The China Doll

by Deborah Nam-Krane

  Jessie got under the covers. "Will you read me a story?" she asked sleepily. "Mommy always reads me a story and then sings me a lullaby."

  "Okay, sweetie." Richard found an old Doctor Seuss book. He’d finished half of the story when he noticed that Jessie’s eyes were closed. He waited a minute, then kissed her little cheek where it wasn’t bruised. He shut off the light and went downstairs.

  He dialed the phone. Miranda picked up.

  "Hi, Richard," she said sweetly. "Why are you calling so late?"

  "I need to ask Michael something."

  "Ugh!" Miranda said. "What did he do now?"

  "It’s really bad," Richard lied. "I really need to talk to him right now."

  "Okay," Miranda said reluctantly.

  A moment later, Richard heard a slight tussle, then Michael finally came on. "Richard, what are you telling that little twit?"

  "Be quiet, Michael!" he heard Miranda shout.

  "Get out of here, you little princess!" Richard heard a door slam. "What did I do now?" Michael asked wearily.

  "Nothing, Michael. I’m really sorry, but I need a big favor, and you can’t tell Miranda or anyone, okay?"

  "Yeah, okay."

  When the babysitter returned thirty minutes later, she found Richard hard at work on his last few math problems at the kitchen table. "You’re such a good boy," she said as she put some things into the refrigerator. Richard smiled uncomfortably, knowing what was going to come the next day.

  ~~~

  Michael looked up. He remembered. "That’s why you invited me over! Bastard! I didn’t get to watch TV for two weeks that summer because of you!"

  "I asked you to do your magic on the babysitter—setting all of her clothes on fire was a bit over the top, even for you."

  "You told me you wanted to make sure she quit. I was just doing my job." He smiled. "That was just to keep Jessie there?" He shook his head. "Richard, why didn’t you just tell me? I could have helped."

  "You might have said something to Miranda, and then she might have said something to Alex."

  "I could have been trusted not to say anything."

  Richard smiled. "You were ten."

  "And you were twelve." Michael took a deep breath. "I never knew."

  "Thank you for having the decency to feel bad," Richard said quietly. "Too bad no one else felt the same way."

  Michael was silent for a moment. "How do you know she killed him?"

  "She said she’d take care of it so he couldn’t hurt Jessie anymore. Come on Michael, it didn’t take a genius."

  "Hmm." Michael smiled.

  "What?"

  "I guess I understand." He raised his eyebrows. "Life versus the person you love. Sometimes it’s not much of a choice."

  CHAPTER 19

  As soon as Zainab and Emily had gotten to Emily’s house the night before, Emily had gone through every drawer and closet she had spent so much time organizing and dragged out all of Mitch’s stuff. She threw it all into suitcases, and when she ran out of room, she used garbage bags. She threw the bags downstairs and triple locked the doors. Zainab heard a car drive up two hours later. She looked outside and saw Mitch and Martin outside. Mitch looked up. Zainab waved, but Mitch was too heartbroken to do the same.

  Emily made Zainab talk about Richard, because talking about Mitch was too hard right now. Zainab didn’t have anything to say. It was over and she wasn’t angry. She still loved Richard and maybe she always would, but they were done.

  Zainab arrived at Richard’s house at nine-thirty the next morning. The security guard smiled when he saw her. She barely managed a smile back. She hoped someone was going to explain what happened to him.

  No one was downstairs. It was better that way. She went into Richard’s room and got out all of her bags. She was packed in twenty minutes. It was good that she’d done this before—it made everything that much quicker.

  "Zainab." She turned around. Jessie stood in the doorway. She had a bathrobe on, but she hadn’t taken off her makeup. "What time is it?"

  "Just about ten."

  "What are you doing?" She rubbed her eyes again. "Oh, right." She flopped her hands down. "I’m so sorry."

  Zainab forgot her emotional exhaustion. "Jessie, don’t. I’m sorry. I never should have let you see that jerk, and he had no right to rip up your life last night."

