Divine and Dateless

by Tara West

  Boner took to Jack immediately, calling him his “Buddy” and leading him into the kitchen for leftovers. Grim dogged my heels while Crow showed me around the place. My bedroom had a beautiful antique canopy bed with a baby blue satin bedspread and fluffy matching pillows. Someone had already taken the liberty of retrieving my things from my apartment. My grandma’s dresses were hanging neatly in the walk-in closet, along with a few ugly blue T-shirts and gym shorts. My room had its own balcony with wicker patio furniture and a staircase that led to a huge backyard with lots of pines, blackberry bushes, and grass. Now Jack had plenty of room to play and do his business, and I no longer had to take him to the park three blocks away.

  The bathroom down the hall was nice, too, with a deep antique tub, complete with claw feet, double sinks, and a separate shower. Crow told me I had to share it with the other woman in our squad, but he assured me she hardly used it. I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

  Grim grumbled about every little thing during the whole tour, starting with the distance between my new home and his apartment.

  After the tour, we went back to the common room and found Jack doing tricks for treats with Boner, who was feeding him chocolate chip cookies. I so was not looking forward to those stink piles tomorrow. Grim fell onto the sofa, hung his head, and swore, making it obvious how unhappy he was with the situation. So far, though, I thought my situation had vastly improved.

  Crow led me over to a middle-aged woman with straggly blonde hair sitting in a rocking chair beside the fireplace. She was staring at the ashes, mumbling to herself as she rocked back and forth, and toyed with the frayed edges of her tie-dyed shirt.

  "Ash, I'd like you to meet Basil," Crow said.

  "Basil,"–he enunciated each word loud and slow as if she had hearing problems—"this is Ash."

  She stopped rocking and looked up at me with a glazed-over expression. "Do you know why there are no flies in Purgatory?" Her scratchy voice had a haunting lilt which sent shivers racing up my spine.

  "Uh, no." I looked over at Crow, who responded with a casual shrug.

  She turned back to the fireplace, her voice dropping to a dull monotone. "It's a conspiracy."

  "Basil's our psychic." Boner came up to us with Jack trotting at his heels. "She saw you coming. Basil," he yelled, "when will my Chinese delivery be here?"

  "Not for another hour," she said in that same spooky, lifeless tone.

  "What?" Boner made a big show of checking his watch. "I ordered it over an hour ago!"

  "You forgot to tip last time," she answered before pushing out of her chair and saying to no one in particular, “I need to take my meds.” She grabbed a tall blue bong off the fireplace mantel and left the room, her broomstick skirt making a rustling sound as it dragged across the floor.

  Boner turned to me. "You hungry, Ash?"

  I shook my head, in no mood to explain my food issues. "No, thanks."

  "We don’t do much cooking around here," he said, "since food and lodging are free."

  "Really?" I perked up at that. This job was sounding better and better. If free food and lodging included all the chocolate I could eat and cable TV, Purgatory would be almost Heaven.

  "Yeah," he answered in his usual warm tone, "one of the perks of being a ghoster."

  "Not enough to make up for the dangers," Grim cut in.

  I looked over my shoulder to see him hovering, and I found myself wishing he'd go back to sulking on the sofa.

  "So what are you?" Boner asked with a sarcastic edge. "Her boyfriend or something?"

  Crow leaned over his cane, chuckling. "Don't you recognize him from level one? He’s a Grim."

  Boner’s sun-kissed skin paled. “Oh, shit. Sorry, dude.” He held out both hands in a defensive gesture. “Didn’t mean any disrespect.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” I answered for Grim before he could respond. I had no idea why Boner had any reason to be afraid, but his eyes widened as he stepped away from Grim.

  Boner pointed to the dog leash Grim held in his hand. “Where’s your scythe?”

  Grim frowned. “I’m not on the job.”

  “Wait a second?” I eyed Grim with suspicion. “Like that big sword thing on a stick? You really have one of those?”

  He nodded. “Yeah.”

  “You didn’t have one the night you got me.” I certainly didn’t remember him carrying a scythe. I was sure if he’d had one, I would have seen it. The only thing big and hard Grim had been packing was tucked away beneath his zipper.

