Guts & Glory: Brick (In the Shadows Security Book 6)

by Jeanne St. James

  She ignored his irritation and pushed on. “But do we like like each other?” For crissakes, she was acting like a desperate fool but couldn’t stop that train wreck.

  He twisted his neck to turn his face away, biting out a growled, “Fuck.”

  “That’s what I thought. We fucked up. But the last I checked, we were both adults.”

  His nostrils flared as he turned back to stare down at her. She wished he didn’t have his blue eyes covered.

  “Last I checked, I was breathing. I’d like to keep it that way.” He jerked his chin toward the automatic doors ahead of them, where, just on the other side, Mercy impatiently waited at the curb.

  “So,” Londyn lifted a shoulder casually, reached up and removed his sunglasses, “we don’t tell anyone.”

  He snatched them from her hand. “No one can ever know.”

  But they’d know.

  They’d always know.

  “So, that’s it,” she said finally, disappointment bubbling up from deep within her belly.

  Using his thumb, he tipped her face up to him and stared down into it, but said nothing.

  And that silence said it all.

  “It was fun while it lasted,” she whispered, hoping he’d insist he didn’t want it to end, that they could continue what they had, even if they had to hide it.

  “It was definitely fun,” Brick echoed softly, then his jaw got tight. “Except the part where you almost died.”

  Londyn plastered a grin on her face. If he could hide his true feelings, then so could she. “Right. Except that part.”

  He didn’t return the grin. “You’re the only one I’ve ever spent more than a couple of days with let alone a whole month, Londyn.”

  It was a simple statement which meant a whole lot more.

  In his world a month was a record. Especially since he stuck to one-night stands. A whole month was probably a lifetime for him.

  For Londyn, it wasn’t long enough. “Do you get the trophy, or do I?”

  The corners of his lips curled up finally and he released her chin. Sliding his sunglasses back on, he jerked his head toward the exit and said, “C’mon. Mercy’s waiting. I’m surprised he’s not lobbing grenades at us to get us moving.”

  “That thing has a grenade launcher?”

  Brick shook his head and they headed out into the crisp early December air. A far cry from the sticky, boob-sweat causing heat in Florida.

  After loading his own stuff into the Terradyne, Brick loaded hers and helped her into the back seat of the huge vehicle. That was the last time he touched her.

  As he rode shotgun, he proceeded to give Mercy a detailed rundown of the last month—skipping all the sex she and Brick had, of course—as the big man took him home.

  And all that time he never once looked back at her or included her in on the conversation.

  He was cutting ties.

  Making it a clean break.

  As they sat in the driveway of a cute little Cape Cod-style home in town, Londyn was surprised Brick lived there. But even more surprising was the simple “Thanks for your help,” he said to her without meeting her eyes, before barking out, “Sergeant Major,” as he saluted Mercy and then disappeared into the house with his duffel bag, ruck sack and rifle case.

  That was a little over a week ago.

  She’d heard not a word from him since.

  She hated sleeping alone.

  She hated not having anyone to make breakfast for but herself. Mercy and Parris were gone every morning by the time she forced herself out of bed.

  It was getting closer to Christmas and she wasn’t in any kind of holiday spirit.

  Bah humbug.

  The “sisterhood” was getting together for a baby shower tonight. She had no idea which one was squeezing out a kid this time since she hadn’t met them all yet. But Parris had insisted she come along to get her out of her funk. And maybe talk to the other ladies about a job within one of their businesses, even if temporary, since her sister also insisted Londyn needed a reason to get dressed and get out of the house every day.

  Which she interpreted as: Londyn needed to get out of her PJ’s and slippers, brush the knots out of her hair, go cold turkey on the ice cream and rejoin the real world.

  She’d been looking online every day at job listings, after she scanned the Ft. Myers news. But no one in the Pittsburgh area was looking for a substance abuse counselor, at least not a paying position. The ones she saw were for volunteers. And that would not get her a car, a roof over her head and something other than Rocky Road in her belly.

