by KL Shandwick
During our date, I wasn’t prepared for him to act like the perfect gentleman, opening doors and pulling chairs out, but Daryl had the same manners that I experienced with Ziggy. It was one of the things that I’d found attractive in both of them.
All evening I was conscious Daryl was being careful with his body space, he hadn’t touched me, and he’d paid for everything from the movie to pizza afterward despite my protests. When he drove me home, I wasn’t prepared when he made his move on me in the car. I just didn’t expect anything from him after our evening.
As I said goodnight, I was about to reach for the handle to open the car door when he leaned over and turned my face toward him by my chin. His eyes twinkled in the darkness as the light from above our kitchen door reflected in them. He leaned forward and dipped his head then kissed me hungrily.
The thrill of his sudden unexpected move, and the level of skill he used when he kissed me, left me breathless. My spine tingled as goosebumps spread across my skin from his touch. The groan he gave along with my awakened feelings told me I’d definitely be seeing Daryl again.
That night when I went to bed, I remembered feeling that my evening with Daryl had lifted my mood and that at some point I may learn to live again and looking back it was probably the turning point for me. And it was.
Life slowly crept into a new kind of normal for my family and there were days when we cried, days we were sad and days where we raised a few smiles. We dealt with each significant day, like birthdays and other milestones one by one and got by day by day.
My anger subsided and I realized what a brat I’d been during those dark days. Then again, everyone reacts to grief in their own way and being young I’d viewed the whole horrible event from a very personal perspective. Gradually, we learned to live without Martin and Adam and life settled into a new kind or normal, just like Aunt Joan said it would.
At first, I felt guilty for having fun again, but after a while I realized that the last thing that Martin, Adam, or Ziggy, for that matter, would want is for my life to be consumed with the sadness of their passing.
I threw myself into photography as a way of escaping my grief, Kayden returned to work and with the help of his friends started to live again. My parents supported each other and they also had some brilliantly sympathetic friends who helped them to cope. As a family we were fractured, but had somehow found solace in our combined grief and our lives moved slowly forward.
Two years later
Chapter 18 ~ Life through a lens
“I’m so proud of you, Valerie. I can’t describe how in awe I am of all you’ve achieved during the past two years.”
Dad and Kayden had converted a small store downtown into my new commercial space. Daryl’s support in helping me start my online photography business had been invaluable. I’d had a steady income from some of the most popular shots and with some bigger sales from the exclusively licensed pictures.
Over the two previous years, I’d bought the best camera equipment I could find as well as some pretty sophisticated editing software. Along the way, I’d picked up proper studio lighting and cheap photographic backdrops on eBay. By the time my new venture had branched out, I had projection equipment and was doing video advertising for local companies.
The more projects I took on, the more excited I’d become. The quality and standard of my work grew with every new facet of work I produced. I could see my growth. With the studio in place, I’d posted audition opportunities on the local college ad board for potential new faces and thirty-eight applicants from the art department applied to model for me. I hired an office manager to oversee appointments, deal with inquiries and to catalog my work. I was eighteen and legally responsible for everything I did at work, and I finally felt like I’d grown into my own skin.
Auditioning models was fun. I ended up choosing eight - four male and four females - they all agreed to come for a couples shoot. I knew I didn’t want them to be portrait shots but more situational, so I’d gathered as many props as I could think of.
Guitars, mic stands, and mics from our old karaoke machine, cowboy boots, a couple of cowgirl skirts, a saddle and chaps from when Adam was in a play, football gear and various other bits and pieces. Fashionable clothing and strange attire were also in my collection courtesy of Goodwill. My models had been chosen for their different looks, dark, blonde, petite, tall, pale with dark hair, ripped and tattooed. My idea was to get as many different looks as I could in one session.
Nine hours after that first shoot, I’d taken over seven hundred frames including colored, black and white, tinted and raw frames. For the first couple of hours, we’d all been self-conscious and giggling, but by the end of the shoot, we were more professional and technical in our collective thoughts to capture the best shots. Most of the students were older than me, but they weren’t bothered by the age difference and all of them were pretty impressed that I’d achieved what I had.
Sharing the best pictures with Daryl was exciting, and there were three he thought were exceptional. One was of me I’d taken with a timer. I sat cross-legged playing my guitar on the wooden floor of my bedroom and my long dark hair looked wild. I looked much cooler than I felt in real life in it. Daryl kept going back to it and although it was a great picture, I’d not been able to see what the fuss had been about.
When Kayden saw it, he kept that picture aside when he’d looked at them and asked if he could have it. I gave it to him because it wasn’t even a proper shot. I’d been messing around with a new lens and had taken it to gauge the images I might have expected from it.
After we’d reviewed the photos and selected the best, I began editing to perfect them. I eventually uploaded almost two hundred of those pictures. Another fifty- three were licensed via another site. From that point on in my career, I’d never looked back.
