Suddenly Psychic

by Melanie Baxter

  "Now talking of Irene, she's asked me if you'd possibly consider a trial as our in house psychic."

  I gripped the bottles to my chest in surprise. This could be just the opportunity I needed. Trish mistook my raised eyebrows as a sign of reluctance.

  "I know you're awfully busy with your police work and stuff, but she was wondering if you could because our regulars have been without guidance for over a month now since Norman—"

  "Love to.” I put the bottles on the counter and beamed at her.

  "That's wonderful, Amber, I'm so glad. Norman used to charge 35 pounds for a half hour reading but whatever you think is reasonable. All Irene wants is seventy a week from you for the space. It's more of a service to clients than anything else. Oh, and Irene said if you could persuade anyone to join the Tantric class, we could work out a commission."

  "But I couldn't compromise my professionalism with sales.” I pretended to take the high moral ground. I'd soon lose the regulars if they had to endure Rupert's pelvic thrusts and Irene's agonizing ice breakers.

  Trish back pedaled immediately and said it would be all “cash in hand". This was getting better and better. Before I knew it, I was shaking her hand as she dropped my bottles into a gift bag and waved away my money.

  "And why don't you try these too, they may help with your gift.” Trish handed me a small, heavy leather pouch from under the counter. “Witches stones, they're called, a bit like rune stones, but ever so easy to use. You throw them on the pentagram drawn inside the pouch and they tell you what's going to happen."

  "Sounds great.” I opened the satin cord and peeped in at the brightly coloured crystals inside.

  "It's a promo pack. I need to do a write up to go in our newsletter so I was wondering if you could review them for me?"

  "Of course, Trish, but I don't mind paying for them...” I pulled the red cord tight and dropped the black leather pouch into my bag, offering her money again.

  "Nonsense. These are on the house, dear. Consider it a little welcome aboard present."

  As Trish bought her arm back she caught her sleeve on the unicorns horn again and ripped a small hole in her floral blouse.

  "Right, that's it,” Trish declared and disappeared beneath the counter.

  I turned as a spotty teenage boy approached behind me, avoiding eye contact, and nervously fingering the acne on his chin. He was clutching a pendant in a small plastic sleeve.

  Trish's voice came sternly from behind the counter. “Now, you horny, little beast, I'm going to do something about your nasty prick. I'm afraid I'm going to have to alter your anatomy."

  Trish bobbed back up with a big ball of blue tack and a fierce look in her eye. The teenager gasped and dropped his package, fleeing through the door.

  "Something I said?” asked Trish, planting the blue tack firmly onto the Unicorn's horn with a surprised look.

  I picked up the fallen package. It was a ‘lucky love’ amulet with a warning written across the front: Use with caution. May attract unwanted attention from the opposite sex.

  I handed it to Trish. “Thanks, Trish, I'll look forward to seeing you on Thursday."

  I dodged the feathery dreamcatchers hanging on the door frame and stepped into the grey Monday afternoon feeling a mixture of nerves and excitement. I couldn't wait to tell Harvey about my new job. Surely he would be impressed with my career development now.

  I would only need to see a few people a day to be making good money. Perhaps I could buy Harvey a nice present with my extra earnings. I could do with some new clothes too. This was exactly the break I'd been looking for. I could also call Evie's mother and ask her to visit me in person at The Rowan Tree. I was sure I'd feel less guilty if I could talk to her face to face.

  I headed home with a spring in my step and realized something else. I took out the small bottle of salt water in my gift bag, staring at it with amazement. My headache had completely gone.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter Twelve

  In House Psychic

  Unfortunately, the reaction I had from Harvey was not what I had hoped for.

  "Oh, honestly, I wish you wouldn't keep dabbling in that hocus-pocus rubbish. You've already had a scrape with the Police."

  "Dabbling? Rubbish? Hey, how about a little support here?” I said a little defensively. Although it was good to know that notching our relationship up to the next level hadn't stopped him from speaking his mind, I was hoping he'd be impressed by me landing a job so soon. He clearly needed more convincing. “Besides, all my clients have been happy, so what's the harm in it? Is making people feel better a crime?"

