by S. K. Lessly
He and I had been staying at the same hotel in downtown Dover for a few days now. It had become too hard to stay here since my mom passed. The memory of that fateful night too fresh.
I smirked and nodded. “Yup, I’ll see you later. And thanks for the food.”
Ethan lifted his arm in the air before he climbed into his car and backed out of my driveway.
As the world around us grew silent, I noticed Lionel was uncharacteristically quiet. I watched him as he watched Ethan's car disappear. He then looked at me, his eyes darkening with something I didn’t like. He turned away from me, took the chair I once occupied, and gave me the onceover. “What’s he doing coming around? And what the hell does he mean he’ll see you later?”
I resisted an eye roll and moved to sit on the banister. “He’s a friend of mine, Lionel, and we’re at the same hotel in town.”
“Yeah?” Lionel folded his arms, giving me a look that I really, really didn’t like.
Time to change the topic.
“Look, I don’t know when I’ll be home. Probably in a few days and then, Lionel, we need to talk.”
“Oh, we definitely need to talk,” he replied sagely then added, his voice cold, “Are you fucking him?”
“What?” I retorted half-laughing, half-choking on shock, flabbergasted that he would even accuse me of cheating. I almost fell off the porch.
Lionel's eyes narrowed on me, his dark features getting way darker. Yup, I was not going to like where this was going, not one bit.
“You heard what the fuck I asked you. Don’t play stupid, Alexis.”
I narrowed my own eyes at him. “I’m not playing stupid, Lionel. I’m just trying to understand why you would ask me something like that.”
Lionel didn’t respond. He remained quiet, studying me for a really long time. Finally, he broke the silence, laughing.
“You’re right. How silly of me to think someone like him would want someone like you.” He rose, gave me this pathetic, disgusted look before he walked past me. He took the porch steps slowly, saying over his shoulder, “Take your time down here getting your shit together. People die every day. I don’t know why you’re acting as if you were blindsided or something. Instead of trippin, why don’t you concentrate on getting your head out of your ass while you’re here? And I’ll see you in a few days.” He said all of this without another glance my way.
I stood there stunned for less than a second before the rage started boiling inside me. I’d had it with his sorry ass. I was done. Fucking done.
I called his name and he huffed out in annoyance before he turned around to face me. I dropped my bag of food in the chair and took heavy strides toward him. As I ate up the space between us, I wriggled the stupid ring I’d helped pay for off my finger. Once it was free, I actually began to breathe easier. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my chest. I grabbed Lionel’s hand, lifted it palm up, and slammed the ring in the center of his hand, diamond down of course.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he chastised. I ignored him, folded up his fingers and pushed his hand against his chest.
“You’re a certified, grade A asshole, do you know that?! I don’t know what I saw in you or why I thought you were worth my time.” I stepped back, taking in his wide eyes and slack jaw.
“What are you doing?” he asked, looking down at me dumbfounded. I knew he wasn’t used to me speaking to him like that. It was due. It was time for me to take my life back and I was starting with this douchebag.
I straightened my spine and lifted my chin. “Something I should have done a long time ago. I’m done with this whole mess. I’m done with you. This arrangement we have isn’t working out for me anymore. I’m tired of your bullshit. I’m tired of you insulting me, making me feel like shit. And I’m sick and fucking tired of living a lie. I’m just done. You and I aren’t working and the fact that you just accused me of cheating on you and insulted my character proves you don’t know a thing about me. But don’t worry, you won’t have to worry about my stupid ass anymore. You’re free to do what the fuck you want and guess what, so am I.”
With that, I turned on my heels, walked up the steps and grabbed my bag of food. I felt my body trembling, but I refused to succumb to the panic that had begun to seize my chest. I strolled inside my family’s home, without a care in the world, and slammed the door behind me.