  He folded his arms across his chest, scowling down at me. “I had it, you just didn’t see it.”

  That made no sense, unless, of course, it was some invisible magic weapon. Considering all of the weird shit I’d witnessed since dying, I supposed anything was possible. “What do you need it for?” I asked accusingly.

  “Like I’ve been trying to tell you,” he said with a triumphant gleam in his eyes, “traveling to level one can be dangerous.”

  “Ever decapitate a demon with one of those things?” Boner asked, a note of awe in his voice.

  Grim’s features hardened. “Many times.”

  My knees went weak. “Holy cow!”

  “So you two met when he picked you up?" Boner asked. "Was it love at first sight?”

  I felt the blush creep into my cheeks as I recalled that amazing groping and kissing session. "Something like that." I didn't dare look in Grim's direction, for fear he'd flash his bad boy smile and give us away.

  "Okay, just so you know." Boner waved a hand around the room. "The walls in this place are thin, so you might want to muffle your screams with a pillow."

  Did he really just say that?

  I cringed when I saw Grim tense, clenching his hands into fists. Luckily for Boner, Crow whacked him upside the head with his cane before Grim could get to him.

  "Ouch!" Boner rubbed the back of his head while scowling at Crow. "What’d you do that for?"

  "You're an idiot, that's why," Crow answered before shaking his head and hobbling away.

  Grim grabbed my elbow, his breath a gruff whisper in my ear. "May I speak with you alone?"

  What kind of magic spell had this guy worked on me that one touch, one whisper, turned my legs to jelly and made my super-secret girl spot quiver with need? Pain in the ass or not, the guy still made me horny.

  I let him lead me up to my bedroom, saying nothing as he shut the door behind us. I thought all kinds of bad things as I eyed my canopy bed, like I wondered if the walls really were that thin, and how loudly did the bed springs squeak?

  Fortunately, or unfortunately, Jack came scratching on the door, so Grim let him in. I knew sex would be kind of awkward while listening to the symphony of my dog licking his balls, biting his ass, and itching his neck. Besides, with all the mixed feelings I was having for Grim, I didn't think more sex was a good idea. Too bad, because I couldn't deny last night had been beyond amazing.

  Sex seemed to be the last thing on Grim's mind anyway. He led me to the bed, pushing me onto the mattress before grabbing the railings on the canopy and leaning against my knees.

  "Demons haunt level one, Ash." Shadows fell across his face, and this tormented expression loomed in his gaze. "They prey on spirits like yours. I don’t want anything to happen to you."

  "What would happen if they caught me?" I asked.

  His bright blue eyes turned a dark shade of cobalt. "They’ll take you to Hell."

  "Can’t I just find an elevator and come back up?"

  The lines around his mouth tightened. "It doesn’t work that way."

  Damn. I've had some crappy jobs before, but none entailed getting sucked into the fiery pit of doom. I hoped he was exaggerating, because I wanted so badly for him to be full of shit. Maybe I was in denial, but I couldn't see myself living in a crappy apartment and dealing with Lovelace's attitude much longer. "Shadow said they haven’t had a breach in over fifty years."

  "That doesn’t mean something bad won't happen
to you. I’m sure the Dark One would love to have you on his squad."

  My mouth went bone dry. "The Dark One?" I rasped. "You mean the Devil?"

  "Yes." Grim nodded. "Now do you understand the danger you are facing?"

  I settled a hand on my gut as it twisted into a knot. Somehow I suspected gluten wasn't involved. The prospect of spending the rest of my afterlife in Hell was enough of a reason to shit my pants. Too bad, because I wanted to live at this cool house and not have to worry about food and rent money.

  And then there was the fact that I was supposedly an awesome ghoster. In all my life, I didn't remember being good at anything. My middle school music teacher told me he could lock a cat in a garbage can and throw it down a flight of stairs, and it would still sound better than when I attempted to play the flute. I’d been an average high school student, and a below average law school student. All my relationships had failed, mostly because I was always picking the wrong guy. Basically, I had a history of sucking at everything, and here I was finally good at something. Was I really ready to give that up?

