(Complete Rock Stars, Surf and Second Chances #1-5)

by Michelle Mankin

  Yet.

  I had some thinking to do. Changes I would have to make. Tangible ones she could see, touch, and feel, so she could trust that my intentions were good and my feelings were real.

  I reached for her, placed my hands on her slender shoulders, and leaned down to press a kiss into her hair. The fragrance from the shampoo I’d bought for her wafted into my nose.

  The sparkling lavender packaging had gotten my attention, like Hollie had captured my attention the first time I’d caught a glimpse of her in Ash’s apartment. Luminous and alluring like her, the black currant and juicy plum top notes suited her better than just strawberry. The additional blend of creamy sandalwood, dark amber, and sensual vanilla combined with her own unique scent made me burn anew with the desire to fuck her, that was true.

  But now I had the additional priority to keep her around for longer than one night.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  * * *

  Hollie

  “Let’s get you home.” Diesel threw his leg over the bike, and for a moment I just stared at him, though I knew the drill on how to get on and off the motorcycle now.

  Did he realize what he’d just said? Home, not house.

  My deepest longing was to have someplace to belong. To live in a home where I was nurtured and supported. A home should be a place where a child could grow up knowing his father had his back, believed in him, and wanted the best for him. Even now as an adult, Diesel had that. Did he realize how lucky he was to have a father like he had? A home like that?

  “What’s wrong?” He narrowed his eyes.

  “Nothing.” Averting my gaze, I placed my hands on his shoulders and climbed on. I smoothed my hands over the width of his back before sliding my arms around his waist to hold on.

  Diesel covered my hands with one of his, tucked them closer to his chest, and then released them to kick the stand free and start the engine. I laid my cheek between his broad shoulders as he steered the motorcycle out of the parking lot, glad he couldn’t see the longing in my expression or the emotion glassing my eyes.

  I wanted him. My entire body ached with wanting him, but I wanted so much more than he was willing to give me. Maybe I always had. And that wanting had increased now that I knew so much more about him.

  On the main road, I loosened my hold and lifted my head.

  Don’t get accustomed to the pleasure of being with him. It’s temporary. Anything he gives, anything you accept, will be only that. Remember what he told Koa, and what he said to his father.

  I wasn’t with Diesel. He might take me to his bed, but he wouldn’t want me to remain there the next morning.

  His house was a home for him and his father, but I was just a visitor. I didn’t belong.

  At the stoplight, Diesel put his feet on the pavement and clasped my hands, pressing them closer into his warm skin. “Hold tighter.”

  His low voice resonated deep, deeper already than I should allow. My eyes burned bright with that knowledge, and fear settled like a tight ball in the center of my hollowed-out chest.

  I knew what I should do—maintain a safe distance—but was afraid if I did, I could lose even the little he might give me. But wasn’t even a little of him more than I deserved?

  When he kicked up the speed on the straightaway, I enjoyed the exhilaration of the wind in my face and holding him a bit longer before he leaned into the last turn. Then the tires bumped off the pavement onto the gravel driveway, and the ride was over. We were back at the house.

  I climbed off, slowly backing away from the motorcycle and him, though my instinct was to run. But where would I go when I knew he was what I wanted?

  I decided in that moment I would take whatever he would give me.

  “Let me help you. The path’s difficult to find in the dark.” He grabbed my hand and dragged me toward the house.

  “Yes, the way forward can be a challenge when you don’t have a previous point of reference.”

  On a significantly deeper level, the truth of my own words slammed into me.

  With Max, I’d proceeded blindly, having no clue how a woman should be with a man who says he loves her. Was it my fault that he’d never confided in me? That he’d gone to Lori for help instead of me? That rather than sharing our concerns or working on our problems together, we had drifted further apart? Had it been my mother’s fault that Samuel had sought consolation with other women, because he felt she hadn’t given him the depth of affection he’d wanted?

  Love was a treacherous, razor-sharp emotion.

  Diesel had it right. Maybe it was better to find gratification where you could get it.

  Maybe I didn’t have to tell him the truth of how messed up my life was to have the little part of him that I knew he would be willing to give.

  When I stumbled on that awareness and an unseen obstacle on the front lawn, he suddenly swept me off my uncertain feet and into his strong arms. I could take this as a sign as him making the choice for me.

  Because maybe . . . I wanted him to take the choice away from me.

  Max had made most of the relationship decisions for us, but that wasn’t the way Diesel operated. That wasn’t the dynamic of him and me together. He expected me to be brave. He pointed out the hurdles, but it was up to me to scale them, to stand up to him, to fight for my right to be equal with him, and in the end to make my own choices—like getting in the ocean today, like surfing.

  “You can put me down now,” I told him once he had the door open and we were inside the house.

  “Maybe I don’t want to.” Diesel stared down at me, his gaze intense, his eyes a deep reddish-brown heightened with emotion.

  “I can stand on my own two feet.” This was important, establishing my own parameters if we proceeded.

  “I know you can.” He set me down.

  I slid against him on the way to the floor. My front to his, soft curves to hard male contours, the slide was a sensual experience that made my scalp tingle and my toes curl.

