The Sleeping Serpent: A woman's struggle to break an obsessive bond with her yoga master

by Luna Saint Claire

“You don’t understand. I love the way her skin smells. I love the taste of her pussy. We’re made for each other. We built a bonfire way up there,” he pointed beyond the hillside, “and we made love. She loves fire…she is so weird. But I need her to come through with her promises.”

  “Always with the promises, Nico. Why?”

  “Because it is the proof I need that she loves me.”

  Nearing dusk, Nico carried out two bottles of Anchor Steam beer, untwisting the caps and handing her one. Luna tipped her head back and took a long pull. It felt rewarding after mending fences and gardening all day. She sat on the stone wall outside the kitchen door as Nico gazed beyond her at the hillside. Suddenly, he bolted inside, emerging moments later with his new rifle. Before Luna could remark, he pointed the gun past her and fired. Barking an order, he called out, “Come quickly,” as he leaped up over the low stone wall and ran full speed, rifle in hand, up the hillside with Luna on his heels.

  The young buck lay quietly breathing when Nico pointed the rifle at his head and fired at close range. Dazed, Luna didn’t flinch. The deed done, Nico knelt down and looked at the animal. “What are we going to do, Luna? We can’t just leave him here!”

  Calmly, Luna collected her thoughts. “We will first give a blessing and thank the deer for giving us his life. Then we will butcher the animal and try to not waste any.”

  Luna placed her left hand on the warm chest of the deer. Leaning over, she said softly, “I see you, my animal brother, and we thank you. The water comes from the rain, the fire comes from the sun, and the meat comes from our animal brothers—who give their lives so that we may live. Let your spirit go to your ancestors and your body stay behind to feed the people.”

  Nico gazed into her eyes. “That was very beautiful, Luna. Now we must try to save as much meat as we can, and not waste this beautiful creature.” He ran fast to the house, and came back with a box cutter and a few large kitchen knives.

  Luna warned, “Be careful not to cut deep.” She splayed the deer’s hind legs, placing one under her knee, holding the other leg up.

  Nico leaned in next to her, carefully cutting a straight line down from the bottom of the rib cage to the opening of the anus, careful to not penetrate any organs. While Luna held open the body cavity, Nico gingerly lifted the stomach out, scooping up the intestines without spilling their contents. Nico looked at Luna, letting out a sigh. “Have you ever done this before?”

  “No, have you?” Luna answered, uncertain how they knew exactly what to do.

  “Of course not.” His voice trembled. “I’m a bit freaked out…are you?”

  “No. For some reason, I feel completely natural doing this…It’s like déjà vu, as if we’ve done this before. Do you know what I mean?”

  “I think so,” he answered, somewhat reassured.

  Luna touched his arm so he would look at her. “We are doing something very sacred…”

  Nico nodded and began cutting into the hip joint to remove the hind quarter. As he cut, a large amount of blood spilled into the ground. “Oh my God,” he said, “All this blood!”

  “It’s OK, Nico. Just keep going. You hit the artery. The blood is going back to Mother Earth, see?”

  They meticulously quartered the deer, using only kitchen knives and a box cutter. When they were done placing the large pieces in plastic bags, they were left with the carcass and the deer’s head. Nico insisted they quickly bury it. Concerned, Luna reminded him, “Nico, we have a lot of butchering to do. I say we bury him in the morning.”

  Although he was unhappy waiting, he had to agree that saving the meat was most important, or the deer’s death would be in vain.

  Luna was grateful for the double sink. Piling all the meat to the left, she held the hind quarter steady as Nico cut steaks and cubed chunks. Luna rinsed them, dried them, and placed portions into freezer bags.

  When Nico hit bone, one of the knives chipped, and he cursed. Luna assured him they were doing the best they could. Her arms and hands ached from the weight of the deer. Sweating, Nico removed his shirt. Using all her strength, Luna held the heavy deer’s body up as if it were on a meat hook while Nico, bare chested, painstakingly worked the box cutter to remove the hide, carefully ensuring no hair became entangled in the flesh. Using only a dull kitchen knife, they carved every good piece of meat from the skeleton. Blood covering her hands, Luna pushed her hair back off her face. “Nico, we did it! We’re done. I’m exhausted! How about you?”

