When Its Least Expected

by Heather Van Fleet

  traitorous tears. Harley didn’t even know she’d been crying. Guess she was too numb to even feel the wetness against her own cheek. “Can we talk about it yet, honey?” her mother pleaded, her own eyes welled with tears. Harley’s throat clogged with a lump. “I mean, you haven’t said more than fifteen words since Monday night. It’s not healthy, honey, and I’m worried about you.

  Should I call the doctor again?” Harley wiped away at her onslaught of tears, shaking her head with a furious no. The last thing she needed was another shrink telling her stuff she already knew. “Well then, let’s get you out of this bed and dressed. I’ll make blueberry pancakes, and after that, we can spend the whole day together. How does that sound?”

  Terrible…

  Harley nodded not feeling the least bit like doing anything, but if it got her mom to smile and get off her back, then she’d do it. It was time to crawl out of her hole, at least for a little while.

  She threw on her favorite Huskers hoodie and a pair of her favorite skinny jeans and

  sweater boots. She pulled her hair back into a pony tail avoiding the mirror as she did just as a knock sounded on her door.

  “Hey, Har, can I come in?” David’s timid voice made her cringe, and she flexed

  her fingers at her side for fear they’d punch a wall.

  Dammit, she was totally being a selfish bitch. Harley hated upsetting her brother, and

  when she was down, David was there with her. He already had enough to deal with as it was.

  “Come in!” she called out to him, throwing on her big girl panties and her fakest smile.

  She headed towards their bathroom to avoid his eyes just as he wheeled into the room. “What’s up?” Harley called from over her shoulder, her mouth now so full of toothpaste that he’d most likely not be able to tell she’d been crying for three days straight. If her voice didn’t give it away, then her saggy, bloodshot eyes certainly would.

  He didn’t respond as he sat outside the bathroom’s entrance. She looked over at him,

  watching as he uncomfortably pulled at the neck of his grey collared polo.

  Finally, after a few more uncomfortable minutes of silence, he cleared his throat,

  “Harley, um, there’s someone here to see you.”

  She tilted her head to the side, staring down at her brother’s tension filled eyes. Who in

  the hell would be visiting her during this time of the day? Everyone she knew and loved was either in this house, at work, or at school.

  She sighed, wondering if this was just a ploy to get her out of the room. There was no

  point; she’d silently already agreed to go with her mom anyways.

  Her shoulders slumped as she followed her brother’s chair. It didn’t matter who it was;

  nobody could help ease her mood, except for maybe herself. She was working on that...

  Her feet were filled with dread as she moved down the hall. Her heart pounded loudly in

  her ears as she entered the living room, and her chest clenched like a vice as she lifted her eyes from the floor. She blinked at least a hundred times, gasping as the site of a dozen pink roses appeared, pink roses that covered a face, but didn’t conceal an identity. She knew that build, that head of hair anywhere. Mason…

  He tucked the roses against his stomach. Complete insecurity burned deep in his eyes.

  She couldn’t stop herself from inhaling the fragrance of the room. Pink roses were her

  favorite, and damn him for guessing right. For the first time in three days, she managed a smile, but Mason, on the other hand, paled as if he’d just seen a ghost.

  She bit her lip, and their eyes held. Silence, other than maybe the dishwasher, enveloped

  them.

  Out of the corner of her eye, Harley noticed her mom was moving about, but the tiniest of

  grins was on her lips. Harley rolled her eyes and inched closer to Mason. His entire body went rigid the closer she got to him, but his eyes never left her face. Then David wheeled in, breaking the silence and the intensity of the moment.

  Harley sighed. Her one moment of weakness was apparently over.

  David wheeled up next to her. A small growl erupted from his throat. Harley turned to

  glare down at his glowering face.

  “David, go,” Harley sighed. Her brother’s heated glare practically burned holes through

  Mason’s face before he finally turned to join their mom in the kitchen.

  Harley shook her head. Annoyance bloomed in her chest from his protective brother

  routine. She turned on her toes to walk towards Mason, fists clenched, throat dry, and her entire body stiffened at her newest discovery. Somehow, Mason had managed to beat her to the punch.

  She gasped. He was so close, toe to toe, with his face just inches from hers. She sucked in a lungful of air, waiting for the right words to come out.

  Once again, he took the lead.

  “Hi...” Mason whispered generically, Harley smiled back at him with a generic wave and

  smile of her own.

  The natural banter they normally shared was struggling to reappear as they stood there

  staring awkwardly at each other. The electricity was ever present though, and Harley had to force herself to stand still just so she wouldn’t be tempted to touch him. To run her hands over his muscular arms. To hug him. To bury her face into his chest.

  “Are those for me?” she asked cautiously, pointing to his armful of pink goodies. He

  nodded as a look so sorrowful filled his beautiful eyes, and it almost hurt to look at him.

  She reached out to take the flowers from his arms, shivering slightly as their fingertips

  brushed. Harley fought like hell to keep her body in check, her eyes from closing, and her

  breathing even.

  It almost worked.

