Baxter Moon, Galactic Scout

by John Zakour

  “One hour, two tops,” Lobi said.

  I looked at the view screen. The TVTron ship wasn’t coming at us at high speed (I guess they wanted to build tension) but it still didn’t look like we had an hour.

  “How long do we have until they reach us?” I asked.

  “Five minutes,” SC said. “Six tops if they want to drag it on a bit for their viewers.”

  “Then we need to send a transmission in four minutes,” I said.

  “But Baxter!” they all said at once.

  “Come on guys. I know you always overestimate your estimates to make yourselves look good,” I said.

  “Yes, but not by a factor of twelve!” Lobi said.

  “Well then work fast.” The three of them huddled together. They would come up with something. I knew they would, but I had to delay. Delaying was my specialty.

  “SC, put me through to the UHF-1,” I said.

  “They may not be accepting calls,” SC said.

  I always prided myself as being creative and able to think fast on my feet. Now I had to put my money where my brain was. I needed an idea and fast.

  “Tell them this will be a big ratings booster.”

  Okay, it wasn’t the best idea. But it was a stall until I came up with something better. I knew I had something better in me.

  UHF-1 appeared on our screen.

  “Yes, what is it, humans?”

  I had to play with his ego and his urge to entertain himself and his viewers at all costs. It came to me. We had to get him to play this up.

  “So this is your big plan?” I taunted. “Crush us and then start a war between Earth and Aqua.”

  UHF-1 just looked at the screen. He crossed his robotic claw arms. “Yes, it is,” he said defiantly. He stuck a little electronic tongue out at me. “I thought you said this would help boost our ratings…”

  “Yeah, I did. It still amazes me that this is the best show you could up with,” I said, just stalling for time.

  UHF-1 pointed at the screen with a claw. “I admit we didn’t spend a lot of time in developing the concept. We’re on a limited budget. We prefer to use our resources on equipment. We figure a good story will write itself. What’s your point, human? I’m sorry if you don’t like the way we’re killing you. But these are tough financial times so hard choices have to be made.”

  Time was running out. I needed to come up with something to stall them. And I needed it about five minutes ago. An idea popped into my head. It wasn’t the greatest idea of all time. It probably wasn’t even in the top hundred of great ideas of all time, but it was all I had. So I went with it.

  “You know what fans really love?” I paused to build suspense and give us more time.

  UHF-1 let out a little sigh. “I’ll bite. What would the fans love?”

  “A big chase scene. You can’t beat a good chase scene for building dramatic tension.”

  UHF-1 looked into the screen. He was thinking. I could see it in his computer generated little beady eyes.

  “Yes, that is true, that is why we let you escape from your first ship,” UHF-1 said.

  “True, but that was kind of boring. Why not release us from your tracker beam and chase us around a bit. Clacking your giant claws and such. The viewers will eat that up.”

  “You are just trying to delay,” UHF-1 said. “You want to charge your engines and escape.”

  He was smarter than I thought. I don’t know why I thought that since TVTrons had pretty much had us on the run the whole time.

  “You know it will take us an hour to charge our engines. Correct?”

  “Yes, that is correct.”

  “Then chase us around for a half hour before you crush us,” I said.

  “You wish to give yourselves more time to escape,” UHF-1 said.

  “Well, duh,” I said. “We each get a little something. You get more footage and we get a chance.”

  There was silence on the other end — calculated silence.

  “The tractor beam has been retracted,” SC said.

  “Move around,” UHF-1 said. “You have fifteen of your minutes.”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “Anything for the fans,” UHF-1 said.

  I slid my finger across my neck, giving my people the signal to cut the transmission. I turned to my team. “You guys have fourteen minutes to come up with something.”

  For the next ten minutes or so we ran around space with the TVTrons on our tail. They would get close enough to nip us but not to destroy us. As the clock ticked down I got impatient.

  “We can tap into the Explorer’s system,” Lobi said, “but its main control computer is completely wiped. So we can’t send it any control commands.”

  Finally, Kymm came with an idea. “Let’s control it from here, via a remote.”

  Lobi and Elvin just looked at each other and smiled. They made a few calculations. “We can give you one shot,” they said.

  Zenna pulled out a spare shuttle control stick that she always kept nearby (don’t ask). She quickly wired it into one of the Searcher’s consoles. Lobi and Elvin made a few more alterations.