After that day, I didn’t think I’d ever hear from Lionel again. Or at least not for a few days. I figured he’d wait at least a week before he’d reach out to cuss me out maybe via text or email, then he’d block me. Or he’d burn my stuff or sell them, and send me pictures of the carnage; however, he didn’t do either. Instead, he called me and left me a message, minutes after he pulled off, that had me shaking my head in disbelief.
“Alright, listen. It’s clear you’re going through some things. I’m going to let what just happened slide. You’re grieving. I understand that. What I’ll do is give you some time to get your head on straight. After that, we’ll talk. Sounds good? Okay yeah… bye…”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the message. Since that day, he and I hadn’t said two words to each other. In his eyes, he was giving me space. In mine and everyone else with common sense, I was free. The lyrics from a negro spiritual I used to sing in high school suddenly came to mind.
Free at last… free at last…
Thank God almighty I’m free at last!
Free at last… free at last…
Thank God—
“Seriously, Lex, you’re a poor winner. You know that?” Ethan chastised, shaking his head, essentially bringing me out of my head and into the present. He begrudgingly pushed every last cent he had in monopoly money toward me.
I laughed and snatched the fake money out of his hands.
“Don’t be jealous. You suck. The army may have made you a badass, but it couldn’t make you better at playing board games.”
Ethan chuckled, shook his head and stood. He headed for the bathroom as I started singing a line from Queen’s We Are the Champion, except I replaced “we” with “I.”
“No time for losers cos I am the champion, of the world.”
He gave me the finger. The bathroom door slammed. I cracked up.
I started separating the money I’d just made, allowing my head to drift back to Ethan and me. For the past few weeks, he and I had been hanging tough. Admittedly, I’d had more fun with Ethan than I’d had in years. Freaking decades. He made me feel alive and special. The loss of my mom was heavy on me, but he made it bearable. He made life bearable.
Ethan took me all over the metroplex, hitting D.C., Philly and Baltimore. We did the tourist thing in all three cities, ate a crap load of food and just enjoyed each other's company. There was nothing heavy between us. He made me laugh, made me concentrate on the here and now, and not the gaping hole I had in my heart.
He did his best to lift my spirits but there were times when my grief won out. However, it didn’t faze him one bit. He held me when I broke. He was also there to pick me up and put me back together. He never allowed me to wallow and kindly reminded me that my mom would kick my ass if I didn’t get myself together. He was right, of course, so I made sure to remember my mom and all the good and fun moments we shared, without allowing the despair to take root.
That was another thing we were celebrating. The life of my mom. Tonight, we drank in her honor. Earlier we stood in the backyard facing her garden and poured half of our beer out in commemoration to her and some of Ethan’s fallen friends. Sadly, this would be the last time I’d step foot in this place, which was why we decided to get shit faced to pay homage to my old home.
I’d sold my parents’ home, my childhood sanctuary. Carnes had come through for me. I received asking price for the house, which was a blessing. There were a few inspections needed but for the most part, this house was as good as sold.
I was sad to know I wouldn’t be coming here to see my mom anymore. Despite being here, I could feel the
void of warmth and comfort my mom brought to this place, but this was the first step of moving on and healing. This house held memories, yes, but those memories I would carry with me no matter where I went. It was time for this house to provide new memories for someone else.
I shifted my eyes to the bathroom door and sighed. Being with Ethan had been everything I never knew I needed and everything I wanted. If it wasn’t for him, I would be a complete and utter mess. Seriously, what was I going to do when we parted ways? Which was why I’d done my best to soak up everything that was Ethan Wolf.
Spending all this time with him brought back some old feelings. I wanted him. His smile, his laugh, his touch, they ignited something in me I had thought burned out. Nothing he'd said or done told me he wanted me, but that didn’t stop me from desiring him, craving him, yearning for him.
I bet he could kiss. Those beautiful sexy lips of his… I bet they could do damage to the most sensitive parts of my body. In fact, I was quite certain he could make my clothes melt off with just a stroke of his tongue against mine.