  “Is there some where we can go and, um, talk for a minute?” His shyness was endearing

  as he motioned towards the porch out front. Harley nodded, placing the flowers on a nearby

  table.

  She led him out towards the front porch where we they headed to her favorite wooden

  swing. As they sat down, Mason slyly placed an arm around her shoulder and onto the swing.

  Mentally, she gasped at the move. It was a gesture that was probably meant to comfort but only made her nerves sky rocket instead. Her body though automatically drifted closer to his without regard to what her head was telling her. As needy and pathetic as it sounded, Mason’s nearness was exactly what she craved.

  “Harley, all week I have been beating myself up over what I said to you Monday night. I

  don’t think I have ever hated myself as much as I do now. These last few days I’ve been living in my own personal hell.” Harley glanced down at her fidgeting hands. He wasn’t the only one

  living in hell.

  “I skipped school the rest of the day because I couldn’t go another second without

  making this right.” The boy could smooth talk his way into anyone’s heart; probably their pants too. He must have had a lot of practice. “I was pissed that you blew me off so easily and even jealous because I don’t like the thought of any other guy with you,” he said as he looked away.

  Harley moved out of his hold.

  “Mason, just stop. There’s something I need to tell—“

  “No. Please, Harley, let me finish.” He grabbed a hold of her right hand, gripping it

  tightly with both of his. He seemed desperate, and his eyes widened. “The only way I could

  handle those weird ass feelings of jealously was by hurting you in the worst possible way I could think of. Do you understand?” Harley nodded, and her eyes dropped to her lap. She understood alright, but it didn’t make it right either. “I’m an evil and selfish guy, Harley, and I totally understand if you don’t want to even be my friend anymore.” He quieted for a moment, and that was all of the motivation Harley needed to tell Mason the truth a
bout the boy in the picture.

  “Mase, look, what you said on Monday night, it wasn’t cool. It was just mea, but part of

  it was true too. I did lead you on, partially that is, and for that, I’m sorry.” He held up a hand to most likely stop her, but she shook her head, staring down at her lap again. She was determined to get the words off her tongue, otherwise she’d chicken out. “I’ve got issues, Mason. Issues that you can’t even begin to imagine or maybe even understand. They are mainly due to something that happened two years ago. Some of it … I just can’t help either…”

  Harley finally braved another look at him, cringing as he stared down at her with a

  dumbfounded stare. She swallowed her fears and her insecurities; this had to be done.

  “What is it? I know about your brother and all, but what could have happened that’s

  worse than that?”

  Harley sighed as dread pooled in her stomach. She hadn’t spoken to anyone about this

  since the day she sat grieving next to his coffin. “When I was fifteen years old, I was always considered the quiet and skinny sophomore dork. I only spoke to two people in the whole school, my brother and Abigail. Then Aiden moved to town from Alma, a city not too far south from

  here. He was seventeen, and I, uh, fell for him … right away. He fell for me too even though he could have any girl he wanted.” Harley shook her head, still in disbelief at the memory even after all this time had passed. “He and David became good friends because they both played football and stuff. That was actually how I met him. We kind of hit it off and started a pretty serious relationship.” She stopped, glancing up under her lashes at Mason, curious to see what emotions were playing across his face. His jaw was flexing back and forth, but other than that, his face was blasé. “But five months after we started dating, I began to notice subtle changes in his behavior and personality. Anger, isolation, and hatred towards people he claimed to love, especially me. It was the strangest thing because he’d always been so happy. It was like his body had become

  possessed by something evil, something foreign.”

  She shivered at the memories that still plagued her. The wicked things he used to say to

  her and the times she was scared for her life at his outbursts. Those were not the memories she wanted to hold onto, but they wouldn’t detach themselves from her heart, no matter how much she tried to push them away.

  “Then he missed three weeks of school, and nobody heard from him until the day he

  came back, not even me, his own girlfriend. He was this completely different person, an even sweeter version of the guy I fell for.” Harley closed her eyes. Visions of Aiden, all decked out in his handsome button down polo, his eyes reflecting the same grey as the locker he’d kissed her good morning against. She shivered.

  He had picked her up, hugged her, and swung her around in an obscenely huge circle. He

  seemed so normal again, even happier than before. Harley thought things were going to be okay after that, until about a month later...

  “I remember the night it all changed again. We were out together at a friend’s house

  watching movies. He was tense, and he became angry again out of nowhere. He refused to talk to me about it, and he finally made me, the fifteen year old without a learner’s permit, drive him home.”

  Harley took a deep, cleansing breath. This was the part she hated to remember. “I didn’t

  hesitate to do what he asked. I was a fifteen year old girl in love! I would have walked on fire for him if he had asked.”

  “Hey, little beast, you don’t have to do this…” Mason brushed away a lone tear that had

  snuck down her face before pulling her closer. This time she let him, marveling in his strength, his security, his comfort.

  “Yeah … I do.” He nodded, tucking her head under his chin. It was like he knew what

  she needed. She exhaled one last shaky breath. “I don’t remember much after that; it all just sort of blurs together. I know I got us home, I know I asked him if he needed David to drive him home, and I know he got angry at me for me asking. Then he switched gears again, and he

  grabbed my hand, told me he’d love me forever, and kissed me. I got out of the car. I didn’t second guess him. I did what he asked, and then I left.”

