Chasing Castles (Finding Focus #2)

by Jiffy Kate

  “Say it again,” Deacon whispers back, crawling further onto the bed and hovering over me. His strong arms are caging me in.

  “I love you.”

  He doesn’t repeat it back to me, but he does show me.

  His lips start at my mouth and work their way down to my stomach, leaving ashes in their wake. Before he dips below my waist, his eyes look up and find mine. I reach down and take his hands, grounding myself, readying myself for what’s to come, because his gaze is enough to make me fall apart.

  When his mouth is on my sensitive core, I buck into him, pressing my head into the pillows. The combination of his mouth and fingers are enough to bring me close to the edge in only a few short strokes.

  Opening my eyes, I look down, and the sight of him, mixed with the feel of him is what eventually does me in.

  I’m unable to contain the loud moan of pleasure that escapes, followed by God’s name and his, almost used as one and the same.

  I’m so blissed out; I barely notice when he sits up and kneels between my legs, pulling my hips and lining himself up. I vaguely remember him sliding a condom on and then my world shifts on its axis.

  Deacon is on me, in me, consuming me.

  It’s everything and too much and not enough all in the same breath.

  I push my hands against the headboard and force him further into me, seeking as much friction as possible.

  “I want to see you,” Deacon says, his voice is thick with demand and want. “Look at me.”

  I do as he says; I look at him. And I see him too.

  He’s so beautiful as he moves above me that I can hardly keep my emotions in check.

  “I love you, Cami,” he says. His jaw tightens and flexes, and my hands reach up to hold his face, keeping our eyes locked.

  Our pace quickens, then slows, again and again, both of us desperately chasing what we’ve yearned for . . . needed for so long, but not wanting this moment to end.

  This moment is everything I’ve dreamed about and so much more.

  This is more than a night of passion.

  It’s more than three words I’ve never said to anyone this way before.

  It’s more than getting those three words back in return.

  And that scares me, but I try not to overthink. I try just to feel.

  Deacon’s thrusts come fervently. My hands are on his chest and in his hair, that is now damp from the sweat beading on his forehead. His hips are angled just right, and I feel the coil in the pit of my stomach building.

  His hand slipping between us and putting pressure where I need it, want it, is what sends me over the edge, falling to pieces beneath him.

  “So. Beautiful.” Deacon’s voice comes out in short burst, mimicking his movements. “So. Fucking. Beautiful.”

  When his hips pump even faster, I grip his shoulders and hold on as he finds his release.

  Both of us lie there, holding each other so tightly. Neither of us wanting to let go.

  If I could, I’d stay right here, just like this.

  Deacon’s grip on me makes me think he might feel the same.

  Deacon

  Present

  “HOME, SWEET, HOME! FOR NOW, anyway,” Cami announces as she opens the front door to her house.

  This time next week, it’ll be our house until we decide we’re ready to add onto my cottage and move in. I feel like I’ve been a nomad for so long, going back and forth between Baton Rouge and French Settlement since I left for college. It feels good to finally put down some roots and settle down.

  Of course, it’s easy to settle down now that Cami is in my life in a more permanent way and having Carter is the icing on the cake. I can’t wait for them both to have my last name. And, who knows, maybe we’ll be adding to our family soon.

  “What’s causin’ that cheesy grin on your face?” Camille asks.

  “Just plannin’ for the future, that’s all.” I limp over to where she’s standing in the kitchen and wrap my arms around her.

  “Oh, no. You brought home some of those hospital gowns, didn’t you?” The look of horror on her face makes me double over in laughter, which, in turn, causes me to start coughing, but I don’t care. That shit was funny.

  “Of course, I did, but that’s not what I was thinkin’ about.” I kiss Cami’s face from her temple to her jaw and then down her neck until I reach her shoulder. “If you must know, I was thinkin’ about us havin’ another baby. Not right this second, but soon, maybe. Doesn’t soon sound good to you?”

