(Complete Rock Stars, Surf and Second Chances #1-5)

by Michelle Mankin

  As much as I loved the ocean, I found no answers to my questions in the waves. Shaking my head, I sighed and almost wished I had taken Ramon up on his offer. It would have given me a distraction from my own tumultuous thoughts.

  I turned away from the windows and entered the bathroom. Going straight to the shower, I popped open the door and flicked the dial all the way over to hot. I avoided my reflection in the long mirror over the double sinks. No way in hell did I want to acknowledge, let alone confront the me who stared back. “You got off,” I mumbled at him. “Get the fuck over yourself.”

  I got in the shower. I scrubbed. I lathered. I washed my hair, rinsed and got out again. Snagging a big white towel from the heated rack, I dried off, tucked it around my waist and reentered the bedroom.

  “Shit, Renee.” I stopped short. “What the hell?”

  “He’s gone. The guy I picked up for us on Tinder.”

  “That’s well and good, but…”

  “Don’t you even want to touch me anymore, Ash?” Her expression crestfallen, her voice hitched on my name. My fingers twitched. Renee and I had been through a lot. Over the years, I’d allowed her in more than most, but the boundaries were set, established. She could come to the line, but not go across it. No one could. That was a place reserved for only one. Me. I kept my arms by my sides.

  “You know that’s not the way we are,” I reminded her.

  “One time…”

  “One time that didn’t work out and that was before my diagnosis.” I could feel my expression hardening as I recited the facts the doctors had given me. “I’m HIV positive. I can continue to be sexually active with minimal risk to my partners as long as I use protection. I can live out a life as normal as anyone else provided I take my antiviral meds religiously.”

  “This isn’t normal, Ash. And you’re barely living. You’ve taken it to the extreme, these parameters you’ve set for yourself. The no touching thing during sex we do now, I don’t understand it. And I don’t understand why you gave up the band when you love music so much.”

  “I only gave up touring,” I corrected. “It’s too exhausting and makes my body too susceptible to secondary infections. I still have my music. I just produce and compose it now.” My eyes narrowed. “What is this really about, Renee?”

  “This isn’t working for me anymore.”

  “It was working for you just fine fifteen minutes ago.”

  She flinched, and I felt like an ass.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I am, too, Ash. I need more from you. That connection we used to have grows fainter each time I come over. It’s almost like scening with a total stranger now.” I didn’t argue with her. She was right. I felt exactly the same way. “I can go clubbing if I want something like that. Just do a hookup with someone random like that guy tonight.”

  “That’s not smart, Renee.” My fingers curled into fists. I wanted to grab her by the upper arms and shake some sense into her. But I wouldn’t touch her or anyone else when I was pissed. I was in control of myself. A man wasn’t a man if he wasn’t the master of himself. Another valuable truism from my father. The clincher on that lesson had been seeing the marks Linc’s father left on his body and deeper ones on his soul. My cousin and I both had damage we carried on the inside from our childhood. His from his drunken old man. Me from my mother’s struggles with mental illness. “Promise me you won’t put yourself at risk like that.”

  Her shoulders went back.” You don’t control my decisions outside the things we do in our scenes, Ash.”

  “I know that.”

  “And you’re fine with that?” She cocked her head to the side. “You’ve got your life arranged just like you want it.” She sighed. “I guess that the fact that I’m in love with you doesn’t fit your neurotic narrative.”

  I stiffened.

  “Case in point.” She rolled her eyes. “My emotions are my own. Deal with it. But unlike you I want to nurture my feelings not neglect them. I won’t keep going on like this. We either move beyond the lines you’ve drawn or we fall back to just being friends without benefits.”

  I watched her stomp out of my room, then glanced at the rustic hardwood beams and scalloped ceiling as if there were answers up there about how to deal with women. Renee. The homeless girl. It seemed all I had lately were women running away from me.

  Fuck it.

  I grabbed a set of sticks from the dresser and headed for the rooftop where I had my kit. I didn’t want to rot in my own thoughts anymore. I didn’t want to worry about what I was going to do about Renee’s ultimatum. And I sure as hell didn’t want to consider what it meant that I couldn’t stop obsessing about the Lakers Girl, and that it had been her not Renee or anyone else I had been imagining tonight when I had closed my eyes and jacked off into my hand.

