A Love to Cherish

by Linda Ford

  “What you want?” Jimmy’s frown had turned to curiosity.

  Victoria leaned close to whisper to Reese. “I’ve never known that boy to stay angry more than a minute. He’s too good-natured to hang on to grudges.”

  “He’s a good boy.”

  The both listened without appearing to do so.

  Mickey continued. “Jimmy, I’ve seen how you work. I could use a young fella like you.” He held up his hands to stop either Jimmy or his ma from saying anything. “Let me finish. I know we will soon have a school, and I’m all for book learnin’. So what I’m offering is for you to work a few hours after school. So long as it doesn’t interfere with your studies. Mrs. Anderson, what do you think of that?”

  “I think that’s a very kind offer and please, would you call me Martha?”

  “I’d be pleased to, and it’s necessity that makes me want to hire the boy. Reese is going to his ranch any day now and I could use the help.”

  “Ma, can I? Please.”

  The boy was so excited, Victoria thought he would jump right out of his boots, if he wore any.

  “Yes, you may. Tell Mr. Mickey thank you.”

  “Thank you and I will work really hard.”

  “I know you will. Now let’s eat.”

  Victoria thought perhaps she should let Reese eat too and opened her basket. But something troubled her. “Did you know this was my lunch?”

  He widened his eyes. “How would I know that?” He looked into the basket. “Fried chicken. Good, I hoped for that. Bean salad. You know I haven’t had this since my ma served it to me. And chocolate cake. Shall we?” He offered chicken to Victoria.

  She was not about to be deterred. “My sisters might have told you.”

  “I assure you they didn’t.” He bit into the chicken. “Very tasty and tender.”

  She saw him wink at Jimmy. Jimmy grinned widely.

  “It was you, Jimmy Anderson.” She tried to sound scolding but wondered how successful she’d been.

  Jimmy managed to look so innocent she laughed and turned back to Reese. “Why would you pay that much for a box lunch?”

  “Isn’t it obvious?”

  “Not to me.”

  “It’s for a good cause.”

  “Thank you.” The answer did not satisfy. What was she wanting to hear? That he wanted to share her lunch? Did she think he was letting everyone know that he meant to court her?

  A bit of distance away, her gaze met Lisa’s. Lisa nodded and smiled.

  Victoria looked away. She’d fulfilled her promise to Lisa by accepting Reese’s invitation to walk her home. She’d spent time with him practicing for the talent show. But as Mickey said, he would soon be going to his ranch. Her life wasn’t such she could hope for anything but friendship with him. She should be relieved he was leaving.

  She wasn’t.

  “I’m glad to help get a school in this town, but there might be another reason I bid high.” A beat of waiting.

  “And what would that be?”

  “I wanted to make sure I got your basket.”

  She couldn’t break from his intent look, his gaze so steady, so dark, so compelling. “Why?” She blurted out the word before she realized it sounded like she wanted more. And she did.

  “So I could enjoy your company.”

  She ducked her head. Heat rushed to her cheeks. Why did he care? She slowly brought her head up. “You know I am a woman with no memory of my past.”

  “So you said.”

  “Seems that makes my future somewhat shaky too.”

  “Depends what you’re wanting in the future. I know what I want.”

  “You’re going leave for your ranch soon.” Her insides ached though she told herself that couldn’t be.

  “Abe is expecting me.”

  “Do you have a young woman in mind to share your new life? Someone from Chicago perhaps?”

  He ate a mouthful of the bean salad. “This is as good as Ma used to make.”

  “Thanks.” Seems he didn’t mean to answer.

  He finished his bean salad then sighed. “I had a girl I thought loved me. Betty. Turns out she only wanted to prove to her friends that she could make me fall in love with her.” He set aside his plate with jerky movements. “In my mind, love should be open and honest. It should be real and forever. Not pretend. Not simply convenient. Not easily forgotten.”

