Better than Sexy

by Carly Phillips

  “What?” Vivi sat back in her seat. “Did you just say–”

  Nodding, her mother said, “I had an affair. I don’t know if you remember, but life wasn’t always hard with your father. It started after Vic was born … after he found a letter in my dresser from the man I’d been seeing. He put the pieces together. He blamed me and he couldn’t look at your brother without seeing a reminder.”

  Brushing at the tears on her face with the back of her hand, Vivi looked at her mother, seeing her with new eyes. “Why didn’t you leave him then?”

  “Guilt over the affair. The fact that I’d made wedding vows and meant them at the time. And your father always promised he’d get over my betrayal.”

  He never did. And he’d always taken it out on Vic. God, what a mess, Vivi thought. But she wasn’t going to blame her mother or lose the only family she had left.

  “We need to make decisions about Vic now,” her mother said and Vivi knew what she meant.

  “I think we should have a quiet burial. Just you and me. Lay him to rest.” And go on. It wasn’t like she’d had a relationship with her sibling, but like her mother, she felt the loss.

  Not that Landon had seemed to understand or even care. His light touch on her shoulder hadn’t exactly been compassionate. Although a part of her couldn’t blame him, there was still the fact that they were in an intense relationship that she thought went beyond physical attraction.

  This was exactly the kind of situation she’d feared. The notion of his parents finding out who she was and hating her for being Vic’s sister, and now she was grieving and the man she loved couldn’t find it in his heart to be there for her. And she couldn’t even be angry at him for it.

  “I think a family-only burial is a good idea,” her mother said, breaking into her thoughts. “I’ll make the arrangements,” she said, choking over the word.

  With a nod, Vivi tried not to think about how difficult it was going to be to put her brother in the ground without Landon by her side. She was going to be there to shore up her mother and help her get through the loss of her son.

  But who would be there for Vivi?

  * * *

  Landon joined Tanner and Jason at the bar, his heart with Vivi as she walked herself out the door and to the Uber that waited to take her to her mother’s place. He couldn’t go with her and pretend to care that she mourned the bastard who’d killed his twin. But he should have been there for her, to help her through her pain.

  How?

  How the fuck did he do it?

  “Landon? What’s wrong? You’re pale as fuck and you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  He swallowed over the lump in his throat. “Pour me a shot.”

  Tanner narrowed his gaze. “Since when do you drink?”

  “Vic’s dead. Now pour me a shot of whiskey.”

  Eyes narrowed, Tanner poured and slid the glass across the bar.

  “What do you mean Vic’s dead?” Jason asked, leaning in on the counter.

  Around them, the crowd danced and thought they were going to see their big act tonight. One of them would have to go onstage and disappoint the people, but a death in the family was an understandable reason for a cancellation.

  Landon blew out a breath and repeated what Vivi’s mother had told her without feeling the sense of satisfaction he once thought he’d experience if the bastard turned up dead. Instead he was worried about Vivi, but instead of being there for her, he’d frozen inside.

  “Hell, we should all do a shot,” Tanner said, pouring two more and raising his glass. “To Levi.”

  Landon raised his gaze. “My brother wouldn’t celebrate Vic’s death, and fuck, but I can’t either.” Nausea filled him at the all the emotions whirling inside him, each fighting for dominance.

  “Where’s Vivi?” Jason asked, and Landon shot him a grateful glance for thinking of his girl.

  He curled his fingers into tight fists. “I fucked up. She got the call from her mother and took an Uber to be with her. I was paralyzed with shock and relief, mostly, which makes me feel guilty now. I’m glad her brother is dead. By the time my head and heart kicked back online and I accepted that this was a loss for her, she was gone.”

  “Okay, I say we do the shots anyway. This is an occasion to mark, one way or another. We no longer have to worry about the bastard in this world,” Tanner said.

