Never Say Never (Lakeview Contemporary Romance Book 3)

by Melissa Hill

  Beeeep! Beeeep!

  Leah slammed on the brakes as a huge Mercedes headed towards her from the right and she realised that she didn’t actually have the right of way on the roundabout. Eeek! The rest of her life mightn’t last all that long if she carried on driving like this, she thought, smiling her apology at the retreating motorist.

  Well, to mark her newfound freedom, Leah decided there and then that she was going to learn to drive. Properly. For the first time in her life, she was going to take some lessons. Then she might at least have a hope of passing the blasted test.

  And, she thought, turning onto Blackrock’s main street, and glancing adoringly at the Elysium shop-front, she was going to enjoy being proprietor of the best chocolate boutique in Dublin.

  65

  “Robin? Hi, it’s Olivia.”

  “Olivia?” Sitting in her hotel room, Robin was lost for words. What did she want? Did she want to have a go at her? Was Olivia mad, annoyed, upset – what?

  “I’ll be in Dublin today and I was wondering, if you don’t have anything else on, do you fancy meeting for a coffee later?” Olivia asked pleasantly. “We didn’t really get a chance to talk the other night.”

  Inwardly Robin was petrified. “I don’t have anything else until tomorrow, and I’d love to,” she said, before she could change her mind.

  “Great, would around two o’clock suit? I’ll meet you at your hotel if you like – it’s the Westin, I think Leah said?”

  “It is and, yes, that would be fine.”

  “OK, see you then.”

  And Olivia rang off, leaving Robin feeling shocked and bewildered, not just at the call but at the possible reason behind it.

  At two on the dot, Olivia was standing at reception. “How are you?” she said with a smile. “I saw your interview this morning. I thought it was very interesting.”

  “You did?” For some reason, Robin hadn’t considered that Olivia might be watching. She was so used to all the different networks back home in the States that she thought it would be a blink-and-miss performance. But then of course, Ireland had only a few homegrown TV stations, and apparently only one did breakfast TV, so there was every chance Olivia would be watching. Oh no – did she say too much? Robin knew she shouldn’t have gone on like that, it was stupid really, but once she started talking about it she just couldn’t stop and –

  “So where would you like to go?” Olivia asked.

  “Well, we could go up to Grafton Street if you like,” Robin answered hesitantly. “But there is a beautiful tea-room here. It has a glass roof and it’s very relaxing.”

  “Why not? I’m sure it’ll be better than fighting for a table in one of those postage-stamp places, anyway,” she said, and Robin realised that this time the warmth wasn’t forced. Something had changed about Olivia since Saturday, Robin was sure of it.

  But when they were seated in the hotel’s Atrium Lounge, and she found out what, Robin nearly spat out her tea.

  “He did what?” she all but shrieked, forgetting that with the tall ceiling and the glass surroundings, every loud word uttered was echoed right back through the room.

  Olivia had just told her about Peter’s visit. Later, after she had spoken to Matt, she had met with Peter locally, and he had explained that he wanted to arrange their divorce.

  “And how do you feel about that?” Robin asked, feeling a little surreal talking to her so easily like this, as though all those years had never happened.

  “Not so good, but there’s something else,” she said, leaning forward. “You know I always blamed myself for …” she paused slightly, “well, for not looking after Jake properly, for not being there when he died.”

  “I’ve always thought you were crazy for thinking that,” Robin said. “And when Leah told me how you felt about it, so many times I wanted to pick up the phone and tell you never to feel that way, that it was pointless. But I wasn’t sure if it was my place to say anything. I didn’t know if you’d want to hear something like that from me.” Not to mention that it had taken Robin a very long time to come to terms with the tragedy herself.

  Olivia sighed. “I always wondered if maybe you blamed me a little bit too, if you thought that maybe I didn’t make enough of an effort with him. Peter used to accuse me of being resentful, but, Robin, that was never the case. I did do my best for him. I know it wasn’t enough but – ”

  “Olivia, I never once thought that,” Robin reassured her, although inwardly her heart ached. “I knew you’d look after him. There was nobody better.”

  “Peter didn’t think so though,” Olivia said. “He was so angry and so accusing.” Her hands shook as she spooned sugar into the tea. “For some reason, I always believed that he’d forgive me, that he’d come to terms with it all and that, when he did, he’d come back to me and Ellie and we’d be a family again.” She shook her head. “I know it was stupid, but I’d forgiven him so much, we’d been through so much – sorry,” she broke off then, remembering.

  But Robin understood perfectly. Olivia had forgiven Peter a lot, too much maybe.

  “I thought it was only a matter of time, a couple of weeks maybe. Still when the weeks turned into months and the months turned into years … well, you know how it is. Eventually I began to let go, to try and move on with my life. We moved to Lakeview to be nearer my parents and Ellie seemed happy enough anyway getting birthday cards and the odd phone call every now and again. I also suspected he might have had somebody else at that stage, so I suppose I had no choice but to try and let go.”

  “And then of course, you met Matt.”

