Nailed

by Jasinda Wilder

  Nova snorts and then coughs, trying not to spew margarita over the table. “Pliable?” she asks.

  Audra nods, serious. “Pliable. Meaning, pliable to your will. Man-management one-oh-one, babe—he’ll do anything you ask if you promise him sex…he’ll do whatever you want before you even have to ask if he thinks there’s a BJ in the offing, and once he’s gotten sex, a BJ, or a handy, he’ll be so grateful that he’ll basically follow you around like a puppy, hoping to do something else for you just so you’ll reward him again.”

  Nova narrows her eyes. “That sounds like manipulation.”

  Audra laughs. “Um, yeah. Absolutely.” She holds up a finger, pulls her phone from her purse and calls Franco, with it on speakerphone. It rings three times, and then he answers.

  “Hey, babe.”

  “Hi, lovey,” Audra says. “Full disclosure: You’re on speakerphone, and I’ve got the girls with me. I need you to answer a question, to prove a point I’m trying to make.”

  He hesitates. “Ummm…okay. I’ll do my best.”

  “Just be honest, babe.”

  “Will this come back to bite me in the ass later if I don’t answer correctly?”

  Audra laughs. “Quit being so suspicious, you looney toon.” She leans over the phone, and we all move closer. “Would you agree that I manipulate you with sex?”

  He’s quiet a moment, thinking. “Um. Yes, absolutely.”

  “And you’re aware of this.”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you resent me for it?”

  “Hell no.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because for one, it gets me sex. For another, you’re not doing it out of anything negative, mean, or, like, self-serving. You love me, and I know it—you just sometimes use sex to get around the fact that I’m stubborn, obtuse, and sometimes flat-out stupid.”

  We’re all laughing now, and Audra holds up a hand to quiet us. “One last question. How do you feel about handjobs?”

  He snorts. “I’ll take them and gladly, but only if it’s all I can get—other stuff is better.” There’s noise in the background, voices and power tools. “Gotta go, babe—I have work to finish so I can get home and claim my reward for answering your questions.”

  We cackle and giggle at that.

  “Reward, huh?” Audra asks.

  “Yup. You had to know that if you’re having me answer personal questions like that in front of all the girls, you’re gonna have to give me something for it later.”

  “My period just started, sadly, so sex is out of the question.”

  “Damn. Okay, well, we’ll negotiate when you get home.”

  “Okay. See you later. Love you!”

  “Love you too, babe. See you later, ladies!”

  “Bye, Franco!” we all chorus.

  Audra taps the red “hang-up” icon at the bottom of her screen to end the call, and then holds out her hands in a gesture of victory. “See?”

  Nova is frowning. “Well, that works for you guys. I’m still not sure I’d be cool using that technique in my own relationship, though.”

  Audra shakes her head. “You know it’s all in good fun, right? I do what I do because I love him, because I enjoy making him feel good, and because I just like doing that stuff. He’d do anything I asked without ever asking for anything in return, and I know it, and he knows the same goes for me. Throwing sexual stuff into the mix is just fun—it keeps things spicy and unpredictable. It’s not actual manipulation—that’d be shitty and horrible. If you were really using sex solely to get him to do things he didn’t want to do? Yuck. No way.”

  Nova laughs. “Okay, okay. I see your point.” She waves a hand. “It’s all moot anyway, because I’m not in a relationship, and not having sex.”

  “You could be,” Audra says.

  Nova glares. “Audra—don’t. We’re not getting into that.” She sighs. “You are seriously like a dog with a bone about that.”

  “I just think you’re in denial or something. You’re flat-out refusing to even think about or talk about something that could be really great for you.”

  Nova groans, thunking her head on the table. “You are so impossible, Audra. God.” She takes a long sip of margarita. “I have my reasons.”

  “Let me guess—something horrible and tragic lurks in your past, leading you to be isolated and cold, refusing to allow love into your life out of fear that you’ll be hurt again, and so you self-sabotage any budding relationships.” Audra arches an eyebrow at Nova, sipping her drink demurely.