  "I know." I couldn't help the whine that slipped into my voice. "But Shadow said I have a rare talent." Nervous laughter bubbled up in my throat as I clutched my roiling stomach. "Can you believe I had to die to discover I’m actually good at something?"

  Grim's features softened as he stroked my cheek. "Ash, I’m sure there’s plenty you’re good at."

  I hung my head. “You don’t know me very well.”

  He cupped my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. "I do know you, Ash. I know you have a beautiful soul, and I don’t want you to lose it."

  As I looked into his heartfelt gaze, I felt my will melting. How the heck did this guy manage to sway my opinion with just one look? But then I recalled all the Mr. Wrongs in my life telling me what they thought was best for me, and me getting burned in the end. I wanted so badly to believe Grim wasn't like the rest of them. Did he really care for me, or was this just a ploy to keep me under his thumb? Gah! This was all so confusing.

  I pulled back my shoulders and brushed his hand off my face. "Grim, I’m absolving you of all responsibility for my soul."

  A fire lit beneath his gaze as his brows drew together. "Do you think that’s all this is about? That I feel obligated to protect you? Did it ever occur to you that I care about you?"

  His last words sliced right through my heart. How did I know he’d unleash a guilt trip? Only because every other guy I’d dated had manipulated me into obeying them through guilt, too."I won’t let them take me." I tilted my chin, speaking with a confidence I didn't feel. "I promise."

  His face fell. "Ash, if this job goes sour, don’t expect me to retrieve you. The last time I tried to save a woman from Hell, I failed."

  What? He’d lost someone to hell? Was she a lover? A friend? Could this have been the wife Inés had told me about?

  But before I could ask him what he meant, he took a step back, then another. As his shoulders bowed, that mountain of a man seemed to shrink before my eyes.

  I slid off the bed, taking a hesitant step toward him. "Where are you going?"

  He coursed his fingers through his hair as a look of pain crossed his features. "Home."

  Panic turned my limbs to jelly. I didn't want him to leave, not on these terms. "You’re just going to walk out? You’re not even going to say goodbye?"

  "Goodbye, Ash." He turned on his heel and walked away without a backward glance.

  My heart fell to my stomach as a cyclone of confusing emotions swirled in my head. Some part of me was relieved to see him go, and another part felt like he'd ripped out my soul and taken it with him. Why did his goodbye feel more like a permanent farewell?

  I woke up to the roar of a motorcycle engine. Or maybe it was a car engine. Maybe I'd been dreaming. I swatted at my face as I felt a puff of hot breath on my cheek. When a cold snout pressed against my chin, followed by a long, stinky lick across my lips, I tried to roll away from the line of fire, but Jack's tongue darted up my nostril instead.

  "What is it, buddy? Please don't tell me you have to go pee." I tried to push him off me, but he wouldn't stop licking me senseless. Finally, I gave up and threw off the covers. "Oh, all right."

  I heaved myself out of bed and checked the blinking clock on my dresser. Two a.m.! Just great. Hopefully training for my new job didn't start too early in the morning, because after two nights of sucky sleep, I was definitely going to be dragging ass.

  Boner and Crow didn't exactly explain to me what I'd be doing for training, other than they were going to leave it up to Sarge, their team leader. I hadn't met him yet; he'd gone out last night and they wouldn't expect him until morning.

  If I was lucky, Sarge would come home hung over, and I could spend the rest of the day catching up on sleep. Last time I checked in the mirror, my eye circles looked more like eye-sacks and my hair frizz had gone from dandelion on steroids to brillo pad in a paper shredder. Yeah, I definitely needed all the beauty rest I could get.

  Dragging myself out of that big soft bed was harder than I expected. I thought about just popping open the door to my balcony and letting Jack go by himself, but after so long apart, I wasn't ready to let my dog out of my sight. I still hadn't figured out how he’d gotten here, where he’d come from or why he’d decided to stick around for me. I wasn't entirely sure Jack was real. What if he was an illusion? Heck, what if all of this was an illusion, and I was stuck in a coma in some Seattle hospital?

