by Melissa Hill
59
It was as though every drop of blood had all at once drained from Matt’s face.
“What?” he said staring at Olivia, his expression a mixture of shock and confusion, “What the hell …?”
Olivia scrambled to explain. “I’m sorry, Matt, I know you thought otherwise, but I only realised that last night when you said you thought he was –”
Peter spoke to his wife as if Matt wasn’t even there. “Olivia obviously this is a bad time, so maybe I should – ”
“Will somebody please explain to me what the hell is going on here?” Matt said, his voice rising a few octaves. He glared at her. “I thought your husband was dead. You told me your husband was dead!”
Olivia floundered. She had never seen him so angry, but yet she could completely understand why. “Matt, I never told you that,” she began, her words slow and deliberate, as if she were trying to explain something complicated to a child. Yet at the same time, her hearbeat was galloping. “I never told you anything like that. I know I haven’t been exactly forthcoming where Peter was concerned but I never, ever said – ”
“Hold on a damn second. You told me you were a widow, that you’d brought Ellie up on your own, that you didn’t know how you’d have coped without her. You didn’t like to talk about it, you said – it was too painful. No wonder it was bloody painful – the geezer was still around!”
Peter stepped forward. “Look, mate, I’ve no idea who you are but I don’t think you’ve any right to talk to – ”
“Peter, stop, please,” Olivia felt as though she’d landed on another planet. What was Matt saying? She’d never told him that she was widowed or that Peter was dead – she’d barely said anything at all about him because it was too painful. Where had he got that idea? Granted he knew she was married, and that she and Ellie now lived on their own, but surely he couldn’t have made the huge leap to the notion that Peter was dead, could he? She had told him she was separated, hadn’t she? Because why else would he have come to her house that time telling her he had feelings for her? Her head spun as she tried to remember all the conversations they’d had about her and her marriage, tried to figure out how she might have misled him. But in her heart of hearts she knew she hadn’t misled him. Granted, she’d been evasive, but he must have come up with the assumption that she was widowed all by himself.
Still at that moment, Olivia desperately wished that she hadn’t been so reticent, so unwilling to let him into her confidence. Now it looked as though she’d deliberately misinformed him, although where he got the idea that Peter was dead she still couldn’t understand …
“Matt, please come inside and let’s talk about this. I don’t know why you thought that, and I never, ever tried to mislead you.” She ran a hand through her hair. What a total mess. She should have explained straightaway last night, but then he was so upset after Catherine’s phone call, she hadn’t had the opportunity and … oh what was she going to do? Her thoughts and emotions were so confused just then that she couldn’t think crooked, let alone straight.
“Matt, Peter and I seperated many years ago, but we haven’t yet divorced and …” She trailed off, as the thought struck her. “Is that why you’re here?” she asked Peter, feeling an odd combination of relief and disappointment. “For the divorce?”
“I don’t believe this,” Matt was saying as he marched back down the path. “I don’t believe what I’m hearing, what I’m seeing. I thought you were special, Olivia, I though you and I had something. But you’re nothing but a liar!”
“Hey, watch it,” Peter called after his retreating back, but Matt was already in the driver’s seat of the car. He started the Volvo and revved the engine ferociously before driving off. Olivia watched him speed off towards the main road. Strange, she thought absently, that he didn’t go straight to Catherine’s.
“Olivia,” Peter’s strange but yet weirdly familiar voice brought her sharply back to the present, “can I come in? I think you and I need to talk.”
She looked at Peter’s face then, a face so familiar it was as though she’d never been apart from him. Then, with no clue or idea as to what he was doing here, Olivia stood back from the doorway and let her husband – the man whose return she’d dreamed about for five long years – into her house and back into her life.
60
Olivia stared into those expressive eyes she had once known and loved so well. “Why now, Peter? What do you want from me – from us?”
“I didn’t plan for it to happen this way, believe me,” he answered softly. “I was going to call first – I know I should have called first, but when I landed in Dublin airport this morning, I couldn’t not come.”
“But what are you doing back in Ireland in the first place? Oh,” she said, the realisation hitting her, “it’s your mum, isn’t it?” She knew that Teresa wasn’t well, but Olivia had never in her wildest dreams imagined that Peter would come all the way from Australia just because his mother was feeling out of sorts.
“Did she tell you she’s suffering from Parkinson’s?” he asked, and instantly Olivia felt guilty.
“No, no, she never said.” Teresa had never opened her mouth. Olivia had noticed her slowing down of course, in the same way that her own parents were showing signs of getting on in years, but she had never once suspected that it could be anything more serious. Suddenly she felt guilty for all the nasty thoughts she’d been thinking about Teresa lately. Suddenly her insistence on spending more time with Ellie made sense.
So, Peter was home for Mummy then. Nothing to do with the wife and child he’d so cruelly discarded years ago. Then again, why did she think it could be any different?
“She’s getting progressively worse and the treatment she’s on doesn’t seem to be having much of an effect.” He studied her. “But I’d been thinking about contacting you for a while, Olivia.”