  Her eyes are dazed when she looks up at me, but then she smiles and says, “Yeah, I’m good with soon.”

  That gets her a full kiss on the lips and gets me an erection the size of Texas.

  The doctor suggested we take it easy in the bedroom until my leg heals more and, for some reason, that gave Cami the brilliant idea of us waiting to have sex until after we’re married. I had to have been on some heavy pain pills to agree to that, but if it’s what Cami wants then I’ll give it to her. She’s just gonna have to put up with a lot of boners for the next week.

  I am more than surprised when I feel Cami’s hand slip between our bodies and palm my dick through my shorts.

  “Baby, you’re not playin’ fair. Remember what the doctor said?”

  “He said to be careful, not celibate. Come on, let me take care of you.” She wraps her arm around my waist and helps me walk into the bedroom.

  “But, I thought you wanted to wait?” I’m not gonna pressure her in any way but, if she’s offering what I hope she’s offering, I’m not gonna say no.

  “I thought I did, too, but then, I realized we have the house to ourselves for a few hours, and that doesn’t happen very often and dammit, I missed you.” Her hands are on her hips, and her cheeks are flushed, and I’m pretty sure I fall even more in love with her.

  “Do you know how adorable you are when you’re horny and ramblin’?”

  “Shut up and take your shirt off,” she commands with a grin.

  “Yes, ma’am,” I say before pulling her up next to me on the bed. Our bed. This bed will always have special memories for me, and I can’t wait to make even more.

  Deacon

  Past

  LYING HERE IN THE DARK, with Cami nestled against my chest, her leg thrown haphazardly over mine, I couldn’t feel more content.

  I do need to piss, though.

  I’ve needed to for about the past hour, but I don’t want to move.

  I can’t. I have an insatiable need to soak up as much of her as I possibly can.

  Maybe I’m making up for lost time.

  I don’t know, but now that I have her in my arms, and I’ve told her I love her, something I’ve wanted to tell her for so long, I’m never going to let her go.

  Honestly, I don’t know what took me so long. I should’ve laid it all out on the table a long time ago. I should’ve manned up and told her how I feel—how I’ve felt for so long.

  After Janie and I broke up, I wanted to tell her. Some days, when I’d stop by to see her and Carter, it’d be on the tip of my tongue, but then I’d convince myself that the moment wasn’t special enough. I felt like I needed a grand gesture.

  And everything about us has always been slow and patient, so I didn’t feel a need to rush things.

  I just kept telling myself that we’d get our chance.

  I’ve always held onto that thought, even when I knew I shouldn’t.

  Last night, at the bar, it was like a switch flipped . . . or the camel’s back broke . . . I don’t know. Whatever it was, something happened, and I couldn’t stand it any longer. I couldn’t stand seeing someone else look at her or touch her, even though it was just a dance.

  I was so pissed at myself for waiting so long. And I felt sick at the idea that I might let her slip through my fingers a second time.

  The first time I let her go, I thought I was doing what was right for both of us. There was a selfish part of me that wanted to see what college was all about. But more than
that, I didn’t want Cami to sit around and wait for me. I was scared I’d hurt her. I didn’t trust myself with her heart.

  Watching her live her life over the last six years has been part happiness and part torture.

  I’ve watched her become a woman—a mom. I’ve watched her go after her dreams and achieve them. The graceful way she lives her life, even under extreme pressure, is addictive. I find myself wanting to be everywhere she is. I’ve always felt that way.

  When we were young, if I had the choice of hanging with Micah and Tucker or hanging with Cami, I always wanted to choose Cami. I didn’t always choose her, but it was only because I didn’t want Tucker and Micah catching on or teasing me about it . . . or her.

  It’s always been about her.

  What would make Cami happy.

  What kept Cami safe.

  What was best for Cami.

  Because she deserves only the best things in life.