  “Do you?” I asked him with my hands on his solid forearms. Tilting my head back, I searched his eyes, discovering only certainty in his assessment, and I liked that. After all I’d been through and the long lonely road I saw ahead of me, I liked his confidence in me a lot.

  “You know your own mind. I thought I was clear about that earlier today. I might be able to nudge you in the direction I want you to go, but only because you were already contemplating going that way on your own.”

  “Maybe.” I thought about the ocean. I wasn’t so sure I could have tackled that hurdle without his help.

  And I needed a little more time and maybe a shout-out phone call to my sister before I tackled another one.

  “Are you going right back out to the bar, or are you staying around the house for a little while?” I asked him. I didn’t think I could do what I was thinking of doing if he went to the bar and returned again wearing the perfume of another woman.

  “I thought I might stay in.” Diesel’s eyes narrowed. “Play the piano. Would you keep me company?”

  “Yes. I just need to take a shower.” And call Fanny while the water was running, and he couldn’t hear me. “Do you mind waiting?”

  “I don’t. Not at all.”

  “Okay.”

  On impulse, my second one today, I lifted onto my toes and pressed my lips to his. The previous shiver was inconsequential compared to the full-body shudder that rolled through me from the connection of our mouths. His hands came up, his fingers curling around my upper arms, but I pulled away before he could tighten his grip and pull me closer.

  “Thank you for today.”

  “You’re welcome. I didn’t do anything. I should be thanking you. I really enjoyed spending time with you.” His eyes searched mine, his brow creasing. “What’s going on?”

  No more missed chances to speak what was on my mind. I might lose my nerve with the other. But he needed to know that today had been something special for me.

  “Nothing. Last night with the
singing. The breakfast this morning. Surfing. Meeting your dad. You included me in your life, and you didn’t have to. I just wanted you to know that it meant something to me that you did. That I had a good time too.”

  Before he could respond, I dashed away through the living space, feeling his gaze warm on my back before I turned the corner and popped into the bathroom off the hall. The interior of the house was familiar to me.

  Setting my purse on the counter, I looked at the bright-eyed woman in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize her. It was me, sure, but I stood on the precipice of the familiar. Did I have the courage to take a leap into the unknown?

  I wasn’t sure yet.

  I turned away from the mirror, cranked the water on full blast, and grabbed my phone. Fanny answered on the first ring.

  “How are you?” She sounded as breathless as I felt.

  “I’m good. Really good, I think.”

  “That’s great. When I didn’t hear from you all day, I thought at first it was probably because you were okay. But the later it got without any communication, I started to worry.”

  That was a lesson for me, should I proceed with Diesel. Be forthcoming about what I wanted, and what I expected. Secretive silences fostered doubts and suspicions.

  “Is Diesel behaving?”

  “He’s been wonderful.”

  “Our Diesel?”

  “Yes. Mostly.” The bar fling, not so much. Ditto with Koa. Focus on the positives. “I had a nightmare last night.”

  “You have those every night.”

  “Yes.”

  “You should talk to someone, Hols. I’m putting my foot down on that one.”

  “I agree. I’ll do that when I get back.” When I had nothing to do but prepare for a new phase in my life. Being a single mother.

  I placed my hand on my abdomen. Still no swell. No flutter from the kicking of little feet. Except for the nausea, and the dizzy spell I’d had today, it almost didn’t seem real.

  “He’s a miracle worker.”

  “He’s not. That’s my decision. What he is . . .” I paused, choosing my next words carefully, and went for raw honesty because I needed her to give me unfettered truth, not feed me what she thought I wanted to hear. “I like him. A lot.”

  “Oh, Hols. No. He’s not that type of guy.”

  “I know that. I just want to keep it real. That’s what he does, and I like that about him too.”

  I didn’t want secrets and promises for forever that maybe were never intended to be kept. I had my doubts about Max’s death, the accidental versus purposeful nature of the drowning. More, not less of them after the hour-long interrogation by the Santa Monica police.

  Fanny let out a breath. “Diesel is a straight shooter. I’ll give him that. He’s loyal too. He would do anything for his friends. He has a code of ethics. It’s skewed a little differently than most, but he’s committed to it.”

  I got all that too. That she saw those attributes as well solidified my decision.

  “So, what does liking him a lot and keeping it real involve?” she asked, pressing me for more raw honesty, and I gave it to her.

  “Sleeping with him. If he’ll have me.”

  “He’ll have you, all right. In a heartbeat. But, honey, you’re not the type to hook up and leave feelings out of the equation.”

  I wasn’t, but my feelings were already in it. And I was going to get this one shot with him and one shot only before my life changed and went in another direction. At that point, accepting options like he represented would be over.

  “Diesel isn’t going to change. Don’t be one of those women who thinks they can change a guy by sleeping with him. I can’t give you my approval on this, Hols.”

  “I know you can’t. I wasn’t calling for that.”

  “Why then?”

  “Because I love you. Because I want you in my life, and because I trust you to give it to me straight like you just did.”

  And because I needed her. I wasn’t cutting Fanny out anymore. What good was life without people beside you who genuinely cared and believed in you to make it meaningful?