  His words should encourage her. Give her hope. But instead, they sucked hope right out of her and left her as discouraged as she could possibly be. She could never be sure of forever. And how could she be open and honest when she didn’t know what her past held?

  “I’m sorry you had such an experience. I look at Ma and Pa and think that is what love should look like. They’ve been married thirty years. They’ve dealt with many disappointments and challenges. They are always there for each other.”

  “Look at Jimmy’s ma. She’s widowed. Do you think she’ll remarry?”

  She watched the woman with Mickey, wondering why Reese had changed the subject. A touch of pink stained Martha’s cheeks. “I suppose it would make sense. It would give Jimmy a pa and ease the burden she carries in supporting them.”

  “My ma remarried four months after Pa died.”

  Victoria tried to hide her surprise.

  Reese continued. “When she told me what she planned to do I said it was too soon. I asked how she could forget Pa so quickly. She said she didn’t expect me to understand. I said I understood well enough. ‘Love,’ I said, ‘is just pretend. A way to get someone to pay the bills.’ I regret saying that. Ma didn’t deserve it. Life had been hard with Pa though he was a good man when he wasn’t drinking. Trouble was he got to drinking more and more frequently. Ralph was kind to her while I was at home. I hope it continued.”

  Victoria handed him a large portion of cake.

  He stared at it.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “No.” He took a bite. “It’s good. I was only thinking how hard it is to tell what’s real when it comes to love.” A pause and then he added, “And other things.”

  His words felt like an accusation. But how could she defend herself? She wasn’t pretending, but neither was she real.

  “My whole life is based on a non-existent foundation. I can’t be real, because I don’t know who I am.” She scrambled to her feet, looking for Ma. The one place she felt safe was in Ma’s presence.

  Reese caught her hand. “Don’t run away. I wasn’t meaning you. I was only thinking how thoroughly Betty fooled me. I gave my heart to her only to learn she didn’t want it.”

  She didn’t pull away from his grasp. Rather, she squeezed his hand. “It’s a hard lesson to learn.” She sat down again and nibbled at a piece of cake. “I think your ma maybe hurt you as much as Betty did, only in a slightly different way.” Her heart ached to think of the boy Reese being so disillusioned by his mother’s choice and then being deceived by a young woman.

  She glanced at Martha and silently prayed the woman would be sure any friendship with Mickey was good for Jimmy.

  Reese leaned closer. “I apologize.”

  She jerked around to face him. “For what?” He looked so worried she lifted her hand, intending to wipe away the frown lines around his eyes. Realizing how that could be misinterpreted by those watching and even by Reese, she dropped her hand to her lap.

  “This was supposed to be a fun evening and I’ve turned it into a funeral dirge.”

  She laughed at his mournful tone. “You can change it back into dancing.”

  “Okay.” He chuckled. “Are you by any chance thinking of the same thing I am?”

  “I don’t know. What are you thinking?”

  “That we sound like a Bible verse.”

  The grin that turned her lips up came from a sweet spot deep in her heart. “‘I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow.’”

  “Good one, but I was thinking of, ‘We have piped unto y
ou, and ye have not danced; we have mourned unto you, and ye have not lamented.’”

  They held each other’s gazes as they chuckled.

  Victoria blinked first. “I’m a preacher’s daughter, so it’s expected that I know lots of Scriptures. But how is it you seem to?”

  “You mean me being a cowboy and all.”

  “I haven’t forgotten you’re a cowboy who sings to your cows.”

  His eyes darkened, inviting her into their depths.

  She resisted. She could not be what he wanted. Nor could he give her what she wanted—her past. She shuddered.

  “Are you okay?” He glanced about. “Did you see someone who alarmed you?”

  “I’m fine.” But the idea of getting her past at the cost of losing her present hollowed her insides to an echoing abandoned building. “You were going to tell me about how you know so many verses.”

  “Did I say that?”

  “If you didn’t, I’m sure you meant to.”

  They grinned at each other.

