A Hope and a Chance

by Jennifer Foor

  Holy shit! Her brother? He was so wrong…

  “Okay. Just give me a little time to think about it. I’ll let you know what I decide by lunch time.” I watched as he and Buffy got up and began walking away. “Mark thanks for this. I really thought I’d never get an opportunity this big again.”

  “We just want you to be happy, Chance. What happened in Pennsylvania was unfortunate, but it’s over. It’s time to move on with your life. You deserve more than living in a pool house forever,” Buffy said before they headed out.

  I watched them enter into the main house, and then locked my door. I needed to start doing that.

  “You can come out now, baby. They’re gone.”

  My girlfriend came creeping out of the bedroom. Her face was expressionless.

  I grabbed her into my arms and kissed her on the forehead. “That was close. I’ve got to lock that door when you spend the night.”

  Hope sat down on the couch and I sat across from her on the chair. “What are you going to do, Chance?” She asked.

  “It all depends.”

  “On what?”

  “On you, silly. I don’t want to do this without you. I promised that I wouldn’t leave you again,” I stated.

  “I can’t ask you to do that, Chance. You have to make your decisions about what is best for you. I want you to be happy, and I know how much it hurt you when you had to stop playing ball. This is your second chance. You have to take it,” she explained.

  “Hope, things are different now. My life has changed. I don’t want to do this without you.” I admitted. “Besides, I might have to live with roommates at a dorm for the first year. You’re the only roommate that I want, Hope. Don’t you get it? You are my future. I want to be with you for the rest of my life.” I knew that was a major confession, so I let it sink in before saying anything else.

  Hope stood up and faced me. “Chance, I can’t talk about this right now. I’m so sorry. I have to get out of here.”

  I grabbed her hand and tried to keep her from leaving. Tears ran down her face. I didn’t understand what was happening. I thought she would be excited. Why was she running away?

  “Hope please wait. Tell me what’s going on. Is it because we’ll be living apart? Please talk to me,” I begged.

  “Chance, I can’t do this. I can’t take away your future when I don’t know what I want for mine. I’m so sorry, but that also includes us. I love you, but I don’t know if I want this forever. I just don’t know. I’m so sorry. I have to leave.” She darted out the door, without another word.

  I stood there in shock. What was happening? Did she just leave me? I was crushed.

  I’d just gone from citizen high to citizen low.

  I couldn’t let him blow an opportunity like this. I did what I had to do. I lied.

  Chance was everything to me, and he was the only future that I wanted, but to see him struggle with a decision like that because of me made me so angry. He should have said yes, even before speaking to me. The fact that he waited for my decision was wrong. I couldn’t be with him when I knew he would regret that decision forever.

  Once he was enrolled and doing well I would tell him the truth. If he still wanted me then, we’d figure it out.

  Suddenly, I realized what I may be giving up. I wanted to run back to him and tell him I was lying, but I couldn’t. I just kept running down the street; running from my reality of what I’d just pushed away. I was forcing Chance away so that he could have a real second opportunity at a life that should have been his in the first place. Just because he met me didn’t mean he had to pass on it.

  I’d gotten about three blocks from my house when I heard a familiar sound. Chance’s motorcycle pulled up beside me. “Hope, what are you doing?” He demanded an answer.

  “Chance please, I can’t get into this with you right now,” I said while trying to avoid his face.

  “I know what you’re doing. I won’t let you do this to us, because you think it’s the right thing for me. You’re wrong. I know you love me. I know you want this. I know you want our future.” I felt burning in my throat as I focused on denying his claims. I wanted to tell him he was right. Running into his arms would have been so much easier. I just couldn’t live with myself knowing that I kept him from something he thought was out of his reach. I had to let him want to try.

  “You need to do this. Just accept the offer and see this through. Please,” I begged.

  He grabbed me by the arm and forced me to look at him. His hands cupped my face. “There is no fucking way I’m going to let you do this, Hope.”

  “I don’t want what you want anymore,” I lied in a low tone. It took everything I had to keep a straight face. I felt like I’d just stabbed myself directly in the heart.

  “Stop lying!” Chance grabbed both of my arms. “Please don’t do this to me.” His eyes filled with agonizing pain as I watched the first set of tears drop down his cheeks. “You make me want to live again. I don’t want this if you aren’t a part of it.”

  Just seeing my handsome boyfriend shedding tears because he feared he was losing me made me start sobbing. I put my hands over my face to try and hide my emotions from him. “I just want you to be happy.”

  He tugged my hands down. My vision was blurred by the amount of liquid in each of my eyes, but I could see that he was looking directly at me. “Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand? You are what I want. I may not have known it then, but from the first moment I met you, I knew you were important. I know we’re young, but there was never a doubt for me. I love you and I want to marry you, and someday have our own family.”

  I shook my head. “School is important, Chance. You can play ball again.”

  A couple cars passed, reminding us that all of this was transpiring in public for anyone to see. I was at the point where I didn’t care. I ached from the inside out, knowing that this decision was going to destroy me while still going along with it.