  Jessie had screamed at Richard and Miranda, and she would have torn Emily’s head off just for being correct as usual. But here with Zainab...her lip trembled. "Richard’s a liar, right? He lied to you. So he’s able to lie. He must have been lying about my mom. That’s not how she died."

  "He wouldn’t lie to you—"

  "One way or another, he has."

  "—like that." Zainab tried to swallow her own disappointment. "He was trying to protect you."

  Jessie bit her lip. "I don’t want to be protected. I want the truth." Zainab took her hand as Jessie’s eyes teared up. "Oh, Z...you didn’t know, did you?"

  Zainab shook her head. "I didn’t know. And Miranda and Emily didn’t know either. We would have made Richard tell you."

  "Why?"

  "Because friends don’t lie to each other.

  A tear streamed down Jessie’s cheek. "No, that’s what we have men for." She wiped her face. "What about Emily?"

  "Angry."

  "What else is new?"

  "Other than the fact that she kicked Mitch out?"

  Jessie was horrified. "What about Hellie?"

  "Hellie’s staying with Emily, but Emily’s not going to keep Mitch from his daughter."

  "Here it was looking like someone was going to have a father and mother their whole life, then stupid Bob had to go and ruin that." Jessie buried her face in her hands for a moment. "Stupid Bob. Stupid Mitch. Stupid Richard. Stupid me."

  Zainab held Jessie while she sobbed. Jessie put her head on Zainab’s shoulder. "I really hate Richard right now, you know that? Now you have to go, and you’re the only thing that’s good. And he wasn’t supposed to be such a screw up, that’s what I was for."

  Zainab held back her own tears. "I never thought you were a screw up."

  Jessie looked up and smiled through her tears. "Nice try."

  Zainab laughed, but she kept herself from crying. "Don’t be mad, honey. He’s still all the good things he was before. He just made a mistake."

  "A mistake you can forgive him for?" Jessie asked quickly.

  Zainab sighed. "I forgive him. I don’t expect you to understand any better than Emily did, but I’m not angry with him. I still love him. I still hope we can be in each other’s lives, because he’s been so much to me. But I can’t be more. I can’t pretend any more, and I don’t want to watch him do the same."

  Jessie looked at the floor and nodded. "But what about me?" she asked finally. "What are we going to be?"

  "We’re always going to be family, Jess. No matter what else happens with Richard. Just like you and Miranda."

  Jessie looked back at her. "You realize that Miranda and I are actually sort of related after all, right?"

  Zainab laughed. "Okay, then like you and Emily. And you’re going to come visit us, right? I think Emily will need as much company as she can get."

  "You’re moving in with Emily?"

  "Yeah," Zainab nodded. "It just seems best." She paused. "I guess I don’t want to be alone either."

  CHAPTER 20

  At eleven o’clock, Emily was hard at work. Miranda escaped to the café for her third cup of coffee. Emily was nothing less than officious with everyone else in the office and nearly ripped Carlos’ head off when he told her that he hadn’t finished his documentation yet. After that, everyone decided they should give her a wide berth.

  Richard finally walked in. Emily glanced up from her computer screen. "Where have you been?"

  Richard sighed. He had not been looking forward to this. "With Michael."

  "Wow, this just gets better and better, doesn’t it?" She sat back. "And how is Mister Abbot? Did he
detail his elaborate stalking of Miranda? Is he the one sending Jessie those weird notes? Because I’ve always thought—"

  "Michael isn’t the bad guy here!" Richard stormed off and slammed his door. Emily slammed her hand onto the table and followed him.

  "You’re right—you are," she said as she slammed his door again. "Let me ask you something. Do you really think saving Jessie, being Michael’s only connection to decent humanity and rescuing me from Drew gets you a free pass to screw around? Or is it just that you had lousy parents? So did I, buddy, and I’ve never stepped out on my husband."

  "I’m not making excuses for myself."

  "Right. You don’t make excuses. You just stand there and let people pile stones on your back. Or you flagellate yourself if you feel like your burden got too light. You’re too much of a coward to be happy."

  "I was happy with Zainab, alright? But I can’t give her what she wants."

  "Because being a husband is harder than the rest of this freak show?"