  Needing something to ease his pain, Landon lifted the glass and downed it in one gulp, feeling the unfamiliar burn in his chest. It’d been a long while since he’d drunk. He and the guys knew how ironic it was that they didn’t consume alcohol yet owned a bar. But the opportunity had arisen and it worked for them.

  With a glance at one another, Jason and Tanner also finished their shot.

  Tanner nodded in satisfaction. “Now what are you going to do about Vivi?” he asked.

  Knowing he’d made a royal mess of things, Landon hung his head. “I should have done something more than put a hand on her shoulder like a stranger would. I should have told her I’m sorry. Except I’m not. I am sorry for her loss but not that Vic is dead, and that really complicates things.” He blew out a breath, surprised life could take such a drastic turn in a matter of minutes. Then again, hadn’t he learned that lesson years ago?

  Jason frowned at him. “I think you need to get your head on straight and figure out how you’re going to handle everything when it comes to Vivi. From the end of this gig to the death of her brother. Either you’re in and you’re there for her … or you’re not, and everyone, even Vivi, would understand why.”

  “You’re not suggesting I go to a funeral for the bastard?” Landon asked, horrified.

  “No. I don’t think even Vivi would expect that.”

  Except he hadn’t seen the look on her face when he’d just told her to go. No emotion, no expression, nothing. True, she’d tried to hide the hurt, but he’d seen the pain flowing through her anyway.

  Fuck.

  “I need to let my parents know about Vic,” he said, addressing the other thing on his mind because figuring out how to deal with this situation with Vivi wasn’t something he knew how to do.

  At least not right now.

  Chapter Nine

  On a rainy day in a New Jersey cemetery, Vivi and her mother buried Vic beside her father. Rain dripped down her face, and sadness consumed her for the life he’d lived and the one he’d lost and for all the pain and havoc he’d caused during his time on earth. She ignored the snap snap of the cameras and the flashes taking gratuitous shots even here, at a burial.

  She’d taken time off from the club and had Owen tell Landon and his partners she’d be back next weekend, which happened to be her second-to-last one at Club TEN29. Needing time to herself, she’d packed a bag and gone to stay at her mother’s for a little while.

  At her mom’s, she’d woken up after a night spent tossing and turning and joined her mother in the kitchen. Sunlight shone through the window over the sink and sliding glass doors behind the table. Her mother lived in a small house in Queens, an easy enough trip to Manhattan and the law office where her mom worked.

  Anne Marie handed her a coffee mug with cream and sugar, and Vivi gratefully took a long sip. “Mmm. I needed that.”

  “I hear you. Can I get you something to eat?” Tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear, her mom waited for her to answer.

  Vivi shook her head. “I’ll pour myself some cereal.”

  She’d also taken this week to eat and do whatever she wanted, no exercise, no practice, no dieting to fit into her stage outfits. She walked to the pantry and pulled out a box of Honey Nut Cheerios and grabbed the almond milk from the fridge. Okay, maybe she’d be a little healthy.

  “Have you heard from him?” her mother asked.

  Vivi brought everything to the table and settled into the seat across from her mom. “Have I heard from who?” she asked, playing dumb. She didn’t really think she’d be putting her mother off, but she sure could give not talking about L
andon her best shot.

  Her mother’s disappointed frown had Vivi squirming in her seat like a badly behaving teenager.

  “Fine. No, I haven’t heard from him.”

  Ever since she’d gotten the call about Vic’s death, Landon had disappeared. She hadn’t gotten in touch with him, either, but regardless of the situation, she was the one grieving. He could reach out to check on her if he cared enough. In the wake of his silence, she drew her own conclusions and they weren’t good ones.

  She poured the cereal into the bowl, followed by the milk, picked up a spoon, and dug in.

  “Maybe he doesn’t know what to say.” Ever the devil’s advocate, her mother offered up an excuse.

  Vivi wasn’t buying it, and she felt the weight of her mother’s stare until Vivi met her gaze. “Even if that’s true, he hurt me,” she admitted.