  Nova snorts. “Yes, Audra, you’re exactly right—my life is the plot of a cheesy romance novel. Let me rip off my bodice and throw myself on James’s turgid member.”

  “Shows how many romance novels you’ve read,” I say. “He rips your bodice open, you don’t rip it off yourself.”

  Audra giggles into her goblet. “Although, I’m pretty certain James’s member is plenty turgid whenever you’re around.” She gestures with a swipe of her finger at Nova’s chest—I’ve got an ample amount of silicone in my chest, and Nova’s tits make mine look like mosquito bites. “Those monster honkers of yours make sure of that.”

  Nova glances down self-consciously—she’s in her scrub pants, as usual, with just a ribbed tank-top underneath an unzipped hoodie, which means her, um, ridiculous, all-natural endowment is prominently displayed. “Oh, shut up. They’re not that big.”

  Audra reaches over and cups one of Nova’s tits, shaking it. “Um, hello? You’ve got Jell-O filled watermelons attached to your sternum, babe.” She kisses Nova’s cheek, making the other woman cringe away, batting at Audra. “I’m just teasing you, Nova, chill. I love you, and I only make fun of you for your tits because I’m a little jealous. Until you came along, mine were the biggest, and you’ve usurped my place as the biggest-titty bitch of the bunch.”

  Nova sighs in resignation. “Story of my life. Men only see me for my tits, and women are jealous of me for them. I’ve thought about getting a reduction just to make my life easier.” She cups herself with both hands. “But I never do, because at the end of the day, I love my girls.”

  “James sees you for more than your chest, Nova,” I say. “I saw that much at the party.”

  Nova growls in wordless frustration, bending forward to thunk her head on the table. “CAN WE PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT JAMES?” she shouts.

  Imogen grabs my hand and Audra’s. “Enough, you two. Leave her alone about it. She clearly is not willing to talk about this and we shouldn’t try to force the issue.” She lets go of Audra’s hand and takes my other in hers. “We’re here to talk about you and Ryder.”

  I shrug. “I just…it’s a lot, really fast, and I don’t know what to do.”

  “There’s only one thing to do,” Audra says.

  “What’s that?” I ask.

  “Hang on tight, and accept the fact that you’ve fallen into something real.” She pats my hand. “Trust me, I know exactly how scary it is. Falling in love with Franco was fucking terrifying. But if you just let go and accept that you’re in love and he’s worth it, everything will work out fine.”

  “Wait, do I let go or hold on?” I ask, my expression somewhere between a confused frown and amused smirk.

  “Both. That’s why it’s so hard,” Imogen answers. “You let go of expectations and doubts and fears, and hold on to—”

  “His giant cock,” Audra cuts in.

  Imogen backhands Audra’s arm. “No, you slut—not everything needs to come back to giant cocks.” She rolls her eyes, and then goes back to addressing me. “Hold on to the belief that he’s an amazing man and that loving him may not always be easy, but it’ll all be worth it.”

  I nod. “That makes sense.” I swirl the ice at the bottom of my goblet. “The other complicating factor is that my ex-husband showed up at my door at one in the morning the other day and told me he was still in love with me.”

  “How is that a complicating factor?” Nova asks. “Do you still have feelings
for him?”

  I shake my head. “God no, not at all. I’m just worried he’s going to do something crazy to try and win me back.”

  “Could he win you back?” Nova presses.

  “Again, god no!” I stare at the table. “If he’d tried years ago, after we first got divorced, maybe. But only because I was still desperate to feel like a family…but I’ve realized we never really were a family, and that everything he does is about him somehow or another. He told me he’s on medication and all that, but yet he shows up unannounced at my front door at one in the morning. Not exactly proof positive that he’s really changed.”

  “What do you think prompted the sudden declaration of love?” Imogen asks.

  “Probably seeing me with Ryder,” I answer.

  Nova frowns. “When did that happen?”

  “The weekend before this last one. Ryder picked me up and we went downtown for a date, and then we stayed at a hotel…” I duck my head, blushing. “I sort of lost track of time and was late picking up Nate from his father’s—Paul gets visitation every other weekend, and this was his weekend. Ryder took me to Paul’s to pick Nate up, and then to basketball practice. That was the first time I’ve ever brought another guy around Paul, and it must’ve set him off.”