  "Yes!" Richard yelled. "Family is everything, and it should all rest on a good marriage. I think you’ll agree when I say that I don’t know what the Hell that’s supposed to look like."

  "It is painfully obvious that I’m not an expert either, but I think it’s supposed to be different for everyone. You and Zainab could have figured it out."

  "Yeah, well I guess I’ve pretty well shot that to Hell, haven’t I?"

  Emily narrowed her eyes. "You idiot. You did it on purpose, didn’t you?"

  "I didn’t," he said sullenly. "I just—I wanted to check on Sophie. Sometimes I do that. After Michael and Drew—I kept in touch just to make sure she was okay. God, I might have even mentioned that to Zainab a couple of times. It wasn’t a secret. And then one time—it just seemed—like what I was supposed to do."

  Emily looked at the floor. "Yes, that is exactly how you screw up a good thing." She sat down and reminded herself that Richard was that big brother she’d always wished she’d had when she was younger. Like he was for everyone. "Richard...how did you know about your mother?"

  "Because I just did," Richard said wearily. "She could hardly stand it when he was in the room, and he was always heartbroken. But he could never admit why. Sometimes she’d deign to let him kiss her cheek, or hold hands for a minute. And she looked like she wanted to die or be anywhere else. And she never—there was never any man she seemed happy around." He scoffed. "Not the way she was around Joanna."

  "You knew Joanna when you were younger?"

  "Oh yeah," Richard said, looking at some distant object. "Joanna was over for dinner quite a bit. Sometimes Dad was there. I bet she got a real kick out of flaunting her mistress right under Dad’s nose, and Dad not having a clue."

  "God, Richard." Emily felt sick for him. "Why didn’t you tell me?"

  "Tell you that your new boss, who was giving you everything you needed, used to be my mother’s lover and was a factor in my father’s death? I guess I couldn’t come up with a way to make that anything but awkward." He shrugged. "It wasn’t your problem."

  "You’re my friend," Emily said, and wished she had a better word for him. "I’d have happily let it be my problem."

  His eyes thanked her, but he shook his head. "My mother’s poison. I wouldn’t share with anyone, especially not the people I care about."

  "Richard, I can’t believe I have to say this to you, but there’s nothing wrong...she didn’t do anything wrong."

  "Yes, she did. She married my father when she didn’t love him. He worshipped her, and she couldn’t stand him. Why did he deserve that? And he didn’t know—I could tell." He looked down at his desk. "And then he figured it out, and he couldn’t live with it. She’d never love him the way he loved her. That’s what I can’t forgive her for."

  "I don’t like your mother, but last night, she didn’t look like someone who would go out of her way to hurt you or your father. I know that doesn’t make a lie okay, but I think she was doing her best."

  "Aren’t we all?" He turned on his computer. "Emily, we’re going to have to make some changes around here. I’m going to tell you now, but I need you to keep this quiet until I finalize everything."

  CHAPTER 21

  At three o’clock, Miranda fell asleep at her desk for the fourth time. "That’s it!" Emily said, then walked her down to her car. "Go home and get some sleep, and I don’t want to see your ass in here again until you’re awake!"

  "Who made you the boss?"

  "Who’s going to stop me?"

  Miranda went home and crashed. She woke up at nine in the evening when her phone rang. Without thinking, she answered. "Hello?"

  "Miranda, please don’t hang up," Alex said.

  Miranda fell back on her bed. "Alex, I’m exhausted. Really. I can’t talk about this now, and I’m not sure when I’m going to be able to."

  "You have every reason to be upset with me, but please give me a chance to explain. Not now, but maybe tomorrow night."

  "Tomorrow night? What’s tomorrow night?"

  "Camelot."

  She really was tired. "Alex, I don’t know if it’s a good idea at this point."

  "Please, don’t make any decision now. Just think about it tomorrow, and I’ll call you in the afternoon."

  "Fine."

  "Sleep well, my love." Then he hung up. Miranda stared at the ceiling again, but before she could torment herself, she remembered seeing Michael that morning. She smiled despite herself and fell back asleep.