  Covered in blood and sweat, Nico stepped back to survey their job well done. Satisfied, he nodded. “I’ll get the fire pit going. We may as well grill up some steaks!”

  Luna took a long hot shower, thinking about what they had done while washing the blood from her hair. By the time she got back into the kitchen, wearing warm sweats, she could see Nico through the kitchen window stoking the fire. The bright orange flames danced in the darkness. She headed out to the fire pit carrying thick slabs of fresh deer meat on a metal pan, then went back to get a bottle of red wine and two glasses.

  Seeing her approach, Nico called out, “That steak and a bottle of red wine is what we deserve after all that work.”

  Too tired to even bother making a salad, they sat next to the fire, dunking juicy pieces of flavorful grilled venison into a container of Nico’s homemade chimichurri sauce. The June night was warm, and while finishing the bottle of fruity Malbec, they lay on the grass, gazing up at the stars, listening to the logs make soft popping sounds as the fire died down. Seeing fireflies, Luna gasped, “Make a wish, Nico!” They counted the glowing bodies floating above them, blinking on and off against the sky.

  28

  Luna was glad Tyler was in his office, out of earshot, when Nico called pleading for her to come out to the house. She had promised Tyler that she would set boundaries, but no matter how hard she tried, it seemed impossible.

  Nico’s voice was strained. “Luna…I have chest pains. I’m having a heart attack.”

  Luna didn’t overreact. “What happened, Nico?”

  Getting Luna’s attention, he then began ranting about Élodie. “Luna, she’s killing me. I don’t trust her. She doesn’t answer me when I call her.”

  “I’m sure she’s busy…maybe she’s on a plane…”

  “Don’t be an idiot! That’s the point, I don’t know where she is…what she’s doing. I’m sure she’s cheating on me! And she doesn’t do what I tell her. She still hasn’t spoken to the sheikh about the investment. Luna, I gave her my heart, and she lies to me.”

  “Give her some time. I’m sure she’ll do her best.”

  “Just come here, Luna. I need you.”

  The last time Luna had been at the house, Nico had coerced her into writing a firm e-mail to Élodie, castigating her for not keeping her promises to Nico. She’d balked, not wanting to do it, but he pressured her relentlessly until she gave in. Though he’d insisted she type as he dictated a brutally harsh letter, Luna conveyed his message but softened the tone considerably. She quickly hit send before Nico could proofread it, and he became furious when he saw she hadn’t included several of Élodie’s supposedly egregious deeds in the message.

  “Why didn’t you write what I told you to write, Luna? You left out important things!” He paced back and forth, raging at her. Picking up a corrugated box that lay near the door, he charged at her like a bull and hit her over the head. Luckily the box was empty.

  Luna yelped. Shaken, she countered, “I wrote it exactly as you said, Nico. The poor girl—she loves you. You are too hard on her. I told her to present the plan, as she promised to do. If she had no intention of doing so, she should tell you. I wrote it my way. I was firm, but told her nicely!”

  “You’re a moron, Luna. You lost this for me! She will never do it now, you were too soft on her! It must be done my way! I could just kill you right now….you’ve ruined everything!” He had come toward her again with fists in the air, but thankfully stopped before assaulting her. Crying, Luna had packed her bag,
but Nico had taken her car keys away. In a panic, she had called Tyler and told him Nico wouldn’t let her leave. Tyler had been baffled. Sternly, he’d insisted she get in the car and come home. He hadn’t understood why Luna couldn’t leave. He seemed oblivious to the power Nico had over her.

  Now, safe in her own home, she remembered how terrified she’d been. Even though Nico had apologized, she was reluctant to go. She knew Tyler would be angry and resentful if she left again, and even her friends and family had begun questioning how he could let her spend the night there, alone with Nico. But Nico sounded desperate, and she wasn’t sure just how distraught he was until he said Maya was there with him. “I don’t understand, Nico. If Maya is with you, why do you need me?”

  “Luna, I am very upset with Élodie. She hasn’t answered my Viber calls, and I don’t know where she is. I can’t very well explain all this to Maya. Just come here. Please.”