  "Hey, wait up," I called as I cracked open the door and Jack slipped through. I remembered all of those cookies Boner had fed him, and I realized why my dog had a sense of urgency. I sniffed my bedroom. Luckily, I didn't smell any cookie bombs. Jack had always been pretty good about holding it.

  I heaved one foot in front of the other, trudging down my balcony stairs. I thought I saw Jack's wagging tail disappear in the shadows skirting the perimeter of the yard, but it was hard to tell. Luckily, the porch lights illuminated the area pretty well. The last thing I needed was to break my neck falling down a flight of stairs in Purgatory. I wasn't quite sure how dying when I was already dead would work out. Would they take me to the hospital, straighten out my neck, and send me home, or did Purgatory have another Purgatory?

  I realized too late I'd forgotten to put on shoes as I carefully made my way across the smooth grass, praying I didn't step in an ant pile.

  "Jack!" I called into the cool night sky as a shiver stole up my spine. I'd forgotten a robe, too, and I was wearing nothing but my grandma's old-fashioned nightgown, a pale pink thing with frilly sleeves and a hemline all the way to my ankles.

  As I neared the edge of the yard, I thought I saw a person among the trees. I shook my head and did a double-take. Sure enough, Basil was standing beneath a pine, craning her neck as she looked for something in the branches. My first thought was that she'd lost her cat, but since pets were rare in Purgatory, I figured she'd just lost her mind.

  "Jack," I called again, wondering where he had gone and worrying when I didn't hear so much as a whimper in response.

  Right now my sanity was hanging by a fine thread, and I feared I'd teeter over that edge, too, if I lost the one thing that made my stay in Purgatory bearable, especially after losing Grim. I was fairly certain he'd left me for good. He wasn’t the first man who'd walked out on me: first my dad, then Travis, and all those other loser boyfriends in-between. For some reason, Grim's rejection was the hardest.

  Despite my fatigue, I'd sat up in bed late last night, clutching my chest, which felt like a meat cleaver had struck it in two, as I tried to figure out why his leaving affected me so much. I was unsure about our relationship, anyway. His departure should have come as a relief.

  But it wasn't a relief. Far from it.

  So he couldn't be with me because I wanted to be a ghoster? How selfish was that? Disregard the fact that I didn't know if I wanted us to stick together.

  Considering how much his rejection hurt, I supposed that meant I cared f
or him. There was definitely no denying I was sexually attracted to him, but was that enough to sustain a relationship? We didn't just come from two different worlds, there was over a century of differences between us. Would we ever find any common ground other than sex? And if we did manage to work things out, what was going to happen when I finally earned enough credits to ascend? Inés had said Grim didn't plan on ascending. Was he expecting me to stay stuck in this shithole forever? Or would our relationship turn into nothing more than conjugal visit fucks? Guess none of it mattered since he'd walked out on me.

  Gah! Why was I rehashing all of this again? These same tumultuous thoughts had kept me up last night. Why couldn't I seem to get off this merry-go-round of rejection, uncertainty, and heartbreak?

  I combed the edge of the yard, sweeping the trees beyond for any sign of Jack. I walked over to the corner where Basil was still staring at the tree branch.

  "Basil," I whispered loudly, "have you seen my dog?"

  "Shhh," she responded while keeping her gaze locked on the tree. "I’m looking for flies."

  "At two a.m.?" Okay, this woman wasn't just strange, she was certifiably crazy.

  A strong breeze swirled the hem of her white robe around her ankles and whipped scraggly strands of hair across her shoulders. No wonder she made a good ghoster. She was as creepy as fuck.

  "This is all a hoax, you know. There’s no such thing as God." Her luminous eyes widened as she waved her arms wildly above her head. "It’s aliens. This is all run by aliens."

  Funny, but I didn't recall little green men running around the Penthouse.

  "Oh, I didn’t know that." I looked away as I rubbed my hands down my chilled arms. Somehow I got the feeling this strange woman, and not the cool night air, was giving me gooseflesh.

  "So what’s your power?"