“Then why didn’t you? Why didn’t you let me know that you were coming back to Ireland at least – let alone turning up unannounced on my doorstep? For goodness sake, Peter, never mind me, but how did you think Ellie would react to you turning up out of the blue like this?”
“Do you … do you really think Ellie would know me?” he asked unsurely.
“Of course she’d know you – she has photographs in her bedroom, and your parents make doubly sure to show her pictures of you every time she visits. What they don’t tell her is that her father was so upset with me that he decided not to bother about her.”
“That’s not true – of course I bothered about her, of course I cared about her. But these last few years been hard, Olivia. Being away from you was the only way I could see things more clearly, you know that.”
“And you had to go to the other end of the world to see things more clearly?” she said, his reference to wanting to ‘stay away from her’ cutting her deeply. He still blamed her then. “This is crazy, Peter.”
“Is Ellie here?” He looked nervously around the room, and his eyes rested on a framed photograph of her on the mantelpiece. It was a professional photograph Olivia had commissioned a few months back, on Ellie’s fourth birthday. She was grinning happily at the camera, the gap in her teeth unmistakeable and charming. Olivia followed his gaze and instantly folded her arms protectively across her chest.
“She’s at my mum’s,” she replied shortly, offering up a relieved prayer that Ellie wasn’t here when Peter arrived. “So four years and a few birthday and Christmas cards later, you think you’re entitled to just pop in and see her – without so much as a phone call beforehand? How dare you, Peter?”
“I know, I’m sorry, but I just thought – ”
“You thought you could waltz in here after abandoning her – abandoning us like you did.”
“Look I didn’t think I would come here, and certainly not so soon. I’m sorry but I just wasn’t thinking straight. I’m tired and jet-lagged and worried about Mum and …” he trailed off. “Being back here again is a huge thing for me, Olivia – surely you
can understand that.”
She did understand, but still couldn’t forgive the casual way he had just turned up on her doorstep. Then she thought of something. “How did you know where to find us? You sent the cards to your mother’s and I never gave you this address, so how did you know how to get here?” Although, as soon as she’d asked, Olivia thought she knew the answer.
She was right.
“Mum told me where you were, but she also told me to leave it for a while before getting in touch. She knew it wouldn’t be easy for you, but at the same time, I think she knew I’d want to see you two eventually.”
“And you thought I’d feel the same, I suppose?” Olivia was so angered by this she could hardly think straight. Who did the Gallaghers think they were, playing with her feelings like that? With all Teresa’s snide remarks about Matt and her so-called ‘concern’ for Ellie’s welfare. She was just making sure that if Peter did decide to come home, he’d still have a ready-made family there waiting for him. “You thought I’d be sitting patiently at home, waiting for you to change your mind, to decide that you did love us after all – was that it?”
The problem was – only a few months earlier, Olivia had been hoping the same thing. She’d been waiting for him to return, waiting for him to forgive her, hoping that they might eventually be a family again. But that was before, and now, try as she might, she couldn’t concentrate properly on the sheer magnitude of his actually being here – in Lakeview. She was too concerned about Matt and the mess she had made of it all by being secretive, by trying to protect herself.
Peter sighed deeply. “I’m sorry, this was a mistake, I should have called first, I should have at least told you – ”
“Yes, you should.”
He hesitated a little. “I know this probably isn’t the right time but … you’re looking really well, Olivia. And it is good to see you.” At this, he flashed his best Colgate smile, those teeth seeming even whiter against his Australian tan.
Amazingly, in all the years she’d known this man, this was the very first time that Olivia could see through the compliment for what it was. It was an attempt to control her, to get his own way, to soften her up a bit. She had always thought Peter was charming, had always thought she was lucky to find a husband who was so respectful and considerate not just to her, but to other women also. Only now did it strike her that he was simply a weak, selfish cad. Absence didn’t quite make the heart grow fonder – in this case, it made it insightful. But, she thought, that wasn’t the whole story, was it? Her feelings, or lack of them, for Peter now, had more to do with Matt, than her finally realising how spineless and pathetic Peter had been in taking off and leaving her and Ellie. She could, perhaps, understand why he had abandoned her, but there was no excuse for his selfish rejection of Ellie.
All of a sudden, Olivia didn’t care that Peter was back, or about what Peter did or didn’t want.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this now. Ellie will be home soon, and I don’t want you here when she returns. I have a life of my own – Ellie and I have a life, one that you’re not part of, that you haven’t ever been part of. I know you had your reasons for leaving but, to be honest, I think I’ve done my penance and suffered enough over the years. What you seemed to forget so easily was that it was hard for me too, yet I didn’t have the luxury of taking off to ‘get over it’. I had a child to raise.”
“I know.” To his credit, Peter looked shamefaced.
“Yet, you didn’t care about my suffering, did you? You just believed what you wanted to believe – that I had come home late intentionally, that I didn’t care about the consequences, that I should have been there.” She shook her head, unwilling to relive the pain and the guilt all over again, especially in front of him. “But I just lost track of time.” At this her voice broke and she closed her eyes briefly, the pain almost too strong to bear.
“I know.”
