Royally Screwed: A British Bad Boy Romance

by Jessica Ashe

  A voice to my right snapped me out of my trance.

  “What can I get—”

  I stopped mid-sentence as the words I’d said thousands of times before got stuck in my throat.

  I was many things, but speechless was rarely one them. Right now, I couldn’t have yelled “fire” if the building were burning.

  The man at the bar looked exactly like every other man here, but also nothing like them at the same time. He was covered in tattoos, wore a tight t-shirt, and looked like he’d just popped in off the street for a break from fighting.

  Customers like that didn’t faze me. I was used to them. But this one… This one was different.

  This man was pant-wettingly sexy. Literally. I wasn’t exaggerating and I could prove it.

  Unlike the other customers here, the man was covered in muscles that threatened to break through his tight shirt if he so much as flexed an arm. He had stubble, but it suited him, and looked deliberate, not the result of laziness or lack of hygiene.

  His eyes smoldered, as I stared at him in silence. I’d heard plenty of pick up lines while working here, but none were half as effective as the look conveyed by this man’s deep brown eyes.

  Hi, his eyes said.

  Hi, mine replied.

  Let’s go fuck.

  Okay. Your place or mine?

  Shit, snap out of it, Nora. I’d been working here for a year without falling for any of the smarmy jackasses that came here. No need to start on the last day.

  “If you stand there much longer with an open mouth,” the man said, “I’m going to put something in it.”

  I scowled. He had something else in common with the clièntele here.

  He was a complete and utter prick.

  “What do you want to drink?” I snapped.

  “I want to get my lips around something sweet and juicy. Something… orgasmic.”

  “We have lager that tastes like it came out of someone’s penis. Is that close enough to orgasmic?”

  The man smiled. “I guess I’ll have a Jack and Coke then. I can see now why you aren’t working on the VIP table. Doesn’t look like you’re all that friendly with the customers.”

  I poured a load of Jack in the glass and topped it up with Coke. No one ever accused me of giving a small portion. The same could probably be said of him.

  “If by ‘friendly’ you mean ‘happy to be groped by drunken assholes,’ then no, I’m not all that friendly.”

  “They might not all be drunken assholes,” the man replied.

  His hand reached out to grab the glass before I’d let go, his fingers lightly grazing mine. I flinched as a static shock passed between us. The floor wasn’t carpeted, but it had to be a static shock. The alternative was too ridiculous to contemplate. Sparks between a man and a woman were a thing of fiction. That had been real. Very real.

  “Trust me,” I replied, trying to ignore the shock still working its way through my body. “Anyone that is considered a VIP in this place is scum.”

  “Wow, you’re real employee of the month material, aren’t you?”

  “Last day,” I replied with a big smile. “I don’t have to deal with jerks like you for much longer. That’ll be five dollars please.”

  “I’m not paying,” he replied.

  “You fucking well are.”

  “Nora,” Ray’s voice called out behind me. “I’ve explained to you before that our guests’ drinks are on the house.” He turned to face the man. “Sorry about this, Mr. Clyne.”

  “No problem,” the man said with a grin.

  Ray walked away and left me facing the “VIP.” He didn’t look important. He looked strong enough to pick me up and have me up against the wall. He looked intense enough to want to do it. He looked hot enough for me to want him to.

  “Riker, Riker,” a girl said excitedly as she rushed up next to the man. She stood next to him bouncing up and down like an excited schoolgirl, her breasts doing their best to defy gravity as they slapped against her chin.

  “Go away,” Riker said, sounding bored.

  He was so fucking rude. But… well, I couldn’t help but be flattered that he’d rather talk to me than deal with Miss Bouncing Bosoms. Still, he was a fucking dick.

  “Can I get a selfie?” she asked, brushing off the insult as if the sound had never reached her ears.

  “No pictures,” he replied gruffly.

  “What about an autograph?” She pulled a black marker pen out of her purse. Who carried around a black marker pen?

  “Fine, if it’ll make you go away.”

  Without hesitation, the woman yanked down her top to reveal the full motherload that was her right breast.

  Riker shot a quick look in my direction and smiled, before grabbing hold of the woman’s boob and signing his name right above the nipple.

  “Thank you,” she replied gleefully, and ran off to rejoin her friends, leaving her pen in Riker’s hand.

  “You want an autograph too?” he asked, holding the pen up at chest height.

  “Yes please,” I replied and thrust my chest towards him. I looked him in the eyes and licked my lips as I put my hand to my top and slowly… very slowly… handed him the check.

  “You’re a tease. Anyway, you heard, I’m not paying.”

  “This isn’t for your drinks. Consider it a tip.”

  “You want me to give you a tip after the way you’ve spoken to me?”

  “No. This is going to those poor girls over there who are being manhandled by your friends while trying to do their jobs. I’d think $100 each is a small price to pay for what they’re going through.”

  I’d expected him to laugh me off, but he put the thick marker pen to the paper and signed.

  “I’ll let you fill in the amount,” he said. “Now where were we? Oh yes, you were about to tell me what time your shift finished.”

  Chapter Three

  Riker

  “Why don’t you go and rejoin your little posse,” Nora said. “That brunette keeps looking over here. I think she misses you.”