  ~~~

  Miranda woke up early. Unable to get back to sleep, she decided that she’d hit the gym. It was too early for a class, but she could probably jump on one of the cardio machines.

  She found a treadmill and ran for an hour. She hated running, but it felt good to get some of the craziness out of her system. It was nice for an hour to not think about Alex or Michael or Richard or that creep Robert. But she couldn’t stop thinking of her girlfriends.

  She got off the treadmill and walked up the stairs to the stretching area. She lunged. Oh God—so tight. She envied Emily’s natural flexibility, especially now. She hissed as she felt her hip flexor release. She switched sides, then sat back on her heel to stretch her hamstring.

  "Hmm, I can see how that might be useful."

  Miranda lost her balance and fell over. She didn’t need to look up to know who it was. "Jesus!" she said as she tried to rearrange her limbs.

  Michael smiled at her like he was undressing her. Her heart beat fast again. He held out his hand. "Did I not mention that I joined this gym?"

  She grabbed his hand and let him pull her up. He was sweating and a little red. He was wearing a tank top and shorts. His arms and legs looked very muscular. "What a coincidence," she said, grabbing her hands behind her and arching back.

  He moved behind her and eased her back up. "Sit down," he said.

  "Excuse me?"

  "I need to stretch too. You can help."

  "Fine."

  He smiled, then lay down on the floor and lifted one of his legs. "You have to push my leg in to me." He took her hands and put them either side of his thigh. "Yeah, just keep your hands there. But maybe move in a little closer."

  She knew she was blushing. "Did you just start working out?"

  "Nope. This was part of rehab, believe it or not."

  He switched legs, but this time he put her hands a little lower. She glared but didn’t move. "Who knew you’d be willing to put in all this hard work?"

  He sat up and came nose to nose with her. "You of all people should know how hard I can work when I’m motivated." He moved so close that their lips were almost touching. He smiled. "And what do you know? I guess I like being in fighting form."

  "Fighting?" She pulled back, then pushed him over. "You jerk! You’re the one who was hogging the sparring room last week!"

  He rolled up. "That was me," he said in a sing song voice. "I don’t know—should I have let you in?"

  "Yeah—then I could have beaten you up for following me.
"

  "Hey, this is my usual gym time. What are you doing here now? How do I know that you’re not the one following me this time?"

  "Oh yeah, you caught me," she said, rolling her eyes.

  "Did I?" he asked, taking her hand. Her skin tingled. "What do I get to do with you now?"

  "Why do you keep doing this when you know I can’t give you a different answer?"

  "Because your arguments are so unconvincing."

  "Maybe I should just send Jessie or Richard or Emily to say it for me."

  "Even worse, because I don’t care what any of them think."

  "Fine. Then I’ll try one more time. We have the same grandfather. We are cousins. We can’t do this."

  "See, as I recall, we did it pretty well. And lightning didn’t strike us. Maybe that big guy had better things to do with his time then get in the way of two people who are madly in love with each other."

  "Yes—it’s madness."

  "It’s legal."

  "That doesn’t make it safe."

  "You used to like riding the edge a little bit."

  "And then I fell off, and it hurt."

  "But I’m not going to hurt you."

  "You did once, remember?"

  He rested his hand on hers. "Is that what this is about?"

  Miranda’s eyes welled up. "No." It was the truth. "But you’re capable, just as I am of hurting you. And I don’t want to hurt you."

  He tightened his grip. "Then don’t."

  She sprang up. "I’m late for work," she said as she ran down the stairs. She showered and dressed quickly, then ran into the elevator before Michael could catch her. She dialed Alex’s number. "Alex, I’ve decided. I really do want to see Camelot tonight. What time should I meet you?" She got off the elevator and ran out into the street before Michael could have a chance to find her. Then she dialed Doctor Wolfe’s number. "I was wondering if Doctor Wolfe had any time today?"