Broken Promises

by S. K. Lessly

  I walked toward him and slapped him on his back. “Thanks for the workout.”

  Garth grunted and leaned against the rope of the ring, catching his breath. I smiled and headed for the lockers.

  I lumbered toward the shower, shedding my sweaty clothes on the way. Once the hot sprays hit my tired body, I sighed. The almost scalding hot water felt good. I closed my eyes, leveled my face up to the spray and allowed thoughts of Lexie to flood my mind.

  I hadn’t seen her in days, not since that time at her parents’ house. I kept my word and stayed with her the night we almost… well, I almost… shit! I couldn’t even say that shit. Anyway, point was I stayed, however the moment the sun came up, I was gone. It was a dick move, I knew that, but I needed time to get my shit together. Lexie needed time too, no matter what she said or thought.

  I was giving her that, giving her time to figure out what she wanted because what I wanted was to bury myself deep inside her and fuck her hard and rough until she was screaming my name. I wanted my hands on her, my lips, my tongue. I wanted to do things to her she only dreamed about. However, every time I thought about going after what I wanted, I’d remember the look of regret in her eyes that night after she came in my arms. If I added that to how the night ended, and it was a clusterfuck of epic shit-smelling proportions.

  I knew some of that was my fault. My reaction after she climaxed in my lap wasn’t warm or comforting; I knew confused her. But fuck, I had been going through some heavy shit I had no idea how to handle. I had let my guard down and I wasn’t prepared to deal with the ramifications or the truth. She wasn’t mine.

  Guilt started to choke me. I also began experiencing tightness in my chest, warmth that began to melt the ice in my veins and a need to pour my heart out. It shook me to my core, so much so that if I hadn’t received a call from one of my informants and walked away from her, I would’ve confessed shit I had no business confessing.

  Plus, and this was a huge plus...she had no idea who I was.

  She thought I worked for a software company contracted by the government. She had no idea I was an operative, that I was a killer. She had no idea she was a suspect and I was supposed to bring her in or kill her if she resisted. I had no business feeling the way I felt that night or any night for that matter.

  I had no business kissing her, tasting her. Now that I had tasted her sweetness, felt her come in my arms, smelled her desire for me, I craved for more. I needed more and I couldn’t have it. I couldn’t have Lexie. There was just too much shit that had happened between us. Too much hidden secrets to weed through to find each other. In addition, no matter how hard I tried to envision us together, the past always managed to rear its ugly head. I hesitated, not wanting to dwell on the past, but I was helpless to stop. Our past defined us whether we liked it or not, and if it wasn’t for the events of my past, I wouldn’t have turned into the man I’d become.

  I had built this impenetrable wall around my heart. I didn’t let people close. That would be suicide for a man like me. And yet she had broken through in a matter of weeks. Hell, fuck that, she broke through the second I laid eyes on her for the first time in years; a got damn decade. However, could I let the past go and be with her? Was I too broken? Would she accept me as I was? A killer?

  Also, what about the letter? She had broken me, destroyed me years ago. I wasn’t sure how I would forget that and trust her again.

  Twelve years ago, I had promised Lexie I would write her the moment I got settled in Detroit and found out where we were living. I kept that promise. I wrote her for six months straight. Now, I could have sent her emails, but I don’t know, writing real letters felt more personal to me, thoughtful. I had been a hopeless romantic back then I guess. Sue me.

  The second I was settled, I started off writing once a week. She returned my letters immediately. It was as if the moment she received them, she wrote back and mailed her letter the same day. Hell, it was the same for me so that had made me feel good. In our letters, we talked about school, how our classes were going, etc. She told me about the kids I knew in school and I told her about the people I met in my school. We shared dreams and goals and just talked about simple shit.

  But then, for some reason, her letters stopped. I kept writing her, like a lovesick fool. She never responded. I thought maybe she’d moved but I checked. I typed in her address in Google and found the property information, which was still in her father’s name. I couldn’t understand what had happened. Maybe I’d said some shit that upset her. However, I knew that wasn’t the case. Our conversations were always good.