“And yet you couldn’t see that at the time, you kept thinking that I had done it on purpose – as some kind of revenge, for goodness’ sake. That was never ever the case.”
Peter nodded with heavy emotion. “I know, but I had no other way of getting my head around it. No matter what you say, there was always some resentment there, Olivia – you admitted that once yourself.”
“Yes, but the resentment was towards you – couldn’t you ever see that?”
Peter said nothing and for a long time husband and wife just stood there in silence, painful memories hanging heavily between them.
Eventually, Olivia shook her head. “Peter, I’m sorry but I don’t want to get into this now. Maybe we can arrange something later, but you can’t just turn up at the door like this. Matt, the man that called just now, he’s very important to me and I have a lot to explain.”
“I see.” His hands in his pockets, Peter began to head towards the door.
“No, you don’t see,” Olivia followed him out to the hallway. “You don’t have a clue how hard these last few years have been for me, and finally, when I get a chance at happiness, you turn up and ruin it all.”
“That was never my intention,” Peter said, stepping out onto the front path. He turned to look at her. “I never wanted to upset you, Olivia – I just wanted to see my daughter.”
She nodded. “Well, Teresa has my number. If you’re still in Dublin, phone me later maybe – when I’ve had a chance to prepare Ellie,” she added pointedly.
“Thanks, I appreciate that and I would like to speak to you before I go up to Galway if I could.” Peter paused slightly as he turned to leave. “Look, I’m sorry for surprising you like I did. I hope I didn’t mess things up with you and that – that guy. I didn’t mean to do that – I didn’t even know you were with someone, I mean, Mum didn’t say …” He trailed off, slightly uncomfortable with the admission. “In fact, I’m in another relationship now too.”
“Good for you.” Olivia suddenly realised she didn’t care any more. She’d always suspected that he might have found someone else – after all, it was a long time – but now she decided she just didn’t care about Peter, his new relationship, or even the fact that he’d finally come home. At that moment, all she cared about was Matt.
She had to explain why she hadn’t told him everything about her marriage before now. Maybe she could understand why he thought that Peter had died, but yet … Olivia’s head thudded, her brain unable to cope with the enormity of all that was happening.
If only she’d told him everything from the beginning. But she couldn’t have done that though, could she? She had to make sure she trusted Matt beforehand, trusted him enough to tell him the truth. Otherwise, he wouldn’t understand.
Just like Peter hadn’t understood.
61
“Catherine, I really need your help,”
She was stony-faced. “I don’t know where he is.”
“His mobile is switched off, and he’s not answering at home. Please, I really need to talk to him.”
“I’m sure you do.”
“It’s very important.”
“I’d imagine it is.”
“Catherine, please.”
She sighed. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you two. All I know is that Matt is very annoyed. I presume it might have something to do with that man at your house a while ago?”
“My husband, yes.”
Catherine’s eyes widened. “Wow, no wonder he’s upset.”
Olivia didn’t have the energy to try and explain; she needed to save that for Matt.
“I know he’s here. Can you ask him to come out and talk to me, please?”
He must have gone straight back to Dublin after leaving her house, as Olivia hadn’t been able to reach him at home, and then, some time after Peter left, she finally spotted his car outside Catherine’s.
“I don’t know if he’ll want to talk to you. He certainly doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Catherine,” Both women turned towards the voice in the hallway. “It’s
OK. Come in, Olivia,” Matt said quietly. “We might as well get this over and done with.”
Catherine stood back to let her in, and the three of them stood silently in the hallway. Eventually Catherine spoke. “I’m heading back up to the hospital now anyway,” she said, her voice low and gentler than Olivia had ever heard it.
“He was asking for you earlier,” Matt said, his hard expression softening somewhat.
Olivia waited until the front door closed behind Catherine before speaking.
She smiled warily. “Matt, I don’t know what to say.”
“Neither do I.”
He went into the front room, obviously expecting her to follow him. Olivia obliged and sat nervously on the edge of Catherine’s leather sofa, Matt sitting on an armchair nearby.
“It was only when you mentioned something about Peter’s funeral last night that I realised you thought he was dead,” she began, her voice slow and nervous. “And I really was about to correct you when Catherine rang about Adam and – ”
“But I’ve always thought that,” Matt interjected, shaking his head. “The woman in the corner shop told me that you moved here after your husband died.”
Olivia’s eyes widened, surprised at this. “Molly actually said that?”
“Yes. I felt a bit uncomfortable about her telling me actually, as I didn’t really know you well at the time, and I hate those gossipy types.”
But – but Molly didn’t know anything, nobody in Lakeview knew anything – Olivia had made sure of that. It was the only way she could live in peace, knowing that she’d have none of the pitying smiles and sympathetic looks she’d had in her old estate. She’d never said a word. How on earth had Molly come up with that scenario?
But then, Olivia realised that her insistence on maintaining her privacy had simply made her prime fodder for local gossip. Thinking of it now, she recalled her neighbour Maeve McGrath being quite intrusive in her questions when she was on her way to the graveyard one day, although Olivia hadn’t told her much.