  "Oh, come on, Amber, is this a mercy mission or a mercenary mission?” He changed tack as I remained silent. “Still, if it's what you enjoy..."

  "Well, I do. I actually feel like I'm doing some good for people, and I'm going to prove myself a success at this. Especially to you and Tanya. Just you watch me.” I put down my nail polish bottle and inspected my sparkly pink toe nails in between clumps of cotton wool.

  Harvey sighed. “Well, you're obviously quite set on it, but, really, Am, I'm just worried you're going to get yourself into trouble. Anyway, are you going to come up this weekend or what?"

  I paused as I remembered Monique's advice on the phone last night. She said a man like Harvey needed a constant challenge or he would lose interest. She'd told me I still needed to be elusive and independent. That scared me.

  "Well it's just that Pudding..."

  "Nonsense, don't use Pudding as an excuse. You've still got that auto-cat feeder I gave you, haven't you?"

  "I suppose.” I slid back on the couch and sighed, remembering Harvey's soft kisses and the bristle of his jaw against my neck.

  "I've found this fantastic little bed and breakfast just outside Edinburgh like a mini castle with roaring fires and four poster beds. Come on, Am. Please. I can't bear all this corporate crap for much longer, and if I have to judge one more executive stress toy, I'm going to go insane."

  I laughed and my resolve began to melt. “Well, maybe I could get away just for a couple of nights ... but first I'll have to consult the cards. Hang on."

  Harvey groaned as I reached for the tarot cards that I now kept permanently on my coffee table. I thumbed through the deck and plucked one out quickly.

  "Uh oh,” I said as I flipped it over, “it's the hanged man.” I giggled at the image of the blond-headed youth suspended from his feet with his hair streaming towards a chasm.

  "Of course, bondage. The cards have spoken.” His voice took on a husky authority that made me feel most peculiar. “You're coming up to Edinburgh this weekend, young lady. You can't fight fate and you know it. The nine A.M. from Kings Cross can get you here by two on Friday. I'll book you a first class seat and put it down to corporate entertaining."

  The dominating tone in his voice and the thought of first class travel stripped away the last of my resistance. Monique's advice about appearing independent and hard to get sounded like nonsense. I agreed and began longing for Friday.

  The next night was my last chance to practice for my first day at The Rowan Tree, so I invited Monique and Tanya round for drinks and a reading. Instead of reading cards, however, this time I decided to try something different on them. I was going to use my ‘witches stones’ that Trish had given me.

  "What's that stink in ‘ere girl? You been cleaning or what? S'like a vet's surgery.” Tanya breezed in whilst Monique popped her head round the door, clutching a bunch of red tulips.

  "Don't you like it? It's tea tree oil. Good for all sorts of things.” I closed the door behind them and took the tulips from Monique with a smile.

  "Eugh, yucky.” Monique wrinkled up her delicate nose. “Yes, the fragrance is rather lacking finesse isn't it? Not to worry, I'll soon fix that.” She air-kissed me on both cheeks. Reaching into her handbag, she grabbed her pocket atomizer and began to spritz Coco Chanel around my flat.

  Tanya was on form as usual, turning up my CD
payer and insisting on teaching Monique a few of her latest dance floor moves whilst I got drinks.

  "It's s'posed to be erotic, not erratic, girl. Watch.” Tanya jabbed Monique with her elbow as she rolled her shoulders back and gyrated her hips in perfect time to the beat. Monique had her hands clasped to her chest, trying to mimic Tanya in a series of jerks.

  "I don't think I've really got the knack, darling,” she said breathlessly, reaching to take her chardonnay from me. “I'm more your pop princess type."

  Pudding yawned and stretched out his front claws, scratching the carpet before wiggling his bum and jumping onto the sofa to regard them with his green eyes half closed.

  "Look, if Pudding can do it, you can too. Oo thanks, just put it over there.” Tanya waved at the top of the telly as I put down her drink.

  Three sharp thuds made us all jump, Monique spilt her drink and Tanya raised her eyebrow as the vibration set the frosted ceiling globes shuddering.

