Yes, precedent. What precedent is. If to effect change through precedent, what precedent may be. Colleagues tried so to do, speaking to media, all various, communicating directly and establishing contacts for radio, television, journals, all newspapers, globally from internet, yes also, website magazines, email factsheets, fax all press releases, scholarly articles and features, imparting knowledge, acquiring publicity for our lives and deaths, holding press conferences, academic conferences, all conferences. We consolidated and extended our contacts, peoples in the world, all humanitarian bodies, human, civil, democratic rights’ campaigners, all religious charitables, organisations for world health, safety in every environment and workplace also.
If groupings had the interest in our struggle but not only it then also there were links in to these as “struggles-in-general”, what “struggles-in-general” may be, if these are something, what thing might they be. Such questions.
What of learning also, in these new proposals, looking at former colleagues older colleagues, how these did peruse and study closely theoretical works, all computing and languages of computing. Other languages, what inventions, if they might have been, if new languages were there, are such languages possible, we could propose such models, adopting innovatory techniques, amalgam of logic, linguistical, in algorithms, all modern technologies but to remember also that these have derived from somewhere.
It was reinforcement that our “campaigning formation” so might strengthen.
So colleagues did spread and make stronger that network, maintaining our communications system with associate individuals, groupings, yes abroad, abroad farther and all elsewhere if the universe may broaden or towards infinitum, onwards if so these Star Wars, are we into exile, where is Planet Mars. If within our own terrortories colleagues sought to advise and support all associates, other formations if these so were desirous, actions so for all people, healthier people, in safety people, all human beings. Colleagues held meetings formal informal to establish personal contacts, also within dubious agencies, if we might so do we must so do.
Might so is must so.
State, yes, securitys and all personnel, military, educational, industrial banking groups, external officers for international welfare, for the diaspora, for rights of all victims who are human beings, all military, medical, legal and religious professions, leaders and disciples, all prophets, executives in foreclosures, we established personal contact with such individuals, overt covert, please not to foreclose us oh master authority.
From our monitoring work on all violence towards people, all abuses, terrors, State-inspired, all atrocities and horrors. We gave of ourselves to others. They would look to ourselves. They must protect themselves.
What are sympathetic bodies, and to a “campaigning formation” such as ours? We discovered. Where were management meetings, and seminars for business economics from foreign terrortories.
People would be there for us. Colleagues, it is we ourselves who were there for such meetings, elsewhere that could have been. Colleagues distributed leaflets, colleagues giving talks, assisted also by more famous sympathisers, foreign sympathisers.
From ourselves also the organisation of educational workshops, displaying reality of struggle, what struggle may be in general, information also of our own, these foreign capitals and greater cities where if people might come to know and understand something, if truth may be for our people, what it might be, truth for our people, for other peoples. We would have supporters and sympathisers, intellectuals, others, gestures to us, solidarity for us, rock people, art people.
Our “campaigning formation” supported and advised all people who enquired, seeking from us informative writings, all humanitarian, rights bodies, from all other countries and terrortories, all colleague-representatives from these foreign “campaigning formations”, speaking to field workers engaged in newer struggles or if in preparation for such a beginning.
What of education groups, yes, we had these, here is the history of our struggle, the history of our movement, here is where all stripping and removal operations began in our lands.
What are people’s own assets, land and water, crops or oil, mountains and valleys or forests if we have these, what, what we have, are these yet in existence or picked clean by master vultures. Here also is where our people’s involvement developed in these townships and communities of them, here from help and advice groups from community homes and safety of these homes, making them so, local issues, who has no home and bedding, who has no food, how are babies fed, if inoculation is desired, medicals, all pharmacy, necessity, girls must survive, what is tortures. We have all tortures, history of torture, it is history of our people, yes, History of Torture is History of Our People. We said it, sloganising.
All questions, such questions, women spoke with women, village and community. What women were there our colleagues discovered, women always in struggle, seeking out women, advising and supporting, imparting skills and technique, offering to them organisational experience, receiving also if it may be. Volunteers also came for us. Women knew more of disappeared people, they came to us, offered advice, sharing with us. Now colleagues monitored disappearances. How so to do. Offering advice and assistance to younger, newer colleagues, inexperienced volunteer workers.
Ask us.
Colleagues established contact with people of outer communities, leaders there, tinier pressure groups, tinier campaigns in tinier townships, little little villages. These were distrustful, that the involvement of our “campaigning formation” would bring to them trouble from securitys or military. It so was for them, and so would be. All retributive practices. Colleagues convinced them not convinced them, not convinced them. But also learned, inter, one another.
What of day-to-day management, of our secretariat who held monies, domestic and foreign. These are important matters. Who operate technologies, who perform diplomacies, who have these skills, we discovered them. Can one speak, let him speak. Can one discuss foreign affairs with foreign guests, at what level. We discovered them. Who can take telephone calls, improving our data-bank and filing systems. There is information gathering and dissemination of knowledge and currently-available research. What is world history of State-terror, State-torture, slavemakers, displacements, all enclosures, law-making and withdrawal of all human resources. Yes, if people have all medicines if we have none, what information. Treaties of kings and master authoritys, all mafia families of royaltys that now are binding for all time to infinitum. What of these. Colleagues obtained such information from the world beyond, all worlds beyond, and not then wwwdotcom. Or if not if someone might assist practically in these things, who it is, we found these capable individuals, and all stories may be told of that time, earlier time, if younger colleagues seek learning, know only the history of our “campaigning formation”. I too am a younger colleague.