I thought back to the day dad took me into town to meet with his accountant when I had just turned seventeen, and my business was growing. Technically, my dad was in charge until I turned eighteen, so his signature was all over my work. He never interfered with what I was doing, just gently advised and encouraged me. I had a credit and debit card in the company name, and I just used it when I needed to. If I wanted something that was a high-end purchase, he’d discuss it with me first. When I’d needed new equipment or went on location to shoot he’d been supportive. In truth, I’d had no need to use either for much.
By my eighteenth birthday, I had over ninety-three thousand dollars profit in my account and what had started out as a fun little hobby had grown into a substantial small business. I’d been determined not to take a salary until I’d turned eighteen, preferring to invest a regular sum of money back into better software and equipment. A month after my birthday my photographic studio in town opened.
I’d also survived two Thanksgiving anniversaries without the boys, which were dark days. The memory of their loss still brought me to tears, but Daryl had been by my side, and that helped. Flynn never called again and the first year I cursed him for that but by the second I was more resigned.
I’d grown from a pretty naïve girl to a shrewd and pretty tough young woman. I was a lot tougher and much less innocent. Looking back, I was glad that Flynn had done what he did because I was happy with Daryl. He was normal and fun to be around and incredibly supportive of my business. He gave me space to do my own thing, and his life seemed to center around mine.
Auntie Joan had been right, life had gone on, despite the loss of my brothers, and I’d found my new ‘normalcy.’ I still missed Martin and Adam dreadfully. Ziggy and my brothers would always hold a little piece of my heart.
Kayden was doing much better although he was still in counseling. He’d met a girl, Amber, through work while visiting the service department of a well-known car company. I always smiled when I listened to them talking because they talked about everything from how long parts took between order to delivery, to the best lubricant for specific engines. Not really the kind of conversation others can
join in, but they seemed perfectly happy.
My mom seemed to have lost her soul with the deaths of her boys. She wasn’t interested in much and even though she was around me daily in body, her mind wasn’t focused in the here and now. She grieved deeply and poured over pictures and albums. Arranging and rearranging them. Counseling had brought her so far, but she had a long road ahead to heal and find some kind of resolution regarding their deaths.
Daryl respected the fact that I hadn’t been ready to sleep with him and although I had strong feelings for him and we messed around a lot, we’d both stopped short of having sex. Daryl was heavily into the church and advocated abstinence as part of his faith.
One thing my business had taught me was that it was better not to rush into things. Concentrating ninety percent of my time with building my clientele and strategy meant there was very little time for an intimate relationship anyway. Plus, Daryl was out of town two nights a week dealing with clients as part of his own career progression, reducing our opportunities to make mistakes with each other.
As part of my self-development, I attended conferences given by some of the big media and technology corporations. And on one occasion, I flew to Chicago for a two-day conference that was held jointly by social media giants and one of the world’s leading camera producers. It was mainly about using technology in the best way possible without compromising ownership and protecting copyright.
I’d been a little nervous because it was my first big event I’d attended solo and it had given me such a buzz to feel that independent. The conference center was massive and to be there with so many like-minded people had been inspiring. During the lunch break the first day I bumped into someone familiar.
“Howard, right?”
“Oh, wow, Valerie, isn’t it?”
Howard was one of Daryl’s buddies from work. I’d seen him at the holiday cookout their company had the previous summer.
“That’s right. What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Oh, I’m not officially here. I’m on vacation from work, and as this is my passion as well as my work, I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone by doing some architectural shots and check out the conference at the same time.”
“How long are you here for?”
“I head back Monday.”
As it turned out, we’d been booked on the same flight home, and both of us had Monday to kill before our 9:00 pm flight. Like me, he’d been traveling alone so when he suggested dinner, I’d agreed.
During dinner, the bottom fell out of my world again. Part way through the conversation I picked up that he didn’t like Daryl that much. We’d been talking about his work, and I had pointed out that Daryl had mentioned how he hated traveling and the fact that he’d had to keep going out of town a couple of times a week. Howard challenged that before he realized Daryl and I were still currently together.
Instant shock registered in his expression, and he stammered almost uncontrollably. I could see his embarrassment that he’d put his foot in his mouth. He’d almost rose from his chair because he was so uncomfortable. Once he realized I’d caught on to his denial about Daryl he did the decent thing and shared that as far as he knew, Daryl had a Hispanic girlfriend named Maria who lived just over the state line in Minnesota.
Howard told me Daryl still arrived at work in Iowa Monday through Friday, so it was clear that Daryl had been cheating on me. When I calculated the start of his trips, it had been about seven months previously. Around the time I’d done one of my first photo shoots. I’d been so busy digitally enhancing and perfecting my portfolio I hadn’t noticed the connection between that and Daryl’s work schedule changing.
After a few of minutes, the delayed shock set in and although Howard was still talking I couldn’t hear anything he was saying. Blood rushed through my ears as my heart almost burst out of my chest with fury at Daryl’s betrayal. I stood from the table and excused myself, but I hadn’t made it out of the restaurant before tears streamed unchecked down my face.