  Chapter Six

  * * *

  Fanny

  I stopped at the pier. The truth was I collapsed. At least the pavement wasn’t as cruel as they had been.

  I continued on my hands and knees. I wasn’t too proud. Not anymore. Not after what they had done to me.

  Eyes forward. Keep going. You’ve picked yourself up before. You can do it again, Fanny.

  Mother? The voice inside my head that kept prodding me sounded a lot like her. I squinted through the slit of what remained of my vision. With both my eyes nearly swollen shut, I was lucky I could see at all.

  Don’t freak out. Don’t panic.… It is held that valor is the chiefest virtue. And most dignifies the haver.

  Alright. Valor it was, and dignity, even in the current state that I found myself. Thank you, Mom for insisting I memorize Shakespeare.

  1. Crawl.

  2. Breathe—even though each breath felt like I had to suck in the air through a straw—a straw that was on fire in the center of my chest where Nieto and his counterpart had kicked me.

  3. Don’t think about it.

  4. Don’t cry. I tasted salt between my lips but pretended it wasn’t there.

  Only 1, 2 and 3, Fanny, feeling sorry for yourself only makes the rest more difficult.

  My goal. I had to focus on my goal. Get to Hollie. Hide. Rest. Get better. Then get out of OB and never come back. I tried to gauge the distance to the sub-pump again. Why wasn’t it getting any closer?

  A sudden gust of wind cut right through me, but I turned my face into it. The wet cold air felt good against my skin. The swelling was making my face feel like it was stretched too tightly over my skull. Pulling in another shallow breath, I tried to crawl forward some more. An inch. Two. Then a rest. Just for a moment. My eyes were drawn to the lights on the pier. They flickered like distant stars. The sound of the waves soothed me. And just on the edge of the wind, I imagined a steady beat like someone drumming. Or maybe that was only the pounding of my heart.

  “Fanny! Oh my God! No!”

  “Hollie,” I mumbled, lifting my head. Had I dosed off? Had I made it to my destination? But if I was inside the sub-pump structure, why was it still so cold?

  “No! No! No!” she wailed.

  “I’m ok. Shhh,” I tried to reassure her, but I sounded like a punctured tire with the air rushing out. She gathered me close. I hurt everywhere, but I didn’t complain.

  “Help me!” she cried. “Someone please. My sister’s hurt. Help!” Her pleas were caught up and carried away on the breeze.

  “What the hell!” I knew that deep voice. I tried to focus. It seemed important. But everything was dark now. I couldn’t pry my eyes open. My teeth chattered together. My entire body shivered uncontrollably.

  Hollie said something, but I couldn’t process the words.

  “She’s going into shock. She needs a doctor. Let me get her inside until the ambulance comes.”

  “No hospital,” I protested. “Hollie, no.” I quieted as warmth suddenly enveloped me. I felt so light, so detached it felt like I was floating on the surface of a warm ocean current.

  “I’m here,” my sister said, and I sagged with relief.
“I won’t leave you. I’m right beside you.” Why did she sound so far away and strange, her voice scratchy like she had been screaming in a smoky concert hall all night? “Relax. Stop worrying. I’ve got you this time. Let me take care of us for a change. Let me be the strong one.”

  • • •

  “Ow. No. That hurts,” I whimpered. Woken from a dream where I had floated somewhere safe and warm, I tried to pull my tank back down. Someone had been running practiced fingers directly on the tender skin over my ribs.

  “Just bruised. Not broken.”

  “There, there little one.” I heard the deep soothing voice and felt my hands captured, enveloped by much larger ones that gently returned mine to my sides. “Don’t interfere. Gloria just needs to make sure you’re alright.” I felt my shirt being smoothed back into place.

  “Poor girl,” a kind feminine voice said. “Rest now.”

  A good plan. I didn’t argue. My back felt like it was cushioned on a soft surface but the rest of me felt crushed, crumbled and weighted down by a mountain of trouble.