  “Oh, little beast, tell me he didn’t…” Mason tightened his hold on her.

  “He did. That night he took a gun from his dad’s hunting cabinet and shot himself

  in the head.”

  She was lifeless as a silence hung between them. She was vaguely aware that Mason’s

  lips were covering her head with soft, gentle kisses. She barely noticed his hand brushing down her cheek, a move that should have made her feel cherished instead of empty.

  “I found out an hour later when his mom called me, sobbing from the hospital. I barely

  understood anything she was saying because she was so hysterical, but I heard enough. I

  remember screaming out this low, moaning noise that that my dad had described as a dying

  animal’s last words.”

  The crazy, worried voices of her parents still rang out in her ear from that night. She

  hadn’t been able to answer them because she didn’t know how to stop crying. Finally her dad had picked her up and put her in bed. She could still envision the horror in David’s eyes as he came running into the room a couple of minutes later. Someone must have called to tell him, seeing as how close he and Josh had been because he was crying too.

  “Harley. God, baby, I don’t know what to say. If I would have known about him … and

  this … then … ugh, I’m such an ass! I’m so, so sorry, little beast.” She leaned back and laid her head on his shoulder, looking up at Mason from her newest perch. Genuine sympathy poured

  through him, and for once, she accepted it.

  “You wouldn’t have known, Mason. Hell, nobody but my family and Abigail understood

  what really happened that night.” Harley shrugged in defeat, snuggling deeper into his shoulder and chest. “Most people believe it was an accident. At least that’s what his mom tried to play it off as. He was always messing around with guns and targets like his dad, so it worked, I guess. I know people found out, and I knew they said bad things about him too…”

  “Did you ever find out why he did it, Harley? There is always a reason when people …

  you know…” She nodded.

  Yeah, she knew…

  “Apparently he’d been suffering from a severe bi-polar disorder for years and then went

  off his meds because he couldn’t handle the side effects. Nobody even knew about his illness until I overheard his mom mentioning something about it at the funeral to his grandma. It was like a punch in the face, Mason! I felt like I never even knew who he was.” She shook her head as defeat and anger still pummeled her in the chest.

  “I could have helped him get better, I know I could have, but nobody bothered to tell me.

  Aiden didn’t care enough to tell me.” Her hands shook as she pressed them against her lips. Her heart clenched so tightly inside her chest that she swore up and down it was going to shatter. She was freaking out again, another panic attack, and she was more than positive that Mason would leave her. Good.

  His warm hands surprised her by pulling her closer. She sighed. She let him. Harley felt

  instantly lighter, like a weight of pain had been lifted from her shoulders. It couldn’t be possible that the unlikely boy sitting next to her could somehow still be able to weave his way into her heart, could it? Worse yet, she wanted him there too. She shouldn’t, not after his recent behavior, not after his cruel words. They were too reminiscent of the past, but that tiny part of her that didn’t know any better, the part that ate up any and all goodness from people, was dangerously close to falling over the edge for him. She needed to get a grip on her emotions because falling in love with Mason Daniel could not be in her foreseeable
future.

  * * *

  “Thank you, little beast. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I didn’t deserve your

  trust especially after my super dick-headed behavior.” Harley frowned up at him, cupping his cheek with her cold hand. He sucked in air through his gritted teeth unsure of her affection, but at the same time needing it too. Her touch was like fire to his ice cold skin, and he was okay with the idea of burning to death, as long as she was the flame.

  “Don’t say those things, Mason. You’re a good guy, even if you do have a tendency to

  piss me off sometimes,” she giggled through her final tears, mock punching his stomach.

  As she pulled away, a need took over his body. It was a need to touch her, to feel her

  hand in his again. As he interlocked her hand with his own, her chocolate gaze stared up at him in wonderment.

  Damn, she was so beautiful.

  “Fine,” he whispered, pulling her back against his chest. “I’ll stop, but you need to

  understand something here. Whenever I’m around you, I feel unworthy.” She started to protest and sit up, but Mason shook his head and silenced her by holding her in place. She needed to hear this. “Let me finish before you yell at me again, alright, little beast? You have quite an issue with interrupting.” Her eyes softened as he stared down at her. Her head had somehow become perched upon his shoulder. He shuddered as her breath blew across his neck and as her eyes

  stared up at him, but for once, she did as he asked, keeping any and all of her retorts to herself.

  “You’re an absolutely amazing girl with your strength, your humor, your ability to love

  everyone around you no matter what they do or say. Then there’s me, the selfish bastard whose greatest quality in life is to enlighten people with my sarcasm.” He sighed, letting her slip from his arms as he leaned forward against his knees. He wanted to be close to her, but she wouldn’t want to when she heard what he had to say.

  “I’m hurtful to the people I’m supposed to care about, and they suffer from my idiocy.

  The truth is, I’ve never actually cared that I act this way, at least until I met you.”