  “Dammit, Hope! Are you even listening to me? Yes, I was excited about the offer, but none of that is as important as us. I want you to do something. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t feel the same way. If you can say that to me then I will believe you. I will accept Mark’s offer and throw myself into Virginia Tech. I need to hear you say it though.”

  I took a deep breath and looked up at him. His eyes were red and it was apparent that he was frustrated. I didn’t know what to do. On one hand, I wanted to throw caution to the wind and give in to my own desires.

  “I can’t, Chance.” I looked down at the ground.

  He put his hands around my face again. “Stop fighting me. I’ll always choose you.” He said as he put his lips on top of mine. “I’m already enrolled in the community college and have my schedule picked out. I am not throwing away anything that I need in my life. I promise you.”

  Realizing that my father could come driving down the road at any moment I backed away from Chance. “Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else,” I suggested.

  “Do you trust me?”

  “With my life.”

  “Stop trying to make my decisions. You aren’t some summer fling, or some young love. Besides, I haven’t played ball in such a long time. I don’t know if I could even get back into it the way I was before.”

  I looked away, feeling defeated. “Fine.”

  He ran his hands through his hair as if he wasn’t satisfied. “Do you want a ride back to the house?”

  “No! I’m just going to pretend I was out for a run. I’ll meet you back there.” I watched as he climbed back on his motorcycle. “Wear a helmet next time.”

  “Sorry, I saw my future running away and I didn’t have time for safety.” He gave me a wink and took off toward the house.

  I ended up walking the whole way back giving me time to reflect on what had just happened. I guess I was an idiot to think Chance would just give up on our relationship. The cards were all on the table now. Chance was very clear about his i
ntentions with where our relationship was going. He was right about one thing. I wanted the same.

  There was a part of me that wished he would have just said yes. The separation would be something that we dealt with already; surely, we could do it again. Maybe he was right about not being in the same place he was when he played ball last. I didn’t want his decision to be based on just me. I hated that he would do that.

  Perhaps he would have said no after thinking about it. It bothered me, but not as much as the look in his eyes when I lied to him. I couldn’t do that again.

  48

  It really ticked me off that Hope assumed she could just walk away without a fight. Had she not been in the bed with me earlier confessing our feelings? She was insane to think I’d let her go just because a scout looked my way.

  Sure, for my entire life baseball had come before anything. The murder of my friend, and my absence from the world had shown me what else was important. I no longer dwelled on what could have been, and now looked to what I might be able to have. What I knew for sure was that I needed to wake up to Hope’s smile every day for the rest of my life. Her name said it all; she gave me hope.

  Once I got back to the pool house I sat there waiting for Hope to show up. She took her time getting back, and I knew part of it was because she had to show her face in the main house before paying me a “friendly visit”.

  She ambled in the door and stopped immediately when she saw me sitting there. “Before you say anything I want to apologize.”

  “I’d prefer it if we just forget it ever happened. Hope, I’m going to college, and I plan on getting a degree. Even if I went to a school a couple hours away, it wouldn’t change anything between us. Besides, I’d want you there with me.”

  She smiled and swayed her body as she stood there. “I don’t want to lose you. If you say you want me with you, I’ll be there.”

  After much consideration we decided to go spend a day at Virginia Tech to check out the campus and the baseball organization. Since mine and Hope’s falling out she’d been more positive about me at least seeing it through. I wanted her to come with me, and Mark had pushed the idea just as much in an optimistic way, thinking Hope would fall in love with the campus and would want to go too.

  Our day had been planned out so we took Hope’s car knowing that Mark wouldn’t allow her on my bike. It was starting to get entirely too cold to be riding a motorcycle around anyway.

  We left early in the morning, and by the time we’d made it to campus we’d stopped three times. Once was to get gas in Hope’s car. The next was because Hope drank a large coffee and couldn’t hold her bladder. The third was because she said she was starving to death. I didn’t mind though, because anytime with her was nice. I still liked teasing her about it though.

  When we walked onto the campus I noticed that it was a bit overwhelming for Hope. The community college was nothing compared in size to this, and she seemed genuinely afraid. While the sports coordinator showed me around she tagged along behind us, taking more of a sister approach as opposed to my girlfriend. It was easier that way for both of us since we never knew who the friends with her father were.

  After we’d toured what appeared to be the entire sports facility we took a break for lunch. Hope and I purchased some sandwiches from the cafeteria and found a shaded spot in the grass. The sun was shining, and thankfully the temperature was over sixty degrees. I pulled Hope between my legs after we were done eating. While the breeze blew her hair around her face, we watched as the students congregated all around us.

  “So what do you think?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “So far it seems pretty cool. It’s bigger than I imagined it to be. How about you? Are you ready to move out here?”

  “The facility is nice and it seems like they have a good program going here, but you know I’m nervous about starting back up again. It’s really been a long time. I don’t know if I’ll be ready enough to play this coming spring,” I admitted.

  I kissed the top of her forehead. She pulled my arms across her chest tighter. “So, how far do you think the dorms are away from each other?”

