm sorry about that. But I hope you like the jewelry I got you.”

  “It's beautiful,” I lie. “Thank you.”

  He pulls the straps to my tank top down and cups both my breasts while I fight back vomit. “You gonna show me how much you like it, Bambina?” he sneers. “You gonna let me fuck you the way I deserve to without all that shit in your system this time?”

  I close my eyes so he doesn't see the tears welling in them. I don't know if I can do this without drugs...but I have to.

  I know he'll most likely give them to me if I ask but I promised Ricardo I wouldn't.

  “Okay,” I choke out. I lower my tank top past my breasts. “Do as you wish, Bruno.”

  I feel his hot breath on my nipples and the tremors start to take over.

  I feel the shame and the dirtiness wash over me.

  God, how I wish I was free from this prison.

  “I'm sorry, Mr. DeLuca,” a voice interrupts on the intercom. “But your son is on the phone. I'm transferring it to your cell. He says it's important.”

  I take a deep breath and my tears change to those of happiness.

  Bruno makes a sound from somewhere deep in his throat before yanking his phone out of his pocket.

  “What?” he grumbles.

  I take the opportunity to slip my top back up.

  “Is that one of your town cars in the parking lot of my apartment complex?” I hear Ricardo's voice ask.

  Bruno shifts in his seat. “Yeah. Why? Am I in violation of some sort of parking code?” he spits out sarcastically.

  Ricardo laughs but it doesn't sound sincere at all. It sounds downright sinister. “No, but you are violating what's mine.”

  DeLuca looks confused and I'm sure my eyes bug out of my head.

  Jesus Christ...he's going to get me killed.

  “What?” DeLuca sneers.

  “My mustang,” Ricardo says, his tone much lighter now. “Your car is blocking my baby. I'd say that's a pretty serious violation, Babbo.”

  My chest spasms when reality sets in. Of course, he's referring to his mustang and not me...because I'll never be his.

  DeLuca shakes his head in frustration. There's no doubt in my mind that Ricardo's attempt at a joke has thrown him off. “Why didn
't you just tell the driver to move?”

  “Well, I wanted to talk to you. I figured since you're here we could grab a bite to eat. Sit down and talk about the club and stuff.”

  Bruno crinkles his brows and checks his watch. “Fuck.” He presses a button and the divider comes back down. “I can't. I'm going back to Italy. My pilot should be clearing for takeoff any minute.”

  “That's a shame. Maybe when you get back. Have a safe flight,” Ricardo says before he hangs up.

  Bruno mutters something about Mustang's being stupid under his breath before he looks at me. “I'm sorry, Bambina. I have to leave.”

  I try to look sad but I can barely contain the smile on my face. “It's okay. I know you have to take care of business. When will I see you again?”

  He kisses my forehead. “I'll be back the third week of August. So a little over three weeks. I know it's a long time but it's important I take care of this.” He kisses my hand. “I want to ensure our future together is the very best one.”

  I couldn't care less what he has to take care of in Italy, I'm just happy he'll be gone for a few more weeks.

  I have my freedom, even if it's only for a little while longer.

  The car begins to move and I climb off his lap. I reach for the door handle but he pulls me back to him. “I love you, Lucianna.”

  Christ, it's like he can't get enough of saying that lately.

  “I'll see you when you get back, mio amore.”

  The car pulls around to the front of the complex but DeLuca yells at the driver so he pulls the car toward the back of the building.

  I step out but his voice halts me. “You really like your new jewelry?”

  “Of course.”

  His gaze cuts right through me. “Then I expect you to never take it off. And by expect...I mean don't.”

  It's only when I close the door and the car pulls away that I realize.

  I'm not free at all.

  My new jewelry is bugged. He wasn't joking about using me to spy on Ricardo.

  It's also how he's going to be spying on me as well.

  The next thought slams through me and I want to put my fist through a wall.

  There's no doubt in my mind that if he bugged my jewelry, my phone is bugged too.

  Which means I have no way of warning Ricardo about it.

  My heart pulls when I realize that whatever was happening between us has officially ended.