  “I’m done with her,” I replied. “I want someone new tonight.”

  “I’m honored to meet your demanding criteria of being ‘new,’ but I think I’ll pass.”

  “In my defense, there aren’t many women in this bar who I haven’t had before, so I’m being quite selective.”

  “That’s your defense?” She rolled her eyes and went away to serve some more drunks who didn’t know when they’d had too many.

  I watched her ass move temptingly from side to side as she walked in her tight jeans. God, what I wouldn’t do to get a bit of that. The other barmaids had skirts so short they were invisible from some angles, but here I was fantasizing over the one girl in the place with jeans on.

  The men at the bar ordered a round of shots. Nora casually poured them all a large vodka shot, spilling half of it over the bar as she moved over the line of glasses, and then busied herself emptying a dishwasher to avoid coming back over and talking to me.

  I might have to adapt my usual approach for this one. It’d be worth it. Anything to get my lips on those succulent tits.

  The group of men were still hanging around by the bar. Of the four men, three of them looked to be in their early to mid twenties, but the other one couldn’t have been much older than eighteen. The door staff weren’t exactly particular about who they let in here.

  One of the older men had his arm wrapped around the younger boy’s shoulders, while the other hand thrust a small bag into the young boy’s free hand.

  Drugs.

  The bag contained either pills or powder, I couldn’t tell from here, but nothing good got passed around in small plastic bags in dark bars.

  The young kid eyed the bag suspiciously, but slipped it into his pocket. The men all made a big fuss about downing their shots, as if they were the first human beings ever to drink vodka, and then made a beeline for the bathrooms.

  I grabbed the kid by the arm as he walked past.

>   “What the hell are you—” he began, before making eye contact with me. “Hey, you’re Riker Clyne. Cool man. Uh, what’s up?”

  I let go of his arm and pointed to the empty seat next to me.

  The kid looked towards the bathroom where his mates were heading, but decided he should probably do as I’d asked.

  “You know my name. What’s yours?”

  “Theo.”

  “What’s that in your pocket, Theo?” I asked. “Coke? E?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous man,” Theo replied angrily. “Ain’t nothing in my pocket.”

  Ain’t nothing in my pocket.

  My brother had said those exact words many times. They sounded so alike. This kid wasn’t my brother, but I was damn well not going to let him take the same path. My brother wasn’t around for me to look after him any more.

  I couldn’t be bothered to muck around. I reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out the bag.

  “Hey, give that back,” Theo yelled. He went to reach out for the bag, but decided better than to try and wrestle it back off a fighter.

  The bag contained six tiny pills that I didn’t recognize. Probably ecstasy, or a variant of it. Every week there was a new recipe available, always promising an even better high than the one before.

  “You don’t want to take these,” I said, handing the bag back to him.

  Theo took the bag nervously. “It’s just a bit of fun. The effect will wear off after a few hours and they aren’t dangerous.” He sounded like he was parroting his friends’ words back to me.

  “Who were those other guys?” I asked.

  “My brother and his mates.”

  “And they want you to take these?”

  “I need to loosen up a bit. Have some fun.”

  “This shit isn’t fun.”

  “Yeah, well neither is getting grief from the guys,” he said, getting angry again. “It’s easier just to take them and be done with it. Saves a whole lot of hassle.”

  That was how my brother had started. Growing up in our neighborhood, we’d been exposed to drugs on a daily basis. Daniel had resisted them for years, until his friends started taking them.

  They’d pressured him week after week to join in, and then finally his willpower evaporated and he gave in. The rest was history.

  I wasn’t about to let that happen to this kid.

  “Nora,” I called out to get her attention.

  “Yes, Mr. VIP. What can I get you now?” she asked, as if I’d torn her away from a good book, and not emptying the dishwasher.

  “You have a first aid kit back there anywhere?” I asked.

  “Yeah,” she replied, ducking down behind the counter. “But I don’t think anything in there is going to mend your broken ego.”

  “My ego is as big as ever thank you,” I replied. I took the first aid kit, but the only painkillers in there were far too large. “Nope, this won’t do.”

  “What are you looking for?” Nora asked.

  “Small pills. Any of the girls have hay fever?”

  “One of the barmaids, but she’s busy with your friends. We can’t take her tablets. I have a feeling she’ll need to be able to breathe through her nose later when you get your hands on her.”

  “Jealousy doesn’t suit you, sweetheart,” I replied with a grin.

  “And what does suit me? A huge cock in my mouth I assume?”

  “I never said I had a huge cock.”

  “True,” Nora replied. “Guess I got confused because you’ve been a massive dick all evening. But that’s not the same as having one.”

  I turned back to look at Theo who seemed even more awkward now than he had been around his idiot friends.

  “Sorry about her, Theo. Some women like to play hard to get before I fuck them. Makes them feel less slutty.” Riker turned back to me. “I assume you’re on the pill?”

  She pursed her lips in displeasure. This wasn’t going brilliantly so far.

  “It’s none of your business,” she snapped.