  There’d been a reason she wasn’t sleeping well, and Landon’s sudden absence from her life explained it.

  “This is between Landon and me, not Landon and Vic.” And if they were going to have a relationship of any kind, her feelings, no matter what they stemmed from, had to matter. “It’s over anyway. I’m meeting with Owen this week to discuss my future, and it can’t be in New York.”

  “Whoa.” Anne Marie held up a hand. “Let’s break this down, shall we?” her mother the lawyer said, in her educational tone, causing Vivi to frown. “Let’s start with you and Landon. What do you want from him, Vivienne? Your brother killed his twin. I think you need to meet him halfway.”

  She shook her head. “I need to know he can handle who I am, Mom. Especially now that Vic is gone. There is no longer a chance that he can get out of jail or torment Landon and his friends, or try to insinuate himself in my life somehow. In a strange way, I’m free and clear. If Landon wanted me, he’d find a way to show me that.”

  Her mother took a long sip of her coffee. “I can’t argue with your logic,” she said at last.

  “Which makes the fact that I’ll be leaving town irrelevant. Things are already over.” Her stomach twisted at the thought of never being in Landon’s arms again. Still, they’d been a shaky couple from the start, and she’d warned him of that very fact. He just hadn’t wanted to listen.

  “I just want you to be happy.” Her mother held out her arms. “Come give me a hug.”

  With a small smile, Vivi rose and wrapped her arms around her mother, who needed the emotional embrace as much as Vivi did, and then they each pulled back. Vivi sat back down with her cereal and dove in.

  The doorbell rang and her mom looked surprised. “I wonder who that could be.” Rising, she went to answer it, and Vivi heard low voices from the other room.

  Vivi took another spoonful just as her mother returned to the kitchen with a guest in tow.

  Landon met her gaze, a look of remorse on his handsome face. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a navy tee shirt, his muscles bulging from the edges of the short sleeves. No matter how often she laid eyes on him, he impacted her as if it were the first time. His well-groomed good looks took her breath away.

  “Well, look who I found on the doorstep?” Anne Marie put a hand on Landon’s bicep and led him farther into the room.

  “Vivi,” he said in a gruff voice.

  “Hi.” She narrowed her eyes. “How did you find me?”

  A wry smile lifted his lips. “Ellie’s an easy bribe with Cronuts.” The croissant dough-like pastry that looked like a donut and was filled with various flavors that melted in your mouth was enough to make anyone with a sweet tooth cave.

  Vivi wagged a finger at him. “You don’t play fair.”

  “Not when it comes to something I want.” He glanced at Vivi and her mother. “I didn’t realize the photographers would be following you or I’d have set up security. Did Owen?”

  She shook her head. “It hasn’t been that bad.”

  He frowned, obviously disagreeing. She fully expected him to rip into her agent later today.

  “Well, you two, I have some calls to make,” Anne Marie said in a light tone. “I’m not working this week but there are a few cases I have to handle.” As she smiled at Vivi, her mother’s stare lingered, as if to say behave before she left the room.

  * * *

  Showing up on Anne Marie Zane’s doorstep and offering his condolences for the death of her son was one of the hardest things Landon had ever done. Finding he had to drive past paparazzi pissed him the hell off. He should have been here for her in more ways than one.

  He wasn’t proud of the fact that he’d bailed on Vivi when she needed him, but he’d been so unsettled by the situation, uncertain whether staying away was better than being by her side when he couldn’t feel her pain. Not in the way she probably needed him to. Looking back, he’d taken the coward’s way out. He’d steered clear, avoiding her altogether.

  She sat at the table wearing a pair of plaid pajama pants and a tank top, the outline of her breasts visible from across the room, her tight nipples puckering through the ribbed shirt.

  Landon cleared his throat. “Mind if I join you?” He gestured to the seat her mother had been in earlier.

