Rocking Horse Hill

by Cathryn Hein

  Em didn’t take him to the front lounge as he’d expected, but to the big kitchen, where twenty or so guests stood crowded around a central workstation, holding drinks and canapés. Sound halted for a moment, heads turning towards him. Some nodding in acknow­ledgement, others frowning as they tried to place him.

  Granny B stood with Barry McClintoff, a tumbler of something dark in her hand, which she raised in Josh’s direction, her eyes twinkling in delight at his arrival. He recognised Teagan and Jas, who waved and grinned from the other side of the room. Adrienne, as stunning as ever, stood with an older man, talking to a couple who had their backs to the door, one tall, the other tiny and very blonde, wearing a long-sleeved navy dress made from some sort of expensive-looking material. At the halt in conversation, Digby looked over his shoulder. He grinned at Josh before bending his head to the blonde woman. She turned and smiled shyly, and Josh blinked.

  ‘Jesus,’ he said, forgetting who he was with. ‘Lucky Digby.’

  ‘I’m sure my brother would be first to agree with you.’

  The dryness of Em’s tone caught his attention. ‘You don’t like her?’

  Her eyebrows raised in surprise. ‘No. Not at all. I think she’s very sweet. Come over and say hello.’

  Josh followed, thinking he must have misheard, but he was sure he’d detected a hint of cattiness in Em’s tone. His eyes slid towards her, considering. Something was going on behind that detached façade; he’d sensed it in the shop. Something deep and smouldering.

  ‘Josh, I didn’t know you were coming,’ said Digby, shaking his hand. ‘Good to see you.’

  ‘And you.’ Josh smiled. ‘Congratulations. About time.’

  ‘This is my fiancée, Felicity,’ he said, putting his arm around her. ‘Flick, this is Josh Sinclair, an old —’ He glanced at his sister, frowning slightly.

  ‘An old acquaintance of mine,’ said Em, filling the awkward pause.

  Josh held out his hand and she took it in a brief, weak press of soft flesh against calloused. ‘Nice to meet you, Felicity.’

  ‘And you.’

  ‘So when’s the big day?’ he asked, resisting the urge to wipe his hand on his jeans to rid it of the wet fish handshake feeling.

  ‘We haven’t decided yet.’ Digby tucked Felicity close. ‘Soon, though. I’m not letting this one get away.’

  ‘Would you like a drink?’ asked Em. ‘Beer? Wine? There’s soft drink or juice if you prefer.’

  ‘Beer would be fine, thanks.’

  He watched her for a moment as she moved to the sink where bottles poked from an icy bath.

  ‘So,’ said Digby, ‘you and Em are back together?’

  ‘No. I just happened to call into the shop yesterday when your grandmother was there and she invited me.’

  Digby shot a grimace towards his gran. ‘She invited half the town. Still, good to see you again. It’s been a while.’ Digby reached behind him for his beer and took a mouthful. ‘Are you still in Adelaide?’

  ‘No, I’m home now, setting up my business here.’

  ‘Ah, Joshua, you made it.’ Granny B proffered a cheek for him to kiss. Amused, Josh obliged. ‘Although I note you ignored my advice about shaving.’

  Josh scraped his palm across his chin. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘No, you’re not.’ Granny B turned to Felicity. ‘Are you enjoying yourself?’

  ‘Yes, thanks.’

  ‘You should mingle.’

  ‘Flick’s fine, Gran.’

  Granny B’s mouth puckered a fraction. She brought her sharp eyes towards Em, approaching with Josh’s beer. ‘Good to see you looking after your guest, Emily.’

  ‘Your guest, if I recall,’ said Em, handing over the bottle.

  ‘So Joshua was. But one should take opportunities when they arise. Never wise to let an attractive man slip through one’s fingers and our Joshua is very attractive indeed.’

  The line of Em’s jaw tightened. ‘I should go and talk to Jas and Teagan.’

  ‘I’ll come and say hi too.’ Josh threw a quick smile Digby and Felicity’s way before winking at Granny B. The old lady laughed before stalking off to create mischief elsewhere.

  ‘Josh!’ Jasmine, as buoyant as he remembered, stood on tiptoe to plant a loud kiss on his cheek. ‘Fancy seeing you here.’

  He looked at Em. ‘Em never said I was coming?’