  Her struggles nearly wrecked me. Watching her with Tristan was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. The desire to wipe him off the planet was so real. I’ve never wanted to end someone like that before. After I watched him scream at her and put his hands on her, all I could think about was making him pay.

  And I wanted to blame myself. I thought a lot about the what-ifs. What if we’d made it work back in high school? What if I’d told her how I felt about her? Maybe she wouldn’t have ended up with him.

  But it was my mama who helped me see things clearly. She told me that we’re not meant to see where our lives are headed for a reason. If we saw everything ahead of time, we wouldn’t take risks. And without risks, we’d never learn how to pick ourselves up or try again. Without all of that, we’d never become the people we’re intended to be.

  When it all comes down to it, had Cami not met Tristan, there never would’ve been a Carter, and I can’t even imagine that.

  It’s weird how something so small can change so much. For the better.

  I’ve never seen my parents completely lose their shit like they do over him. He’s bonded everyone together even stronger than we were before. As much as I wish I could’ve protected Cami, I know she wouldn’t change the end result. And I wouldn’t want her to.

  I love Carter like he’s my own and I don’t even know what to do with that feeling.

  Cami stirs beside me, her leg rubbing against mine.

  “Are you awake?” she asks, sleep thick in her voice.

  “Yeah,” I mumble, rubbing slow circles down her back and then her arm.

  She leans up and checks the clock beside her bed. “What are we gonna do?” she asks, settling back in beside me, her long blonde hair covering my arm that’s wrapped around her.

  “What do you mean?” I ask, not following her.

  “They’ll expect us to be at mass in a few hours,” she sighs.

  “And?” I ask, still not following.

  She places her hand on my chest, right over my heart.

  “I’m worried,” she whispers, her lips landing on the bare skin of my chest.

  “About what?”

  “About what everyone’s gonna think . . . what are they gonna say?”

  I wrap my arms around her and pull her until she’s nearly laying on top of me.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I tell her, my eyes boring into hers. “It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. If they don’t like it, they can take it up with me. Because now that I have you, I’m never letting you go. You’re stuck with me.”

  A slow, small smile creeps up on her beautiful face, and she leans down to kiss my chest, her hair falling around her.

  “I feel like I’m dreamin’,” she says softly. “When I fell asleep, I was afraid you’d be gone when I woke up.”

  “Have I ever left you?” I ask her, tilting her head up so she’ll look me in the eyes and know how serious I am.

  “No.” She shakes her head slowly, but I can see the worry on her face.

  “I’m not goin’ anywhere. It’s you and me now. It always has been, but now more than ever.”

  “Okay,” she says, pushing herself further up my body until her lips are hovering above mine. “It’s just, I’ve dreamed about this for a long time, and I’ve wanted you for even longer,” she admits. “It might take me a while to realize I get to keep you this time.”

  The this time, hangs in the air like a thick blanket of fog.

  “You kept me then, too,” I tell her. “I’ve always been yours; it just took us a while to get on the same page.”

  “Do you ever wonder what it would’ve been like if we’d tried to make it work back then?” she asks, her voice low and husky.

  “Yeah,” I admit. “It was all I thought about for a long time, but then I’d see you, and you’d be doing great—hanging out with your friends, enjoying life—doing all the things I hoped you’d do. And I felt like the sacrifice was worth it.”

  “And you were with Janie,” she says, biting her lip like she’d like to take it back, but I don’t want her to. I want her to know everything . . . anything she wants to ask, I’ll gladly answer.

  “I was,” I tell her. “We were an easy fit. At first, we were just good friends, and that eventually turned into something else.”

  “Did you love her?” she asks.

  “Yes, but I was never in love with her.”

  “Is that why y’all broke up?”

  “Partly.”

  “And the other part?” she prompts.

  “I loved you . . . I was in love with you, and she knew that. She told me she could tell by the way I looked at you. I think I’d been in love with you for so long, I didn’t think it was obvious anymore. I’d denied myself for so long when it came to you, to loving you, I thought I was good at hiding it. But apparently, I wasn’t.”

