by S. T. Bende
“I wish I knew. We’ve all wondered how she ended up crazy.” Inga carefully painted a deep plum on her little finger. “Her dad died when she was young, and she came to live in Asgard not long after. I’m not all that sure where she came from. It had to be somewhere really awful, the way she acts.”
“That’s sad.” I painted a stripe of white on my thumb. I wanted French tips.
“I think she latched onto the idea of being with Ull, since he’d lost his dad too. And she was always a good fighter. And a good skier. Physically, she is a lot like Ull, but that’s where the similarities end. She’s a complete basket-case, and Ull does everything he can to live the most structured life possible. He could never have considered her.”
“I’m glad.” I moved on to my next finger.
“It was kind of fabulous to see you hold your own.” Inga giggled. “You didn’t let her digs phase you at all.”
“Told you I could take care of myself.”
“Yes, you can.” Inga painted her thumb with a flourish.
“Inga.” I appraised my fingers. The French tips were looking pretty good.
“Yes?”
“You know I have to talk to Ull about this no-access thing, right? I can’t have him controlling every aspect of my life—especially if he’s using you to do it.”
“I know.” Inga looked up. “But could you maybe wait until I’m out of the house to let him know I told you? I don’t want to fight with him this close to the wedding. He might not let me be involved with the planning anymore.”
“Organizing it means that much to you?”
“Oh, yes.” Inga’s smile stretched from ear to ear. “It’s not every day you get to see your best friends get married. We’ve waited for-bloody-ever for Ull to let himself be happy. And getting such a great friend in the process, well, it’s just all kinds of fabulous.”
When she put it like that, it was hard to be upset at her for following Ull’s overbearing orders. But Ull and I definitely needed to have a little chat.
Stewing wasn’t an attractive habit, but it was one I’d probably never break. Maybe it was because I had such a long fuse, but once I got angry, irritation crawled into my head and set up a tent. There was no turning it off—even in my sleep. Knowing my penchant for nocturnal imaginings, and knowing how truly frustrated I was with Ull’s overprotective behavior, I probably should have just pulled an all-nighter.
But I didn’t.
So I shouldn’t have been surprised to watch my subconscious-self storm into Ull’s bachelor weekend campsite. In the dream it was the middle of the night. I wore cargo pants and combat boots, and I’d smeared black paint beneath my eyes. Apparently I was gearing up for a fight on every possible level.
It should have been funny, but it was downright scary. Everything about my face screamed fury, from the deep V between my eyes, to the divot beneath my cheekbones, to the harsh set of my jaw. The air was cold thanks to a thick fog resting over the lake, but it crackled with the tension radiating off my skin. As I watched myself march toward Ull’s tent, I was surprised by the metallic taste of blood. Only then did I realize I was biting my cheek to keep from shouting.
“Ull Myhr.” I stood outside the tent, hands on hips. “Get out here this instant.”
There was some shuffling inside the tent. Then Ull poked his head out. His hair was disheveled, his stubble bordering on a full beard. His eyes lit up when he saw me, and he stepped out of the tent, zipping it closed behind him.
“Hei hei,” he murmured. He put a hand on the small of my back to draw me in for a kiss.
“Get your hands off me.” I shoved him with uncharacteristic strength.
“What did I do?” Ull tilted his head to the side.
“What did you do?” A family of ducks took flight at my tone. Whatever. “You darned well know what you did. What you’re doing! You told Inga not to let me around Skadi. You’ve got a list, an actual list of people I can’t associate with. You’re trying to control my life!”
“Bloody well right I am.” Ull spoke so matter-of-factly, I took a step back.
“What?”
“Bloody well right I am.” Ull repeated. “You are a mortal, Kristia. You cannot make these kinds of decisions for yourself.”
His condescension was grossly out of character, even in a nightmare.
“Who do you think you are? You don’t get to decide who I hang out with. If I want to meet Skadi, then I’ll meet Skadi. Or whoever else I decide I want to associate with. This is my life, not yours. So back off.”
Amusement danced across Ull’s perfect face. “Not likely.” He pulled a bracelet out of his pocket and attached it to my wrist.
“Jewelry is not going to make this better—ouch! What is this thing? It’s pinching me.”
“It is a tracker.”
“A what?”
“A tracker.” Ull patted my head, like I was a confused child. “Tyr—our God of War—uses them to keep tabs on undesirables.”
“Did you just call me undesirable?” I tried to rip the bracelet off, but it wouldn’t budge. Now my skin burned where it touched me. “What is happening?”
“It is melding to your skin. The pain will wear off in a minute or two.”
Tears pricked at my eyes. Ull just tagged me with a skin-melding bracelet? Because I was undesirable? This nightmare stunk worse than the cow patties on the homestead.
“Why would you do this?”
“Because you refuse to understand that when it comes to your safety, I know better than you. The bracelet will track your movements and send them to my phone. If you attempt to go anywhere I have not approved, or fraternize with anyone I do not trust, I will be notified. And I will transport to wherever you are, and stop you.”
“You put a GPS on my wrist? Who does that?”
“I do.” Ull’s eyes darkened. “This is for your own good, Kristia. You just need to trust me.”