  "Okay, you guys,” I rolled my eyes skywards before grabbing the cheesy nibbles and dips from the kitchen breakfast bar, “that's the old bugger upstairs with his walking stick and he's half deaf.” I switched the techno-trance for the mellow whale song that Trish had lent me from the shop.

  "Ooo, Gawd. We've even got the mystic music an’ all.” Tanya nudged Monique. “I tell you what, ‘big foot’ here's becoming a pro.” Tanya had begun referring to me as yeti-woman following my foot growth. Before I could protest she went on, “Well, show us your stuff, then, girl, before buggered-lugs upstairs comes after us with his cane."

  I took a quick sip of wine and picked up the small cloth sack of crystals from underneath the coffee table. I loosened the string and allowed the brightly coloured gems to spill onto the glass table, eliciting an ‘Oooo’ from Monique as she leaned forward to get a closer look. I grinned and pulled out the string completely from the top of the black pouch, flattening out the cloth alongside the crystals to form the ‘witches chart'. The material was marked with a white pentacle with various symbols on each point of the star.

  "Hang on, what about the cards?” Monique slipped off her Italian shoes and tucked her feet neatly underneath her bottom as she joined me on the floor.

  "Witches stones, girls. It's a new thing I'm trying,"

  "I hope it's not like that horrid spirit game, I had a very nasty experience once with ‘naked Ouija board’ and a rather well hung gentleman."

  "What happened?” I asked as Monique rubbed her arms and shivered.

  "The glass broke and he got a bad splinter in his privates."

  Tanya slapped her thigh and roared with laughter.

  "It's not funny Tanya, we ended up at the hospital and his family jewels depreciated dramatically after that. I tell you, this psychic stuff really does exist. My horoscopes are always spot on."

  I reassured Monique that this was nothing like the Ouija board as I laid out the six crystals, each with a different symbol on the floor next to the cloth.

  Tanya snatched up a pink one and held it to the light. “Cor, this has got a funny squiggle on it. Ya reckon these pebbles are supposed to tell us our fortunes? I was hoping you'd read me cards, girl."

  "There are many ways to consult the oracle.” I assumed a droning, mystical voice. “This particular channel is known as ... casting the stones."

  I gave her a bug-eyed stare and Monique jumped back. “Oooo, don't. It reminds me of a medium session I went to as a girl when my great grandfather came through."

  "What did he say?” I was amused that someone like Monique seemed to take such stock in the ‘alternative'.

  "Well, he only seemed to be able to croak out one thing: ‘Pork Pie.’ Not sure what the message meant, but it seemed dreadfully significant at the time. I've never eaten one since, of course, just in case.” Tanya and I exchanged a look as Monique continued. “So what do we have to do then? Can I throw the stones first?” She was beginning to jabber, the way she always did when she was a little nervous. “I like the little candle on that one, what does the broomstick mean though? That green cauldron one, is that for love spells? I could do with—"

  I lifted my finger to my lips to quiet her. “All will be revealed. You will be first."

  I took another large gulp of my chardonnay and shuffled back on the sheepskin rug. Monique scooped up the stones, awaiting my instruction. It was a change, I thought, me giving Monique the orders. She used to be so bossy when we lived together as students.

  "Formulate your question and feel the vibrations from the stones."

  Tanya's hippo laugh broke the sound of soft music, but I gave her a warning look and she put her hand over her mouth to muffle the giggles.

  "Now close your eyes, no, stop peeping, Monique. That's it. Now when you feel ready, throw them onto the cloth."

  With a small squawk, Monique threw the crystals onto the fabric. I quickly cleared away the crystals that had landed face down or missed the pentagram. Monique peered over, pointing to the center of the pentagram where a blood red stone had landed.

  "I don't like the look of that, sweetie, what's that horrid little knife doing in the center?"

  "Yer gonna get your heart broke by a chef, ain't she, Amber.” Tanya chortled.

  "Hey, who's the witch here?” I protested and pushed Tanya back as she leaned over the reading.

  She laughed again and poured herself some more wine.