If it is a clearing of our head only, the nonsenses, sand grittings are into our brain, if it is clearing it is possible and if so it is good. Time is short, always is short. Colleagues can find the many points we have missed, greater variety of them, many. If it is a necessary freedom of expression of conscience, yes, they must have it, know of its presence. What they are to say, yes, say it, have no fear. What is constitutional, not constitutional. If we are to lay down our lives. Colleagues should create agendas, their lists, listings, all items. Beyond here and now must come open discussion in all meetings, as to get such open discussion organised it all may be raised. Of course. This has not happened as to be better. Many have thought themselves under suspicion, that they so would become, thus have been fearful to speak. Problems then arise through natural ignorance. Colleagues must speak, speak publicly.
26
“perhaps some men”
She lay beside me, looking to the fire. My hand then lay at her breast and she allowed it, until putting hers onto it. If something was wrong, I did not ask her. Over several weeks I knew her, and what not to say, if something was wrong, I knew i
t. If it was the woman’s time. Her being close to my body, she said it was the need in her, not for myself but all men, any man. I said, Men are not different, women think so but not here, men also have such a need.
Perhaps some men.
No, all men.
Some men, if any. She raised herself, reached for the water.
We also need warmth, other bodies.
I do not think so, she said, passing the water to me
Then comfort.
I said she was naked, she was not self-conscious. I lifted the covering, she returned beside me. I put my arm round her and she lay on me for a long period. I do not know how long, my shoulder and upper arm aching but this was a moment that should extend and the ache meant nothing to me. I said so to her. And that you are not self-conscious, it is complimentary to me.
What?
You trust me. The male has a need and a need also is to be trusted by women.
She did not reply but there was movement from her and I saw something in her face and I said nothing further. It was more than one hour since our last sexual intercourse. She got to her feet, went from the room. The fire still burned, barely, I did not replenish it. She returned with drinking water and also wine, placing it nearby. I watched her. I said, You are a genius.
She was uncorking the wine bottle, herself drank from it, not offering it to me, nor returning beside me and I had raised the covering that she might return, instead she knelt by the fire. Silence for minutes. She did not offer me the wine and I did not ask. Until when I saw that her mood had turned once more I said, Why do you think that of men? Not to be trusted, surely that is what they want, trust in them? Even those who wish to abuse.
I waited but she made no answer. I again had raised the covering that she might return beneath, she ignored it, sitting near in to the fire, her side to me. I put my hand to her back, rubbing at her spine. I saw that her shoulders lowered. Now she straightened. There was the need to relax but no, if it was so, she did not allow it. I said to her, You cannot relax. Why is that? You do not trust me? What shall I do? What is it that you think? I smiled. You will not give me the wine?
If you want the wine take it
Yes, I said, taking it to drink.
I cannot relax, she said, it is foolish to ask, why do you, always asking it. She moved further from me. Men’s want is to be like women but you are not and cannot.
No, I do not think that.
Life is this moment for you but not for us, we are women, we think differently, live differently
Fight differently, yes. I smiled.
Arrogance. Fight differently. What is it you mean?
I do not mean anything, I am sorry.
But tell me.
I do not mean anything, I am sorry.
But you think it
No
I cannot understand you, except I think the worst and know this is the way of them. What is the worst, then that is men.
I returned the wine bottle to her and she corked it, reached to place the bottle beneath her coat, at her belongings. Her legs were nearby the fire, she rubbed the side of her thigh. If we had a cigarette, she said.
Your feet may burn.
She did not answer.
I raised the covering. You are tired, myself also, exhausted, come under, we may sleep. I put my hand to her wrist, lightly there. She did not notice. Then she did and looked to me. I said, What it is, tell me, something is wrong.
No.
Yes, I know it.
She put her hand to my face, her finger onto my chin, the groove there. What is this? she said.
Tell me?
Nothing, nothing is wrong. She studied my face, her finger still onto my chin, now she looked to my eyes.
I said, Tell me.
We shall live forever. She nodded. It is not sarcasm. She turned her face from me and there was the stick and she poked into the embers, the fire dying there. It was more than one hour, if she thought of it.
27
“nonsense song”
I found that I was singing. She heard me. It was not singing as she thought. It is a nonsense song, she said.
Yet if it is, I am singing it for you.
If people were to hear such nonsense it would give embarrassment.
Not to the creator of it, it is my composition.
All others.
No.
All others would scorn it.
Some would offer encouragement, praise, not all are lacking generosity.
You think I am so?
You are dependent on others, you should have confidence in yourself, I am your man, if you should praise me, why you do not, familiarity.
She laughed.
Strangers would praise me, our enemies. My song is so beautiful, it could not be denied.