  A small window appeared on the main view screen. “This is the view from the Explorer,” Elvin said. “It’s all you have to guide you while you steer.”

  I looked at Kymm. “Which one of us is going to steer this thing?”

  She shook her head. “You’re always better than me at games. I might have enhanced eye sight, but this is going to be more of a go-with-your-gut thing.”

  “Fine, I’ll do it.”

  I looked at GiS who had been silent for longer than I have ever known him to be.

  “You’ve been quiet. No chimp wisdom for me?”

  GiS just shook his head. “No. I only impart my opinion when needed. You’re doing well enough without me.”

  “You think I can handle this?” I said.

  GiS just smiled. “Does it matter? You’re our only chance.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say to that.

  GiS patted me on the shoulder with his foot. “You may not be the brightest cadet. You may not be the best pilot. You may not be the most ambitious.”

  “You’re not building my confidence here, GiS…”

  “Yet despite that, you’re still our best hope. There’s something about you, Baxter, that I can’t put my fingers or toes on. Something we can’t analyze. Somehow when the chips are down you always manage to make the right choice — do the right thing. It’s something that can’t be taught. It’s something that can’t be programmed into machines. It’s something I doubt you even know you do.”

  I smiled. Not because GiS had just given me a compliment, but because this was the long winded GiS I knew.

  “So what you’re saying is, I guess, good…”

  GiS raised an eyebrow. “I guess so. I like to think all the training I have given you does have some effect in the outcome. Maybe not on the guessing part, but on the other parts.”

  The princess and Chriz came running up to us with two of the ambassadors’ staff, one from Earth and one from Aqua. “We’ve got some good news. These guys and I figured out how to supercharge the light-speed engines. We can have them online, fast. We can’t travel long or far, but we can get out of here,” Chriz said.

  “Yes, we’ll have it up it in three minutes,” the princess said proudly. “We Aquarians have a knack for these things.”

  Even with the improvements, we were going to have to time this just right. But if we pulled it off, we’d be able to take out the TVTrons and get out of the way of the shock blast. War would be averted. Two worlds would be saved. Sure, a lot of things would have to go right. My timing was going to have to be near perfect. It was a lot to think about, so I figured it was better not to think about it. No need to put any extra pressure on myself.

  Lobi made a couple of last minute calculations and adjustments. “We’re ready to go!” he said.

  Zenna handed me the control stick. I took a deep breath. “This is jus
t like playing a video game,” I said, trying to reinforce the idea to myself.

  “True,” Zenna said. “Only if you lose in this game you lose two whole worlds.”

  What could I say? Zenna always calls them like she sees them, for better or for worse.

  I played with the control stick in my hand. It didn’t quite feel like the one on my shuttle, but it was close enough. I took a deep breath. I took another deep breath.

  I looked over at Elvin. He pointed at me. “We’re online in three, two, one. We’re live.”

  I looked at the TVTron Pyramid in the window. It was about 10,000 kilometers away from the Explorer. But I knew that distance would be covered in just a little more than a blink or two of the eye. I pushed the control stick forward. I could see the TVTron pyramid growing larger.

  Kymm looked at me. “We can warp burst on your mark, Baxter.”

  The image of the pyramid grew on the screen. Still, it looked (or felt) like we were a little off. I tilted the stick to the left. I even tilted my body a bit. I don’t know if that really helped, but it made me feel better. The pyramid was now in the center of the screen. Yep, I was going to hit it dead on.

  “You have to time this right, scout,” Ambassador Plant said.

  “He will,” GiS, Princess Amana and Kymm all said.

  The image of the pyramid shifted in the screen. I tilted the stick a bit to right. The image centered again.

  UHF-1 one appeared on the main screen. “Interesting, humans. You have made this quite enjoyable to our viewers.”

  A few regular TVTrons rolled up to UHF-1. “Sir, we calculate the humans have a 70 percent chance of destroying us.”

  UHF-1 just smiled. “Ah, the things we do for our viewers.”

  I made one slight adjustment on the control stick. The pyramid was now dead in my sites.

  “Now! Warp!” I shouted.