  “Go ahead.” Ignoring him, she took another spoonful of what looked like soggy cereal. She swallowed, grimaced, and pushed the bowl out of reach.

  And still, she said nothing.

  Not that he blamed her. He’d shown up here. Now he had to fumble through whatever he’d come to say. “I’m sorry.”

  She lifted her head at that. “For?”

  He raised and dropped his shoulders, knowing there was a laundry list of his sins. “Disappearing. Not being there when you needed me. Putting my past hurt before your present pain. You name it, I’m sorry for it.” He ducked his head a bit then looked at her again. “I needed time to get my head on straight, and I regret that it came at your expense.”

  “Thank you.” She drew a deep breath, opening and closing her mouth, clearly trying to pull her thoughts together. “I … didn’t expect you to be sorry my brother was dead, but I did think once the shock wore off you’d be there for me … and you weren’t.” The words came out in an emotionless tone, the complete opposite of the storm he assumed was brewing inside her.

  Guilt swamped him and he reached across the table for her hand, pulling it toward him, keeping his fingers curled around her fist. He needed to touch her, to find a way to break through the wall she’d erected to keep him out.

  “I should have been here. No matter who it was who died, someone who mattered to you was gone, you were hurting, and I should have been there for you.” Instead he’d holed up in his apartment, remembering the details of the night Levi had died.

  The way his brother’s drunk body had sagged when Vic had put the backpack full of rocks on his shoulders and insisted he run up and down the stairs. The sound of Levi’s head hitting the stairs when he fell backwards, the weight dragging him down. Him screaming for his brother to wake up.

  He shook his head, forcing himself away from the old memories.

  “Where were you just now?” she asked. “Where did you disappear to?”

  He wasn’t surprised at how perceptive she was, but he refused to put that night in her head. Before choosing to come find her, he’d decided his future had to come before his past. Vivi had to come first. Because Levi would have wanted Landon to live his life and be happy. And he’d have liked Vivi a lot.

  “Nowhere that matters now.” He peeled open her hand and ran his fingers over her palm. “I should have been there for you and I’m sorry. I promise you it won’t happen again. I won’t bail on you when you need me ever again.”

  As she met his gaze, her face free of makeup, her eyes damp, he took in her emotionless expression and something froze inside him.

  “I accept your apology. But I think you now know what I meant when I said things between us were too complicated to work.”

  “But–”

  She shook her head. “I have two weekends left at Club TEN29 and a meeting with Owen in a couple
of days to decide my immediate future. The one thing I know for certain is that it doesn’t involve me staying in New York.”

  Panic raced through him at her definitive tone, as if she’d made up her mind and what he wanted didn’t matter. “And you’ve never heard of long-distance relationships? We can make it work, Vivi. If you want us badly enough.”

  She turned a scary glare on him. “Are your parents okay with you being in a relationship with the woman whose brother killed their son?” she asked, dropping the one bomb he’d yet to deal with.

  But only because they’d been too busy processing the fact that Vic was dead. He hadn’t known how to push them to accept Vivi in that same moment or risk losing their only other son.

  “They will come around,” he told her with more assurance than he felt. His mother would because she was a romantic at heart. He couldn’t swear his father would do the same.

  She narrowed her gaze. “You mean they know about me and they don’t approve.”

  Shit, he thought with a wince. He’d forgotten that he hadn’t told her that he’d already filled in his parents about their relationship.

  “Not a shock,” she muttered under her breath. Tears filled her eyes as she said, “I don’t even blame them, Landon. I’m a living, breathing reminder of what they lost and how.” She jerked her hand out of his and took her bowl to the sink, rinsing it out, her back to him.

  He had spent the last couple of days without her and he knew for sure now. She was his. If his parents wanted him in their lives, they had to accept Vivi, too. But telling his parents where he stood would be easier than convincing Vivi to give him another chance.

  He rose and strode up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, his heart beating a rapid tattoo in his chest. She stiffened at first, then released her tension, letting him hold her.