  “I cleaned her up. Washed her wounds. Put antibiotic on them. Only one that’s deep. The cut on her ear. The amount of swelling she has around her eyes concerns me. Her nose might be broken. But her pupils are responsive to light. It tells me those blows she took to her head likely didn’t result in internal bleeding. But you really should take her to the hospital to be sure, Ashland. I’m only a paramedic. I mostly just do physicals for life insurance now for your dad. There might be something I’m missing.”

  Ashland Keys. “No!” I struggled to sit up again. “Where am I?” I still couldn’t see and that added to my panic. “Where’s my sister?”

  “Shhh. You’re ok.” That deep reassuring voice again. “You’re safe. She is safe.” Strong hands curled around my shoulders. “Take it easy.” Not a suggestion, a command. His warm breath spilled into my ear. His gentle thumbs swirled a comforting circle into my skin. Tingles rolled through me as firm but undeniable pressure pushed me back down into the bed. Was I in his bed? “She’s here.” A barely spoken whisper, but I heard him. “In the other bedroom. Scared for you, but out of sight. She said it’s what you would want. She insisted on it.”

  “Ok,” I exhaled a shaky breath as the comforting patterns on my skin continued. His voice and Gloria’s seemed to drift far away on a tide. My limbs felt languid. My thoughts scattered. I slid back into the void. It seemed the only thing I could do.

  Chapter Seven

  * * *

  Ashland

  I paused in the doorway to my bedroom, checking again to be sure the Lakers Girl was breathing. Why I had let her sister talk me out of taking her to the hospital, I wasn’t quite sure. Something about the plea in her wide grey eyes so similar to her older sibling’s. It triggered a basic tenet inside of me. Protect and defend those in your care.

  How and why had someone done this to a poor defenseless girl?

  News flash, Ash. There are evil people in the world.

  Yeah, I knew. Linc’s father came immediately to mind. I was looking at the evidence of someone else with a similar sadistic bent. The Lakers Girl’s face was so swollen she was hardly recognizable as the girl I had been chasing. Her scalp was shorn, nicked in a few places, leaving her completely bald. The top of her ear had a particularly nasty slice. And remembering those bruises on her ribs, my fingers curled inward. I wanted to kill whoever had done this. Yet as I continued to stare beneath my fury a softer emotion, but a strong one began to work. My fingers loosened, and I regained control as it took hold of me.

  Yeah, there was evil, but there was beauty, too. I was looking at it. The way those two were tangled together holding one another, comforting each other even in sleep. There was a lot of love there.

  It had taken them a while to settle, especially the sister. At least the Lakers Girl had been out since Gloria left. She was going to hurt like hell in the morning. For now I didn’t see any reason not to let her, let both of them, sleep.

  No one ever in my bed but me. I let out a self-deprecating sigh. Well, that had gone out the window tonight.

  The younger one stirred, shifting even closer to her sibling. Her movements lowered the covers. I moved closer to draw them back up but then stopped. Their fingers were linked together under the blanket. My next breath lodged inside my chest.

  An old memory surfaced.

  Linc. Me kneeling beside his bed. Taking his hand and squeezing it tight trying to convince him that he wasn’t at fault for the beatings his father gave him.

  Abuse did awful things to a person’s soul. How long had these two dealt with it? Their fear and distrust seemed ingrained. I got the impression that it had been awhile.

  Instead of chasing her, I should have coaxed her. She might have stuck around the surf shop and confided to Simone or Karen. Tonight might have been avoided. I felt responsible. I felt something more, but I didn’t analyze it. I had to fix this if I could.

  • • •

  “I told you what the paramedic said last night. If you still won’t let me take her to the hospital, then she just needs to rest. So let her rest.”

  “But her eyes.”

  “Swelling. It should go down in a day or two.”

  “How can you be so sure?” Hollie asked. At the bar the petite strawberry blonde teenager twisted her small hands together.

  “Experience, unfortunately. I had an uncle who used to beat up my cousin on a regular basis. Ice when she wakes up then warm compresses. We’ll get your sister better. Trust me.”