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  * * *

  Diesel

  “Hollie, holy fuck!” My fingers slipped on the keys, creating discordant notes as I drank her in. I hadn’t heard her come in, but come in she had—without a single stitch of clothing on.

  “Is this okay?” Uncertain, she shifted from one foot to the other.

  “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.” My eyes burned with the vision she was with her hair unbound, long strands of loose platinum spilling over her tits and skimming her insanely small waist.

  “Thank you,” she whispered, her shapely legs and beautifully rounded hips seeming to quiver as I lifted my gaze to take in the vision of her a second time, but slower.

  “The pleasure is all mine, darlin’.” My hands shook with the desire to touch her. “Better than I imagined, and I imagined you a lot.”

  Her nipples puckered from my approval, the tips proud and elongated. My cock was hard as fuck. Her lips parted when my gaze reached her face again.

  “Come closer,” I growled, scooting the piano bench back so abruptly, the feet screeched on the tiles.

  “All right.” She padded forward slowly, wearing that crease of vulnerability between her brows.

  “Good girl.” I threw my arm wide for her as she scooted between me and the piano.

  Leaping to my feet, I lifted her by the waist and set her on the keyboard. The keys clinked in protest at having the weight of her curvy ass on top of them. I dove my hands into her silky hair and pressed my firm lips to her soft ones.

  “Babe.” I nibbled her plump berry-flavored bottom lip and applied pressure to the slightly less lush upper one. “Open. Let me have you.”

  “Diesel . . .” She breathed my name into my mouth, and I breathed my desire into hers.

  Gliding my tongue against hers, I slid the slippery surfaces together before doing some serious exploring. Deep, my tongue went while my fingers flexed insistently at her waist. I kissed her like I planned to fuck her, no holding back. Fast and hard, I took what she gave and gave her more than she could have ever imagined, the way a goddess of fire should be kissed.

  Her hands weren’t idle. They were everywhere, like she couldn’t get enough of me. She yanked off my tank and tossed it aside. Up and down my back, her fingers danced, awakening tendons, muscles, and nerves.

  “You’re so fucking hot.” I ripped my lips from hers, breaking the kiss, but only so I could lift her higher.

  Hollie arched her spine onto the top of the piano, writhing for me while I licked and sucked on one nipple and then the other. She made breathy approving sounds when I went light on the pressure, then hard without warning.

  “More, Diesel,” she begged, her fingers tearing the elastic from my hair.

  I gave her more, licking, kissing, and nipping every single bit of her tits I could get, while my hands ranged up and down her spine.

  “So soft, your skin’s so fucking soft,” I said low. I wanted her to know how much she pleased me as I outlined her curvy hips and ample thighs, marveling at my bounty.

  “Condom, Diesel.” She sounded as desperate as I felt. “I’m so wet. So close.”

  “Don’t you dare move.” I whipped a foil packet from my board shorts, then yanked them down to roll the rubber on.

  Looking at her where she sat on the keys, her hair tangled from my fervor, her feet on the bench, her legs spread so I could see everything, she was so amazingly hot that I almost spilled my load. I’d never seen anything more beautiful.

  “Open for me.” Tapping her knee, I moved between her legs, sweeping my palm over her bare pussy and my thumb through her slick folds.

  Hollie sucked in a surprised breath when I brought my fingers to my mouth to taste her. While she watched me, I licked my lips, savoring every hint of her salty essence.

  “All right, pele. I have what you want.”

&n
bsp; She didn’t wait for me to give my cock to her. She reached for it, grasping me by the root. I was so thick and fully extended, her fingers barely wrapped around my girth. Not deterred by my size, she aligned me with her. I grabbed her by the hips and surged inside.

  “So good.” She moaned. “You fill me so good.”

  I groaned my approval of her tight, wet cunt. I wasn’t big on talking once sex progressed to this point. Letting my cock speak for me, I began to move. She spread her arms wide and grabbed the sides of the piano, bracing her body to take what I gave.

  Again and again, I thrust inside her welcome heat. Her tits bounced to the rhythm of my hard fucks. No shallow plunges, just deep and deeper. She clamped tight around me, and my spine tingled at the base.

  “Come, babe.” My voice was as harsh as my desire for release. “Let go for me. I’ll give you everything you need.”

  “Yes! Oh yes!” She screamed, arching her body as I hammered into her.

  Filling my eyes full of the vision of Hollie coming on my cock, I stiffened and filled her full of all of me.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  * * *

  Hollie

  “Bedroom. Now,” Diesel barked like a director on an ego high.

  “Wait . . . what?” I stammered with my arms over my breasts, staring at him wide-eyed and dazed. I was still coming down from my orgasm, surprised that his cock remained hard, even though I was still experiencing pulsing aftershocks.

  “We’re moving to a bed. I’m far from done, I assure you, or was this a one and done, satisfy your curiosity thing?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “But I thought you were a one-time kind of guy.”

  “Not where you’re concerned. Not when I’ve been jacking off to thoughts of you for a fucking year.”

  He stepped closer. His glossy black curls in tumbled disarray around his heart-arrestingly handsome face, he narrowed his eyes as he peeled my crossed arms away from my chest.