by Heiress
“Oh, still nothing to say?” I asked when she didn’t say anything. She just stood there with watery eyes.
“When I wet the bed at night, I called for you, and you never came. I learned how to ride my bike without you. I did my homework on my own and got through school without you. I had my first crush without you. I had to figure out puberty without you. There were some things that my daddy couldn’t teach me. I learned about boys and sex without you. At the mother daughter dance, I was the only one dancing with my father. I had my first kiss without you, and I had my first time without you. I walked down the aisle to my wedding without you, and all I wanted was for you to be there. Why weren’t you there mom!” I shouted now crying real tears.
“Because I couldn’t!” she yelled back finally speaking up.
“Lee, girl just tell her. She needs to hear the truth from you,” Momma Banks stood up and said to Lee.
She glanced at me and then to Amber. Then she looked at Amber and then back to me. “Ummm, I’m going to take, Mona down stairs with the kids,” Amber excused herself. Once she left, Lee began talking.
“When you were about three, I had a miscarriage with your baby brother. I went crazy after that and fell into depression. I tried to take my own life, and that’s when your father put me in a psyche ward thinking I was bat shit crazy. He left me in there for five long years. He wouldn’t let you see me, and he wouldn’t let me come visit which drove me even crazier. When I realized that he had given up on me, I found a way out and came for you.” She paused to get herself together.
“My plans were just to come see you, but when I saw you, I had to have you back. You were my little princess. My baby girl and he deprived me of you. I needed you to keep me sane and he took that away from me,” she spoke through tears. “I had already known about your father’s affairs when we were married and the affairs after he sent me away. That night I came to see you, she was there. She and Bo were arguing, so I took that as an advantage to take you. Right when I was almost out the door, I got caught.” She paused again, taking another deep breath.
“There she was. Her name was, CeCe. She stood in the doorway with a gun in her hand. How she knew I was even in there, I don’t know. She aimed her gun at you. Bo was behind her trying to talk her into putting the gun down but she wouldn’t. When I felt like she was ready to shoot, I grabbed you in my arms and turned my back to shield you. She missed, and Bo tried to get the gun. In the midst of them wrestling, the gun went off.”
The room was silent as my mom told her story. Tears filled my eyes because these chains of events had to be a lie. They just had to. My daddy would never keep this from me.
“Sirens rang out, and I promise you, I will never forget what Bo said to me. He said if you love me, you’ll take the fall for this. He said that I could say it was a struggle in self-defense and I’ll get off easy. I looked that man in the eyes, and before I could tell him to go to hell, the cops came in. He pointed to me, and they arrested me. That fucked up system gave me ten years for so called self-defense. Ten years all because that bitch was pregnant,” she said.
“Pregnant? Was she pregnant with my daddy’s child? Was it his?” I quizzed, and she nodded her head yes. “So, did the baby die? Is the baby alive?” I asked question after questions.
“Yes. The baby survived,” she answered.
“Well… where is he or she?” Just when I asked the question, Amber walked in with a fussy Mona. “Cali, where’s her diaper bag? She’s wet, and she won’t stop crying,” she said, swaying Mona from side to side.
“Where’s the baby, Lee?” I quizzed again, ignoring Mona.
“You’re looking at her,” she revealed, glancing over at Amber. My heart dropped. It may have even skipped a beat. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I burst into tears. I couldn’t believe this. I couldn’t believe that this was my little sister. Amber Joy was my real life little sister.
Then I remember the conversation that I overheard from Momma Banks and Daddy Banks. My head reeled in their direction. “So you knew,” I said to them. “You knew this entire time, and you didn’t tell me?”
“Cali, we were going to tell you. I mean- I wanted to tell you but, we promised Bo we wouldn’t. Plus, we didn’t even know where Amber was. We knew she stayed in the state, but we didn’t know where. She just looks so much like her mom that I just put two and two together,” Momma Banks answered.