  Feeling a sense of anguished urgency, Luna explained to Tyler that Maya was at the house and Nico wasn’t feeling well and had asked for her. Tyler shook his head in dismay. Though Luna knew he disapproved, she agreed anyway. “OK, Nico. I’ll be there in about two hours.” What she didn’t say aloud was she was looking forward to meeting Maya.

  When she arrived, Maya was outside sweeping the walkway and looked up, seemingly bewildered, as if Luna were an apparition walking toward her. Hesitantly, Luna kissed her lightly on the cheek. “Maya, it’s so good to finally meet you.”

  Maya was a bit taken aback, but Luna felt Maya’s warm lips on her cheek instead of an air kiss.

  “I always thought you were an ex-girlfriend of Nico’s,” Maya said softly, watching the broom head move back and forth against the flagstone as she swept. “He keeps your note cards with the nice sentiments in them on display. He doesn’t explain much to me. He just told me to get up and get dressed, that you were on your way.”

  Just then, Nico walked into the yard, and Maya nervously turned away from her and resumed sweeping. Luna double-cheek kissed him and they walked toward the hillside, near where the deer had fallen weeks earlier.

  “Luna, Élodie’s missing. Why is she doing this to me? She is supposed to be here with me. I bought this house for her, for us to live in, and have a family. How can she lie to me like this? Promising to get the investment for our future? I was fixing up the barn to be a guest house for her mother and sister to come stay.”

  Taking his hand, Luna began to console him, and from the corner of her eye she saw Maya retreat into the house. “What do you tell Maya?”

  “I don’t want to hurt her. She’s a good person, and a good friend. But I’ve always told her I don’t love her the way she wants me to. She knows I’m in love with Élodie.”

  “Well, what is she doing here, then?”

  “I told her I want to stay friends. I don’t want to lose her from my life.”

  “Are you sleeping with her?”

  “Luna, I always told you how I feel about Maya. Don’t worry about her, she’s a big girl.”

  Luna shook her head. “You’re right, Nico. I’m the one who encouraged you to have a friend with benefits! Besides, as much as I like Élodie, she’s always coming and going, and it drives you crazy. Maybe Maya is the better choice. She might be the last soldier standing!”

  Nico shrugged. “Maybe you’re right.”

  They both smiled, and the dark cloud lifted momentarily.

  Luna took her overnight bag into the guest room and dropped it in the arm chair near the dresser. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she picked up a familiar red teddy bear that rested on the well-worn patchwork quilt and placed it on her lap, hugging it to her. These few former possessions of hers made her feel as though his home was hers, too.

  Nico decided they needed supplies from the supermarket, so the three of them piled into Luna’s Land Rover and headed to Vons. Maya pushed the cart, and while Nico meticulously gathered produce, she leaned in to Luna. “I’m worried about Nico. He’s been doing a lot of coke again. Before Abu Dhabi, he forced me to do it with him for months. I had lost so much weight, I looked terrible, and people at work questioned me. When he came back, I told him no more drugs—but this stress over Élodie—of course I know all about her—he’s been doing it a lot. I can tell he’s high right now.”

  Luna was stunned. Nico had made flippant remarks weeks before that he was getting high and saying he was a sex addict. Not grasping the weight of what he was telling her, Luna had thought he was just being melodramatic. Then he quickly backpedaled and said, “I’m just pulling your leg. I wanted to see if you really care about me.”

  Obviously, he’d been more erratic and agitated. After all, he’d almost punched her in the head over that email! But drugs? The incident with the hooker immediately came to mind. Abruptly asking, “Have you done coke with him lately?” Luna knew she sounded judgmental.

  Maya nodded remorsefully. “Yes. I didn’t want to, but you have to do what Nico says or he gets rid of you. I thought you knew that.”

  Those words stung, but Luna nodded her head. “Well, we have to get him to stop. Agreed?”

  Maya agreed. “I told him I’m not doing it with him anymore.”

  The next day after breakfast, Luna drove them all back to town. It turned out that Nico and Maya had driven there on the bike, which made Luna wonder if Nico had really wanted to see her or just wanted a ride home.