  “It’s a very mundane story.”

  “I might enjoy hearing it anyway.” She knew she stared at him far too long and if anyone watched, they would be coming to the wrong conclusion. Aware that Sylvie would be nearby, Victoria lowered her gaze to the now empty plate that had once held a piece of cake. When had she eaten it?

  “If you’re sure you won’t be bored…”

  “I’m very sure.”

  “Okay. Like I said, there’s nothing very glamorous about it.”

  She gave him a stern look. “Reese, are you stalling?”

  He laughed softly. “Maybe. It’s fun to tease you.”

  She tried her best to frown at him but ended up laughing. One thing she liked about this man was how he amused her. “Too many people take themselves and life too seriously.” She held up her hand before he could protest. “Not that life isn’t a serious matter. But it doesn’t have to be a funeral dirge.”

  “I agree. Now do you want to hear my story, or not?”

  “Oh yes, please.” She batted her eyes and looked as beguiling as she knew how to.

  “Don’t do that.” He gave a furtive look around. “If your pa sees he will come over here and box my ears.”

  She laughed so hard she was sure half the crowd looked her way. Not wanting to give people the wrong impression, she ducked her head and pressed her lips together.

  “That’s better,” he whispered. He cleared his throat and began to speak at a normal volume. “Two years ago I was wintering on a ranch. Me and an old guy by the name of Hoot—”

  “Hoot? You’re surely joshing.”

  “Nope. It’s what he told me. We were the only ones staying in the bunkhouse. It was a nasty winter. Lots of snow. Lots of days we couldn’t go anywhere but to the cookhouse and back. Long, boring days.” He dragged out the words to indicate what he meant and yawned. “I looked at Hoot and said, ‘We are going to perish of boredom before spring.’ Hoot hooted—don’t laugh. He said, ‘I got ways of passing winter days.’

  “‘Yeah? Don’t mind if you tell me,’ I said, thinking he liked to play cards or whittle. Nope. He goes to his saddle bag and takes out a little black book. It was a tiny Bible. Smallest thing I ever saw. He used a magnifying glass to read it.” Reese shook his head as if still surprised by that fact.

  “You gonna read the winter away?” I said.

  “He said we could, but he had something a little more challenging in mind.”

  “He went on to explain that we could take turns finding a verse in the Bible and challenge ourselves to memorize it. The one who got it word perfect first was the winner. Didn’t sound like much fun to me and I said so. Well, he said we could make it a little more interesting.

  “He had my attention so of course I asked how. Forfeits, he said. We were each to give up something or do something for the other person if we lost. Well, I knew he had a stash of hard candy and I sure did crave that, so I agreed, thinking it would be easy to memorize stuff faster than an old man. I soon discovered it was hard. We took turns choosing verses. I picked the hardest ones I could find. He beat me time and again. I ended up giving up my spare pair of socks, a little knife I had bought in Texas, a hair ribbon of Betty’s. Don’t ask why I kept that. Then he made me go outside to do the chores on my own. He made me go ask the cook for extra cookies. Made me brew coffee over the fire. Then I got serious. I picked easy verses. I maybe cheated a little and picked them before I told him so I could work on them ahead of time. And I started to win. I got my socks and knife back. I got some of his hard candies. He made the coffee.” Reese chuckled. “Could be he let me win to give me some incentive.”

  “Hoot sounds like a wise old fellow. You sure his name was Hoot and you aren’t making it up.”

  “Hoot is what he told me, and I had no reason to question him about it.”

  She leaned closer and squinted at him. “Did you say you cheated?”

  He grinned. “I said I might have. And I’m not saying anything more.”

  She was about to point out the irony of learning Bible verses while cheating when Pa called for attention.

  “You’ll all want to know how much money we raised?”

  Victoria bit her bottom lip. Would they have enough to build the school? Would they allow her to teach? She didn’t have any proof of her education, but she knew history, English, some sciences, mathematics, and so many other things. She knew she’d had a good education.