  "There's going to be some disruption to your home.” I frowned as I looked at the knife. It wasn't a good crystal to have in the ‘heart of house’ segment. However, I didn't want to alarm Monique and concern was already flickering in her blue eyes. “There is a little deception going on. Maybe some disruption and a change of lifestyle for a while, but it will pass and that chalice there.” I pointed to the gold crystal with a wine glass on it. “That represents relationships and new beginnings..."

  "Am I getting laid this week?” Monique shuffled a little on her knees.

  "Well, I'm getting something. Something very important. It's telling me ... it's telling me...” I rolled my eyes to the ceiling and back dramatically.

  Monique leaned forward, holding her breath and staring at me intently.

  "Avoid colleagues of Harvey's."

  "You!” She batted me with the back of her hand, “But Jules was such a sweetie. Not much of a kisser mind, tongue rather like a washing machine stuck on the slow spin cycle."

  Tanya laughed and slapped her thigh.

  "Urgh, too much information.” I cringed at the thought of Jules kissing anyone, let alone my good friend, Monique.

  "So what about me then, girl? Come on.” Tanya swept the stones up and began shaking them madly like dice. Her first throw was so violent that none of the crystals landed on the pentagram. “Oops. Better go steady this time. It's ‘cos I'm used to snake eyes see.” She tried again and this time she got three on the chart.

  I looked at the crystals and remembered the meanings from the leaflet. “The broomstick in that segment means you're going to travel a long way, and the chalice in the point means it's to do with love."

  She smiled and slapped me on the back. “Go on, girl. What does that mean?” She pointed to a wand near the center of the pentagram.

  "That's something moving into your orbit. Something creative, feminine. The wand always brings change and growth and is all about creativity. I reckon it's to do with Titus. Perhaps your femininity will seal the relationship."

  Tanya squealed.

  "Well I told you ‘e's the one didn't I? Hopefully his you know what will be moving into my orbit again this weekend, eh, girls, eh? He's sure got magic in that wand of his.” She broke off laughing again. “Still I'm not strutting down the aisle just yet, got too much fun to have first eh?” She winked at Monique who held out her glass for a refill. “Right, your turn now, Amber. What does it say about you and that bugger upstairs? He sounds like game."

  By the end of the night we'd glugged three bottles of chardonnay and Tanya was still up for more. “We goin’
clubbing then, girls?"

  "Don't shee why not, hey, Amber?” Monique wobbled to stand in her well heeled Italian stilettos.

  I rubbed my temples to relieve the headache that had returned and stifled a yawn. “I'm going to give it a miss tonight, girls, my head's killing me, and I've got to be fresh for channeling those energies tomorrow."

  "Aw no.” Tanya leaned forward and inspected my face while tapping her chrome painted finger nail against her lip. “Mind you, girl, you don't look so hot.” She felt my forehead, and then peered at my chin with a frown.

  "Yes, I know, I've got a break out on my chin.” I fingered the three bumps on my chin with a sigh. I never usually got spots. Must have been all the chocolate I'd eaten recently.

  "Mmm, bit o’ slap'll sort that out, girl. Come on, you know you want to.” Tanya gyrated her hips at me until I laughed.

  Monique fumbled in her bag and held aloft an expensive looking concealer.

  "Thish works miracles, Amber."

  But despite their protests, I pushed them out of the door. I waved as they clattered and giggled down the stairs, linking arms.

  "Good luck tomorrow, sweetie!” Monique blew kisses to me as I called to them to take care.

  I felt a bit like an old maid as I swung the door closed, but I wanted to be professional. I lifted Pudding off the coffee table where he was helping himself to cheesy nibbles.

  "We've got to impress the clients ... not to mention Harvey, haven't we, my sweet? Goodness, you're getting heavy,” I buried my cheek in his thick fur before placing him in front of his own biscuit bowl.

  Once I'd pulled on my tartan PJs, I peered at my reflection in the round magnifying mirror in the bathroom and was shocked to see that my skin really did look dreadful. Not only did I have three mini volcanoes on my chin, but my forehead was starting to break out too. If the situation didn't improve, there was no way I could go up to Edinburgh on the weekend. I scrubbed my face with an exfoliant and splashed on some toner before I brushed out my hair. I took two more drops of the ‘Num Mar’ too, just to see if it would work on my headache again, and clambered into bed.