  Parris suggested she open her own office, but until the house in New York sold, she didn’t have money for a rental deposit for office space or even an apartment.

  But her sister was right, Londyn needed to get her shit together and formulate a plan, just like she had done to get Kramer’s confession.

  It was time to put on her big girl panties and become her own woman. Get her own place and stop hoping for a man to make her happy.

  Like Brick, she needed to learn to “swipe right” for company when she needed it but not expect anything more.

  Be independent.

  Have no expectations.

  Just sex.

  Lots and lots of random, sweaty, naughty sex.

  But the thought of having anyone touch her, kiss her, even spank her, other than Brick, turned her stomach.

  With a long, loud sigh, she closed her laptop, decided not to change out of her comfy flannel PJ’s and headed downstairs.

  As she hit the kitchen, she slid to a stop in her fuzzy socks, almost doing the Tom Cruise slide in Risky Business. Only she wouldn’t have looked as cool doing it and probably would’ve skidded across the floor on her derrière.

  Her sister, in her typical heading-to-the-office attire and makeup, was sitting at the table sipping, what Londyn hoped, was fresh-brewed coffee.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Parris lifted a perfectly manicured eyebrow. “I live here, remember?”

  Londyn rolled her eyes and shuffled in her thick socks toward the half-full coffee pot. “No shit. I thought you had appointments this morning.”

  “I do. But my first one canceled and this won’t take long.”

  “Oh shit,” Londyn muttered under her breath and grabbed a mug from the cabinet above the coffeemaker. Filling it with coffee, she added a splash of vanilla-flavored creamer and three spoonfuls of raw sugar until it reached the very brim. She had a feeling she’d need every sip of that damn coffee.

  She sucked enough down so it wouldn’t spill over the lip and then turned, leaning her butt against the counter.

  Parris shook her head and pointed to a chair across from her at the kitchen table. “Sit down.”

  What felt like a ghost whispering along her skin caused her to shiver. “Yikes, you sounded like Mom there.”

  A sad look crossed her sister’s face, but it quickly disappeared.

  “I miss her,” Londyn whispered as she settled in the chair and swallowed another dose of caffeine, wondering if she’d need to add some Bailey’s to get through this “talk.”

  “I miss them both.”

  “I want what they had, Riss.” She hadn’t used that nickname since they were kids. But the thoughts of her parents took her back to when they were a family. Complete. Whole. The four of them. She missed that. The closeness. The love. The happiness.

  “I know.”

  “I thought Kevin was it for me. I thought he was ‘the one.’ That he would give me what I’ve been searching for. Undeniable, unbreakable love. And eventually a family.”

  “And you were wrong.”

  Those simple and to the point words twisted the knife already seated in her heart. “As I always am. Maybe I don’t know what true love is. Maybe because of Mom and Dad, I expect too much. Maybe what they had wasn’t realistic. I mean, who dies of a broken heart? Doesn’t that only happen in the movies?”

  Not long after their father died of a
stroke, their devastated mother went to bed one night and never woke up. Her sister swore it was from a broken heart since there was no other medical explanation. She had been perfectly healthy.

  “She couldn’t live without Dad. They were everything to each other. Their hearts and souls were one. I want that, Riss.” Londyn tried to blink away the sting in her eyes.

  “I wanted what they had, too.”

  “Do you have it?”

  Parris gave her a small smile. “You might find this hard to believe, but yes, I have it. Our love isn’t soft or warm, or even typical, it’s intense and unpredictable, even sometimes explosive. And now I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’d never expect Ryan to change or even ask that of him. I love him the way he is. Always will.”

  “But is it an ‘I’ll die without you’ type of love?”

  The creases at the corners of her blue eyes smoothed out. “He’s my heart and soul.”

  “As long as you’re happy, then I’m happy for you. I’m not sure if I have what it takes to live with or love a man like Mercy.”