  The upstairs private dining room was warm and filled with the harmonious song of women’s voices. Luna had been invited to attend a women’s mentoring group, and was appreciating the camaraderie when she felt the vibration of the cell phone in her bag. Glancing at it, she saw an unfamiliar phone number. Normally, she would let it go, but something told her to answer. The voice on the other end was crying, and Luna moved down the stairs to better hear the caller.

  “Luna, I’m sorry to call you…but I can’t take it anymore. I know you care about him, and you were so nice to me. Can I meet you tomorrow? Please? There are things I need to tell you…I can’t on the phone.” The woman started crying more heavily now that the words were out.

  “Where are you, Maya?

  “The Belmont. I’m at the bar with my cousin.”

  “Isn’t that on La Cienega, by Melrose?” Without waiting for the obvious confirmation, Luna went on, “I’m just finishing a meeting at STK. I’ll be there in five minutes. Don’t leave.”

  While Luna sat in stunned silence, Maya explained about Nico’s obsession with porn and sex toys. She kept her head down as she described him forcing her to fuck him up the ass wearing a large strap-on dildo, and how he’d yelled at her when she cried, unable to do it the way he wanted. “He was never like this! We used to make love. He was sweet…romantic, even. I have a hard time talking about, you know…intimate things. But he was normal. No, he was great.” Maya finally looked up at Luna, the mascara she didn’t even need ran in black streaks from her eyes, resembling a tribal tattoo that suited her exotic countenance. “He bullied me! Threatening to send video of our Skype sessions to my job. Luna, I’ve heard him threaten Alexa, and Élodie too! But I never thought he would threaten me!”

  Putting her head into her hands as she wept, her long obsidian black hair fell over her face. Maya picked up her iPhone. Quickly scrolling, she then held the phone up for Luna. There was a photo of Nico. A selfie. Only part of his lower face showed, but Luna knew his body well enough to confirm it was Nico. Her eyes widened as they darted between the phone and Maya. Nico straddled a chair, his legs covered by fishnet stockings.

  “I don’t understand,” Luna said in stunned disbelief.

  “Neither do I,” Maya answered sadly. “But I am certain it has to do with cocaine.” She continued, “When Élodie left, he called me to come over. As soon as I arrived, I was sorry. Again, he began pressuring me to do the drugs. He threatened to call a hooker if I wouldn’t obey him. I pleaded with him. I said, ‘I can’t, I have work the next day, and you promised you would stop.’ Luna, it’s always an
all-nighter…he can’t come. It’s exhausting—and painful.”

  Luna kept her head down, listening. She sensed Maya was deeply humiliated. “So what did you do?”

  “I knew he wanted me to use toys to pleasure him and I just couldn’t—it’s disgusting to me. That one time I tried, I just cried until he let me leave. It was awful. I said no, and he stormed into the bedroom and slammed the door. He must have thought I left. But I went into the bathroom and closed the door. I sat on the floor and cried. It was quiet, but I knew he was using one of those anal toys on himself. Then I went and slept on the sofa until he came out. It must have been hours, he was soaked in sweat. He looked at me, but it was as if he didn’t know me—like a crazy, wild man. I was so scared. He said nothing. He took a shower and went back into his room. That’s when I left. I just needed to know he was alive.”

  Luna finally looked up. Maya looked drained, as if everything in her world had vanished. Luna had no words to console her. But she realized they were both trying to reckon if he had always been this way, or if his desires had driven him down this dark path.

  “What are the three books that affected you the most?”

  Luna had just given Nico a copy of Jack London’s Call of the Wild. They had watched the 1993 version starring Ricky Schroder at his house, curled up on the sofa with a bottle of wine, and they both cried at the end. A classic tale of love and redemption, Luna had written inside on the fly leaf, “It was never about the gold—it was always about the journey.” It struck her how similar she was to Buck—compelled to the mysteriously thrilling and luring wild, but equally bound to the comfort of immutable love.

  They were sitting outside drinking beer and eating guacamole and chips, on the antique wicker chairs that had once lived on her sun porch. Things were peaceful. At least for now.

  Luna was momentarily stumped, “Do you mean as a child?” Before Nico could answer, she chimed with enthusiasm, “Island of the Blue Dolphins! That book transported me in so many ways!”

  “Why?” he asked softly, “What was it about?” She could hear genuine curiosity in his voice.