“So, you just allowed me to think I was alone. That-that I had no one after my daddy died. You knew my mom was alive and that I had a fucking sister. You knew about them, and you didn’t tell me!” I barked, raising my voice. I was furious and hurt all at the same time. Different emotions and feelings were coming one after another and I didn’t know how to control all of them.
“Cali, Bo was my best friend. I promised him I wouldn’t say shit to nobody about the plan. By nobody, he meant your mom. He had me thinking Lee was crazy and a killer so I thought it was a safe promise. I’m just now hearing the story like you,” Daddy Banks explained.
“This all could have been resolved if you would have just told her where I was. Did she tell you that the killers weren’t even after me? It was her. I have no land in my name. It all belongs to her. So did you know that too? Was all this shit with me and Compton getting married a lie?”
“No, Cali! Well, it was, but we didn’t know that. We just followed orders from Bo. That’s it. We're so sorry that-,”
“Save your fucking sorry. I don’t even know who to believe anymore. My dad is the only man I ever known and all of you are sitting in this room telling me that he was a liar and a cheater. You want me to believe that my mom is a crazy bitch who broke out of a psych ward and that happens to be an ex-con. Like what am I supposed to believe? And now I find out I have a fucking a sister. A sister that’s been struggling, and that has been abused for years. I could have helped her,” I cried.
“Cali baby just-,”
“No! Don’t you fucking touch me!” I yelled at Compton. You probably knew about this entire thing.”
“Lil’ momma I promise I ain’t know shit. I’m just now-,”
“You know what-just save it. Just save it. I need some fresh air, and I want no one, and I do mean no one to follow me,” I said before grabbing my keys and rushing out of the house. I got in, started my car and drove off. I had no planned destination, but I had to get away from here. I had to be one with my thoughts. This was too much for me. My entire life was a lie, and at twenty years old, I’m just now getting some truth. I couldn’t believe it.
CHAPTER 12
AMBER JOY: COULD THIS BE MY TRUTH
I stood there speechless as I listened to Miss Lee confess that Cali was my real sister. Deep down inside, I always felt a strong connection between the two of us. It was all just too good to be true. I guess now I know it is true. I felt bad at this moment that I didn’t want to cry about the news.
“So, Miss Lee, does this mean you know who my mother was?” I asked. Cali got her truth so why couldn’t I get mine.
“Yes, sweetie, I knew your mother,” she answered.
“Knew?”
The room went silence again and a few family members decided to leave the table. “Ahem, yes. I knew your mother. She was murdered when she was still pregnant with you. Thank God you survived.”
It was hard for me to feel sad about a woman I never knew. I had never even met her. I never saw pictures of her or anything. She wasn’t even a memory. “So, if she’s dead, who is the person that’s been sending my Aunt money? Was it you?”
“No, Amber. It was the state sending her money,” she revealed but I was confused. “I mean-look if I’m gone be honest with Cali’s ass then I’ll be honest with you. That lady is no kin to you. She adopted you. I don’t know if your mom had any family. I’m sorry about all of this, Amber.”
She sounded sincere and I had no reason not to trust her. It did hurt to know that my mother wasn’t the one sending me money. She was dead and my Aunt was really my fo
ster mother. I found myself back at this place again. The place of feeling alone. Even when I knew that Cali was my real sister, I still felt alone.
“Thank you, Ms. Lee, for being honest with me. I should go change Mona, before she pee’s through her dress.”
“Nah, Amber we about to leave. Just change her butt when we get home,” Compton told me.
“Wait! So, you just gone leave like that? You not gone go out looking for my baby girl?” Miss Lee asked Compton.
“You found her the last time. I’m sure your detective gadget ass can find her again.” Monty was about to step to Compton, but Miss Lee held him back. “You feeling froggy my nigga?”
“It’s fine, Monty. He’s right. I don’t need his ugly ass help. I found my baby the first time, and I’ll find her again. Let’s go.” She grabbed Monty’s hand, and he left out. Momma Banks went after.
“Why you pissed off at Cali cuz? You need to go out and check on her,” Sean chimed in.