  I began to think that maybe I was crowding her, smothering her. I decided to pull back a bit. I went from every week to every two. Then, from there, once a month until I stopped altogether. Even though there were cell phones back then, neither one of us could afford one. Plus, I didn’t know her parents’ phone number to call once I did have a phone of my own. The only way I could contact her was to write her letters.

  One day, I decided to try this one last time. If she didn’t respond, I was done. I made the decision to write her two letters, instead of one, and laid my heart on the table for her. In one letter, I broke it down, telling her how I felt. I told her how hurt and pissed I was she stopped writing. It was all we had; all I had of her goodness, of her sweetness. I needed that shit. It was like a drug for me reading her positive words, her encouragement. I had been in a dark place in Detroit. A white kid in the hood wasn’t the norm unless they were getting high or buying shit. I needed Lexie’s light to see me through.

  In that letter, I even gave her my number and email to contact me.

  When I still didn’t hear from her, I sent my last letter. I flat out told her I was coming for her. I explained the week after we graduated high school, I would fly back to Delaware, drive to her house and get her. We were going to run away together. I told her that if I didn’t hear from her, I would take her silence as a yes from her. If she didn’t want to be with me, she needed to tell me.

  I fucking waited for two weeks and for the first time, I was elated that I hadn’t heard from her…until I did.

  She wrote back. She fucking wrote back, and I swear it fucking gutted me. The shit she said in the letter, how she was moving on with her life, that I was a useless piece of shit with no future and she wasn’t waiting for me...I had been confused at first. Her tone had been different from what I remembered, but it also explained her silence. When she told me that she’d fallen for someone else, that was it. The nail in my coffin. It destroyed me.

  It was the reason I had turned into the soulless bastard I was today. She was why I didn’t allow anyone close to me to this day, why I fucked my way around life and killed for a living.

  Then again, after spending just a short period of time with Lexie, those feelings I had long buried had surfaced. I was falling for her all over again. This shit wasn’t good, but I was helpless to stop it.

  I stepped out of the shower, dried off, and dressed. I quickly threw on a pair of basketball shorts and a sleeveless tee, determination boiling in my veins. She and I needed to talk. We needed to get everything out in the open then decide where to go from there. I was tired of this shit, of wondering. I wanted her. I had been in denial on how I wanted her but thinking about being without her was too gut wrenching to think about.

  This could end my career but fuck it. I wanted her more than I wanted to kill, more than I wanted to hunt, more than I wanted to breathe.

  I needed her and she needed me. I was sure of it. If I had to convince her of that fact, no problem. She had to know how she and I belonged together. She and I fit. She was the fuel to my fire, the sun to my earth, the frosting to my flakes. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I needed her to know that, to feel that.

  And about this ongoing case, we’d deal with that too. She was innocent. I knew it, felt it in my bones. The sooner we proved that the sooner we could explore this shit between us. I pushed my sock-covered feet inside a pair of high-
top Jordan’s and stood. I was stuffing my wet shit inside my gym bag when I heard a familiar female voice behind me.

  “Getting a workout, I see.”

  I sighed, zipped my bag, and slung it over my shoulder. I turned around and faced Jessica, a frown marring my face.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, knowing damn well I knew exactly what she was doing here. I had been off the grid for weeks. I hadn’t reported in to George, and I hadn’t returned the multiple calls and text messages from Jessica. I chalked it up to me still being pissed at her for keeping me from Alexis, but I knew deep down it was more. I didn’t want to hear her tell me I was making a huge mistake being with Lexie.

  I guess I was going to hear it now.

  “Are you really going to stand there and pretend you don’t know why I’m here?”

  I growled and started to walk around her. “I don’t have time for your shit.”