  “Well then, luckily, you don’t have to.”

  Londyn took another sip of her coffee, then studied her sister over the rim of the mug. Parris didn’t wait for her this morning to discuss their parents. This was about something else.

  She also didn’t waste any more time getting to it. “You broke your promise.”

  Shit. “No.”

  “I’m your older sister. I know when you’re lying to me. There was a reason Ryan and I wanted that promise from you two. I couldn’t tell you then, but I’m going to tell you now. When I first met Brick, I didn’t know his secret. In fact, I didn’t know it until Ryan had no choice but to tell me. And that wasn’t until a little over a month ago when it was decided the two of you were heading to Florida together. Believe me, I love Ryan with everything I have, but I would not wish his issues on anyone. And once I heard what Brick’s were, I didn’t want that for you. Maybe that’s because what you said earlier is true. There’s a little bit of Mom in me. But Brick isn’t as he seems on the outside.” Parris took a deep breath as if she was about to reveal something devastating. “He’s tortured on the inside.”

  Londyn already knew that. Brick hid it well, but his nightmares gave it away. “I know.”

  “Then you know being with a man like that would never be easy. He’s good with covering it up. An expert actually. And because of that he can hide a lot of things. Not just his past, but his feelings. He’s emotionally damaged like most of the Shadows. He did not escape his time as a sniper unharmed. He might not have any visible scars on the outside, but it’s the ones you can’t see that mess with him.”

  “I know.” She just didn’t know the details.

  Parris shot her a surprised look. “Did he tell you about it?”

  “No. I know he has demons, but he wouldn’t talk about it. The fact is, he didn’t trust me enough to share those memories.” And that hurt, too. But she never told him that.

  “Or maybe it wasn’t about you, Londyn. I doubt it had anything to do with trust. There are many reasons why men like them keep that shit bottled up inside. So, don’t take it personally.”

  She expected him to eventually reveal what caused his night terrors. But he hadn’t. And she didn’t feel as if she was in a position to push, though she wanted to.

  They had been on a job, not there to reveal all their secrets. While they had broken their promise not to touch each other, there had never been any expectation of more than that time in Florida.

  None.

  Brick owed her nothing.

  So, Parris was right. Londyn shouldn’t take it personally. But it was difficult not to. Mostly because of how she felt about him.

  “He may never share them. And that’s what might make it more difficult. He wears his armor of an easy-going, fun-loving guy to hide the fact that something eats at him from the inside. That armor is how he gets through his day-to-day.” Parris ran the pad of her index finger around the edge of her mug. “My point of all of this is, we know you two broke your promises. I had a feeling when you were in Florida and we talked on the phone. I could hear it in your voice. But my suspicions were confirmed once you returned and began moping around. It’s not because of Kevin. In fact, you haven’t mentioned Kevin once since coming back from Florida. But I watch you check your phone constantly. For a missed call, a missed text. I know it’s not about a job, or Kevin, or anybody other than Brick.”

  Londyn put her coffee down and closed her eyes. “I fell in love with him,” she admitted on a broken whisper. She opened them when her sister grabbed her hand across the table, giving it a squeeze. “Does Mercy know?”

  “He doesn’t miss much,” Parris admitted. “I kept it to myself until he came to me about it last night.”

  “Was he pissed?”

  “Surprisingly, no.”

  Parris wasn’t the only one surprised about that. Londyn expected the big man to go ape shit.

  “Why?”

  “He has his reasons,” Parris stated simply.

  “That he didn’t share.”

  “He did. With me. I can’t tell you everything he said, but Brick is a vital part of his team. Ryan’s loyalty is unwavering to each and every one of them. While he might not show it, he cares about them. And he knows their stories, knows their struggles. He’s lived it all himself. He only wants what’s best for them.”

  “And what does that all mean?”

  Parris pursed her lips and studied Londyn for a few seconds, looking like she struggled with something. After a few silent moments, she reached into her purse, which was sitting on the chair next to her and pulled out a small slip of paper with torn edges. The handwriting on it consisted of sharp slashes, not her sister’s delicate cursive.