“I know my wife, and I know that when she like this, ain’t no talking to her ass. She needs to accept this truth, figure out what she gone do with it and move on. I know my lil’ momma. She just needs some time alone. If she don’t come back home in a few hours, I’ll go out looking for her,” he said to them.
He grabbed a pair of keys off the counter and said, “I’ll bring whoever car this is back in the morning.” He led me to the door, and we got in a someone’s Lexus and left. The entire drive, I thought about what my life would be like if I would have known all of this. I wonder if I could have changed my life with this truth. I’m sure it would have been a lot easier if I would have known. I did wonder why my father, Cali’s father, never adopted me. Why was I so unwanted?
I was in my thoughts the entire drive that I didn’t even notice when we pulled up to the house. Compton grabbed Mona, and we went inside. “I’m gone change her and bath-,”
“No, it’s okay. I can do it. I can take care of Mona for the night for you. I really don’t mind,” I told him. I couldn’t sleep with all this on my brain anyway.
“Cool. I appreciate that baby sis. Look, I know today was emotional and all that shit but if you need to holla at me, I’m here. You family and I’m here for ya ass. Okay?”
“Okay.” I smiled. He kissed me on the forehead and then walked away. “I’m gone lay down for a few hours, and then if Cali ain’t back yet, I’m gone go out looking for her,” he let me know while he was walking away. I said okay and took Mona to her room. I undressed her and then gave her a nice warm bath. After that, I lotion her up and gave her put on her onesie. I sang her song and rocked her to sleep.
“Mommy, if you can hear me up in heaven, I forgive you. I don’t know why I should forgive you when you did nothing wrong, but I do. I’m sorry you had to go before we met. Maybe one day we can finally introduce ourselves. Hopefully no time soon though.” I chuckled to myself. “Good night mommy.”
When I heard light snores coming from Mona, I knew she was sleep. I then started to fall asleep after her. My eyes got heavy, and as my eyes closed, I thought about my old life.
While sleeping on the floor in my bedroom, I kept stirring in my sleep. There was a lot of noise coming from outside my door, and I was finding it hard to go to sleep. I threw a pillow over my head to try and lower the sound, but it was like it got louder. Once I figured I wasn’t going to be able to sleep, I stood to my feet and cracked open my door.
My Aunt was running around the living room looking for something. I knew what it was. It was Sandy, her crack pipe. I had been hiding it from her, and I prayed this time, she didn’t find it. I hated when she was under the influence of drugs. She was mean when she didn’t have it and then she was even meaner when she did get high.
While peeking out the door, I made the door creak, and my Aunt diverted her eyes my way. I tried to hurry up and shut the door, but she beat me to it. Pushing the door open, she bum rushed me to the floor. “Where is it?” she barked.
“Where is what, Aunt?” I questioned aware of what she was looking for.
“You know what you little bitch. Where is, Sandy? I know you took her!” she yelled, tearing my room apart. I had little to no furniture because she sold it all to get high. All I had was a torn-up mattress and an old dresser. She ran through my dresser, throwing around my raggedy, dirty clothes. She snatched open my book bag and pulled out my papers and books.
“Stop Aunt! I don’t have it!” I screamed.
“Shut up lying! I know you-,” she paused when she noticed a random book sitting up against the wall. I tried to get it before she did but she grabbed the book and started going through it. That’s when she found it. “So, you did hide it from me?”
“No! No…Aunt. I didn’t know that was there!” I lied.
“I got something for liars like you,” she shot back, barging towards me. She grabbed my arm and dragged me to the bathroom. I kicked and screamed for her to stop, but she didn’t. She grabbed her belt she used to tie her arm with and held me down. “Aunty nooooo!” I cried, but it fell on deaf ears.
She hit me across my back and legs about ten times before she finally ran out of breath. She then turned on the hot water in the bath tub and pushed me in. “AHHHHHHH!” I screamed from the scorching feeling. My body felt like it was on fire and the stinging sensation didn't make it any better. This was a punishment she loved to do to me. She would beat me and then put me in a tub of hot water.