  The small window on the screen was lit up by a fiery explosion. We could only see it for a tic, though, as the image on the main screen inverted. We had escaped into negative space. I exhaled slowly. Our ship rocked up and down. Okay, maybe I exhaled a bit too soon. “I’ve never felt hyperspace this bumpy,” one of the politicians said.

  “We pulled a bit of the explosion’s aftershock into hyperspace with us,” SC said.

  The ship continued to rock and shake.

  “I didn’t think that was possible,” Chriz said.

  “Apparently it is,” SC said. “Not to worry though. I compute the ship will hold together. Not only that, but we will outrun the shock wave in, three, two, one… Now.”

  The shaking stopped.

  “See,” SC said. “I learned the countdown thing from you humans. We are in the clear now.”

  A cheer erupted. Human and Aquarians started hugging each other. The princess ran up to me and hugged me. “I knew you could do it, Baxter!” she said. Not sure what felt better — being safe, or the hug.

  Chapter 22

  The next day or so proved very interesting. On the trip back to Earth, the humans and Aquarians actually got to talk. They made more progress on that one-day trip than they had in weeks of negotiating.

  When we got back the station, I was greeted as a hero. Though most of the general population was left in the dark (they didn’t want to scare them), word still managed to leak out. At least among the scouts, the troops and the politicians. There were a few politicians who thought that even though I did stop a war from happening, I did it at the cost of a multibillion dollar Earth ship. Therefore they tried to pass a motion that my pay be docked for well, forever. Luckily the motion was shot down 280 to 20.

  The princess had decided to stay on Earth and act as a goodwill ambassador. I was happy about that as she said she would make frequent trips to our base to make sure it was in working order. And well, for other things.

  I had learned a lot about myself. I may not have been genetically engineered to be perfect but I still had my own gifts. In fact we all did. I had also learned a lot about my crew and my scout-mates. We were all different. We all had our strengths. We all had a weakness or two. That’s why we needed to work together to make each other a little better. Our whole was greater than the sum of our parts. By helping each other we helped the world. By helping the world we helped make the universe better. Isn’t that the point of our existence?

  “You look tired, Scout,” GiS said, as he saw me sitting alone in the mess hall.

  “It’s been a long last couple of days,” I told him as I took a sip of tea.

  He looked at his wrist communicator then he looked at me. “It’s 23:49, you should be in bed.”

  I smiled.

  “Same old GiS, I see.”

  GiS actually returned my smile. “Why shouldn’t I be? I like me the way I am. I also like the results I get from training you the way I do.”

  I guess I couldn’t argue with that logic. Maybe I could, but it wouldn’t do me any good. It was late. I needed to hit the sack. Sure I had been a part of something good, something special. I wasn’t the same as I was before the mission, that was true. Heck, it looked like I had a girlfriend, who was a princess from another planet. So things had changed. But I was still me, Baxter Moon, Galactic Scout. GiS was still my superior. I still needed sleep.

  I stood up. “You’re right, Commander. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Yes, bright and early at 0600 hours.”

  I gave him a polite salute. Which he returned.

  I started toward the door.

  “Scout Moon,” GiS called to me.

  I stopped and turned to him. “Yes?”

  GiS gave me a nod. “You did good, my boy. You did good. I’m proud of you.”

  I gave him another salute. “I couldn’t have done it without you, my team and a lot of other people.”

  “Yes, I know, but the important thing is you know that too.” He gave me a salute. “Sleep well, Scout. That’s an order.”

  I turned and headed for my room. I felt good, better about myself than I had in a long, long time. I finally knew that this was where I belonged. Better yet, I knew that this was only the start. Things were sure to get even more interesting from here on.

  The End

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  John Zakour is a humor/sf/fantasy writer with a Master's degree in Human Behavior. He has written thousand of gags for syndicated comics, comedians, and TV shows (including Rugrats and The Tonight Show). John currently writes his own syndicated comics, Working Daze and Maria’s Day, for Universal Press. He also has been a contributor to Nickelodeon magazine, writing Fairly Odd Parents, Rugrats, and Jimmy Neutron comic books. John also writes Simpsons comics for Bongo Comics. John has written seven humorous SF novels for Daw Books (the first, The Plutonium Blonde, was named the funniest SF book of 2001 by The Chronicle of Science Fiction), three YA books, four humorous self-help books and three books on HTML.

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