  “I appreciate your help. For last night. For everything. And no offense, but I don’t know you well enough to trust you.”

  “Fair enough. But I think you need to consider trusting someone. You can’t go back on the streets with her like this, and you’re not much better. You’re so weak you can barely stand.”

  “You don’t understand.” She pushed away from the counter and straightened her shoulders. I noticed that just that small effort made her limbs tremble.

  “Then enlighten me.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Why not? Do you think whoever did this can get to her or you here? Not fucking likely. Key card entry just to get into the building. Then a code I change out regularly for the private elevator to this floor. Then a regular key to get into the penthouse. You’re safe here. And Gloria didn’t see you. I didn’t even mention your name. I respected your wishes. I helped you. I don’t plan to stop helping you. My friends have been helping your sister all along. Why not trust us? Why not trust me?”

  “Because…”

  “Because,” a different voice repeated, a sweet melodic one, and the pan clattered as I shoved it to the back of the stovetop. I turned and immediately had to school my features to pretend I wasn’t disturbed by the Lakers Girl’s appearance. Face even more swollen, if anything she looked worse right now than she had last night.

  “Because we can’t.” Her hands fluttered in front of her chest. I tried not to get angry again but failed as I registered the dried blood stains on her tank.

  “Hollie,” she began. Taking another step forward, she winced and would have gone down except her sister had scooted off her stool and flashed to her side. The significantly smaller girl ducked under the older one’s arm becoming her crutch.

  “We’ll discuss it later.”

  “Well discuss it now,” the Lakers Girl said firmly, frowning at her sibling.

  “No.” The two exchanged a look. A test of wills. One squinting through the narrow gap in her gaze while the other’s determination flashed in her eyes. As bad a shape as the Lakers Girl was in, I knew she wasn’t going to give in.

  “Hols,” she gentled her tone. “We decided. We’re in this alone, just the two of us.” She swayed suddenly. Her sister’s knees buckled under the additional weight. I rushed over catching and lifting the Lakers Girl before she could hit the ground like the younger one had, right on her rear.

  “You stay,” I stated firmly. “I’v
e decided for both of you.”

  “Bbbut…” The one in my arms trailed off as I narrowed my gaze on her.

  “You’re in no shape to argue. And neither is she.” I cast a quick glance to the younger. She had regained her feet, but tottered as if a grommet sized wave might knock her over. “This is ridiculous. Both of you back in the bed.”

  “No. I…”

  “It’s not up for debate,” I barked as I strode effortlessly back toward my bedroom with the older in my arms and the younger one in tow, her footsteps silent, her labored breaths audible.

  I gently placed the Lakers Girl back in my bed. She hadn’t just sagged into me. She had sighed, inhaled deeply as if my scent had been a healing elixir, and then she had burrowed into me as if my arms were the safe harbor she had always sought. I liked that. I liked it a lot. Liked the way she had felt in my arms. Yet, I frowned as I untangled her grip from my neck because she weighed much too little for someone who had to be at least five-foot-seven.

  “We can talk more about you staying here after I bring you some food and you get some more rest.” I handed her an olive branch. I had no intention of letting her leave, but I sensed she would be more cooperative if she felt like she had some control of the situation. It’s how I would feel certainly. I also did it because I needed to reboot the dynamic between the two of us. I didn’t want her running from me anymore. I much preferred the burrowing and clinging. “I’m Ashland Keys, by the way.”

  “I…I know who you are,” she stuttered. “I mean, I know you’re the drummer for the Dirt Dogs. Everyone in OB knows that.”

  “Ok.” I nodded, accepting that. OB was a relatively small community, though in all the years we’d been a successful band, I’d never gotten used to strangers knowing me by name. “But we haven’t been formally introduced, right? Not that there’s been a lot of time with you running and me chasing you all over town.” I dropped down to a knee beside the bed. I was a big guy. Someone had brutalized her. I didn’t want her to perceive me as a threat. I also wanted to acknowledge my part in us getting off on the wrong foot. “I’m sorry about that. Sorry I scared you. That wasn’t my intention. Do you think we can start over?”