  Why could she remember that and not who she was?

  Chapter 6

  Reese watched Victoria worry her bottom lip as she waited for her father to announce how successful the evening had been. In Reese’s opinion it had been very successful. He’d enjoyed the entertainment both at the talent show and from Victoria at his side. There was only one dark spot in the evening and that was his own stupidity. Why had he not-so-subtly warned her that he would settle for nothing less than honesty? That wasn’t quite what he meant. Authenticity. That was it. Something real that would allow him to use that trust key and open his heart.

  He wasn’t warning her. He was warning himself. He needed to keep reminding himself. No doubt she was being as honest as she could be. But amnesia—or some other reason aside—he was almost convinced she was Constance Hayworth, not Victoria Kinsley. He’d know for certain once he heard back from his ma.

  And if she was? Sooner or later that truth would be forced upon her.

  He realized Mr. Kinsley was talking.

  “So, it is with joy and gratitude toward you good folk and to our heavenly Father who supplies all our needs that I announce that we have enough money to order the material for the school.”

  The audience clapped and cheered. Everyone was getting to their feet. Reese stood and helped Victoria up.

  “Congratulations. Your hard work has paid off.” Mickey patted her on the back.

  One by one, the majority of the town’s people filed by congratulating Victoria.

  Then there was a flurry of activity as people gathered up their belongings and their children and left.

  Her family gathered around them, pressing Reese into their midst.

  Several times, Reese tried to excuse himself, but each time one of the Kinsleys stood in the way of his departure and he was helplessly shepherded home with them.

  “I should go,” he protested.

  “Doesn’t look like they want you to,” Kade said. “Best to simply go along with it.” He patted Reese on the back. “You’ll get used to them.”

  Reese shrugged. He didn’t mind at the moment but wasn’t sure he should allow himself to be treated like one of the family. Nevertheless, he joined them as they crowded around the table to go over the evening, telling and retelling the best parts.

  Stella didn’t stay up long. She escorted the children to bed. Victoria had told him how Kade and Flora had discovered her near death and brought her to the manse. The evening had worn out the poor woman.

  Eve made tea. Josie served them more
cake. And Victoria bubbled with excitement.

  “We’ll soon have a school. I can’t wait. Pa, have you talked to the others about letting me teach?”

  “The board is in agreement with you taking the job.”

  Victoria grabbed Eve’s hands and swung her around the room. “Finally, I will have something useful to do.”

  Eve ground to a halt, pulling Victoria’s gleeful dance to an end. “Isn’t cooking, baking, and taking care of others useful?” Eve sounded offended.

  A glance around the table and Reese thought all the women seemed to feel the comment somehow belittled their work.

  “Of course, it’s useful,” Victoria said. “But I have all this knowledge inside my head. I might as well share it with others.” Her exuberance died and she sat down in the chair next to Reese.

  He could feel her quivering and wanted to offer comfort by way of a touch but wasn’t at ease doing it in front of the others.

  She sniffled. “Why is it I can remember all sorts of stuff that’s only good for teaching, but I can’t remember my own name?” She looked about the table, her cheeks wet with tears. “I can’t remember what truly matters.”

  Reese clenched his fists beneath the table. If someone didn’t reach out to her soon, and soothe away her tears, he would do it, in front of family or not.

  Mrs. Kinsley pushed her chair back and rushed to Victoria’s side. “Oh, sweet child. I wish you could remember all the things you want to. I would give you up to your past if it made you happy. But unless that happens, you are as much our daughter as you possibly could be. Everything you do is of value. Not only to us and those around us but to our heavenly Father.”

  The girls all crowded to her side. The preacher stood behind her and cupped his hand to her head. “Child, you are loved.”

  Reese swallowed back a lump the size of a small boulder.

  Victoria pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and dried her eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me lately. I know I won’t likely get my past back and that’s all right. I’m happy right here.” She gave them each a teary smile.