  She stepped in my way. “Yeah, well make time. You’re going off the rails with this case. You’re blinded by pussy and you can’t see that she’s playing you.”

  I got in her face. “You need to watch yourself, Jessica,” I warned in a low tone. “You have no fucking idea what I’m doing. Step the fuck off.”

  She didn’t respond, and we stood like that for a long time before she looked away and stepped back from me. I gave her one last hard glance before I walked past her. Except, she wasn’t going to let me off the hook that easy.

  “You and I are supposed to be partners,” she proclaimed, on a low growl. “We’re supposed to have each other’s backs. Just so you know, despite what you think, I have yours.”

  “Yeah, we’ll see about that,” I rebutted and walked out of the locker room.

  I made it to my car without incident, started up my ride, and made my way to Lexie. Hopefully, she was still at the hotel and I wasn’t too late. No matter. If she was gone, I’d just track her down and make her listen to me. After that, and she realized who she truly belonged to, I’d strip her down and make that shit official.

  ***

  Alexis

  I closed my eyes and rested my arms above my head. I was lounging on the couch inside my hotel room, dressed in my usual, thin strap tank and cotton shorts. The cool night air, coming from the two open French doors, felt good against my skin. Smooth sounds of jazz music wafted from outside, making me feel relaxed and good. Well, the alcohol I was drinking straight, no chaser, was also aiding in my relaxation. However, I couldn’t forget how much I loved the live music and how it made me feel.

  My hotel room was a simple one with an attempt at a Victorian-style design; however, they didn’t quite get it right. Soft, comfortable carpet lay underneath my feet. The usual king-sized bed, dresser, living room furniture, which consisted of a couch and two club chairs, and a mounted TV all filled the space. The mix of tans, browns, and reds on the wallpaper, curtains, and pillows along with the antique-style furniture all aided in adding character to the room.

  What I loved the most about the room and what set it apart from others were the two sets of huge floor-to-ceiling French doors that led out to two small balconies. The balconies were large enough to step onto, but not large enough to hold chairs. It didn’t matter. The fact that I could open the doors and allow fresh air to flow through the room sold it for me.

  It was a beautiful night. Too bad the music, atmosphere and alcohol hadn’t pushed Ethan from my mind. No, ever since that night he coaxed me through the best orgasm of my life, I hadn’t seen or heard from him.

  Aghhh! I can’t believe I did that! I can’t believe I came on top of his lap fully clothed.

  I wondered what he must’ve thought of me. Did he think I was a whore or a desperate woman looking for one last fling before she got married?

  Gah, I was frustrated. I wanted a chance to explain my actions, to tell him about Lionel and about my feelings for him. Well, maybe not about my feelings but just explain to him that I hadn’t attacked him knowing I belonged to another. Which, I might add, was why I had been waiting around my room for the past few days, hoping to get a glimpse of him. After all, he did stay right across the hall from me.

  It was pathetic, really, me waiting around for him. I mean, I hadn’t heard from him in days. He hadn’t called and he hadn’t stopped by. He also left the next morning without a word. I wasn’t sure what I’d done but I had hoped, after a good night’s sleep and the drunk fog had lifted, we could’ve talked about what happened between us. That didn’t happen.

  Honestly, I had been embarrassed after I came on his lap. We had been grinding on each other like high school kids. Man, it felt good. He felt good between my thighs, rubbing against me. He was huge too and I knew if we went all the way, he’d probably break me in half. Oh, and the delicious way he handled me… I almost came just by him pinching my nipples.

  Lionel had never handled me the way Ethan had, cherished me and made me feel sexy and alive. But then again, after everything, Ethan did make me feel just like my ex, ashamed and foolish. But maybe that was my fault.

  I hadn’t told Ethan I had broken it off with Lionel. It was stupid to keep that from him. I’d like to think, from the way he kissed me, he knew something had to be up. I mean, I wasn’t wearing the ring anymore. Maybe he took that as a sign. But he and I never talked about it or his someone special. Was she no longer in the picture? I didn’t think about her once as I stuck my tongue down his throat, or when I grinded against the impressive bulge in the front of his pants.