  ‘No.’ She drew out the word teasingly. ‘No, she didn’t.’

  ‘Hey, Josh,’ said Teagan.

  ‘Teagan, how’s things?’ Not great by the look of her. Her collarbones dug sharp lines through her silky T-shirt. She was still very attractive, though. Plenty of his mates had been keen on Teagan when he’d been with Em, although the only bloke Josh could recall her going out with was Lukey Martin, whose parents ran a dairy farm down Port Andrews way.

  ‘Oh, you know.’ She shrugged her thin shoulders. ‘Busy on the farm. Not much time for anything else. And you? What are you up to these days?’

  ‘Same as you – keeping busy. At the moment I’m trying to get a custom furniture business up and running.’

  ‘What, here? In Levenham?’

  ‘Yeah. Dad’s letting me use his shed while I get sorted.’ He took a slug of beer. ‘Means I’m back living at home for a while.’

  Jas gave him a cheeky poke. ‘That must be fun.’

  He picked at the stubby label. ‘It’s all right. Being there, I can help out a bit. Mum’s a bit crook. Breast cancer.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Jas, with genuine compassion. ‘My aunt was diagnosed a few years ago. It’s been a rough journey.’

  ‘But she’s okay now? She beat it?’

  ‘Yes.’ She smiled. ‘That generation’s pretty tough. Your mum will get through, too.’

  Josh looked up and caught Em’s eye. Throughout their conversation she’d said little, standing slightly apart from him in a way that reminded him of the last time he’d been at Camrick. Except this was nothing like that night. There was no contempt in her gaze, no disappointment, only sympathy.

  Annoyed by the memory, Josh broke contact and pretended to scan the room. He’d made a complete dick of himself that night. Normally he possessed enough confidence to see him through any social situation, no matter how intimidating, but the night of James’s party, with all the local who’s who in attendance, he’d been sick with nerves. Not because of the venue or the people involved, but because he could feel Em slipping away from him.

  He hadn’t known why. He didn’t understand what he’d done wrong. All he’d ever done was love her and yet she’d started getting secretive, shaking her head and saying ‘nothing’ whenever he asked what was up. He was scared enough as it was, but those ‘nothings’, with their lack of eye contact, sent him into panic.

  That night had revealed exactly what was up or, rather, who. Stephen Jacobs. Even now, the thought of him made Josh’s fists twitch involuntarily. He should have punched the fucker’s lights out when he had the chance. Not that it would have done a scrap of good, but it would have given him some satisfaction.

  He glanced at Em and found her studying him again.

  ‘You don’t have a drink,’ he said.

  ‘I’m fine. How’s your beer? Would you like another?’

  He shook his head. ‘I have to drive and I have footy tomorrow.’

  ‘Who are you playing for?’ asked Jas.

  ‘The mighty Gerrinton Giants.’

  Teagan winced. ‘You’re up against Mount Pitt.’

  ‘Ooh, the big grudge match,’ said Jas, rubbing her hands together.

  Like Josh didn’t know that already. It was all he’d heard all week. ‘Tell me about it.’

  She tapped his stubby with a bitten-down fingernail. ‘Definitely no more beers for you, then. Save them for tomorrow night when you’ll need plenty to dull the pain.’

  ‘Thanks, Jas. You really know how to give a bloke confidence.’

  ‘You, needing confidence? That’d be a first. I remember when —’


  ‘Would you excuse me?’ said Em suddenly. ‘I should hand around some canapés.’

  But Jas wasn’t having it. ‘I’ll do it. You talk to Josh. I’m sure you two have a lot to catch up on.’

  ‘I’ll help,’ added Teagan, the pair grinning like naughty kids.

  They darted off. Em briefly closed her eyes and took a deep breath before refocusing on Josh.

  ‘So,’ he said.

  ‘So.’

  He watched Teagan and Jas weave through the other guests with their plates. Most he didn’t know. It’d been a long time since he’d lived in Levenham and he’d never run in the same circles as the Wallaces anyway. He caught Granny B’s gaze and raised his beer towards her, she smiled foxily in return, before resuming her conversation with the mayor.

  Felicity had moved to join Adrienne and the tall bloke Josh assumed was her partner now, Digby hovering protectively over his fiancée. Em’s mum looked like he remembered – classy and extremely attractive, and intimidating because of it. She had to be well into her fifties but barely looked it. Alongside her, Felicity seemed to lack something that he couldn’t pinpoint. Whatever it was, Em possessed it too. A certain air of. . . the only word he could think of was quality, but that made Em sound like a well-bred horse.