  Parris slid the paper across the table to her. “Here. He wanted you to have this.”

  “What is it?” She took it and saw it was an address, one that looked sort of familiar. Londyn lifted her eyes and met her sister’s. Her heart began to thump in her chest. “He’s not just doing this to get rid of me?”

  “The boys are having a poker game tonight at the warehouse. It’ll end once the baby shower is over. Once the women head home, the guys all go home, too.”

  “But... I... I don’t have a car.” It was a lame excuse since she could get an Uber.

  Rissa dug into her purse again and pulled out a set of keys. She tossed them at Londyn, who barely caught them in time. She stared at them in her palm. Car keys. A Lexus to be exact.

  “I can’t take your car.”

  “They don’t belong to my car. They belong to yours. Ryan got it for you.”

  He did what? He bought her a damn car? And a Lexus to boot? Had he finally completely lost his mind? This couldn’t be because he was feeling generous. He had to have an agenda. Mercy did not do things impulsively.

  Then it hit her. “Damn, he must really want me out of your house.”

  Parris’s eyes crinkled at the corners as she laughed. “I’m not going to lie and say that’s not true. Because so do I. Having you here puts him on edge, which puts me on edge. And though I want you to stay in Shadow Valley, if you remain in our spare bedroom for much longer, he might just strangle you in the middle of the night.”

  “Oh, thanks. Now I’m going to have to sleep tonight with one eye open.”

  “Hopefully, you won’t be sleeping here tonight at all.”

  Huh? Were they kicking her out into the cold right before Christmas?

  Wait.

  Oooooh. Damn. “Does Brick know?”

  “No.”

  Londyn pursed her lips. “I’m not sure he’s going to like your plan.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. But if things don’t work out with Brick, there’s an empty house in the compound that Nash will rent you.”

  “I can’t afford to rent a house in this neighborhood. Not yet. I need to find a job first.”

  “You can afford that house. It’s sitting empt
y. Ryan and I spent a little time there and Michael furnished it. It would be perfect for you. It might be a little large for one person, but the rent will be cheap. As for your job, yesterday I signed a lease on the office space next to mine. I’ll pay the rent until you’re established and then you can pay me back. But I want you to be happy. You’ll find it here, Londyn, I promise. This whole community—the MC, the Shadows and their women—while very unconventional, are a family. They have embraced me and will embrace you. I want you to find happiness in Shadow Valley, however you find it.”

  So did Londyn. She only hoped that was possible.

  Her sister wasn’t finished yet. “The two of us are the only real family we have left. And family helps each other. But the bottom line is, you need to get the fuck out of our house.” With that, Parris shot her a grin. She scraped her chair back, went around to Londyn’s chair and pulled her up into a hug. “Now, eat a big breakfast and go take a nap because I have a feeling you’re going to be up late tonight.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “Client’s happier than a fuckin’ pig in shit. Wanted the fucker arrested. Dead’s even better in his book.” Diesel’s deep rumble echoed through the warehouse as he approached the corner where the Shadows were playing poker.

  “Mine, too,” Brick grumbled, placing his cards face down on the table. His gaze caught on his left ring finger. The one that no longer had a noose circling it. He’d thought about taking the wedding band to Shadow Valley Pawn, but hadn’t found the time.

  Right.

  “’Specially since he thinks the fucker offed himself. Everybody’s fuckin’ happy an’ got a nice chunk of scratch out of it.”

  Everybody was happy except Brick.

  Diesel rapped his massive tattooed knuckles on the table, making the poker chips jump. “I’m outta here. Got some shit to handle.”

  By shit he probably meant diapers full of it.

  “Then get gone,” Steel said. “You’re fucking up our game.”

  Their beast of a boss man cocked one dark, dangerous eyebrow at Steel. “Thought you were done gettin’ your ass kicked.”