  I wondered if Hope was actually considering going to school here. I’d explained to her about the strict curfews that I would have to abide by if I was on the team. Between practice and classes, our time together would be limited. I knew it was hard for her to take, because it was also difficult for me. I didn’t like the little time we had now, and then it would be cut into half. Sure, we could be together more freely, but by then she would be eighteen and it really wouldn’t matter too much. We planned on telling Mark about our relationship once the wedding was over.

  “We need to go meet that guy about it now actually.” I lifted Hope up easily to a standing position then stood up behind her. Since the sports director was not around I could hold her hand without her worrying who would see. When I grabbed it, she looked up at me and smiled.

  The next hour or so was spent exploring around the large property. The dorms were situated in different areas on campus, and honestly there was no way to tell where one would be placed. Hope seemed uneasy as we toured each room. They were small, and although she was used to a small room at her mother’s, she now had a huge one that she didn’t have to share with anyone else.

  When the guy giving us the tour talked about roommates I thought Hope was going to pass out. I squeezed her hand to let her know I hated it too.

  Once we were finally done toddling around with the guide he offered that we could explore anywhere we wanted to. Hope and I thanked him for his time and began walking around the different buildings. Of course, this university offered so much more than the community college. It was a good school.

  As we were strolling through, we heard someone calling my name. I continued holding Hope’s hand, not really caring anymore who would see. The baseball director that knew Hope’s dad was approaching us. I still never let go of her hand. She looked up at me and I winked at her, letting her know that I just didn’t care. No matter what, we were going to be together.

  “Mr. Avery, I forgot to give you this information booklet. It has all kinds of questions and answers, and if you can’t find anything feel free to give me a call. Also, we need to set up a time for you to come in and practice with the team. We need to get a feel for your playing skills. I’ve seen you play, but others are curious if you still have what it takes,” he said.

  I grabbed the brochure and shook the guy’s hand. “Thanks! I’ll be glad to come in whenever you suggest.”

  As he strode away I looked at Hope and shrugged. We’d finally toured every inch of the campus and climbed in Hope’s car with sore feet. The college was listed as twenty six hundred acres, but it seemed like we walked forty miles.

  Hope decided to drive home while I looked through the information that we’d gotten from the tours and the sports director. I was already familiar with most of the information. Most universities have the same type of guidelines. One thing that caught my attention was that freshman needed to live on campus, but after that they could live off campus. There was even a coed dorm available. I knew Hope and I couldn’t room together, but if we were in the same building it would be easier to spend time together. Besides, neither of us would be there on scholarship. That meant we could live off campus together if we wanted.

  Maybe I was getting overly excited. Just imagining being in college with Hope at my side was overwhelming. She may have overreacted before, but now she seemed just as interested as I did.

  “Did you like it?” I asked.

  “Kind of a lot to take in. How about you? Are you ready to sign on the dotted line?”

  I grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. “I won’t go anywhere without you. But yeah, I can see myself walking around campus with the hottest woman on the planet.”

  Hope giggled. “I’m not that hot, Chance.”

  “Um, then you must be looking through a dirty mirror. Yes you are, baby.” I looked over at her driving. She had h
er hair up in one of those messy buns. She was wearing a small amount of eye makeup, but not too much. Hope was so tan that she never needed to wear makeup. “In fact, just looking at you makes me horny.” I taunted.

  “Chance! I. Am. Trying. To. Drive.”

  “What? It’s the truth. I mean, if you need to pull over so that I can show you, I won’t be opposed,” I said convincingly.

  She shocked me. “Okay. Where shall we pull over, smartass?”

  “Seriously? That would be awesome.”

  Hope took her eyes off the road and looked over at me. “I was kidding!”

  “Damn.” I wasn’t convinced. I took my hand and slid it down the inside of her thigh. “Are you sure?”

  I watched her bite down on her lip. “I don’t want to get caught.”

  “Chicken,” I teased.

  I ran my hand up and down her thigh again, this time putting a bit more pressure. I leaned over and kissed her on the neck, and then the bottom of her chin. “Let’s just find an old abandoned road for a little while,” I suggested.

  “We are in the middle of nowhere. Are you kidding me right now? Have you not watched horror movies where inbred cousins slaughter people in broken down vehicles?”

  “No, I’m not kidding and what the hell? That’s fiction. Come on, baby, I want you so bad. It’s difficult to be around you and not want you. I think you fed me a love potion, because I never used to be this sappy.”

  “Oh my gosh, you’re being so stupid!” She laughed.

  “I want you to kiss me until my lips hurt.” I kissed her neck again and nibbled on her ear. “If you aren’t going to pull over, you should at least let me drive, that way you can straddle me.”

  I saw her famous half-smile forming. “Stop talking about it. I can’t concentrate on the road.”

  “Sorry, I can’t help it. Your body is sending me subliminal messages. It’s saying...Chance…I want you so bad…take me, Chance…oh yeah…I want it.” I started laughing after I said it.