  He returned his attention to her. ‘Remember the last time I was here?’

  Colour seeped across her cheeks but she kept her composure. ‘Yes.’

  ‘No Stephen Jacobs this time.’

  ‘No.’ Her chin remained high. ‘He had something on.’

  Josh’s eyebrows cocked. ‘So he was invited then?’

  ‘His family was.’

  Of course they were. The Jacobs were establishment, like the Wallaces.

  ‘Caroline Jacobs is over there,’ Em nodded towards a corner, ‘if you want to talk to her.’

  ‘I’d rather talk to you.’

  Her mouth parted and again he had that sense of something smouldering beneath her coolness. She looked towards Adrienne. ‘I should ask if Mum needs anything done.’

  ‘I’ll come with you. I haven’t said hello to her yet.’

  Adrienne welcomed Josh with delight, introducing him to her partner, Samuel, and checking he’d been properly introduced to Felicity before shoving a plate of canapés towards him. He took a tiny grape-topped tartlet, and then reached for another when his mouth exploded with juice and tangy goat’s cheese.

  ‘God, they’re good.’

  Adrienne smiled in appreciation. ‘There are some rare roast beef and horseradish cream topped rosti around somewhere. Ah, Jasmine has them. Hopefully there’ll still be some left when she returns.’ She touched his arm. ‘How is your mother?’

  ‘Chemo’s knocking her about a fair bit, but she’s otherwise good.’

  ‘Give her my regards, would you? And tell her that if there’s anything I can do, anything she needs, I’ll do my best to help.’

  Josh’s throat thickened at her kindness. ‘Thanks. I will.’

  A timer went off. Adrienne gave his arm another pat before excusing herself and heading off to retrieve another tray of food from the oven. Claiming an empty plate from the bench behind, Em followed.

  Josh reached across to take another goat’s cheese tart, hoping he didn’t look greedy but not really caring if he did. Lunch had been hours ago and he needed food to soak up the beer.

  ‘So you’re from Adelaide, Felicity?’ he asked, trying to make conversation.

  She nodded, but didn’t give up any information.

  ‘From Elizabeth,’ said Granny B, appearing at the edge of their diminished group. ‘Isn’t that right?’

  ‘Elizabeth?’ Josh regarded her with interest. ‘My ex-wife was from the next suburb over, Smithfield, although we ended up buying a house at Golden Grove.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Felicity faintly. ‘Right.’

  It was like talking to a store mannequin, but Josh ploughed on. ‘Bianca Sinclair? Although you might know her as Bianca Cameron.’

  Felicity shook her head and, dismissing Josh with a tight smile, lifted her head towards Digby. ‘I’ll go help Em and Adrienne.’

  Mother and daughter seemed fine to Josh. The tray was out from the oven and together they were arranging what looked like spring rolls onto a plate. He exchanged a glance with Granny B, who shrugged.

  The spring rolls turned out to be filo cigars stuffed with Moroccan spiced lamb and pine nuts. Josh pinched two and added a couple of Adrienne’s roast beef morsels to his stomach when Jas floated past. ‘Need to keep my strength up for tomorrow,’ he said to her.

  She laughed. ‘You’ll need more beef than that to conquer Mount Pitt.’

  He chatted to Digby a bit more and then Teagan and Jas, who kept him on his toes with questions about his failed marriage and plans for the future. For a while he wondered if Em had put them up to the interrogation, but using her friends had never been Em’s style. This was just women looking out for one another.

  She was watching him, though. He felt her scrutiny as sure as he felt the heat of the room. Perhaps she was comparing him to his younger self, when he’d stood awkwardly in clothes that had earned him proud praise from his mum, but which he was sure were unfashionable and ill tailored to the moneyed crowd looking at him.

  Until that night, Em had never made him feel not good enough, but he’d sure as fuck felt it then.

  ‘Thinking about the last time you were here?’

  He turned to Granny B. ‘How did you know?’

  ‘I would consider it rather unusual if you didn’t recall that night.’ Granny B nodded Em’s way. ‘Fortunately, she’s grown up since then.’

  ‘We all have.’