You hum this one song, it has no melody. It is a mournful mournful sound, it is mournful. Yes.
Mournful! It is yours, I composed it for you.
I do not want it, she said. Her hand now was onto my chest and we lay for some period of time, her finger twisting hairs on my chest. I was tired, sleep would come. Moments are good. Yesterday into this day, if tomorrow is there. Moments with her, seeing her eyes now, but alert, a light glinting, continual movement, her hand on my arm, her mind roving afar, breasts flatting onto me, heavy beautiful. I do not know, if she thought something of myself. I thought of my daughter, infant, who that I had not seen for more, longer than one year, who never could be at peace, if I put her onto my knee, staying there, restraining her, weighting her down. I would have to do that, and if she was kicking and struggling with me, not able to be still, tethered to myself and if I laid her onto the floor would come her breathing in gasps, lungs of oxygen, I was her guard, now she was free, my daughter. This was after that my wife had not returned home, I had gone to her, it was by the sea near to the home of her grandparents. These two now had my daughter.
Nonsense song. You are singing it. She slapped my chest.
Again?
Yes again, you do not know it?
Some have said that my singing is very good.
Your mother.
My mother?
None other could lie in such a manner. But I have a question.
Yes.
If I may ask it. I can ask it?
What?
If she was speaking to you, then why?
What?
If you can answer this question.
Ask.
I asked, why the woman was speaking to you.
Many people speak to me.
Why was that woman speaking to you?
What woman?
There are many women? Yes, they look to you they speak to you. You know the one. One woman who did so, she spoke to you, I saw her face, smiling to you, I saw her. Why? If this was indicative of contempt. Contempt for myself.
She pulled at the hairs of my chest. I shall torture you. These women speak with you, why is that? This one woman who was very pretty. No, if I ask you, why is it?
What?
They speak with you, these women, younger, older, anything, if you are any place, I see them, and they talk to you. At our last meeting when the stranger to our country was there and talking with many of us, his discourse to us, yes, this other fellow, I saw the woman there, she watched only you, yourself only. I saw it. What was it, she heard nothing of that discourse. Such manners also. Here is a stranger who speaks to us and yet this one would not listen to him. Why? You did not see this woman watching you? Yet she did so, why?
Because I am so handsome
Yes because you are so handsome.
You are foolish.
You make yourself handsome for these women?
Yes.
Yes, so, you are handsome to see for these women, so why should they not so address you, she was speaking to you, it is what you wished.
If that one addressed me I can say nothing. Males address females, beautiful females, so females address males, handsome males.
So
they will address you handsome male.
If so
Yes, my own life is altered by your presence, why not that of others. You are a dangerous man. Perhaps we should worship you.
Why are we fighting?
What do you mean? I do not understand. We are fighting, I do not think so.
You are fighting.
Who is fighting? Who is fighting? What are you saying now to me, I am not fighting with you. I am not fighting with you. I am not talking to you. Neither can I say more, I cannot, cannot.
What.
I cannot speak to you.
What, what is it?
Our life is passing.
What can we do? Nothing. Nothing.
I do not ask
I am sorry, nothing.
But what I am to do, if I may do something, what, I am sorry.
Oh.
I am to do nothing. Except the work that is there for us, what else, for myself, myself, I cannot say more.
Where is your child? Where is your child? Where?
With her grandmother.
All males are enemies. She breathed deeply, I felt the breath on my body, now her hand from my body and was a discomfort beneath my shoulder and also her breasts there if they would give discomfort for her, so shifting the position I lay and she also. Later she said, Hearing you say that, I do not like it.
It is not serious.
I do not like it.
I said, We should have a pallet.
Even as she wore clothes, clothes for both sexes, she transformed them. As that women do, yes, but her way was different, I saw other women, they did not look as she did, she was one only, beautiful and as the female shape, in the trousers was obvious, her waist and hips, breasts and eyes when she smiled, beautiful, as now my eyelids remaining closed and if hearing her laughter, her laughter. I then suffered depressions, I do not say greater depressions, clouds only, darkening. Yet these would not vanish, overhanging me.
28
“father/family”
Some men would not have taken part, as I understand, travelling continually these areas of waste, always burning, fires, stench of smouldering rubber, thick black smoke. These men had sticks or poles and dug among it. Poles might be long and thin, having iron hooks fashioned at an end. Men carried these poles balanced on their shoulders. Our colleagues were not with them. I saw the father of the one requested, he wore dark clothes also, black or dark blue colour, and the vest as termed amereecana where across it above his belly reached the chain of that watch fine watch, I remember it, pocketwatch. Where he got it. If the son would know, it is possible. If I asked him, I cannot remember. Heritable goods, family goods, elderly relatives. His father was a man who performed obligations so, with dignity, as he thought, to the ruling class, and this watch may have been their reward to him, perhaps stolen but I do not think so. I say it only as possible. He knew the town, all perimeters. It belonged to him, as how he walked as how his son also walks, I see the walk, I see his father, I see the arrogance. When his son was selected his superior he said that the boy was no longer his son.
Translated Accounts Page 16