There had been a few times when I caught him looking at me as if he would destroy me, yet covet me all at the same time. I would be putty in his hands if given the chance to be with him. I also knew, if given the opportunity, I wouldn’t waste it. I’d grab hold and never let go. But I also knew I would have to let go of something else if I kept Ethan. My past.
I’d had done some things in my past that, at the time, I thought was necessary. I still believed that; however, I wasn’t sure if he’d see it the same way. He’d judge, probably be pissed and wouldn’t understand. I didn’t want to lose him, so I had to keep my mouth shut about the past. That also meant we had to remain just friends. Besides, he was tied to someone, or so he said when we met.
Granted, I hadn’t told him about breaking it off with Lionel. I didn’t think it would be relevant. Which, to me, was another reason my feelings for him needed to stay in the past. Right now, I would enjoy his company until reality reared its ugly head.
I stood up and started putting the game away, trying to do something other than think of Ethan. The game was over anyway. Plus, it was getting late. He mentioned he was staying with me tonight, but I wasn’t sure if he’d actually stay or make up an excuse and bounce. There was no indication he’d do that, just my own insecurities and drunkenness leading the charge.
Sometimes, I allowed Lionel’s words to bother me: “You’re right. How silly of me to think someone like him would want someone like you.” Then I’d remember Ethan was here with me because he wanted to be. It wasn’t out of pity or guilt. We were friends. That was it. Nothing more, nothing less.
Realizing he was taking all day in the bathroom, I yelled, “Are you okay in there or did you fall in?”
I snickered at my own silliness. Shaking my head, I started to say something else stupid when I heard the door open behind me. I tensed immediately. My heart started beating; my hands started shaking.
What the hell is wrong with me? Why, all of a sudden, am I feeling nervous?
Because I was aware of him. Aware of the way he moved, the confidence that oozed from his pores. His sex appeal and my lack thereof. I wanted him to touch me, to look at me as if he wanted to devour me and then actually devour me.
Thoughts of the day he took me to the beach came roaring back. The look in his eyes when we collapsed on the sand was seared in my brain. His green eyes were so vibrant. I saw specks of gold in them I hadn’t seen before. Coupled that with the scent of him… and damn. He was feral and masculine and yummy and all consuming. Too consuming. I had to crack a joke and get him thinking of something other than claiming my mouth just so I could breathe again.
But I couldn’t stop the longing I felt when he dropped me off at my house. Being in his arms, feeling the need he had for me radiating from his hold had my stomach dropping to my toes. My nerves were in shambles and my heart beat profusely against my chest.
I wanted him.
If he would have kissed me that night, there was no doubt in my mind I would have given myself to him. Especially if the longing I felt in him, the deep, dark desire I saw in his eyes was any indication of what was in store for me, man, I would have been a goner.
Which was why I couldn’t let this happen. I couldn’t—
“Ahhh!” I screamed, jumping clear out of my skin when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I whirled around to find Ethan smirking down at me.
“Why you so jumpy, Lex?”
I growled and punched his hard, glorious chest once I swallowed my heart back down my throat.
“You’re an asshole!”
His grin bloomed and I creamed my panties.
“You have such a potty mouth,” he teased.
In fact, he loved to tease me about my lack of a potty mouth. I didn’t even notice that about myself. It took mister observant to say something about it. I don’t know why, but I never used foul language to get my point across when I spoke to people. I wasn’t a complete saint. I used words such as shit, or ass, or damn. But that was it. I only dropped the F-bomb when I was pissed.
The smile that accosted his face right then, the brightness in his eyes, had my heart melting. I could barely take in a breath.
Before I could step back from him, thunder took that moment to scare the crap out of me. I yelped and practically scaled his body. Then the lights went out.
Chapter Eleven
Ethan
Oh fuck this wasn’t good…
Damn, she was close. Too close. So soft. Maybe if I just had a little taste, I could…
No! Wolf! Get your mind out of the gutter. This one you can’t have.