  “Yes,” Olivia smiled. “Then I met Matt and I realised just what I’d been missing. Strangely, I began to notice all the things that were lacking in Peter. Matt’s a great father and he’s really good with Ellie. He’s gentle, considerate and when I’m with him it’s only me, you know? He isn’t checking out the blonde at the bar or the brunette with the nice legs like Peter used to. It’s just me.”

  “I know exactly what you mean. In a way, that’s what attracted me to Ben. Peter was always so unpredictable whereas Ben is simple, uncomplicated, straightforward. From day one, I knew where I stood.”

  “But – does he know? About Jake?” Olivia asked hesitantly.

  Robin flushed. “No. I haven’t told him. It hasn’t been necessary … up to now. But, he’s loving and supportive and I hope he’ll understand … when I do. He’s not selfish like Peter was. Sorry, I know you probably don’t need to hear that.”

  “That’s no problem. Anyway, I know well that Peter has hidden depths and not just emotionally,” Olivia said scathingly. “He’s divorcing me because he and his Australian ‘friend’ Joanna plan on getting married ‘after five years together’. He told me this the other night and it was definitely a little slip of the tongue on his part.”

  Robin looked at her, suspecting that Olivia was waiting for a reaction. “I don’t get it,” she said.

  “Robin, he’s been seeing this woman for five years. They worked together at the hospital here in Dublin – I think she was a nurse or something, and they were obviously seeing one another around the time Jake died. Yesterday Peter finally admitted that, yes, he had been cheating on me.” She paused for breath, before continuing. “And on the day Jake died, Peter wasn’t working late, Robin. He wasn’t working at all. He was away somewhere screwing this Joanna.”

  Robin almost dropped her cup into her lap. “What?”

  “That’s why he was so angry, so upset back then. He went crazy, crazy over the fact that I hadn’t been there. In a way, I could understand his rage. But the problem was, it wasn’t me at all he was angry with – it was himself. He realised what he’d done, and what the consequences were. Of course, he couldn’t admit to it back then, so after a while the easiest thing to do was to take off to Australia with her and pretend that he’d left because he couldn’t face me, because he blamed me. But thinking back on it now, all the signs were there. He was stressed, always tired, an
d a little distant, but stupidly, I just assumed he was working too hard.” She smiled tightly. “I remember being quite worried about him actually, worried that all the late nights and stress at work were affecting his health. That day, the day I was – late home, I’d been on at Peter to get himself seen to. Little did I know that he’d take me at my word,” she finished sardonically.

  Robin couldn’t comprehend how she felt upon hearing this. How selfish could a man be? How could he let them all think that Olivia had been the one at fault? Hadn’t he put her through enough?

  Olivia smiled sadly. “In a strange way, it’s a relief to find that out now – it’s a weight off my mind if you like. Now I know that it wasn’t just my fault.”

  “But yet he let you think that.”

  “It was Peter’s way of getting out of a difficult situation, Robin. Our marriage was under pressure with Jake, there’s no point in our pretending otherwise, and I’m not saying that to get at you, I’m simply stating a fact.”

  Robin cringed with guilt, even though she knew Olivia genuinely wasn’t trying to get at her. But there was no denying that what she’d done had damaged Peter and Olivia’s relationship – for good. Despite the fact that she’d been so sure that giving up the baby was the best thing to do for them, the best way to repair the wrong and let them all get on with their lives. Now, Robin ached with regret to think that her decision might well have been the wrong one.

  “I knew he was unhappy, but yet I loved him desperately, so I thought that if we had a child of our own it would be different,” Olivia went on. “Yet, I think I knew in the back of my mind that we weren’t going to make it.” She gave a watery smile. “Then, when Jake died, I knew it was all over. I had no choice but to accept the blame for his death and for the fact that Peter was leaving me. What else could I have done?”

  “But you were pregnant and grieving, and I just can’t believe he let you think that for so long. How dare he?”

  Olivia shook her head. “Robin, you and I both know that Peter isn’t exactly the upstanding guy he pretends to be.”

  Robin nodded, realising that Peter had betrayed them both, not just after university, but many times since and in many different ways.

  “And then, immediately after the funeral, he told me he needed some time alone to get over it all. I never saw him again – until yesterday. ”

  Robin gulped slightly at the mention of the funeral. “I couldn’t go,” she whispered softly, her voice frail. “I toyed with it for a long time, but in the end, I thought it better that I didn’t go. It wasn’t my place to.”

  Olivia laid a gentle hand on hers. “You would have been welcome to come, but I understood. I knew it would be difficult for you.”

  Robin almost couldn’t grasp her friend’s depth of feeling, her wonderful strength. Even then, at the height of her own grief, Olivia was still able to make allowances for her.

  “I’d always thought you’d hate me for it.”

  “Look, of course it would be difficult for you, having to pretend concern for me and trying to hide your own feelings. And again, I also worried that you might blame me. After all, you trusted me to look after him, and look what happened.”

  Robin looked at her friend then, and hoped Olivia truly understood what she was trying to say. “Olivia, all I’ve ever done is admire you, and I’ll be forever grateful for what you did for me back then. I’m just so sorry that I didn’t return the favour, that I wasn’t there for you when you were struggling to bring him up.”