  Gah, I was a floozy.

  What happened shouldn’t have happened. Maybe it was better this way, him being MIA. When I thought about it, there was no way we could be together. It wouldn’t work. We were too different. Too much time had gone by, too much baggage from our pasts.

  Not to mention, I had secrets that could destroy what we had anyway, dark secrets I’d kept close for years. I wasn’t sure how he would react to them, considering he was working for the government. Not to mention he was an ex-solider, trained to uphold principles I had flushed down the drain long ago.

  I was afraid that if I told him everything about me, he would be disgusted by me, repulsed by me. I was afraid to show him the real me, knowing there was a real chance, after everything, he wouldn’t want me.

  If I was being completely honest with myself, the time Ethan had spent with me was probably out of pity.

  He probably felt sorry for me and decided to cheer me up because he felt guilty for not being there during the funeral. Yes, that sounded logical, believable. Him being with me had nothing to do with wanting to be with me. I knew that. I just… I wished it wasn’t true. I wished he wanted me just as bad as I wanted him, and I didn’t mean sexually. Because yeah, Ethan wanted me sexually. That went without saying. There were times where I could see the flames of desire raging in his eyes, threatening to consume me. Hell, I was surprised he didn’t take it further the other night after I came.

  He was thick and hard against me even after I came undone in his arms. I expected after that we would’ve been a tangled mess on the blowup bed in the other room. But the look of regret I saw in his eyes, of panic...I froze, unsure of what to do. Then for a second, when he cornered me in front of the fridge, when he touched me…I thought… ugh, never mind. I needed to let go.

  I squeezed my eyes tight, and tried to forget how it felt when he cornered me between the fridge. His touch was warm, tender then. The heat in his eyes was tenfold but there was also something else in them. Something deeper, more profound. I had thought he was going to tell me words I had been dreaming to hear from him, words that were also on the tip of my tongue. But nothing happened.

  His phone had interrupted us, and it was like water being thrown on a spark before it took. And that was it. Our moment was gone. I’d then escaped to my room and in the morning, he was gone.

  “Aghhh!” I buried my face in my hands, frustration tightening my chest.

  Maybe I should call him. Maybe I should…

  A knuckle rapped
on my door and my eyes quickly went to it. My heart started pounding in my chest, hoping it was Ethan and praying it wasn’t Lionel. I may not have heard from the man of my dreams these past few days, but I had heard from the man of my nightmares.

  Freaking Lionel.

  That man had started calling me nonstop for the past few days. I wasn’t sure what had gotten into him. He left text messages, voicemails, and even emails. They all went unanswered.

  In fact, I refused to talk to him. We didn’t have anything to say to each other. It was over. I snorted at that line. If that’s the case, why haven’t you told Ethan yet?

  The asswipe had been leaving me messages telling me he had given me long enough to grieve. He told me he would be coming for me very soon. I had laughed when I read his text and listened to his voicemail, thinking there was no chance he would come searching much less find me. I had used my certain set of skills to hide my location well.

  But as someone knocked on my door, again, my hearted started pounding faster.

  I stood on shaky legs trying to get my breathing right. I squinted at the door as if I had x-ray vision and could see who was standing behind it. As if the person knew I was standing there staring at the door, a loud sigh and another hard couple of knocks came next, followed by a voice that made my legs shake.

  “Lexie, I know you’re in there. I can hear you breathing. Open the door. I need to talk to you.”

  I scoffed and rolled my eyes. He couldn’t hear anything, and I started to leave him hanging but what he said next, and the tone in his voice, had me moving to the door.

  “Come on, baby. Let me in,” he pleaded, his voice low, desperate and longing.

  Yeah, I couldn’t resist him even if I tried.