  She swallows hard and rests her chin on my chest.

  “I thought you hung the moon back then,” she says with a light laugh.

  “And now?” I ask, needing the same reassurance she’s looking for.

  “I think you set the stars in place and the planets in motion.”

  I pull her up to me and kiss her so hard, tangling my hands in her hair and our bodies together. For a second time tonight, and the third time in my life, I make love to Camille Benoit. I pour everything I have into each touch and each caress, hoping I can somehow make up for lost time and prove to her that I’m here for the long haul.

  After we’re both spent, we drift back off to sleep.

  There’s nothing like being with Cami. I’ve always known that, but being inside her takes me to a whole new level. And waking up next to her just went to the top of my favorites list.

  I can’t help but watch her as she gradually wakes up. It takes her a minute to realize what, or who, she’s laying on, and who’s beside her. The smile that creeps up on her face is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I lean down and kiss her lips as a deep-seated longing takes root in my stomach.

  This is right.

  This is what life is all about.

  Being with her.

  Being inside her.

  Being next to her.

  I don’t know what took me so long to make this happen, but I’m sure as hell not gonna let her go.

  The morning is nice, easy. I can tell Cami misses Carter and is anxious to get to church to see him, but other than that, we’re good.

  “I’m nervous,” Cami says, fidgeting in the seat beside me as we drive down the road. I grab her hands and hold them still, rubbing my thumb over hers.

  “Don’t be nervous. I swear, if anyone even looks at you wrong, I’ll handle it.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” she says, shaking her head. “I’ll be fine. I mean, I already got the prize and since when do I care what everyone thinks about me?” She laughs, and I can tell she’s giving herself a pep talk.

  When I look over at her, she gives me a beaming smile, and I have to fight the urge to turn my truck around and go back to her house and strip her out of
her sundress. She can keep the red pumps. But the dress would have to go.

  “What are you thinkin’ about?” she asks with a knowing grin.

  “You and how incredible it is to have you sitting here next to me,” I lie, but it’s not total bullshit. I do feel that way. I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.

  There is a part of me, though, that would like to live in the bubble we’ve been in since last night for a while longer, but we can’t. Our family is made up of a bunch of nosey asses. If we didn’t show up to Sunday Mass, they’d be at Cami’s house faster than you can shake a stick. And then they’d have seen my truck, and it all would’ve been over with anyway.

  So, here we are. At church. And we’re getting ready to walk into the devil’s den, so to speak.

  “Ready?” I ask her when I pull into one of the last parking spots and put the truck in park.

  She takes a deep breath and exhales. “Yes,” she says with sheer bravery written all over her face. “And I missed my baby, and he’s in there. So, let’s do this.”

  I laugh and hop out of the truck, running around to get her door. When she steps out, I stop her for a second and tilt her chin up until our eyes meet. “I love you. It’s you and me.”

  She nods and smiles.

  “Okay.”

  I kiss her lips softly, and she leans in, deepening the kiss.

  I moan in frustration as I reluctantly pull away.

  “You’re gonna kill me, woman.”

  She laughs, shaking her head.

  “Let’s get this over with.”

  When we walk through the heavy wooden doors, everyone else is already in their respective pews, and I think Cami and I both exhale a sigh of relief that maybe we’ll go undetected for just a little while longer.

  “I gotta see Carter,” she whispers, pulling me down the hall toward the nursery.

  “Okay,” I tell her, following along. I want to tell her that I missed him too . . . that I miss him every time I don’t get to see him for a day or two. But I don’t know if that would sound weird, so I keep it to myself.

  When we peek into the room where the babies are, I see him immediately, happily playing on the floor with another little dude about his age. I can’t believe he can already sit up by himself. He’s only seven months old, but I don’t know what’s normal. I haven’t been around babies much.