“You need to trust me!” I cried. “When are you going to start trusting me to handle myself in your world? What do I have to do to prove myself to you?”
The message hit me like a bolt of lightning, and I was sucked out of the field through a vortex in the fog. As the forest whipped past me, I saw Ull frozen by his tent, a shell-shocked expression on his face. That was it, really; that was what all of my frustrations boiled down to.
What did I have to do to prove to Ull that I could handle myself in his world? When would he start believing that I could be everything my prophecy promised I would become?
The vortex changed course so I was flying toward my makeshift bed on Inga’s couch. With a jolt I was back to reality, shivering under the thick blankets. My body realized I was awake before my brain did. My hand reached reflexively for my wrist, feeling for the traitorous GPS bracelet. It wasn’t there and it never had been. It hadn’t been real—it was only a nightmare. Ull would never hurt me. Ever.
But it was starting to feel like he might never trust me, either. Forever was an awfully long time to spend with someone if they would never be able to believe in you. It didn’t have to happen today, or even next week. Rome wasn’t built in a day… and I couldn’t realistically expect Ull to let go of a lifetime of fears just because we were about to say, “I do.”
But I had to know he’d let go eventually. Because whether the GPS bracelet was real or a dream-induced metaphor, I couldn’t spend the rest of my existence with someone looking over my shoulder. I had to be free to grow into the goddess everyone expected me to be; the goddess I knew I was meant to become.
I had to be free to be me.
Chapter Eight
“HELLO DARLING.” ULL GREETED me with a warm kiss when he got back the next night. True to form, Inga had dumped Gunnar’s luggage in their room and whisked him out of the house to give us some privacy. I hadn’t mentioned my dream, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to know I was going to interrogate Ull about his latest overprotective maneuver the minute he walked through the door. Inga was nobody’
s fool; she wanted to avoid a fight.
“Hi.” I kissed Ull back and quickly moved to the couch. “We need to talk.”
“Sounds serious.” Ull was still in a good mood, obviously relaxed from two days of fishing. “You are not having cold feet?”
“No. But I do have a concern. A big one.” A night-terror level, electroshock-GPS-bracelet-imagining big one.
“Are you nervous about exams? We have a whole week left to study, and I am happy to help you prepare. Trust me, Kristia, you will do just fine. You are an exceptional student.”
“This isn’t about school.”
Ull sat next to me on the couch and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Spill.”
“Okay. First of all, would you ever put an electroshock bracelet on me to track my moments?”
“What? Why would I do something absurd? Would I happen to be insane in that scenario?”
“I don’t know. To protect me?” I bit my bottom lip.
“No. Of course I would never do something that cruel. I would never knowingly hurt you. You know this—or at least, I hope you do. You are my world. Kristia, where is this coming from?”
“Don’t ask,” I muttered. Then I lifted my chin to stare him down. “Were you going to tell me about your no-access list? Or any other rules you’ve composed to control my life?”
“Pardon?”
I jumped to my feet and paced in front of the fireplace. “Are you planning to spend the rest of my existence making up arbitrary laws you think will keep me under your thumb, then having our friends enforce them for you? Because that’s not the life I want to sign up for.”
“Kristia—”
“Why would you think it’s okay to control who I spend time with? What I do?” My footsteps fell so hard, the framed photos on the mantel shook.
“You think I want to control you?” Ull furrowed his brow.
“I know you do!” My frustration piqued—I could feel my eyes burning. “And it’s not okay. You set up rules for Inga to enforce, and you didn’t even tell me.”
“Kristia Tostenson, listen to me right now. I left you in Inga’s care. You did not think I would leave your side without making sure you had the best protection possible, did you?”
“Protection?”
“Yes. Protection. You have no idea what will come after you when your identity gets out. So long as you are mortal, there is very little I will not do to keep you safe. Though I would not resort to shock therapy to protect you. Where would you get an idea like that?” Ull shook his head. “I gave Inga a list of people I wanted kept away from you to ensure your safety. What would have happened if Skadi had come around while you were having one of your visions? She is not of sound mind. I do not want her anywhere near you, especially when you are unconscious and unable to defend yourself. I asked Inga to look after you while I was away. And I would do it again.”
“Well…” I paused. I crossed back to the couch and sat, tucking my knees under my chin. “Fine. I get the list. But I felt really stupid when your crazy ex-lover showed up.”
“Skadi was never my lover,” Ull corrected fiercely. “And what do you mean she showed up? When was she here?”
“Yesterday. I think she came by to scare me off.”
“Did she?”
“Hardly.” I rolled my eyes. “It takes a lot more than a manipulative woman to freak me out.”
“What did she want?”
“She said she just wanted to congratulate us. But she was wearing an awful lot of makeup for a social call.” I waited for Ull to say something, but he’d squeezed his eyes shut.
“Ull? You would never leave me for Skadi, would you? Ull?” I grabbed his face with both hands and stared until he opened his eyes. When he did I could see tears of laughter in their corners.
“I am sorry, my love. I just pictured Skadi in makeup.” His shoulders shook with pent-up amusement. “I have changed my mind. I am very glad I was not here to see that. It must have been terrible.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “She is a seriously strange woman.”