  ‘Yes. Rather nicely, in your case. Although you always were a good-looking boy.’

  He leaned in close and lowered his voice to a tease. ‘Granny B, are you flirting with me?’

  She cocked her head and considered. ‘Do you know, I think you’d rather like it if I was.’

  ‘You bet I would.’

  She laughed throatily. ‘Oh, I do so like you, Joshua. It’s good to have you back.’

  And for the first time in weeks, Josh realised how happy he was to be home.

  Although he’d planned not to linger, he stayed for another drink, hanging with Digby, a mate from Digby’s work and Jas and Teagan. Both Em and Felicity kept their distance, preferring Adrienne’s and Samuel’s company to their group of twenty- and thirty-somethings.

  Finally, when it was past time for him to go, he caught Em’s eye and tilted his head towards the door. She came to escort him out, Jas and Teagan watching them leave with amused expressions, like this was the best entertainment they’d had in years.

  The wind had died down, leaving a night lit by Camrick’s warm glow. The gravel of the drive crunched underfoot, punctuating their lack of talk.

  He leaned against the back of his ute and crossed his arms. ‘Nice evening.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Do you mind that I came?’

  ‘No, not at all.’

  ‘Then you’re glad?’

  She squinted at the sky. ‘Digby would have appreciated it.’

  ‘I didn’t ask about Dig, Em. I asked about you.’

  Again that hot pause, the deliberate regathering of self-possession that shot anticipation thrilling through his stomach. She shook her head. ‘I have to go. Thanks for coming. Good luck with football tomorrow. Try not to get too hurt.’

  As she brushed away he swung out his left arm, catching her hand in his. Startled, she pulled to a halt. Eyes wide and questioning, her body stiffly still, she held his gaze for several heartbeats before slowly dropping it to where their hands joined.

  Realising what he’d done, Josh jerked his hand free and folded his tightly curled fingers against his thigh. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘For what?’

  His lifted his fist and dropped it heavily. ‘I forget what it’s like for people.’

  Her expression softened, causing something in his c
hest to swell. Not fizzy anticipation, something deeper. ‘I never minded your touch, Josh. From either hand.’

  With her words the thing in his chest ballooned, pressing against his ribs as though seeking escape. ‘I want to see you again. Not here. Somewhere private. At the hill.’

  ‘Josh. . .’

  ‘Come on, Em. You feel it the same as I do.’

  ‘We can’t resurrect what we had.’

  Josh considered for a moment, remembering. Their time together was unique, a coincidence of circumstance, intense mutual attraction and cheeky new-adult bravado that had somehow granted him the balls to lure the most unattainable girl in town to his side.

  He smiled. When it came to her, he still had those balls. ‘Yeah, we can.’

  Seven

  Given she hadn’t touched a drink at all the previous night, Em couldn’t even blame alcohol for what came out of her mouth in the yard at Camrick. Perhaps it was the moonlight, the memories his touch evoked, the way he’d kept his gaze locked on hers, causing excited tangles in her stomach, but somehow she’d asked Josh to dinner.

  So much for making her peace and moving on.

  Determined not to turn the evening into anything more than dinner between friends, Em forced herself to keep the menu basic. With only an afternoon to prepare, and with weekly chores around the farm still requiring her attention, she didn’t have time for complicated stocks and sauces anyway. Mostly she didn’t want to appear to be trying too hard. As she explained to Jas and Teagan, this was a casual affair, a simple get-to-know-you-again with an old boyfriend who was also once a very good friend. Not that they’d believed a word of it.

  Probably because Em wasn’t convinced she did either.

  Stealing an early minute, she shut the shop a little before her usual lunchtime closing on Saturday, scanning the street as she locked up, hoping that none of the shoppers had PaperPassion on their lists. She needn’t have worried. Other than a few rugged-up people hurrying for the pub, McArthur Street’s Saturday hustle was already quieting as people drifted to sport and other activities. The weather remained dry, the wind light and Levenham locals were making the most of the respite.

  On her way home she ducked into the supermarket for a tub of mascarpone, pancetta and, although it pained her to buy pre-­packaged greens, a bag of baby rocket leaves. Her home-grown produce was usually bountiful thanks to the hill’s fertile volcanic soil; now, assaulted by the weather and rampaging donkeys, it was scant. Even the chooks weren’t laying well.