  Olivia smiled, and her eyes twinkled. “I know, I found that out this morning – on TV of all places.”

  Robin grimaced, remembering. “The poor woman must have felt like a priest in the confession box. She didn’t know where to look.” And in a way, it was almost like a confession, a release of all the confusion, guilt and regret that Robin had been feeling all these years. The longer she stayed away, she’d thought, the easier it would be. But she’d been wrong. There was so much she hadn’t understood, so much she hadn’t wanted to understand about Olivia’s situation. She’d been too consumed with her own grief.

  But here now sitting with her friend, Robin felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

  “Well, I’m glad you said something.” Olivia paused slightly, as if she was unsure whether or not she should continue. “Robin, I can appreciate how tough it must have been giving him up, but at the same time I couldn’t figure out why you didn’t want to ask about him.”

  Robin knew exactly what she meant. She wanted to know why Robin didn’t seem interested in knowing about Jake and what he was like as a child, what her son, her baby was like. Olivia had never asked that Robin stay out of his life; in fact, she had been insistent that moving to America so soon after the birth was the wrong thing to do. She had been willing to share with Robin not only Jake, but also the heavy burden of coming to terms with giving him up. She was and had always been a true friend, yet Robin – and to her own detriment she knew now – had willingly abandoned that friendship.

  “I did want to,” she whispered softly. “In fact, all throughout this visit, I was desperate to ask you. But yet, I couldn’t forget that it would be difficult for you, and you and I had grown apart and there never seemed to be a right time or place.” She looked at her. “The other night, after dropping Leah home, I was sorely tempted to ask you to stay on too.”

  Olivia smiled. “Well, with the way Leah was that night, we might not have got a word in edgeways,” she said, lightening the tone.

  “How is she about the Josh thing – really?” Robin asked. “I tried to talk to her about it the next morning, but she was very hung-over.”

  “I think she’ll be OK. You know Leah as well as I do – she’s tough and she’ll get through it. And it might be good for her in the end. It wasn’t fair of him to deny her the right to a family like that.”

  Although it wasn’t directed at her, the remark stung. Robin had been guilty of doing just that where Ben was concerned. She knew he was desperate to settle down and start a family and, yet, she was denying him that because of her own reticence about bringing up a child that needed more care and attention than normal, because of her guilt at abandoning one years before.

  But that was it, wasn’t it? It just needed that little bit more attention, something that she was sure Ben would give effortlessly. He would be a wonderful father. Still, the root of Robin’s problems was that she didn’t know what kind of a mother she’d be. She’d already given up a baby – who was to say she even deserved the chance to have another?

  “And what about you?” Olivia asked then. “You’ve been with this Ben a while now, haven’t you?”

  “Yes.” Robin smiled once more at the thought of it. “He’s great. I’m very lucky to have him – more than I realised.”

  “I’m pleased for you, Robin,” Olivia said. “You didn’t deserve to get mixed up with someone like Peter – neither of us did to be honest.”

  Robin looked at her. Peter had done a terrible thing letting her take the blame all this time when he had been off with some other woman. Again, she realised that Olivia had suffered a lot more than any of them over this. And yes, even more than Robin herself. Olivia had been betrayed many times over and in the end had wrongly been left carrying the guilt.

  “He wasn’t always that bad, you know, and he loved you very much.”

  Olivia shook her head sadly. “He loved the idea of me, Robin. He got a hell of a shock when we split up because he didn’t see it coming. He just liked the idea of his being in control, and when I pulled the plug he was blindsided.”

  “Maybe, but that never excused what I did.” She thought of the mess she had made of their friendship.

  “You just fell for the same things that I did, his smile, his charm, and that so-called little-boy-lost routine. Peter was always very skilled at making women fall for him.” Olivia was looking at things a lot more clearly now. “I think I might have known it at the time, but I didn�
��t want to admit it. It was easier to think that you two just had a drunken fling, but I don’t think it was quite like that.”

  Robin simply nodded. She didn’t really want to get into that night with Olivia – it wasn’t fair to her.

  “Anyway,” Olivia sighed, “he’s out of both of our lives now and, to be honest, I think we’re the better for it!” She grinned. “He can have his bloody divorce and good riddance! Although, in fairness, he was great with Jake.”

  There was silence for a long moment, as both women were lost in their own thoughts, neither knowing quite what to say next.

  Then Olivia reached into her bag, took something out and laid it on her lap. She looked speculatively at Robin.

  “I brought some photographs – of Jake,” she said carefully, and Robin’s heart leapt with nerves, anticipation, she wasn’t quite sure what. “I was planning on sending you one on each birthday, but you were so insistent that you didn’t want to know …”

  Her stomach fluttered. “You were right – back then, it would only have made things harder.” She paused, and stared at the small photo-album on her friend’s lap. Then she smiled. “But I’d love to see them now.” And she realised that she meant it.

  “I hoped you would,” Olivia said, smiling too.

  She laid the photo album on the table, and they both moved their chairs closer around it. Then the two friends sat side by side as Olivia slowly turned the first page.