I had been in the bathroom for ten minutes, staring at my pathetic reflection, while talking myself off the proverbial ledge. I had been in purgatory for hours now and I was on the verge of succumbing to the dark impulses swimming in mind. The urge to grab her and tongue fuck her mouth was growing as each second ticked by. In fact, if another got damn reggae song came on the radio and I had to watch her grind in her chair and bite her bottom lip, I was going to rip her clothes off and fuck her on every surface in this house. Man, that’s how gone I was for her.
She had me dying to touch her, to kiss her. I was losing my fucking mind, which was the reason why I lost every game I played with her. I couldn’t concentrate for shit. It didn’t help she wore the skimpiest tank top and shorts ever made. All I kept thinking about was how good she’d look naked, bent over the table, ass up and begging for me to fuck her. The thing was, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t take us there; she wasn’t ready. Hell, I wasn’t ready.
With that in mind, I tried to focus on other shit like… fuck… like how good she’d taste or how tight and warm her pussy would feel if I slid in nice and slow. Damn… I bet she’d feel out of this world.
Shit!
I was a goner. I knew it. It didn’t help that she looked like hot sex on a platter. It didn’t help the look of hunger I saw in her eyes every time she looked at me. It also didn’t help when thunder boomed and echoed all around us. Why? Because the sound of thunder placed her right where she shouldn’t be, in my arms.
She felt good though. Strong thighs wrapped tight around my waist, her arms wrapped around my neck, hugging me close. Having her body flush up against mine was better than I could have ever imagined. The feel of her luscious body, smooth skin, and soft curves against mine drove me insane with want.
Hell, I wanted her more than I wanted to hunt and kill terrorists, and that was saying a lot. I also didn’t miss the way her breathing picked up, once her body shrouded mine. It was proof that she was just as affected by me as I was by her. The woman was everything, everything I wanted but couldn’t have.
I leaned my forehead against hers and breathed in her hypnotic scent, and oh what a delicious scent it was. Her body trembled in my arms. Her heart beat erratically against my chest.
I’d been denying myself the feeling of having her like this for far too long and
there was no way I had the strength to resist anymore. It was hard to believe I had held out for this long.
For the past few weeks, I’d been spending all my time with Alexis. She needed someone to be a friend in her time of need, and I had no problem stepping up to the plate and being there for her. Her piece of shit fiancé hadn’t been around, so it was the least I could do. But what we were doing, what we’d done, was way out of the scope of platonic friendship in my opinion.
We had done shit couples did—traveling, sightseeing, having romantic dinners, and holding hands. And fuck personal space. We’d been so close to each other at times, I was surprised I hadn’t crossed the line and fucked the shit out of her yet. I had been close, so very close, which was why what we were doing was all kinds of wrong. She had a fiancé for fuck sake.
Notwithstanding the absence of her ring, I wasn’t going to assume shit. I figured, if she ended things with the douche, she would have told me. Also, what about me? I had...well; I had a job to do. I had no business entertaining anything with Alexis beyond friendship.
But even though those two points stayed in the back of my mind, I couldn’t stay away or keep boundaries. I couldn’t get enough of her. I needed to be with her, to talk to her, spend time with her. Being with her had been the highlight of my existence.
The hardest thing I’d ever had to do was keep my hands to myself. Meaning, all this time we spent together, I hadn’t made a pass at her. I had been a perfect gentleman, but it was hard. I’d been semi-fucking-hard for weeks. Seriously, and there was no relief in sight. I could jack off at night and be fine until I started thinking about her or saw her and bam, my dick would get hard all over again. It was a wonder my balls hadn’t permanently turned blue yet.
That’s what she does to me. I’ve accepted it.
Lexie was hot as fuck, sexy, and smart. She had no clue what kind of power she yielded. Just a simple touch from her, an innocent brush, and my body ignited. The looks she sometimes gave me, the smile, fuck there was nothing sensual behind either, but it drove me insane. I wanted nothing more than to plunge my tongue in her mouth and devour her like a starved animal.