“You stay in there until I’m done,” she barked, grabbing her drugs from under the sink. She put it in her crack pipe and lit the lighter underneath it. I had to watch her while she got high and then eventually passed out. Usually in her own vomit or urine. When she passed out, I struggled to get out of the tub with sore limbs. I tried my hardest not to scream while nursing my own wounds. I could have been the world’s youngest nurse at how good I cleaned up myself.
When I was done, I put on clothes and walked back into the bathroom. I struggled to get her off the toilet and onto the floor. I dragged her to her room and got her on the bed. I then grabbed a cold rag and put it on her forehead, and I waited. I waited for her to wake up and do this routine all over again tomorrow.
Feeling a tear drop down my face, I woke up from my memories. I didn’t even think you could cry in your sleep. When I thought about my life, I wondered why I didn’t just leave. I wondered why I didn’t just kill her and get it over with. I had so many opportunities to do both, but I never took them. Deep down I was frightened. I was scared to leave her alone, and I was scared to be left alone. So, I stayed out of fear.
Shaking off the thoughts of those unfortunate events, I got up with Mona still in my arms and laid down in the bed with her. I cuddled her in my arms and fell asleep. I prayed my life only got better from here on.
CHAPTER 13
CALI: FORGIVENESS
I sat on top of the hill of the local park near my old house. I had been here all night, and it was now three in the morning. I came here because I just needed to think. Tonight, I was thinking about everything that my mother told me.
How was I supposed to process this information? Where do I go from here?
“You would pick the highest damn hill to sit on top of,” I heard a familiar voice behind me. “A nigga calves burning like a mutha’ fucka’,” Compton added.
“Compton, I just want to be alone,” I told him with my face stuck in between my knees.
“Lil’ momma as long as you married to me, you ain’t gone ever be alone. Now scoot over so I can sit down. I’m out of fucking breath,” he joked, breathing all hard. I knew that he was just trying to make me laugh. He worked out all the time, so there was no way he was that tired. The hill wasn’t even that high.
“What are you doing here, Compton? You always left me alone when I came up here.”
“After today and all the shit that came out, you shouldn’t be alone. Now ya man is here on some best friend shit. I know it’s not like me and after this night, we gone forget I was ever on some sensi
tive type shit. I’m gone allow you to vent one time and one time only since Missy out of town. Now gone head and speak ya’ mind.”
I smiled at Compton at how he was changing, and I could see it. I loved him just the way he was but the fact that he was switching it up for me, made me feel so special. Laying my head on his shoulder, I let it all out. “I just don’t know what to do, babe. Like, should I believe what she says? Because if I do, then I have to accept that my daddy has been lying to me my entire life about her. He hindered me from having a relationship with her. It’s tainting my image of him, and I don’t want that,” I cried.
“Lil’ momma listen, as much as I can’t stand ya’ momma, just give her a chance. I don’t think my peoples knew anything about her and I do believe she the one looking for you. Shit makes sense how we were getting nowhere when trying to find the people behind this shit. She a smart woman.” he chuckled.
“So you’re saying I should just believe her,” I quizzed.
“Nah, I can’t say that. You got to just trust your instincts and follow ya’ heart. If you feel she lying then she a liar. If you feel she telling the truth then she an honest person. I can’t make you believe the shit she says, but I can tell you that it’s gone be harder not to believe her. She ya’ mom at the end of the day. You need her, and she needs you. Just think about how you woke up in her house going crazy because Mona was nowhere to be found. Try living in ya’ momma shoes. She had to wake up every day for eighteen years feeling that exact same way. Shit was hard for her too.”
Compton had a point. As much as I wanted to hate her, I couldn’t. She went through hell trying to get to me. I had to learn how to forgive, forget and move on like Amber would tell me. That girl should have been the spokesperson for forgiveness. If she could forgive her abuser and rapist, then I could forgive a mother who was only trying to find me.
“Your right,” I sighed. Compton kissed me on the forehead and hooked my chin so that I could look at him.