  “What about your ex-boyfriend…what’s his name? Deke?” Audra asks.

  “Derek, and he was never my boyfriend.”

  Audra frowns. “You dated him almost a year…and you were upset when he dumped you. Sort of makes him your boyfriend.”

  I sigh. “It’s a mental game I played with myself, I guess—it’s complicated. The point is, I never brought him around Paul, and the only time he ever saw Nate is when we went out all three of us, and then sometimes we’d go back to my house and hang out for a while, but Derek never stayed the night and never went with me to drop off or pick up Nate from Paul’s, and never went anywhere with Nate alone.”

  “Even after a year?” Imogen clarifies.

  I nod. “Derek never really liked Nate, I guess. I didn’t see it—I feel like a shitty mother for being so blind and selfish. Derek was cute, and when we were together he was…nice to me.”

  Nova’s eyes narrow. “He was nice to you?”

  I shrug. “Yeah. He was nice.”

  “You dated a guy simply because he was nice?” Nova’s voice rises in intensity.

  “Paul was never nice! He was mean, he was selfish, and he was difficult.” I’m getting upset now. “He made me feel like he needed me, and I liked feeling needed—at first. But then it turned into a trap, because he needed me, but yet I was never enough—nothing I did was ever enough. Then we had Nate and I was scared of being a single mom, and Paul needed me, and all I could do was try to survive—take care of Nate, take care of Paul, pay the bills…” I pause, trying to breathe. “I…when I finally bit the bullet and divorced Paul, I was lonely. I’d been lonely for fucking years. So yeah, Derek came along and he was nice to me and acted like he liked me, like he wanted me, and I let myself get blinded by that, because for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t lonely. He was nice to me. But he wasn’t nice to Nate, and all he wanted was to sleep with me—probably because I was so lonely and desperate. And once he got what he wanted, he got bored and moved on. So yes, Nova, I dated a guy just because he was nice to me.”

  “I’m sorry, I was being judgmental without knowing the facts.” Nova is quiet, distant, now. “I get it. More than you know, I get it.”

  I wave a hand. “No apology needed.” I drain my goblet. “I want this thing with Ryder to be real, but now I question my own judgment. What if he’s just being nice to me to get me to sleep with him? What if, now that I’ve given him that, he won’t want me anymore? What if I let him take my son out, but it’s all just an elaborate ploy? What if he turns out to be just as much of an asshole as Paul and Derek? What if there’s something I’m not seeing? What if I let myself fall in love with him and let Nate get attached, and then it just doesn’t work for some reason… what if—”

  Imogen takes one of my hands, Audra takes the other, and Nova, in a rare burst of humor, puts both of hers on top of all of ours.

  “Go team?” Nova says.

  I laugh. “So…this is an intervention?”

  Aura nods. “Yup. A what-if intervention.”

  “Very little in life is as destructive and harmful as letting what-ifs rule your decision making.” Imogen squeezes my hand. “I’m proof of that. Audra is proof of that. And the relationships we have with Jesse and Franco are further proof that if you can silence the what-ifs and really, truly, clearly see him for what he is, you’ll know what’s right.” She smiles at me. “I’m not saying Ryder is right for you—only you can determine that. I’m just saying that you can’t make that decision from a place of what-if.”

  I look at Audra, who just points at Imogen. “What she said,” Audra says. “I lived my life from a place of what-if for twenty years, and it was only when I forced myself to shut that voice up and see what was in front of me that I found the first real, meaningful relationship I’ve ever had in my life—and the last relationship I’ll ever have, too. I’m in it for life with Franco—I don’t need a ring or a wedding to know that—and I had to get over constantly asking myself what if to get to this place.”

  I look at Nova, but she just holds her hands up and shrugs. “Don’t look at me,” she says. “I’m damaged goods with a baggage train a mile long. I’ve got zero advice for you—except maybe that I’ve got a solid bullshit detector, and an even better asshole detector…and both of those tell me Ryder is the real deal. A good guy, and an honest one. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’s leading you on or playing games. Take that with a grain of salt, though, because I don’t really know him or any of the guys all that well—I’m only here because you three crazy bitches seem to have adopted me and, for whatever reason, I like you and can’t stay away.”