“I know. And listen to me. I cannot keep saying this. There was never anything between Skadi and me. I want nothing more than for her to stay as far away from you and me as possible. Do you understand?” I sat back against the cushions, relieved I didn’t have any real competition from the goddess in the skimpy top.
“What concerns me is why she was here. I do not believe for one minute she wanted to offer congratulations. Skadi is not stable, Kristia. Who knows what she could have done if something had set her off? You should have listened to Inga and left her outside,” Ull growled, his irritation renewed. “How am I supposed to keep you out of harm's way if you defy every safeguard I have set in place for you?”
I shoved my hand through my hair with annoyance. It always came back to this. “That’s what I keep telling you. I don’t need to be constantly looked after. I took care of her myself.”
“This time. But what if she’d been in a darker place? You do not understand what Skadi is capable of.” Ull stared out the window.
“That’s on you—you never told me about her. I can’t protect myself from dangers I don’t know are out there.” Or from an irate deity with a personality that could tick off the Pope.
“I do not want you to protect yourself. Inga, Gunnar and I are much stronger than you, at least for now. We can take far better care of you.”
“I get that. But at some point in this relationship you are going to have to start trusting me.” We stared at each other for a long time. I was seriously frustrated.
Ull reached for my hand. “I know you are upset. I am sorry I was not upfront with you.”
“You have to start trusting me,” I pleaded for what felt like the hundredth time.
“I know,” Ull whispered. “But it scares me. If anything ever were to happen to you…”
“I get it. I do,” I conceded. “But this marriage is never going to work if you don’t let me share all of your world—the good and the bad.”
“All right. I will.” Ull drew a breath. “Please know that I have every confidence in you. At the same time, I have no confidence in the worlds around you. There is nothing you cannot accomplish once you set your stubborn little mind to it, and nobody knows that better than me. But you have to understand that what you see as overbearing, I see as protecting you. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. You are my reason for living.”
“I know. And you’re mine.” I cupped his cheek in my hand. “And so long as you start being honest with me,” I stressed the last words, “we are going to be just fine.”
“I know we are.” Ull leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on my neck. I nestled my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. It had been a long week.
“You have enough pens?” Ull stared at my desk. It was the day of our Mythology final, and we were waiting on Professor Carnicke’s word to begin.
“You can never be too prepared.” I snuck a glance at Ull’s desk. It was empty, except for his exam notebook and a single writing instrument.
“But seven pens? Seriously, Kristia. Five pens might give out on you, but surely not six.”
There was barely time to give Ull my most irritated glare before Professor Carnicke stepped up to the podium. “And, begin,” she announced. She clicked the overhead projector to on, bringing our final exam topic to the white screen.
Citing references from myths of each culture we studied this year, what themes most resonate with today’s society? Which, if any, are obsolete?
I whipped the notebook open and clicked pen number one.
Themes. Common themes. Creation, naturally, played a part in each culture’s mythology. Who we were and where we’d come from was a red-letter question even thousands of years ago.
The afterlife was big too. Every society had wanted reassurance that there was more to our existence than the mortal realm. My teeth grazed the tip of my pen. Those were too obvious. At lea
st half my classmates would hit on those themes, and even if I dropped bits from the Greek, Indian, Egyptian, Celtic and Norse lessons we’d had, my essay would still get lost in the crowd. I needed something original—something that would make me stand out from the hundred other students. Something Professor Carnicke had never seen before…
The seat next to me squeaked as Ull shifted his considerable form. He wrote lazily in his booklet, seemingly unconcerned with crafting an earth-shattering, original essay. Meanwhile, I was so obsessed with making top marks in my classes that I was a knotted mess of barely-brushed hair and yesterday’s sweatpants. My fingers were cramped so tightly around pen number one that my knuckles locked up. Shifting the pen to my mouth, I realized my lower lip was practically raw from my worrying it. I also realized the pen was clicking against my teeth. Apparently the three energy drinks I’d downed after my all-nighter had made me jittery. Next to me, Ull drew a calm breath and continued writing. Of course he could be relaxed—thanks to his blind faith in those ridiculous prophecies, he knew exactly how the rest of his existence was going to unfold. He didn’t have to worry about impressing professors or acing exams, or what he was going to do when he graduated. Besides worrying about Ragnarok, he never questioned where his life was going or what was coming next. He didn’t have to—he had Norns to do that for him.
Without warning, the exam room disappeared. Now, I was in a small wooded grove. Ferns and ivy laced the ground surrounding a small pond, with a positively massive tree rising from the other side of the water. Three tiny women moved toward the tree, each clad in a filmy ivory gown. On closer inspection, I could see they were pouring water on the tree’s roots.
Yggdrasil. The world tree. This must be the home of The Three Sisters. Which made those three women… The Fates.
One of the women reached into the air. Sunlight danced off her deep burgundy hair as she moved, flecks of crimson reflecting in the pond’s still surface. A piece of parchment appeared in her fingers, and she pulled it to her. She unrolled the scroll, and stared at the page. Her sisters continued to bring water to the tree, one bucket at a time.