Abandoning Howard, I went to my hotel room and sat on the end of the bed staring at my reflection in the dressing table mirror. I’d briefly wondered if Howard had gone straight for his cell to warn Daryl what I’d found out when I’d left the table. I didn’t care. Daryl was gone as far as I was concerned. I called my mom. We’d not been close since Martin and Adam’s death, but I’d needed her to be my mom at that moment.
When I told her, she was fuming, and I hadn’t heard that level of passion from her for the longest time. I’d asked her not to say anything to Daryl, and told her I was flying home a day early. I wanted the certificate of attendance from that conference, but what I’d learned was much more valuable and important than something about my work. It was strange because instead focusing on Daryl cheating on me I was more interested in nailing the cheating bastard for putting me through that kind of humiliation again.
I packed before I went to bed that night and rescheduled my flight for one that departed at 8:15 am the following morning. I’d hardly slept and by the time I’d arrived at the airport I was spoiling for a fight through lack of sleep and the anticipation of confronting Daryl.
Arriving at North East Iowa Airport, I saw Kayden waiting for me. He smiled softly, but his facial expression changed to worry the nearer I got to him.
“Sorry, Valerie. Mom told me about Daryl. I want to cut the fucker’s dick off. Why would anyone do that to you?”
“Probably because he isn’t doing anything else with me, Kayd. What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean Daryl didn’t push to sleep with me, but I know now that’s because he was with someone else.”
“So you two haven’t…”
Kayden’s face flushed, and I shook my head, too ticked off to care.
“Flynn disappeared when I wanted him and now this…”
“Flynn came on to you?”
“A little when he came home with Martin but that was something and nothing. Last time I almost threw myself at him, and he left the next day before I’d got out of bed.”
“You know he’s still in touch with Dad, right?”
How many more things don’t I know about? It had seemed as if all the men in my life were either running away from me, lying, or dying. Once Kayden told me about dad and Flynn my heart pounded in my chest. Flynn had only been in my life for about nine days in total. Daryl had been with me for over two years. Even when Howard told me the news about Daryl that should have devastated me, I hadn’t reacted with the same level of emotion I had after I’d heard about Flynn. My focus instantly shifted to the guy that crushed my heart and stomped on it. Or so it had seemed when I was sixteen anyway.
“I do now. Seems I’m surrounded by devious men.”
“I’m not devious, Valerie. I’ve never lied to you.”
“Present company excluded, Kayden, but what is it about me that makes guys freak out? I don’t know anyone else that got treated as if they’re too fragile like everyone does with me. Every guy I’ve ever liked has gone to another girl for sex.”
“I think that’s because any guy that has you… you know, in that way, will want to keep you. If they can’t do that or don’t think they’re good enough, then they’d probably back off.”
“How the hell would you know that, Kayd?”
“Martin,” the sound of Kayden mentioning Martin made my stomach tighten.
“What does Martin have to do with that?”
“Just something he said to his friend Glenn once.”
“So?”
“He said something like, ‘No one fucks my sister unless she’s forever. She’s not the type of girl that gives herself to just anyone, so back off. It’s going to take the best of the best to satisfy her and capture her heart. Anyone who does and doesn’t take care of it, I’ll personally kill with my bare hands,’ or words to that effect.”
“Martin said that?”
“He did. And he was right. Those guys,
Brad, Daryl and Flynn…they know they aren’t faithful, so they won’t ruin you for someone else.”
“Bullshit. You make me sound like I’m fucking Rapunzel.”
“And that’s exactly what I said to Martin at the time. Our brother was fiercely protective of you, Valerie. He hated that Flynn had a thing for you, but personally having been around him, I reckon he’s a pretty stand-up, guy, and not the same guy he was around Martin. The way he came at a moment’s notice for us… for you, that action speaks volumes about a man’s integrity.”
Kayden’s remarks about Martin being wrong hurt because it felt he was being disloyal, and I hated anyone saying something about him that made him less than perfect. However, since his death, I’d been able to see how his behavior may have scared his friends from acting naturally around me.
Chapter 19 ~ Still the smart ass
Once I was on home ground it made me more determined to get even with Daryl. There was no use yelling at him or accusing him. He’d only deny it. I also knew he would try to weasel out of the entire thing. I’d gotten a vibe that Howard didn’t like Daryl and I knew Daryl well enough to accuse me of taking someone else’s word over his. Plus, I had no physical proof.
There were two things I wanted at that moment; to get even with Daryl and to hear Flynn’s voice. I was nervous, but he’d once told me to call him when I was ready. I wasn’t quite sure what he’d meant by that when I was sixteen. However, two years later, when I looked back, I knew he’d been right. I was totally immature and there was no way I’d have been able to deal with a guy like him.
A lot had happened since I’d last seen him, and I bore no resemblance to the naïve, innocent girl I once was. I’d built a flourishing business and was much wiser to that girl he met back then. I felt if he came, Flynn would meet a young self-assured woman. Whether he’d respond or not would be his call.