  “It’s me,” Audra says, cozying up to her. “You’re attracted to me and want to have hot lesbian sex with me.”

  Nova shies away, pushing Audra off with stiffened fingers, as if touching something gross. “You are not okay.”

  “So…that’s not it?” Audra says, sounding sad.

  “Nope. Not even close.” Nova seems to be missing the fact that Audra is obviously just winding her up, or is very straight-faced in playing along. “And please don’t do that ever again.”

  “Damn.” Audra snaps her fingers. “I was hoping that was it. You were my chance to try girl-on-girl.” She smirks. “I was gonna tape it and show it to Franco.”

  Nova rolls her head back on her neck. “There’s something wrong with you, Audra. You need a psychiatrist, or Jesus, or a nunnery, or something.”

  Audra breaks into laughter, slugging Nova on the shoulder. “You’re so much fun to fuck with—you’re so literal.”

  Nova remains unmoved. “I’m not convinced you weren’t partially serious.”

  “Why? You wanna make out?” Audra leans closer to Nova. “Compare tits?”

  “There’s no comparison, babe,” Nova says, deadpan. “Mine are better.”

  Audra snickers. “It’s hard to tell if you’re serious or not. Most of the time you have zero sense of humor, and then every once in a while you say something like that, and I’m not sure if you’re kidding.”

  Nova frowns. “I have a sense of humor.” She arches an eyebrow at Audra. “I just don’t find being wildly inappropriate literally all the time as funny as you do.”

  “That’s because you’re a stick-in-the-mud,” Audra says. “You need to get laid. Get a good hard dicking and you’ll loosen right up.”

  “Good…hard…dicking,” Nova repeats. “Wow. You know, I can refer you to a good pastor and a good psychiatrist.”

  My phone rings then, and I glance at it—Ryder. “Hello?” I say, answering it, trying to stay calm.

  Why is he calling? What’s wrong? Is Nate hurt?

  “Hey, babe,” Ryder says. “We’ve played laser tag
until we’re exhausted, but now we’re hungry. I was thinking I’d pick up a pizza or two and bring it by your place. Sound good?”

  I can’t help a smile. “That sounds awesome. Did you guys have fun?”

  “I don’t know. Nate, did we have any fun?”

  “YES!” Nate shouts, so loud I have to pull the phone away from my ear. “I BEAT RYDER BOTH GAMES! I have twenty bucks and you can’t keep it this time. Ryder’s gonna make me a badass piggy bank to put it in.”

  “You watch your language, young man!” I scold.

  “That’s my fault, I said it first,” Ryder says. “Sorry. I gotta get a handle on my language, apparently.”

  “Yeah, you do. If he gets in trouble at school for cursing, I’m blaming you.”

  “Fair enough.” He says something away from the phone to Nate, and then returns to me. “So, I’m gonna call in the pizza. We’ll see you at home in about half an hour or so?”

  At home.

  My heart does a weird melty flip. “Yeah,” I whisper. “I’ll see you in half an hour…at home.”

  I’m pretty sure he hears it in my voice. “You okay?”

  “I’m great. Really, really great.”

  “That’s what I like to hear.” Nate says something, and Ryder addresses me again. “Okay, gotta go. Mister laser tag expert here and I gotta go get supplies to build his piggy bank while we wait for the pizza. Say hi to the girls for me.”

  I laugh. “How’d you know I was with them?”

  “How else were you gonna get through this?” he says, laughing. “Okay, see you soon.”

  We say our goodbyes, and then I hang up, toss my phone in my purse, and look around to see all the others staring at me with sappy looks on their faces.

  “I think that has to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Audra says. “And I’m generally immune to cuteness.”

  I blush. “Oh shut up.”

  “No, for real,” Audra says. “It was awesome. I really don’t see how you can have any doubts after that. Laser tag, and he’s building Nate a piggy bank? And he could hear in your voice that you were all gooey over him, which means he really, actually listens to you.”