  “Don’t get your hopes up. I’m not asking because I want to have sex with you—I’m still on the fence on that one. I’ll let you know when I’ve made up my mind. You got the pills on you?”

  She sighed, but nodded and grabbed her pills from her purse behind the bar. “I have enough for a few more months.”

  I took out one of the pills and compared it to Theo’s drugs. The contraceptive pill was slightly bigger, but no one would notice in the heat of the moment. I put six pills in the bag, and threw the drugs on the floor before crushing them under my foot.

  “There you go,” I said, handing the bag to Theo. “No one will know any difference.”

  “Uh, thanks,” Theo replied nervously. “Will this stuff… affect me at all?”

  “No,” I replied. “You should be fine. But, uh, best not try to park any cars for a few days.”

  Theo smiled, but the grin disappeared when he glanced towards Nora. I didn’t look. Best not to know.

  “Your brother’s scum,” I said to Theo. “He should be keeping you off that shit, not encouraging you. Stop hanging around with him after tonight.”

  Theo nodded, and ran off the bathroom to join his friends.

  That was one of tonight’s missions accomplished. Now, came the tricky part.

  I finished off the last of my drink and slid the glass over to her. “Straight whiskey this time.”

  “Yes, sir,” she replied, giving a mock salute.

  “You still haven’t told me when your shift ends.”

  “That’s right, I haven’t. Anyone with half a brain would take the hint.”

  “Ah, well, that’s where we have a problem. My brain’s just mush these days, what with all the fighting.”

  “And yet you still do it.”

  The big-boobed woman from before came back with an equally well-endowed friend. I still had the marker pen, so I grabbed a handful of boob and signed my name again.

  “It has its perks,” I said to Nora as the women left.

  “So you decided getting punched was a good way to make a living just because you’d be able to get your hands on some tits in dirty bars?”

  “No. I decided to fight for a living because I was fighting anyway. Might as well get paid for it.”

  “What type of fighting is it anyway? You’re not involved in any of that illegal underground stuff are you?”

  “No,” I lied. “Not that.”

  I usually made no secret about being an underground fighter. Women loved it. But there was something in the way Nora asked the question that made me think twice this time. She looked relieved by my answer, but I had no idea why.

  “What about you?” I asked. “Why did you decide to work in a dive bar? No offense, but you don’t look like the usual type you get working in these places.”

  “If you must know, I’m a student. Well, was a student. I’ve graduated now. Tonight is my last night here.”

  “Ah. So if something’s going to happen between us it will have to be tonight.”

  “Nothing’s going to happen between us.”

  “We’ll see.” I picked up my drink and stood up. “Oh, one more thing.”

  “What’s that?” she asked with a tired sigh.

  “I do have a huge cock. See you later.”

  Chapter Four

  Nora

  What a complete fucking prick.

  I didn’t need this right now.

  Just one more shift to go, then I was done with this place. I had an entire summer with no responsibilities other than getting to know my biological father. Just that small thing.

  Then I’d be a social worker for Child Welfare Services. A proper, grown-up job. I’d have a desk and everything. Okay, so I wasn’t going to be an awesome defense lawyer like my Mom had been before cancer took her, but she’d have been proud of my choice.

  Riker had gone back to join his posse behind the red rope and it looked like he was having a great time. Not that I was looking.

&nb
sp; Well, maybe a little bit.

  Everyone in the building was either staring at him or trying not to stare at him. Men were puffing their chests, desperately trying not to look inadequate next to him. They were fighting a losing battle.

  Riker didn’t have the biggest chest in the bar—there were a few muscular meatheads wondering around—but combined with the muscular arms, tattoos, and hard-edged face, he definitely had the attention of every female pair of eyes.

  Why did men like him always have to be such arrogant dicks? I would love to end my time at this bar with a good, rough fuck, but I couldn’t do it with someone like him.

  Physically, he was exactly what I needed. Heat rushed between my legs whenever I thought about what he could do to me. A brief touch of his finger on mine had been enough to get me get me damp where it mattered.

  If only he wasn’t such a complete ass.

  The women at his table hung off his every word. They laughed out loud at his jokes and never took their eyes off him. They were all competing to reveal as much skin as possible, and there were more heaving bosoms on display than in a porn version of Downton Abbey.

  But I wasn’t jealous. Not even as one of them sat on his lap and started whispering God knows what in his ear.

  The barmaids waiting on the VIP table looked like they were having fun, but I didn’t want to be over there in amongst all the wandering hands.

  I only had a couple of hours to go now, then I was done with this job. No more dive bar. No more being hit on by drunken assholes. No more men like Riker.

  A group of men walked out the bathroom, all looking buzzed to their eyeballs. The young kid, Theo, followed them out looking relieved, and definitely not pregnant.

  Riker had taken me by surprise. I’d seen the drugs get passed to Theo—the lads weren’t exactly subtle—but I had a rule not to get involved. Stopping people doing drugs in this place would require a full-time member of staff in the bathrooms.

  Riker didn’t have to do anything either, but he’d spotted the look on Theo’s face and offered him a way out. It had worked. Thanks to Riker, there was one fewer kid on drugs in here now. A small victory, perhaps, but a victory nonetheless.